04/21/10
VEIL OF ROSES
First comes love, then comes marriage. A childhood chant, a cutural expectation. Americans believe in falling in love with every fiber of their being. They believe it is their birthright; certainly, that it is a prerequisite for marriage. This is not so where I was raised. In the Islamic Republic of Iran, marriages are often still negotiated between families with a somewhat businesslike quality. In most modern families, girls have some say in the matter. They can discourage suitors, or, as I did, delay marriage by seeking a university degree.
It isn't that Iranian men necessarily make bad husbands. Like my dear father, many are kind and gentle and interested in their wives as people, not just bearers of their children. Then again, some are not. There are family teas, gift-giving’s, and dinners, but a woman often spends no time alone with her fiancé before her marriage. So it is, as one might say in America, a crapshoot. A woman goes into her husband's family with a white gown and she leaves it only in a white shroud, in death.
That is our culture.
