what do i do? "this is the last time" i keep doing this to us. we must enjoy the pain. we must fiend for the hurt. she keeps doing it to me and i'm stuck doing it right back to her. why? first time, i forgave you. second time, i left you...i disapeared and came back. third time, we're both at a stand still. what do we do now? do we just let 10 years of intimate feelings go? friends, family, memories, us...just gone...out the window. i rather die than experience this. if tonight is the last night that i breathe than let it be. if i sleep tonight and i don't wake up, it was fate that commanded me so and i am just a worthless pawn being played by a force i cannot understand nor control; manipulated by a selfish being bent on tormenting me for his enjoyment....i exhale...i'm maxed out. i'm exhausted. i'll take another pill. and another one. and one more for good measures. how many was that? i've lost count. i just wanna sleep and if i wake up, i hope this was all just a bad dream. if i don't, then i'll finally get to see you zoey. and this maybe my last day on earth, my last statement to the world. my legacy... find peace my dear, find love, find the joy i couldn't give you. find hope and most of all find yourself. love you always.
