Just Me & My Thoughts

[Pineapple]

Today, I finally came to realization that I think I am such a dork.  I smiled to myself and laughed a little.  Sometimes I am so weird...but I kind of like myself.  It feels good knowing I can look at myself and giggle.

Ahh...such a nice day today.

[Darkplanetasia]

Since this thread is about just u and your thoughts, r we not allowed to comment on here? Just wondering, just me and my thoughts about just u and ur thoughts. K, bai

OVER!

[Pineapple]

Since this thread is about just u and your thoughts, r we not allowed to comment on here? Just wondering, just me and my thoughts about just u and ur thoughts. K, bai

OVER!

LOL...oh you are more than welcome to comment.  Comment all the way if you will...

[Pineapple]

I'm sitting in my room right now thinking to myself how today went by so quickly.  It's as if I just got home from work and the day has already turned to night in a blink of an eye.  

I've been thinking lately about ways to improve on savings.  As of now, it feels as if we're living in the Great Depression.  The economy is slowly breaking down.  More people are losing their jobs.  A few relatives were recently laid off this past month.  Today I just heard my sister in law mentioning how her boss had already gave a notice to her about letting her go in a couple of months.  

My oldest brother and I sat down after dinner.  We were just talking awhile ago about how everyone is getting older and sooner or later everyone is going to move out of this house.  We reminisce about the times when we were kids, how we all grew up together and how we've all changed.  Then suddenly, it hit me.  We're all adults now.  But why are we still living like this paying the mortgage of a home?  Come to think of it, our parents had been paying the mortgage since they've step foot in the United States.  

We discussed about what if we sell this home, cash out a decent mobile home of around $8,000-$15,000 and set it in a nice neighborhood might be a better idea for the future.  Why?  Well, let's just say if we invested 5 years of our lives living in a mobile home, all of us might all come out with a good amount of money saved.

So let's say each of us makes $30,000-$40,000 (i think it's the average of most people).  If we all chipped in and cash a mobile home of the above price, we'll set it in a nice neighborhood and not have to worry about paying a mortgage for the next 30 years.  We'll only have to pay for the property that we set our mobile home on and also the utilities.  Why not go live in an apartment instead, one might ask.  You could if you wanted to, but even an apartment with 5+ ppl living would cost over $1,000+ and because of the regulation of how many occupants are accepted in an apartment.  Well...we Hmong have a lot of people.  So a mobile home would be a better choice.  It acts like a regular house (at least the living part), we can have visitors over and still have room,  and we won't bother neighbors from all angle.  The only draw back about a mobile home is that it loses it's value unlike a regular whole house.  But remember, we're only living there for 5 years.

My assumption is, if we're only paying a couple hundred say $500-800 (property + utilities), each of us would pay about $100-$150 per month just to live in a mobile home.  That would mean, each of us would be able to save one pay check each month.  And the other one will pay for individual's own bills, property, and utilities.  That is with lots of discipline.  So if everyone is able to discipline their spending and able to save one pay check per month, that would mean that each person will be able to save $1,250-$1,600.  $15,000-19,200 per year.  We would already saved over the amount we cashed for the mobile home in a year.  In five years, we would each have about $75,000-$96,000.  

To think of it...we're only investing 5 years of our life to better the rest of our life.  5 years seems so long and dragging but if you really think about...it's not at all.  I feel like I'm still in high school...even though I'm already done with college...ahhh ...how time flies.

[Pineapple]

I don't know what happened to me today...I"m feeling fluffy inside...haha! 

Keith Urban melts my heart every single time.

I hope that one day, I'll be able to share these songs with someone...and dive deep into the deep blue sea...an adventure to come.  WooHoo...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtlaUVEmUOk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2v-CAfQfB04

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCcvbZPhxvg&feature=related

[foromosa]

I love Keith Urban. 

[Pineapple]

Today is the start of another Monday.  The end of this week is my birthday.  I'm sitting here thinking to myself as I look outside the window...

The clouds are moving away...I'm going to be another year older.  Wow...it's all too fast. 

For the past two years...I haven't spoil myself.  I've been disciplining myself so much from spending and other activities so that I am able to take on different responsibility in hopes to acheive different goals in the future. 

I spent last evening talking to my mother outside watching the stars and drinking coconut juice about my life.  Gosh, I don't know how my mother does it...but I look at her and I can honestly say she is the best lady I will ever know.  She's my mom, my dad, my sister, my brother, and my friend. 

We had a conversation about marriage.  She told me that I need to find a man.  I told her, "mom...how do I go and find a man, it's not like I'm a son or a boy.  I couldn't just walk up to a guy and say I like you." 

She said, "Yes you can, don't you see all the girls your brothers are dating?  He's not even a man anymore, he's a woman.  Nowadays in America, all the Hmong boys are girls.  They wait for the girls to go ask them out.  They come and pick up their boyfriends and they call their boyfriends on the phone 24/7.  They even treat and pay for their boyfriends.  It's not the same anymore.  If you want a husband, you need to go and catch one."

I was laughing at my mother and said, "Mom, but that's them.  I'm not like that.  I still like it traditional where the guy comes over and meet the family and stuff." 

She said, "You're getting old, if you don't go meet any man, you're going to end up being a babysitter for your brothers and sister in law.  Whenever there's a party, you're not going anywhere because they're going to tell you to stay home and babysit.  By the time you know it, you're old and the only man out there who likes you are going to be old man who has 2-3 different wives or divorced man who has 6-7 children."

I told her jokingly, "I guess I'll just marry outside then or not marry at all and travel around the world."

She said, "Dont't even think about marry outside, those people only marry you when you're young.  The moment you get old, they kick your butt outside and even call the police on you for disturbing them if you don't leave.  That's when you come back and no body wants you.  You will make a bad reputation on your father and brother's name.

I was looking at my feet then replied back, "Don't worry, I already know what you mean, I was just kidding.  I will only marry Hmong man only."

Then mother laughed and said, "I said that and you look scared already. "  Then she reached over and held my hand and looked at my palm then said "I know you're a good girl, and I'm just testing to you.  The other day, your aunt called and said she has a relative-son whom is here to come see you.  I didn't know about it but they said his father saw you last time at the apartment when we went to get the herbal medication from your aunt.  Your aunt said he asked her who you were and he said he had a son who he wants you to meet."

I only said "Oh."

Then mom said, "They are a good family.  I know their family and have lived with them as neighbors in Laos.  They were really good people and helped others a lot.  I don't want you to end up marrying some gangsters who steals from you and if you don't give in, they will abuse you.  Being a woman, you can date 10 man but only one of them will ever consider asking for your hand.  You don't have to like him right away but be polite and considerate."

I just said "Yeah..."

That was the end of our conversation.  Oh my...my heart is kind of aching for some reason...perha ps I'm scared of the unknown...*sigh*

[Pineapple]

Yesterday night while I was cleaning my junk in the basement and organizing my stuff to a corner, I found some CDs that I had burned some years ago. 

Today when I got up, I decided I would put on my CDs.  The sound track from Braveheart came on.  Suddenly...kuv txawm cia li kho kho siab.  I was drown into the melody.  I became emo...LOL.  Then Marry Shelly Frankenstein soundtrack came on after...brough t me even more into a dream. 

I have been traumatized by these music and fallen into a daze in the mode of being so emotional.  I think about so much things...happy and sad moments in my life.

Ahh....I don't know what happened...but today I am so kho siab ua luaj li... 

*HUGS*

[Pineapple]

So, yesterday the guy that my mom had recently mentioned to me came over to see me during the evening.  He was really nice and kind. 

He sat down with my brother and mom while my sister in law and I was preparing dinner.  My little niece started crying because she wanted to watch Nkauj Nyab in the family room, so I went and turned that movie on.  Thought it would be nice for my brother the guy to watch while talking. 

I came back and cooked dinner.  My sister in law started to elbow me while I was rinsing the rice.  I looked at her and she had her mouth open laughing at me.  I looked at her and smiled. 

I said, "What?"

SIL said "I don't know...but he's not my type."

I laughed quietly and said, "It's okay, everyone has their own taste, that's why you married my brother."

SIL said, "Whatever, you know what I'm talking about."

I looked at her and sigh in a way then said, "He doesn't seem so bad, yeej zoo thiab mas."

After setting the table, we all came and ate dinner.  While I was scooping rice onto my plate, he forked up a chicken leg and set it in my plate.  I looked at him and said "Oh, tsis ua cas.  Kuv mas muab kuv xwb tau lawm.  Koj kav tsis noj."  He looked straight at me and smiled. 

Then I suddenly thought to myself..."oh great...."

After dinner, we all sat down.  I was holding to my niece sitting at the couch watching the movie while my brother and him were talking the whole time about politics and the economy. 

The entire time I can sense he was looking at me from time to time and it kind of felt awkward.  He probably wasn't expecting to come talk to my brother when he's here to see me.  Too bad...it's just how my family is. 

Suddenly...I dont' know how it happened but the conversation changed.  Then my brother talking about his past life when he was still young and dating.  Then the guy started talking a little bit of his family and about his brother who is dating this girl whom is a distant relatives of ours in California.  Then it went on and on to the conversation about the kind of girl he likes.

I had my eyes on the tv the whole time but listening to the guy talking about how he wants someone who is going to be able to come and take control of the youth ministry and become a good niam tsev in his church and etc.  He was talking about the kind of woman he wants to marry to my brother. 

I turned around and looked at him and all I saw was a conceited, stubborn,  who thinks he's all that with his MBA degree.  It was just the most weirdest thing I've heard from a guy to my brother, given that this is the first time we've ever met.

The night was alright.  I was really polite and I did talk to him for like 20 minutes at the end befor he left.

After he left...my brother and sister in law came out from their bedroom.  I was still cleaning the cups.  Then my brother mentioned to me this:

"That guy is a player.  You're a girl so you don't know.  But I'm your brother and I'm also a guy, every thing he says or mentions, I can tell you that he is a player."

I laughed at my brother and said, "That's cause when you were younger, you were also a player."

Brother, "TRUE.  That is why I can tell by his words that he is a player."

I was still laughing then said, "So what did you think of him?"

Brother, "I don't like him.  If you did not notice, when he walked inside our house, if you look at the way he walked, he was walking like he already own the house.  The way he didn't even shake my hand, except at the end when he left.  I have never seen a guy who goes see a girl and does not shake hands at first sight of their brothers or father.  This guy has no manners."

I only said, "Okay."

Then my brother went on, "I purposely talk to him about politics and economy to see how well he see life.  This dude, he doesn't have a clue.  That means he's probably one of those person who just live day to day and has no ambitious.  If you date someone like this, you're going to work your  butt off.  It ain't like he's a little kid, he's 29.  You can even say he's 30 already.  I didn't even expect him to talk about marrying a wife to do this and do that but he did.  It's very disrespectful for a guy to be saying things like that in front of a a brother and the girl he's here to see.  It's almost as if he's not here to see you, but to talk to me about finding a girl for him.  That's really rude."

SIL said, "Yeah it's true what you're brother said.  When we were dating, your brother never even get to talk to me.  He just came over and talk to my dad and brothers.  He only saw me when I sit down or walk in the room.  He doesn't get to talk to me like that guy got to talk to you.  But that's the old days, I don't know how people are now."


Funny aye...LOL.

[Pineapple]

With the rain and storm today...I've been falling in love with this song. 

It's putting me in the mood and I am getting lost in this song....hehe.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7P9ijXhd0m8

[Pineapple]

I love Hmong folk stories.  I wish my parents knew a lot of them...but they only know a few.

Somehow...toda y while I was listening to a Hmong song, it finally got me thinking about Hmong folk stories.  I really want to be able to share these stories with my future children.  Something to pass along throughout the generations to come.  It's also something that keeps the culture alive.  Sometimes, I feel so Hmongy...LOL, like today.

I'm such a dork and or a weido...haha.  But I do love stories.  So today I finally took some time to write one out which my mother used to tell me since I was a little girl.  It's about a mother and her daughter in law.  Kind of creepy and scary, but worth the reading if anyone is interested.  The below link should direct you to the story:

http://www.pebhmong.com/forum/index.php/topic,194464.0.html

[Pineapple]

My childhood memories...heh e!

"Strolling along country road with my baby, it starts to rain, it begins to pour...without an umbrella we soaked to skin...I feel the shiver run up my spine...I feel warmth of her hand in mine...Ohhhhh. ..I hear laughter in the rain, walking hand in hand with the one I love..."

I so love that song. 

It brings me back to the days when I was a little girl.  One afternoon, my brother wanted to take some pictures.  I guess he wanted to send it to his girlfriend.  So he had asked me to go take pictures of him out in our back yard.  And so we went to take pictures. 

Soon after my other brother came out and wanted to take pictures.  Then we decided, we want to take some pictures with rain.  Well how were we going to get rain when it wasn't raining?  You guess it...the water hole.  I was holding on to the water hole sprinkling it up in the air....it was raining.  My brother got all soaked but hey we got the pictures...LOL .

Then afterward, my mom had decided to come take care of her garden at the back yard.  She had just made some sticky rice and told us to go eat some.  We ran inside and I grabbed a handful.  I ran back outside with the sticky rice.  My brother followed after me.  Then he saw our neighbor's dog.  They had just let him out the back door.  Of course their house was fenced so we weren't scared.

My brother suggested that we should go pick up some of my mom's home grown red chillie pepper.  And so we did...wrapped it around with sticky rice and fed it to our neighbor's dog.  Our neighbor knew it was us...but they loved us anyways because we were the only kids on the block who they can pay to mow their lawns.

Yes, yes...I know I was so naughty.  Now that I think about it...gosh I was so bad.  Ahhh...so funny.  I really do miss being a kid sometimes...al l the fun things you get to do...hehe.

[Pineapple]

My Dream

Yesterday, when I left work, I was listening to some Thai music on the drive home.  Those were songs that my father used to listen to.  I don't know Thai language, so I don't know exactly what the song means...but I do know that it's a love song.  And this one specifically was the song that tied my father and I together.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0R9SI85nkSc&feature=related

My father and I used to love to hum this song during the humming part when I was a little girl.  Anyways...for some odd reason, when I got home, my youngest brother who is actually older than me came to open the door.  When I looked at him, he looked so much like my father's picture of when he was a soldier.  I kept looking at my brother a few times and I asked my brother how come he looks like dad today.  He just looked at me and shrug his should and shook his head like he don't know.

After putting away my stuff and changed, clean and ate, I decided to take a nap because I was really tired.  So I went back up to my room and laid myself down without the covers.  For some reason, I knew I was not asleep yet because I could still hear my nephew and niece playing down stair...then suddenly I felt something kind of smacked my hand that was stretched out.  I slowly opened my eyes to look at my hand, but there was nothing.  But I knew something hit it...I was kind of scared but I was too tired, so I just closed my eyes and went to sleep. 

Then I had a dream.  I dreamed that I had already woke up.  I was a little girl like a 10 year old.  I went to my brother's room next door to ask him if he knows anything about my other brother's girlfriend and if they were still dating.  He told me that the girlfriend and my other brother were still dating.  Then I decided to go sit at the corner of their bedroom with my plushy and fell asleep there.  When I woke up, I was station in a attic or a room that was like a cabin like.  At the corner, there was a tv turned on.  Then my oldest brother came inside and told me it was time to go.  I asked him where we were going and he just came and carried me out of the room, went down stair, out the house and into a van.  I sat next to the window. 

As I looked outside as the van was moving...I saw my dad.  He was young like a soldier asking for food from the neighbor.  Down the next house, my dad was a mid-age man, asking food from the neighbor.  Down the 3rd house, my dad was diagnosed with cancer and skinny boned asking food from the neighbor.

I started to cry.  My brother still had his arms around me.  I started to pray to God to help, give him guidiance, take his hand and show him the way.  I kept praying the whole time for my father inside my dream...even when I knew I was dreaming and slowly fading. 

As I woke up, I was breathing hard and fast...

The sun was almost gone, as I got up from my bed.  I saw my calendar on the wall and realized that I must have dreamed this dream because my father's birthday was just this past Sunday.  How I had forgotten about it...perhaps he was waiting for us to bring food and visit him on his birthday...yet we had all forgotten about it.

[Pineapple]

Ugh...I just need to stop...being such a loser...

I guess this is all I have to say for today's journal.

*sigh*

 

[drEamer]

FYI, u cant just put a mobile home anywhere