kevcai returning the bride

[JustMe2]

Please enlighten me as to the practice of sending the bride back.  I am a bit disturbed that when one gets married they pull out all the rules etc...and negotiate bride prices etc....but when the relationship goes sour no one wants to deal with the 'sending bride back' piece?

is it pride? lack of responsibility? could care less?

why don't hmong people do what is right anymore?  if they no longer want the bride to be part of their clan, why not just disolve it properly?

[tmz3]

for u to understand. lemme put it this way. how do u feel about returning an item.. but at the same time u got to pay a fee to return it too?

thats how it works in a nutshell.

[JustMe2]

ok so if you never returned your wife properly.....w hy do some men later on claim that the new husband must pay because she is still his wife as he did not divorce her?  greed?

i would think nowadays it's about closer for all parties involved.

[tmz3]

how does a guy pay another guy to marry his wife? ... what are you talking about exactly?

[JustMe2]

i  think it's called nplua? the new husband paying the first husband because he is marrying the first hubby's estranged wife.

[yamaha]

Please enlighten me as to the practice of sending the bride back.  I am a bit disturbed that when one gets married they pull out all the rules etc...and negotiate bride prices etc....but when the relationship goes sour no one wants to deal with the 'sending bride back' piece?

is it pride? lack of responsibility? could care less?

why don't hmong people do what is right anymore?  if they no longer want the bride to be part of their clan, why not just disolve it properly?

that's just dumb..tsis yuav lawm hais zoo zoo..nrauj nws mus ua nws lub neej tom ntej...what kind of kwvtij will not solve this issue? it's simple..cough up 1200 called and an elder or two from a different clan besides the groom and bride clan to be there as witness..sign paper that you guys are divorced and no longer hold responsibility to each other..both go their separate ways..

it's lack or responsibility too..

[Melony]

Sending a bribe back consist of many things. Keep in mind that when one clan sends a bribe back, it defames their good name especially when they are not known for this. Also, the bribe must be innocent of everything in order for such a thing to happen.

[tmz3]

i  think it's called nplua? the new husband paying the first husband because he is marrying the first hubby's estranged wife.

nplua only applies when the wife & man are still married n the wife has an affair.

if the wife n husband is in process of divorce -- she is called nkauj fa. ... if she has an affair during that time then the (soon to be ex) husband still has right to nplua the wife & adulterer.  tho she is nkauj fa she is still considered a married woman  UNTIL the divorce is finalized between her & husband.

again .. in the case of returning the bride: the mans family must send her back with money (muaj nyiaj ntxuav)  + everything that she recieved from her family as cov khoom phij cuam (dowry) . .... some pay equal the bride price, some pay even more, some pay less  ... depends on what is negotiated.

if the bride is not happy bc the husbands reason for divorce is not suffcient (in her opinion) or HE is the one at fault (for ex: say like she has done all her duties as nyab well but he has another woman he wants to marry) she has right to voice and demand for more money than what he offers. ... the OGs on both sides should take a closer look at all claims n come to conclusion.

[eclps05975]

It's always about loosing or saving face.