Accepting the Unacceptable

[PojNiamLubSiab]

  I highly doubt it's pride he's got, more like arrogance.  Maybe a combination of the two.

maybe he thinks he can do better? dumb pplz are always saying that their dad look good that why he got such good looking sons and i think that's what makes his head so big. if he think he can do better then go ahead. i am done =)

[GLoww]

Give him a taste of his own medicine. People like your husband will never learn if you tell them but rather show them.lol

[AOZ]

some ppl are extroverts and they enjoy talking to everyone they meet. 

if you are newly wed.. it maybe that he's trying to see what he can get away with... otherwise ... like i said.. might just be his personality.   most of the time... the cheaters are the quiet/shy ones. 

only u know what he is capable of.  plus u dont' need to do it back to him to prove any point.  i think talking with him should be enuff. 

[LELIA]

koj phem kawg thiab! remember, revenge won't resolve any issues instead make it bigger. Pulling gasoline on fire will be in flame...

thanks for the great idea sushi

[PojNiamLubSiab]

Don't you think you might have jealousy/insecure issues?

But also, don't you think it's the person that is also the one making you insecure?

I've dated a guy before that was talking to one of my not so close friend at the same time. This dude never let me touch his fone, and one time even had og music in the background when i called and he claim that it was his parents listening to music but confessed that he's actually at a party. Even him talking w/so many girls, I was never as jealous as I was w/my hubby.

I guess like everyone's been saying, only i know him better than anyone. He's done plenty more things but too much to write.

[employing_wings]

I know that everyone has different level of tolerance when it comes to different things, but do you think it's ok to accept things that are unacceptable to you?

For example, if you don't like your s/o to talk to other girls, but he does, should you just accept it b/c you can't do anything about it?

I know some of you say it's ok to talk to the opposite sex, and it is but it seems that my s/o "tuag tsis taus" and must talk to every new girl he sees. If it's at work, he'll make the excuse that she's a co-worker and he has to talk to her. If it's outside of work and his brothers are talking to girls, he'll butt in on their conversation, make comments, or do something to try to get the girls' attention. He thinks I don't know but I know him so well. I can read his every facial expression even though he tries to hide it.

If he really loves me, don't you think he'll do it just to make me happy? We've had talks before about how he needs to show me that I can trust him. I've never seen married men out in public just make conversation w/strangers(girls) before. It really makes me think about why he does it. If he's interest in them or not.

So give me your opinion. Am I just being too overly jealous? Do I need to change or should I "put my foot down" on something I don't like? But how can I show him that I'm serious?

Um.. if its unacceptable to you, why would you accept it? JW. LOL!

Well, maybe he just needs to feel validated. Maybe he's an attention whore. Maybe you need to start paying him some compliments and making him feel pretty. Or maybe you just need to put his ass in check.

[phabej]

Hmmm... This whole time you only mention that he talks to other girl, never once did you said he cheated on you. So if he never cheated on you then, I don't see what's really wrong. He just want to have a little fun and see if he's still got it. If he never cheated on you, then to tell you the truth, guys like your husband are just flirt. Meaning they are actually really 100% faithful to their wife or g/f and would never cheat on them. And maybe he act like he don't care if you do the same thing because he don't want to look weak, too caring or jealous. But in reality, he really does. So I don't think you would have to worry about him cheating on you. But if you don't like the way how he is talking to girls, then talking to him is not going to work. To tell you the truth I think it's just going to encourage him to do it more. Because he know it gets you jealous, and going to keep doing it, just to get your attention and more jealous. For guys like your husband he's not doing it on purpose to hurt you, but actually to get your attention and see, if he can still get you jealous.

[PojNiamLubSiab]

Hmmm... This whole time you only mention that he talks to other girl, never once did you said he cheated on you. So if he never cheated on you then, I don't see what's really wrong. He just want to have a little fun and see if he's still got it. If he never cheated on you, then to tell you the truth, guys like your husband are just flirt. Meaning they are actually really 100% faithful to their wife or g/f and would never cheat on them. And maybe he act like he don't care if you do the same thing because he don't want to look weak, too caring or jealous. But in reality, he really does. So I don't think you would have to worry about him cheating on you. But if you don't like the way how he is talking to girls, then talking to him is not going to work. To tell you the truth I think it's just going to encourage him to do it more. Because he know it gets you jealous, and going to keep doing it, just to get your attention and more jealous. For guys like your husband he's not doing it on purpose to hurt you, but actually to get your attention and see, if he can still get you jealous.

who would know if he's cheated or not, it's not something they would casually tell you even if it was a long time ago or not. my husband is the talkative friendly type but if he respected my feelings he wouldn't do it so much but i guess you're right, he just doesn't wanna look bad since he's a "MAN". And I think i care too much which probably boosts his ego. I do everything for him and buy everything he wants for him so yeah maybe i need to tone it down, make him realize that he's not my only priority. I know he cares but i don't like him doing that all the time. it just makes me wonder about what he do behind my back if he's already doing that infront of me sometimes. but i feel like if i act like it doesn't bother me then he might do it even more. if i say something, then he mite do it more knowing it bothers me. kinda a lose/lose situation huh?

[PojNiamLubSiab]

Thanks shampoo. you're right and the hub is learning. Things that r wrong to us may not be wrong to them. The hub says he's jealous of me too but doesn't wanna show it so I guess phabej is right bc some of us might take advantage of that. And it's so true, most women always think the guy is interested in them just bc they have a small conversation, that's y i can't trust girls LOL not even myself sometimes =P

But i am being patient even though i hate him most the time =P He's gotten a lot better since we've gotten married.

[Images]

I know that everyone has different level of tolerance when it comes to different things, but do you think it's ok to accept things that are unacceptable to you?

For example, if you don't like your s/o to talk to other girls, but he does, should you just accept it b/c you can't do anything about it?

I know some of you say it's ok to talk to the opposite sex, and it is but it seems that my s/o "tuag tsis taus" and must talk to every new girl he sees. If it's at work, he'll make the excuse that she's a co-worker and he has to talk to her. If it's outside of work and his brothers are talking to girls, he'll butt in on their conversation, make comments, or do something to try to get the girls' attention. He thinks I don't know but I know him so well. I can read his every facial expression even though he tries to hide it.

If he really loves me, don't you think he'll do it just to make me happy? We've had talks before about how he needs to show me that I can trust him. I've never seen married men out in public just make conversation w/strangers(girls) before. It really makes me think about why he does it. If he's interest in them or not.

So give me your opinion. Am I just being too overly jealous? Do I need to change or should I "put my foot down" on something I don't like? But how can I show him that I'm serious?

Ask yourself; If you were to marry this man and this was part of what came with him would you be able to be happy? If you can't be happy then don't put up with it. Trust me; I didn't put up with it and I'm glad.

[PojNiamLubSiab]

Ask yourself; If you were to marry this man and this was part of what came with him would you be able to be happy? If you can't be happy then don't put up with it. Trust me; I didn't put up with it and I'm glad.

kind of too late now cuz we're married! LOL

[Pucca]

I don't think he respects you.  You mentioned when he's upset he says he only married you because he didn't want to pay child support and that he feels he can do better.  It's a part of his personality and as long as you accept it, nothing will ever change.  Perhaps it is so much a part of his personality that it will never change.  You had to have known he was like this before you married if you dated at all before your marriage.  You either accept it and deal with it or you walk away.

I have young relatives in marriages that are not exactly ideal and they speak to me about their marriages.  I give them the same advice.  That they know what their husbands are like.  People only change when they want to.  If they refuse to change their behavior, all you can do is accept it or walk away.  And if they choose to accept it, they need to stop complaining.   

Just remember that your young boys are learning from their father and may grow up to be just like him because they see that you accept his behavior. 

Good luck!