I'm lost...

[VillainousHero]

I have no desire for self fulfillment of happiness.  It's kind of like, if I can make others happy, then I myself would be happy.  Since I can't, I feel miserable.  Not so much miserable, but more like a to the original content of just a being lost without a sense of direction.

Strangely I may be thinking if I can drop a few nuclear bombs throughout the world, I may be happy.  That's kind fo sick and twisted, but it's probably too much of a recurring theme in movies and television these days.  Senseless turmoil, chaotic distress, hopeless hardships for all.  Kind of like the idea of being crazy, but everyone is also crazy so therefore everyone is normal.

[NkaujNom]

I have no desire for self fulfillment of happiness.  It's kind of like, if I can make others happy, then I myself would be happy.  Since I can't, I feel miserable.  Not so much miserable, but more like a to the original content of just a being lost without a sense of direction.

Strangely I may be thinking if I can drop a few nuclear bombs throughout the world, I may be happy.  That's kind fo sick and twisted, but it's probably too much of a recurring theme in movies and television these days.  Senseless turmoil, chaotic distress, hopeless hardships for all.  Kind of like the idea of being crazy, but everyone is also crazy so therefore everyone is normal.

You are what you say you are. You do what you believe you can do. Do you find these statements true or rather applicable to yourself? Personally, I believe that others can be helped - there are so many people around us that needs our help. We either choose to help or not choose to help them and those are entirely our decisions to make. I'd like to suggest something, although there are many things you could try instead. Sometimes, I visit nursing homes (not that I know anyone there), but they occasionally have bingo nights or free time. You cannot imagine how many of the residents have no visitors. This is probably one of the easiest ways to help someone - visiting them, talking to them, laughing with them. It will lighten your day and especially theirs. What do you say?

[sprite]

Stop having expectations of others.

[VillainousHero]

 

You are what you say you are. You do what you believe you can do. Do you find these statements true or rather applicable to yourself? Personally, I believe that others can be helped - there are so many people around us that needs our help. We either choose to help or not choose to help them and those are entirely our decisions to make. I'd like to suggest something, although there are many things you could try instead. Sometimes, I visit nursing homes (not that I know anyone there), but they occasionally have bingo nights or free time. You cannot imagine how many of the residents have no visitors. This is probably one of the easiest ways to help someone - visiting them, talking to them, laughing with them. It will lighten your day and especially theirs. What do you say?

Yes, I'm definitely describing myself as what I believe I see as truthfully in myself.  I've visited old folks before, I've volunteered for kids, I've helped out people stuck in the snow, gave rides to strangers walking in the rain, but those things bring no self fulfillment, no direction, nothing to me.  It does seem that at the moment, I'm acting happy to keep their spirits up.  In reality I'm just the opposite.  It's an act, that I don't want others to worry about me.  So It just seems like it's one of those things that good deeds go on unnoticed.  It's just not in my luck to ever see it coming back to me.  I suppose that's what I'm kind of expecting.  A fleeting expectation of others, that they pay if forward and that it will circle and come back.  It's just not going to happen.

I just keep on dredging through daily life.  Maybe fishing for help but turning it away becuase I can't pay it back any time soon.  It's like needing a great big hug, but when the hug is over, nothing changes afterwards.  Maybe a great big kick in the butt to get my gear going, but it's just going to be nothing more than just a kick in the butt.  It's like being desensitized to everything or being in stasis looking through a glass at the world.  Maybe it's like I missing several of my spirits.  They're all lost and wandering around.  I've lost my balance, my place in the world.  I suppose it's like I'm wanting to do something selfish, for myself only.  Yet, I stumble on that path.

Maybe my only expectation is for someone to approve that doing something selfish is okay.  Yet don't compare myself to what I've seen how others do it selfishly.  Maybe I'm just hovering in that kind of direction.  Doubtful that I can control the direction once I go down that path.  The temptations of wrong doing are easily intiated, hard to break.  It's so simple, yet it's self integrity that's being self questioned.  Am I kidding myself or just being dishonest to myself?  Not sure if it's just going to be a thing line or a thick broad line.

[NkaujNom]

Yes, I'm definitely describing myself as what I believe I see as truthfully in myself.  I've visited old folks before, I've volunteered for kids, I've helped out people stuck in the snow, gave rides to strangers walking in the rain, but those things bring no self fulfillment, no direction, nothing to me.  It does seem that at the moment, I'm acting happy to keep their spirits up.  In reality I'm just the opposite.  It's an act, that I don't want others to worry about me.  So It just seems like it's one of those things that good deeds go on unnoticed.  It's just not in my luck to ever see it coming back to me.  I suppose that's what I'm kind of expecting.  A fleeting expectation of others, that they pay if forward and that it will circle and come back.  It's just not going to happen.

I just keep on dredging through daily life.  Maybe fishing for help but turning it away becuase I can't pay it back any time soon.  It's like needing a great big hug, but when the hug is over, nothing changes afterwards.  Maybe a great big kick in the butt to get my gear going, but it's just going to be nothing more than just a kick in the butt.  It's like being desensitized to everything or being in stasis looking through a glass at the world.  Maybe it's like I missing several of my spirits.  They're all lost and wandering around.  I've lost my balance, my place in the world.  I suppose it's like I'm wanting to do something selfish, for myself only.  Yet, I stumble on that path.

Maybe my only expectation is for someone to approve that doing something selfish is okay.  Yet don't compare myself to what I've seen how others do it selfishly.  Maybe I'm just hovering in that kind of direction.  Doubtful that I can control the direction once I go down that path.  The temptations of wrong doing are easily intiated, hard to break.  It's so simple, yet it's self integrity that's being self questioned.  Am I kidding myself or just being dishonest to myself?  Not sure if it's just going to be a thing line or a thick broad line.

Sounds like you're nearly giving up. It's always easier to surrender to temptation than it is to rebuke them. One of the greatest challenges, as I see it, is to tame the temptation because it will only lead to more turmoil. You may or may not be a man of trade; one who expects some sort of exchangement, an arm for an arm, a black eye for a black eye, and that sort of thing. However, whether or not you choose to practice/ or believe that when giving a gift.... do not expect one in return. I've realized that at certain times in my life, I have expected too much and was too often disappointed. And so I lowered my expectations to see if it helped. Most of the time, it did help me. Selfishness is okay to an extent; you do have to take care of yourself first before you can truly care for anyone else.

We cannot always have what we want, but earthly, benevolent happiness is what we create - not what others give us. Taking advantage of the freedom that we have that most do not, our place in the world is what we create, not where others put us and not where they want us to be. Surely, you can find the answers. Either you're doubting yourself or you see no purpose and so have not set any goals for that purpose. How can you initiate where you want to be in life if you give up? What can you do that will create good happiness and good self-fulfillment?

Thank you for sharing your time for those people in need. I'm sure most were and still are appreciative, but cannot find the right words to thank you or couldn't find a way to return your gratefulness.

[VillainousHero]

It just occurred to me, that there's this thing people called: midlife crisis. 

I guess, it hit me and I didn't even realized it.