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Author Topic: Wedding Token/Bride $ & Divorce  (Read 6764 times)

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Peachy Fish

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Wedding Token/Bride $ & Divorce
« on: January 04, 2011, 01:58:00 PM »
When a Hmong couple plans to divorce, what are the Hmong steps to be taken? Also, what happens to the wedding token/bride $ that the groom's family gave? Will that $ be given back to him under certain circumstances or is there no take backs?

I always thought...

If the divorce was caused by the wife...the husband's family must contact the mej koob and the mej koob must contact the bride's side of the family...then the bride's family must give the $ back to the husband's family.

If the divorce was cause by the husband...the husband's family must send the wife back to her family and have the mej koob contact them.



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yuknowthat

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Re: Wedding Token/Bride $ & Divorce
« Reply #1 on: January 04, 2011, 02:27:32 PM »
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is how i see it



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yajmafia

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Re: Wedding Token/Bride $ & Divorce
« Reply #2 on: January 04, 2011, 02:30:36 PM »
I think if cheating is involved, they would also want proof.. like pics, vids or audio recording.. stuff like that.

Its really weird.



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Peachy Fish

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Re: Wedding Token/Bride $ & Divorce
« Reply #3 on: January 04, 2011, 02:32:16 PM »
I think if cheating is involved, they would also want proof.. like pics, vids or audio recording.. stuff like that.

Its really weird.

Hm...I see.

In this case the wife just wants to leave, she's tired of living away from her family. That's about it. No cheating or abuse involved.



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yajmafia

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Re: Wedding Token/Bride $ & Divorce
« Reply #4 on: January 04, 2011, 02:33:24 PM »
Hm...I see.

In this case the wife just wants to leave, she's tired of living away from her family. That's about it. No cheating or abuse involved.

It would be tough.. clans these days will always push you to stay and work things out just to save face..



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Peachy Fish

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Re: Wedding Token/Bride $ & Divorce
« Reply #5 on: January 04, 2011, 02:37:16 PM »
It would be tough.. clans these days will always push you to stay and work things out just to save face..

Yeah...I just told her to try to work things out, but if she feels like she won't ever be happy, maybe it's time to leave...I was just wondering what the Hmong repercussions are (aside from gossip and glares, etc.) for her should she leave him.



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yajmafia

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Re: Wedding Token/Bride $ & Divorce
« Reply #6 on: January 04, 2011, 02:39:21 PM »
Yeah...I just told her to try to work things out, but if she feels like she won't ever be happy, maybe it's time to leave...I was just wondering what the Hmong repercussions are (aside from gossip and glares, etc.) for her should she leave him.

That would be better.  If she really must, then go for it.  We have to value her opinion also.


These days, honestly, we are a different generation than the OGs.  They just don't understand that.  If it were me, I'd do everything the american way.



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Pineapple

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Re: Wedding Token/Bride $ & Divorce
« Reply #7 on: January 04, 2011, 02:56:54 PM »
Unless her husband is very understanding of her unhappiness and would rather rest with them divorcing, there will be a case between the clans instead of the case between the two individual. 

A case between clans is usually not going to go well especially if there was no good reason for a divorce.  If both clan is very understanding of the two individual for falling out of love then, they will start with the lectures about building a life in hopes of keeping the two together. 

If all fails, then most likely the husband's side of the family is going to want all the money that was given for the bride back because she's the one at fault for not wanting to stay in the marriage.





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Pineapple

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Re: Wedding Token/Bride $ & Divorce
« Reply #8 on: January 04, 2011, 03:00:34 PM »
That would be better.  If she really must, then go for it.  We have to value her opinion also.


These days, honestly, we are a different generation than the OGs.  They just don't understand that.  If it were me, I'd do everything the american way.

You can still do things the Hmong way, but there needs to be an understanding between the two families & the two people who are married.  Doing it the American way doesn't settle things any better if there is not understanding between the two families.

There's the pro and the cons between a Hmong wedding and an American wedding. 



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Peachy Fish

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Re: Wedding Token/Bride $ & Divorce
« Reply #9 on: January 04, 2011, 03:05:31 PM »
Unless her husband is very understanding of her unhappiness and would rather rest with them divorcing, there will be a case between the clans instead of the case between the two individual.  

A case between clans is usually not going to go well especially if there was no good reason for a divorce.  If both clan is very understanding of the two individual for falling out of love then, they will start with the lectures about building a life in hopes of keeping the two together.  

If all fails, then most likely the husband's side of the family is going to want all the money that was given for the bride back because she's the one at fault for not wanting to stay in the marriage.


Thanks Pineapple. I know that if she follows through w/the divorce then her family and relatives will be very upset with her...especial ly b/c the only reason she wants to leave her husband is b/c she misses her family.

However, I'm not sure what else I can say to her so that she can open her eyes and that this is the marriage life that she signed for - to live away from her family is just part of a Hmong nyaab, and only seeing her family once a year is lucky enough already...I guess I'll just explain what you said and this to her.


« Last Edit: January 04, 2011, 03:10:50 PM by Peachy Fish »

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yuknowthat

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Re: Wedding Token/Bride $ & Divorce
« Reply #10 on: January 04, 2011, 03:16:45 PM »
Yeah...I just told her to try to work things out, but if she feels like she won't ever be happy, maybe it's time to leave...I was just wondering what the Hmong repercussions are (aside from gossip and glares, etc.) for her should she leave him.
if it's just "her" to be happy all the time then there's no need to be in a relationship better yet even marriage..

hmong way and american way..it's not gonna work out when it's only her that has to be happy. the spotlight has to shine on "her"

like almost every ph will say "it takes two to tangle"



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Pineapple

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Re: Wedding Token/Bride $ & Divorce
« Reply #11 on: January 04, 2011, 03:20:55 PM »
Thanks Pineapple. I know that if she follows through w/the divorce then her family and relatives will be very upset with her...especial ly b/c the only reason she wants to leave her husband is b/c she misses her family.

However, I'm not sure what else I can say to her so that she can open her eyes and that this is the marriage life that she signed for - to live away from her family is just part of a Hmong nyaab, and only seeing her family once a year is lucky enough already...I guess I'll just explain what you said and this to her.

If she's divorcing her husband because she misses her family, then why don't they talk together and move closer/relocate?

Here's another perspective, if she divorce her husband...she's going to miss her husband because living the life being a divorcee is not the same anymore as living the life of single.  She's going to experience the divorcee life and she will have to face the consequences.  She will not be experiencing the life of a single because that stage in her life has passed.  

Somehow, I find it fishy that there's probably more to story such as maybe he's not satisfying some of her needs.  She probably feels lonely because he's not showing enough affection and being too far from her family to find a trusted family member to talk to...etc.


« Last Edit: January 04, 2011, 03:27:16 PM by Pineapple »

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Peachy Fish

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Re: Wedding Token/Bride $ & Divorce
« Reply #12 on: January 04, 2011, 03:29:04 PM »
if you had a Hmong wedding did you get a marriage license? If so I would be far more worried about actual legal precautions of not getting a proper divorce over what some old ppl say... We play by different rule here in the good old USA..Even if you are culturally married you should get a license, protects you more against everything .. not just divorce

Yes they have a marriage license too. She doesn't care about the legal precautions.


« Last Edit: January 04, 2011, 03:59:56 PM by Peachy Fish »

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MilesDaddy

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Re: Wedding Token/Bride $ & Divorce
« Reply #13 on: January 04, 2011, 03:57:13 PM »
if you had a Hmong wedding did you get a marriage license? If so I would be far more worried about actual legal precautions of not getting a proper divorce over what some old ppl say... We play by different rule here in the good old USA..Even if you are culturally married you should get a license, protects you more against everything .. not just divorce



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DeceiversChick

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Re: Wedding Token/Bride $ & Divorce
« Reply #14 on: January 13, 2011, 08:36:45 AM »
every scenario is different. I've heard of cases where regardless who's fault it is.. if the ex wife remarries her new husband has to pay the dowry to her ex in laws and not her parents.




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