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Offline PojNiamLubSiab

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the past
« on: January 18, 2011, 08:27:45 AM »
When you ask your s/o about the past and they get angry or don't wanna tell you, does that necessarily mean they're hiding something or whatever you're asking may be true? Even though they get really upset and wants to know who told you but keep saying it's not true, does it mean it might be true therefore their defensive side comes out? Even if it's not true, wouldn't someone who haven't done/said it be calm and don't 'care and just say it's not true, it's up to u to believe it or not?

I personally think that if something's not true about me and if my s/o asks me, i'd just say what i posted up there and not go crazy trying to defend myself bc no matter what you say, other people will continue saying what they want.



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Offline yuknowthat

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Re: the past
« Reply #1 on: January 18, 2011, 08:32:45 AM »
sometimes it's better to concentrate on what you have in the present then rather worry about the past...



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Offline PojNiamLubSiab

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Re: the past
« Reply #2 on: January 18, 2011, 08:40:22 AM »
Quote from: yuknowthat on January 18, 2011, 08:32:45 AM
sometimes it's better to concentrate on what you have in the present then rather worry about the past...
that's true but sometimes one needs reassurance that things didn't happen, things that could change everything.



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Offline LELIA

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Re: the past
« Reply #3 on: January 18, 2011, 08:47:14 AM »
Quote from: PojNiamLubSiab on January 18, 2011, 08:40:22 AM
that's true but sometimes one needs reassurance that things didn't happen, things that could change everything.

true...but sometimes its better not to know.... unless it happened like yesterday....



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Offline yuknowthat

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Re: the past
« Reply #4 on: January 18, 2011, 08:48:53 AM »
Quote from: PojNiamLubSiab on January 18, 2011, 08:40:22 AM
that's true but sometimes one needs reassurance that things didn't happen, things that could change everything.
too much reassurance will make your marriage life complicated unless it's something that will effect your marriage life..if not..don't mind it at all...



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Offline PojNiamLubSiab

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Re: the past
« Reply #5 on: January 18, 2011, 09:39:17 AM »
Quote from: LELIA on January 18, 2011, 08:47:14 AM
true...but sometimes its better not to know.... unless it happened like yesterday....

even if it happened while you've been together(dating/married)?



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Offline trippleX

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Re: the past
« Reply #6 on: January 18, 2011, 10:29:22 AM »
Doesn't matter how long down the line, "your past will always find it's way to haunt you". I'd say, better to know now than later where it could ultimately hurt you more in the long run, especially if they are the wrong does of their past". We all believe ppl can change, but only very few really will. I much rather not deal with sinners and rather know the full blown truth than live a damn lie.



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Offline PojNiamLubSiab

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Re: the past
« Reply #7 on: January 18, 2011, 10:30:24 AM »
Quote from: trippleX on January 18, 2011, 10:29:22 AM
Doesn't matter how long down the line, "your past will always find it's way to haunt you". I'd say, better to know now than later where it could ultimately hurt you more in the long run, especially if they are the wrong does of their past". We all believe ppl can change, but only very few really will. I rather know the full blown truth than live a damn lie.

that's what I'm saying!



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Offline trippleX

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Re: the past
« Reply #8 on: January 18, 2011, 10:33:02 AM »
Quote from: PojNiamLubSiab on January 18, 2011, 10:30:24 AM
that's what I'm saying!

I believe that if they are defensive, there is probably some truth of the matter. Why else would they get angry. However, people are all different, some are very sly and not all will reveal their true nature until they know you are really theirs, so always know who you are dealing with.



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Offline GLoww

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Re: the past
« Reply #9 on: January 18, 2011, 03:28:17 PM »
When a person get defensive about something then they hve something to hide. but why not let the past go and forget about it, since married you should be focused on your future not your past.



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Offline ToxicCum

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Re: the past
« Reply #10 on: January 18, 2011, 04:47:20 PM »
people can become defensive because you went behind their back and dug into their past.....it clearly shows you have trust issues, or other things....

the golden rule, 'if you ask, then u better be able to take the truth when it comes out'....the past is the past, leave it be.

u keep thinking that they become defensive because they are hiding something...no t always true. you're not looking at this in the correct direction, you have to understand that it offends people when you look into their past....and u expect them to be Mr. Fruity Nice Nice I Wanna P*ssyCat?? nah, it dont work like that....U dont go snooping and get away with it....

if i were u, id go say sorry and ask for forgiveness and leave it be....now if this happened while u two were together, then thats a whole different story....but lets say in 1992, he went to a disco wearing speedos and leg warmers, then yea, thats a beat down fo'sur!!!!


« Last Edit: January 18, 2011, 04:49:50 PM by ToxicCum »

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Offline magicofju

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Re: the past
« Reply #11 on: January 18, 2011, 05:00:54 PM »
hahaha ToxicCum..very true too. Some people think that honesty is the best policy, it is to some extent when you want to resolve an issue, but not always so too. If a guy know he has a colorful past and wants to be upfront about it with his current partner, we girls don't want or need to know about it, and by revealing too much, it can turn off his new partner.   




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Offline PojNiamLubSiab

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Re: the past
« Reply #12 on: January 19, 2011, 03:24:17 PM »
Quote from: ToxicCum on January 18, 2011, 04:47:20 PM
people can become defensive because you went behind their back and dug into their past.....it clearly shows you have trust issues, or other things....

the golden rule, 'if you ask, then u better be able to take the truth when it comes out'....the past is the past, leave it be.

u keep thinking that they become defensive because they are hiding something...no t always true. you're not looking at this in the correct direction, you have to understand that it offends people when you look into their past....and u expect them to be Mr. Fruity Nice Nice I Wanna P*ssyCat?? nah, it dont work like that....U dont go snooping and get away with it....

if i were u, id go say sorry and ask for forgiveness and leave it be....now if this happened while u two were together, then thats a whole different story....but lets say in 1992, he went to a disco wearing speedos and leg warmers, then yea, thats a beat down fo'sur!!!!

i didn't go digging into the past, it just came out of one of my sis n laws when we were talking about someone else. she just mentioned something which  I was curious about bc it did have to do with when we were dating so it does have something to do with us. I don't want to live a lie for the rest of my life.



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Offline trippleX

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Re: the past
« Reply #13 on: January 19, 2011, 03:35:47 PM »
Quote from: PojNiamLubSiab on January 19, 2011, 03:24:17 PM
i didn't go digging into the past, it just came out of one of my sis n laws when we were talking about someone else. she just mentioned something which  I was curious about bc it did have to do with when we were dating so it does have something to do with us. I don't want to live a lie for the rest of my life.

I see it has already began it's haunting.. lol..



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Offline ToxicCum

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Re: the past
« Reply #14 on: January 19, 2011, 05:23:32 PM »
Quote from: PojNiamLubSiab on January 19, 2011, 03:24:17 PM
i didn't go digging into the past, it just came out of one of my sis n laws when we were talking about someone else. she just mentioned something which  I was curious about bc it did have to do with when we were dating so it does have something to do with us. I don't want to live a lie for the rest of my life.

Oh ok, I see....well then...theres only 2 things left to do....ask and find out....(get the answer)....stay or leave....if u stay, best drop it, whether u like it or not....no sense with staying with someone u gotta grudge with.....if u leave, then it shows u wont accept it....more power to u....

worse thing to do is...stay and not accept/deal with it...and keep bringing it up at each arguement....

question is....why would one of his sisters call him out??



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