separate or divorce

[Delete]

Dr Pebhmong,

Please advice on this situation, is it worth it to get a divorce because the husband drinks too much? Like every weekend he get drunk with his friends/brothers, etc. He either goes out to bar or stay in and stay all nite long then sleep all day. They have one kid, wife does not into drinking anymore. He tells her she too boring. It's almost look like he want her to join in his drinking games. I think she try to be a mom and responsble adult. Who's the problem here?

I should mention, he's not a bad person, nor a bad father/husband, just couldn't stop drinking.

[LELIA]

he will need to stop drinking in order to work.. AA classes perhaps?

If not.. the marriage is doomed.

[yuknowthat]

he  muaj stress problems...

[GLoww]

I cant tolerate a drunk I dont know how people do it. I say if she is trying to be a reasonable adult and not drink then he should too. Because before you know it it'll be a everyday thing to get drunk, he is an alcoholic in the making. I say if he doesnt change then its time for a change

[magicofju]

He's the one with issues and the problem. I don't think they should divorce yet over a drinking problem though but get him help if it bothers the wife. But I know how to handle drunks puauahahahaaha haahaa! muahahaa 

 

[Pineapple]

In my honest opinion, I don't think the lady should divorce her husband due to being an alcoholic, not unless he's abusing her and even worse while drunk.  There's ways to help and she needs to play smart to help her husband to lessen his addictions.  You don't just leave a person dead if you weren't even trying to help them, especially when that person is your spouse.  He's telling her she's too boring, maybe she should reevaluate their relationship because they're probably lacking a lot of good communication.  For example, maybe she's always pissed off when she sees her husband drunk and instead of speaking in a calm tone with sincere feelings, she's yelling at him and retorting at him with flaming words at first sight.

She should talk to his brothers/sisters/parents that she's trying to improve their life together and for them to please help him stop drinking.  For example, when he goes over to drink, they need to look out for him.  Stop him from drinking too much to the point where he's drunk.  I know there are family members out there who don't care so they won't do anything about it.  If that's the kind of family he has, she should consult with someone else who's close to both of them to consult with him about his addiction. 

[BCSPKKTM]

To those who don't think it's a big deal..if it's causing him to sleep in the next day and not help take care of his kid, do anything around the house, or hold down a job, yes that is a serious problem. And if he's drinking AND driving, that is even worse. What do you think most people would say if SHE was the one neglecting her responsibiliti es? They'd say to divorce her ass asap, get a niam yau, send her home, etc.

My point is that it is a serious problem and she needs to approach it in a serious way. Biotching at him about it while he's drunk or having a hangover is not going to help. Talk to him about it when he's sober...let him know how his drinking has affected their lives and that he needs HELP. Let his family know that they need to stop drinking with him and tell them exactly how his drinking has affected the marriage, his child, etc.

Ultimately it is up to him. Some people have to hit rock bottom...if he doesn't think he has a problem, he won't take any steps to correct it. He may have to get alcohol poisoning a few times or hurt himself/someone else before he realizes there is a problem. And even then, if he's addicted..it is going to be tough

[Delete]

Wow Dr Pebhmong you guys are good! Everyone is right one way or another. I think it's hard to help a person who likes to do this kind of thing. She can do whatever she can to help but if he doesn't want to help himself nothing will change.

What if she's the quiet type, she the type who couldn't speak her mind because afraid of what the husband might do or say back. 

Does men ever think when they do something, do they wonder if it will affect the people around them or do they just do it because it make them happy and that's all that matter?

[yubnag]

Dr Pebhmong,

Please advice on this situation, is it worth it to get a divorce because the husband drinks too much? Like every weekend he get drunk with his friends/brothers, etc. He either goes out to bar or stay in and stay all nite long then sleep all day. They have one kid, wife does not into drinking anymore. He tells her she too boring. It's almost look like he want her to join in his drinking games. I think she try to be a mom and responsble adult. Who's the problem here?

I should mention, he's not a bad person, nor a bad father/husband, just couldn't stop drinking.

It's not worth it. This is just a phase.

[evil-in-deed]

she should start doing other drugs...

so he can learn from example...

[Reporter]

Dr Pebhmong,

Please advice on this situation, is it worth it to get a divorce because the husband drinks too much? Like every weekend he get drunk with his friends/brothers, etc. He either goes out to bar or stay in and stay all nite long then sleep all day. They have one kid, wife does not into drinking anymore. He tells her she too boring. It's almost look like he want her to join in his drinking games. I think she try to be a mom and responsble adult. Who's the problem here?

I should mention, he's not a bad person, nor a bad father/husband, just couldn't stop drinking.

The habit seems too strong now. You won't be able to curb him from it. The question then is this: is she able to love him despite that habit? Many Hmong women are able to take their husbands' drinking habits so long as the husbands do not become abusive. If he just drinks and is not doing any damage, then maybe she can put up with him. Perhaps start with a separation to see if her feelings are going to hang on.  If not, then it's time to divorce. And if he does damages, then it is also time for her to divorce him.

[Delete]

"Divorce is difficult; waiting only makes it harder" Ha-ha I saw the ad in the bottom of my screen. 'Rosen Law Firm'

Seriously, I think divorce is not an answer. He need to realize his problem, he need to see that what he's doing is affecting people around him and destroying his life little by little. But I guess most men these days, drink, play poker, cheats, etc. and most women these days are not the type to sit around for men to play around while they sit at home.

Tus ua ntau dhaus lawm need to recognize tias nws over doing it and tus tsis ua need to understand why nws ua the thing that he does. I guess the only solution is if you can't stop them then join them!?

[Reporter]

"Divorce is difficult; waiting only makes it harder" Ha-ha I saw the ad in the bottom of my screen. 'Rosen Law Firm'

Seriously, I think divorce is not an answer. He need to realize his problem, he need to see that what he's doing is affecting people around him and destroying his life little by little. But I guess most men these days, drink, play poker, cheats, etc. and most women these days are not the type to sit around for men to play around while they sit at home.

Tus ua ntau dhaus lawm need to recognize tias nws over doing it and tus tsis ua need to understand why nws ua the thing that he does. I guess the only solution is if you can't stop them then join them!?

Isn't that a bit dangerous in this case?

I'd rather not join them; if my feelings are still as strong as hers are about him, I'd rather just hang around but still not join them  in their fallen deeds.

[Delete]

Well maybe that's what he want. Maybe he want a wife that do exactly what he likes. People sometime take advantages of the good thing/people in their life.

[k3v|n]

A husband who's Drunk every weekend is the biggest LOSER. He won't change for anyone, might as well call it QUIT and get a divorce. Some men need to grow up and act like an adult and take care of his family.