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Author Topic: College is lonely? anyone?  (Read 14372 times)

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Offline anonymouse

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Re: College is lonely? anyone?
« Reply #30 on: August 07, 2014, 01:26:58 AM »
I admired alone time.. so it wasn't a bad thing. but this is how my 5 years was.

1st year. all me, spent most of the time chatting away with online friends (had the most garbage schedule, 5 hour gap -.-)
fall 2009-spring 2010

2nd year.
Fall 2010. found my footing on campus, enjoyed the scenery, but still for the most part stayed by myself. I spoke to classmates here and there but not much outside.

Spring 2011
I now spoke to classmates more, but I had this thing where I NEVER remember classmates names, but they remember mine so to avoid the awkwardness I just avoid names and pay really close attention to what someone else calls them.

3rd year. most active year
fall 2011 I joined a social work organization, with their help i finally declared myself a social work major, I slowly began to become involved on campus.

Spring 2012 -I was full involved with school. was on campus sunday - friday, and some saturdays doing stuff. I joined a co-ed frat, I was still with the social work org, life was fun, busy and exciting.

4th year
Fall 2012 - more focus on school but still involved with the frat and somewhat involved with the org.

Spring 2013 - I slowly moved away from everything as I prepped for the upcoming semester where I only had 2 classes a week along with a 1 year internship that counted as 2 classes.

5th year
Fall 2013 - involved in classes. got all A's this semester.  the 2 courses were tough, on top of that, the intern was mentally draining. I had a falling out with the frat and we basically burned down bridges.

Fall 2014 - The frat took a turn for the worst with a harassment case where I was the victim, and there was a full on 60 day investigation. I again ended the semester with all A's (this one was alot easier).

And then I graduated.

So it was a roller coaster for me.

Started off slow. then went really crazy and wild. then digressed. and ended with alot of excitement, but a full stop.



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Offline thePoster

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Re: College is lonely? anyone?
« Reply #31 on: August 25, 2014, 10:54:22 PM »
Hers my advice on y'all's being depressed and sad in college ...  Yes it's fun and stuff ...  But there's more fun after college...

I never graduated from any college but...  I can tell y'all's that make sure you graduate, get a nice job..  And most importantly, if you want to still have fun, stay single after you graduate and get that nice job...  There's nothing like having money to do things...


I think a lot of the young graduates and nearing graduate kids are afraid the fun will be over after college...  Actually it's not..

There's different types of fun for different times in your lives...  It doesn't stop in college..



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I went through all 15k posts and those 2 quotes I found were the only ones so I guess that would make it "everytime".  Feel free to go through all 15k posts and verify by quoting them all.  You need to quote them all to verifying prove "everytime".   Please verify that Im wrong.

Offline peng_yang

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Re: College is lonely? anyone?
« Reply #32 on: October 11, 2014, 10:41:00 AM »
I think college is lonely. I actually went through a depression 2 years ago in Fall of 2012. Basically, I was a mechanical engineering major and there weren't a lot of Hmong guys/girls around in the program. The engineering program is pretty intense too so I never really did have time to go to the other part of campus (where many of the Hmongs were). When you're frustrated with your course work, there's nobody there who shares the same background and perspective to talk to. Almost all of my classmates are white people who are second/third/fourth generation engineers while I was the first generation (not hating but stating the obvious). Even the international students were second/third generation engineers. Because of this I felt isolated as ever because I did not know where I belong in this college life. It also brought me to the point where I actually questioned my ethnic background and whether it was worth it being Hmong or believing in the culture.

Long story short, I began researching about the Hmong culture and my parents history and have then recovered from the depression later in the Spring. Since then I appreciated being Hmong and have a sense of self-pride and appreciation.

I think college is lonely but it also was where I had the greatest times of my years.



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Offline anonymouse

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Re: College is lonely? anyone?
« Reply #33 on: October 22, 2014, 10:51:18 PM »
I think college is lonely. I actually went through a depression 2 years ago in Fall of 2012. Basically, I was a mechanical engineering major and there weren't a lot of Hmong guys/girls around in the program. The engineering program is pretty intense too so I never really did have time to go to the other part of campus (where many of the Hmongs were). When you're frustrated with your course work, there's nobody there who shares the same background and perspective to talk to. Almost all of my classmates are white people who are second/third/fourth generation engineers while I was the first generation (not hating but stating the obvious). Even the international students were second/third generation engineers. Because of this I felt isolated as ever because I did not know where I belong in this college life. It also brought me to the point where I actually questioned my ethnic background and whether it was worth it being Hmong or believing in the culture.

Long story short, I began researching about the Hmong culture and my parents history and have then recovered from the depression later in the Spring. Since then I appreciated being Hmong and have a sense of self-pride and appreciation.

I think college is lonely but it also was where I had the greatest times of my years.

I had quite the opposite experience. I applaud you for overcoming the depression. :) kudos to you.

I went through loneliness and I embraced it. It made me stronger, it made me feel more powerful as if to say "I don't need people, I can do this on my own!"
And it worked.

There was always Hmong people around.  I even tried hanging with them several times each semester. Sadly, I was more comfortable with a mix group of people when we stuck in this pos elevator that for some ungodly reason just froze. there was like 2 white girls, 2 black guys, an asian girl, a flip person, one other person. i felt more comfortable being with them, we joked about how the elevator says it holds like 20 people, it barely held 8 of us. 
I wondered why I was more comfortable with people who I don't have any obvious similarities to vs people who I share a culture and ethnicity with.

And then I met more people and studied with classmates.  And that's when I realized why I was more comfortable with these guys.  I was more comfortable because I see the world in color. I didn't enjoy being with just one ethnicity. I enjoyed being surrounded by wonderful people so I can hear all of their vast stories. Rather than walk into a room where I can point out how we are all obviously alike, I enjoyed it more when I went in knowing nothing and embraced the person and learned about them.

That's not to say I had my share of depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. I did have those. But they felt so mild compared to the enjoyment I had.



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Offline hyaaj

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Re: College is lonely? anyone?
« Reply #34 on: June 28, 2015, 11:12:58 PM »
lol true i am alone at college, i dont have any friend and i have a hard time making friends :"( sad aint it



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Offline Sleipnir

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Re: College is lonely? anyone?
« Reply #35 on: July 01, 2015, 10:50:42 AM »
lol true i am alone at college, i dont have any friend and i have a hard time making friends :"( sad aint it

Bummer...  My first year in college I was pretty shy and stayed locked up as well...  But man, like someone else posted, first house party i ever went to... there was no turning back...  I got bit by the social bug.

And once you start to know people and they know you, word tends to spread as you get pulled into the crowd at school.  That was my experience anyway.... 

"oh, you're the guy they were talking about who knows a ton about fixing and tuning cars..."

"oh, you're the guy who is taking Organic Chem..  I need help..."

"oh, you're the guy who lives in a house off campus, we need to party sometime..."

It all just comes once you hit that first domino...  just go with it, man...  Good luck and relax and have fun...  Like I always tell people...  College is 50% academically challenging, and 50% socially challenging...





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Offline hyaaj

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Re: College is lonely? anyone?
« Reply #36 on: July 01, 2015, 11:36:47 PM »
Bummer...  My first year in college I was pretty shy and stayed locked up as well...  But man, like someone else posted, first house party i ever went to... there was no turning back...  I got bit by the social bug.

And once you start to know people and they know you, word tends to spread as you get pulled into the crowd at school.  That was my experience anyway.... 

"oh, you're the guy they were talking about who knows a ton about fixing and tuning cars..."

"oh, you're the guy who is taking Organic Chem..  I need help..."

"oh, you're the guy who lives in a house off campus, we need to party sometime..."

It all just comes once you hit that first domino...  just go with it, man...  Good luck and relax and have fun...  Like I always tell people...  College is 50% academically challenging, and 50% socially challenging...
i am no social person but i made a friend yesterday lol she need my help 4 for our exam :P lol  O0



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Offline hyaaj

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Re: College is lonely? anyone?
« Reply #37 on: July 01, 2015, 11:37:54 PM »
Join a fraternity/sorority of you are lonely...I was the same until I joined a Fraternity and now I have plenty or sometimes too many friends...LOL
its a city college no  fraternity/sorority



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Offline anonymouse

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Re: College is lonely? anyone?
« Reply #38 on: July 02, 2015, 01:07:30 AM »
its a city college no  fraternity/sorority

There should be some student organizations.  There usually are.  Some for specific majors or special interests.

Either way.  You'll have to step out of your comfort zone if you want to be involved.  The greek life itself can be a scary place if you don't know anyone and are trying to get in.



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Offline thePoster

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Re: College is lonely? anyone?
« Reply #39 on: July 05, 2015, 01:51:24 PM »
Think college is fun?

Wait till you start making in the real world and you can drop money like it's nothing and go places on a whim.  YOu'll then be having fun... but I guess only if you're single.

College is fun too, what you got going for yourself is youth. 


When I was taking a class last spring semester.. I wouldn't say I was lonely... I was just upset I couldn't go out!    My friend be like "c'mon man, you don't need to study"

I'd be like "I want to go too but I have to study".

It sucked alot... test or quiz basically every week.  I was working a full time job too.  By the time I got done with work and school, I' wouldn't get home till 9... and then go to the gym too.. it'd be 11-12 before I could go to sleep and then wake up at 5 to go to work...  didn't have time to study on the weekdays... I had to wait till the weekend to study.  Sucked... The weekdays I didn't go to class, I just go to the gym and catch up on my sleep.

But I ended up with an A in that class.



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I went through all 15k posts and those 2 quotes I found were the only ones so I guess that would make it "everytime".  Feel free to go through all 15k posts and verify by quoting them all.  You need to quote them all to verifying prove "everytime".   Please verify that Im wrong.

Offline thePoster

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Re: College is lonely? anyone?
« Reply #40 on: July 05, 2015, 01:57:00 PM »
Dang, I just read some of yalls post...


Depression?!? How do you folks even get that way?


I never understood people and their "emotional problems"...

I think everyone is capable of being in control of their mental state.







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I went through all 15k posts and those 2 quotes I found were the only ones so I guess that would make it "everytime".  Feel free to go through all 15k posts and verify by quoting them all.  You need to quote them all to verifying prove "everytime".   Please verify that Im wrong.

Offline anonymouse

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Re: College is lonely? anyone?
« Reply #41 on: July 05, 2015, 08:03:55 PM »
Dang, I just read some of yalls post...


Depression?!? How do you folks even get that way?


I never understood people and their "emotional problems"...

I think everyone is capable of being in control of their mental state.

Pressure, loneliness stress, lack of sleep, illness, death or loss, major events, social anxiety, anxiety, regret, guilt, bully, and dozens of other things starts to weigh you down.  The reasons are endless.  It all starts to come together and sink in.  We're not alone.  Alot of college students goes through this. 

Before you understand the situation, you have to understand what depression is and what can cause it.  And you must understand that it can happen to anybody.  You just don't know till it happens.  Your friend may seem perfectly healthy and you may think they are ok.  But deep inside they are in a world of pain and torment. Sometimes you can clearly see telltale signs.  But sometimes you can't.

You want to know what some people say when you try to talk to them?  "Just drink a beer"  "Don't overdo it"  "You're just thinking too much"  "Relax, it'll all be gone in a few days"  "Lets just go out, have some fun and you'll get over it"  "Man up" "stop being a pansy" 

I'm sure you've some stuff like these before.  One of the most useful ways to get over depression,anxiety and so on is to talk about it.  It helps talk about it to clear the air.  Talking helps.
But when you don't have any friends,  you're thousands of miles from home, you don't know who to turn to.  Yea it gets really hard.

I didn't find out till my graduating year (5th year) that we had a therapist on campus that we could see.  If it took me 5 years to find that out, wonder how many years it'll take for others to find out.  And it's not like I'm blind to what's on campus.  I see alot, I know alot about the campus since so many of my friends are the tour guides, but they've never been told about it either. 

Just to pinpoint situations to help you understand why some go through it:

I had a classmate, lets call her Mai.  She is a very bright student.  Very cheerful, friendly for the most part.  She's the youngest in her family.  The first to make it this far.  Her 2 older brothers, started 1 semester of city college and dropped out and are now working in warehouse jobs.  Her sister started city college, but didn't make it passed the first semester before she got hooked on drugs and whatnot and her life went down the dumps.  She's recovering now.

Growing up.  She was pressed to be the best.  She was held to a higher standard.  She was "the last chance" at a college degree for her family.  She was an A student in high school, taking honors and whatnot.  She got to college. Went directly to a state college.  Her passion was in Nursing. But nursing is so impacted, that she ended up as a double major while she was waiting.  It just took longer and longer to get into the nursing program.  It started to cause her to doubt herself.  She didn't have much friends because she was busy studying 24/7, her family lives about 7 hours away.  No friends nearby, no families nearby, she didn't want to call home and tell them her grades were slipping.  She didn't want to dissapoint them again.  She wanted to be the one.  But the doubt, the wait, it all started to weigh down and she got really depressed.  I didn't meet her till after her depression ended, which began to end when her family came to visit her as a surprise.  They visited her, took her out to eat.  She didn't tell them anything that was going on.  But the thing that stood out was when they were leaving they told her "Whatever happens, what you do,  we will always be proud of you for giving it your all, We just want you to be happy."  And that helped her up. 

-
One of my closest friend at school told me the story about her friend, lets call her Sue, who had passed away.  Sue and her sister were foster children from the age of 9 and 11.  Father was an abusive alcoholic.  Mother was hooked on drugs.  Parents divorced when she was 5, drunk dad tried to molest her and her older sister.  Mother found out and divorced and about a year later thats when her mother got hooked on drugs.  It began with a few puffs of weed a day, eventually she wanted to keep feeling the "high" cause it took the stress of single parenting off of her, so she was introduced to harder stuff and she got hooked.   Sue and her sister went for days scrounging up whatever food they had left.  Didn't have much clothes, barely got any sleep.  There was always noise in the house. Her  mom's boyfriend attempted to rape them several times. Mom was too drugged up to say anything.  Eventually a teacher called CPS cause she was worried and after a long case, it was chosen that it's best to take Sue away. Her dad was considered for her to be living with again, but he was nowhere to be found.  They couldn't contact him.  So Sue and her sister went from one fosterhome to the next.  She did well in school and got excepted into college via scholarships.  Her sister just simply "aged out" of the foster system.  Her sister met some "friends." while Sue tried to go to college but it all started to crash from there.  She had trouble getting a place of her own to stay, she didn't have someone to co-sign the lease with her.  She didn't have friends.  Then when winter, spring, and summer break came along, most people would visit families.  Where would she go?  Visit her foster parents?  Or visit her sister?  She visited her sister, and her sister was often doing drugs.  She got hooked on it too.  Then she had ptsd while she was at school.  It wasn't ever clear if it was drugs or everything that happened causing it.  She ended up committing suicide.

And that's just 2 of the many stories I've heard and been told by classmates.
It happens to anyone.  You can see the vulnerability and who it can affect when you go to a suicide prevention walk.  Firefighters, teachers, students, etc.  Doesn't matter who, doesn't matter what profession,  depression, anxiety, suicide, can happen to anyone and everyone.

-----------------


Things happen and you just can't control or just aren't ready for it.  It's not a matter of being in control of your mental state, it's a matter of knowing what to do when you crash.  And that's something alot of us don't learn till after it happens.  Or in some cases, you just never know because you haven't experienced it.

  You can prep and prep and prep.  But even the most prepared person can still crash when depression hits because it's unexpected.  It doesn't always just pop up one morning, most of the time, it's like a slow burn, slowly building and burning overtime till eventually it hits the cap and then down you go.

One of the reasons why your experience is different is because you have friends with you.  Your situation of not being able to go out is different from one who is lonely since you weren't alone. You had people there with you, possibly even to support, people to surround yourself with.  So you never had the feeling of depression and whatnot. And I'm not saying this as a knock on you.  College is tough, and we all tend to believe we got it, especially at the beginning.  But as the years goes by, with each and every tick of the clock, it gets tougher and tougher.
It's the reason some consider college "the place where dreams goes to die." You can go in all positive and have dreams of being an artist, of being a teacher, but college changes your dreams.  I know many people I met freshman year that said "i want to be a biologist" "I want to be a teacher"  "I want to get my PHD in ..."  "I want to be a cop" "I want to be a CJ student"  and then I meet them 2 or so years later and they'll say "I'm a business major, it's the safe major to go."   Painful to hear, someone with such high enthusiasm and belief in their self start off big and then go "the safe route."

Everyone is different.  Everyone goes through life differently.  You can't possibly understand someone else unless you were directly walking in their shoes as them.  People will always say the rhetoric and often offensive thing of "I understand"  I know how you feel" "I was in a similar situation"  and "I know the feeling, I felt that way when ...."  The truth is. YOU DON'T know the feeling.  And that's not to say, you don't know because you've never been in the situation.  You don't know because you are not them.  No amount of telling someone about experiences is going to get them to feel what the person felt when they going through it. 

We're all different people. We all go through life differently.



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Offline anonymouse

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Re: College is lonely? anyone?
« Reply #42 on: July 05, 2015, 08:08:31 PM »
To all who has expressed depression or some form of it. 

Take it from me.  Someone who went through depression, anxiety and loneliness.  Someone who still faces it today but in a lighter way.

Don't believe the naysayers that says you are weak or that you are mentally incapable of keeping your head up.
Tell them to duck off. They don't know what you've been through.  They don't know what it's like to be you.

It takes alot of courage to step out of the shadows and admit you've been facing such mental challenges. 
Some people just refuse to accept it as real and just don't understand it.  Things like depression are nothing to joke about.  It's nothing to be ashamed of admitting.
Yes it can feel shameful to admit you have it.  But it will help you recover, you'll be able to find people to help you get over it.

The first step to finding a positive solution is to admit that you have it.  You don't have to admit to anyone, you just have to admit it to yourself.
It helps allow you to talk about it.  Talking about it helps you clear the air, drop the load of deadweight, and helps you get over it.



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Offline Giggles_Shyly

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Re: College is lonely? anyone?
« Reply #43 on: July 14, 2015, 01:48:06 PM »
No it wasn't >:( it was fun and exciting, lots of activities and interactive social committees/clubs/various things to do :)



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Offline Giggles_Shyly

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Re: College is lonely? anyone?
« Reply #44 on: July 14, 2015, 01:59:13 PM »
lol I know I'm still in it...even in the summer  :'(

Well then, you best join them clubs and committees and mingle O0 :D



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“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.”

 

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