Dear NV....

[LELIA]

Dear NV,

I miss you terribly and I wish I could change so many things but I can't. I wish I could tell you everything that's been lingering in my heart since you've arrived into my heart.  I wish you could hear every thump of my heart but you can't and that's why I'm without you.  I could have loved to keep you for myself.   I would have wanted you just for me and no one else but how could I be so selfish as that too?  So being unselfish I'm going to put it all here so that I can get it all out of my system.  I wanted you NV the first time you said "hello" to me.  I felt my heart jumpstart, I felt the chills go down my body, I felt my teeth chatter because I wanted you at "hello" already.  your every morning "hellos" and "good-nites" held my heart hostage but I tried to be strong every moment to not show you that I was weakened by you.  I tried to be brave and unfoolish, I tried to be practical and responsible without reacting to what I felt because my heart has always lead me astray.  I tried my best to follow what was logical and rational but by doing that I lost you.  I've realized how much I've fallen inlove with you but was too stubborn to admit it and how dumb I was to try to hide it and now I've lost you... the man who gave me everything but I was a fool to have not accepted it.  I'm so sorry sweetie. I really am. Now you know.

Always,

Lelia

[LELIA]

Dear NV,

this morning i had a dream about you.  I had dreamt I woke up to your laughter.... woke up to your body next to mine.  All i could remember was your smile... the happiness on your face.  Everything ended way too fast and I could not get a grasp of you.  Just when we were inches away from having all our dreams come true...it vanished as quickly as it came.  Now... it's all gone and just like my dream this morning... I woke up to nothing.

Lelia

[LELIA]

Dear NV,

7 days of nothing but just being together never became reality.  I was a day late and a dollar short on the opportunity. i had all these places i wanted to see with you.  I was even looking forward to my piggy back ride from you as we played on the beaches. .. and camping at the shoreline to watch the sunrise and sunset every morning by your side.  Well.. all that's gone so I'll just get back to work and forget that the last few months happened.  In time I will forget your laughter, your voice and your name will just be a distant memory.  Perhaps in a few months I would be able to stand face to face with you without this ache in my heart  and w/o tears in my eyes. Until than I will just let this ticket be a reminder of never to act of impluse as it was a big price to pay. 


Lelia

[LELIA]

Dear NV...

I awaited at the same spot I've been waiting for you for the last few months, you came and yet tou didn't even bellow a "hello". Instead you walked as if you didn't see me at all.  It felt weird because I was expecting a "hello beautiful lelia" but I got nothing.

I must confess that I'm happy you departed from me because I would have only hurted "us" if you would have stayed.  I wouldn't have been able to keep you because in the long run I would have had to let you go. For the moment I had you, you had shown me that it was ok to feel for someone.  You had shown me that it was ok to love someone and I thank you for that.

Our time was too short and all I can do now is watch you walk away. Well...today I will not watch anymore and I will live each and everyday because I owe it to myself to live the best life I could. Today...my heart hurts no more..today I bury you and I will mourn no more for the lost of you.  I will only liveso that I can forget you.

Good-bye,
Lelia

[LELIA]

Dear NV,

Old habits die hard.  It was just natural for me to run to you when I needed to last nite.  I'm sorry.  I will delete your number out of my phone so that I do not have tendency to run to you again.  The truth is that I've been so lonely that when you came along.. you took away that loneliness...a nd now that you've left... that loneliness has settled back in and it's been hard for me.  My nights have been so long without the echoes of your laughter and without hearing your voice to tell me stories at night.  It's gonna be a great change for me but I know I will make it through all this.  I just need to adjust to not hearing your "good-night beautiful" anymore.  The hardest part has been watching you walk away and feeling the coldness from you.....
I'm glad i have so many projects to keep me occupied so that during the day....I can at least forget you....but the nites will be long...and lonely without you.  

I can only wish you the best as i couldn't give you the best of what you wanted....but I will await for the day when you are back at my doorstep.

Lelia

[LELIA]

WAITING.....


Today I cry for only reasons we know why...
Today I am lonely because the one person who I needed most walked away...
Today even my one wish couldn't be caught in a sky full of stars...
So today I now know you no longer are WAITING...

Your dreams were about to come true but you opened your eyes...
You woke up too early before your dreams could evolve...
It was never forever you would have had to wait...
Your wait would've just been til tomorrow, but you are no longer WAITING....

You found the love you've been waiting for all these years...
You shouldn't have ever let it go as it never wanted to be set free....
You found me and yet you purposely lost me...
Your dreams were just about to come true, but you are no longer WAITING...

It's like waking up before your dream could ever manifest into something...
it's like thirsting for water and dying right before that first drop landing on your lips...
It's like reaching the gates of heaven and being resuscitated back to life...
Today.. you took your love away and you are no longer WAITING.....

[LELIA]

Dear NV...

When you were with me daily.. I ran out of words to say. Now that i'm without you.. I have so much to say but you are no where for me to say them to you.  So i'll put them here and seal them away and hope that someday you'll come across these letters and know how much you meant to me... in a way that you had never thought you did.

I have this coldness in my body that I can't explain. Perhaps it's from a broken heart.. perhaps it's from a bad heart... perhaps it's from an aching heart but i can feel the coldness linger all the way to my toes.  The thought of how it's over now just pains me so much. How could I have pushed you away?  I had thought we were on the same page. I had thought you wanted me as much as I wanted you. I had thought every morning... I'd hear your voice...and every nite... i'd hear your voice before I dosed off. Now.. i wake up to silence...and every nite I've been going to bed in the stillness of the night. 

You.... you jumpstarted this heart and didn't wait for it to heat up ....and now.. it's heated...and there is no longer a driver. Now.. it's overheated and is about to explode. Now... it will just idle until it slowly dies back down...and hopefully this heart of mine won't ever get jumpstarted again. 


Lelia

[LELIA]

I waited for someone like you for so long...
When you arrived it was so surreal...
I couldn't decipher what was real anymore...
You caught my heart when you whispered, "the heart can lie, but it can also love. So keep your heart well, and it can love wonderfully, instead of lying."
My heart was skeptical but you shown it that luv is real...
Though the lips hesitated to say the word "I luv u"..
The heart whimpered those words each time it heard your voice...
The heart skipped a beat each time it screamed your name...
Yet it screamed in silence and so you did not hear its calls...
Now the heart cries out your name...
And where are you?
Its screaming..yel ling..searchin g...

"Hello? Are u there?"

[LELIA]

Dear NV,

Today..I drove to the airport and watched as my plane to you took off. My heart was torn as - watched it soar. My heart whimpered out cries and I was still grounded.

Lelia

[LELIA]

Dear NV,

I'm so glad and proud of your debut! Business is business and so I will purchase and donate 5 tickets for you to give away to the less fortunate. Dependent upon tis wkend, I may be able to purchase 5 more but tis is to show u tat regardless of what happened personally it will not affect us business wise.

Lelia

[LELIA]

Dear NV,

Last nite I felt the loneliness kick in hard.  So use to hearing your voice before night closes and last nite i almost balled cause I was so lonely.  Thank god for my my bff. If it wasn't for him... I'd die of loneliness but it's nothing like talking to you.  Yes, he kicked me a few times too because I didn't react upon emotions with you. I know I will be ok because I made the logical...rati onal right decision. I know I will often regret that I made such a logical decision but in time I know it's the right decision.

Lonely,
Lelia

[LELIA]

Dear NV,

I'm trying to make plans to come out there. Its really hard because w/o you as a reason, its pointless to come. We'll see if I sum up enough guts to do it again.

Today, I just wanna cry but I'm not gonna because tears are for fools only.

Lelia

[LELIA]

Dear NV,

Tonight on my way home from the biz, I cried and I mean I literally cried out loud. I thought about all how every night you worried about me and kept me company on my drives home..how no matter how busy you were you were never too busy for me...how you were so very considerate of my feelings that no matter where or what you were doing you kept me close. Tonight I felt like I made the biggest mistake emotionally but as I got closer to home I wiped my tears because no matter how many cries I cry, you'll never return back to me.

Good bye,
Lelia

[LELIA]

On my way home tonight I saw thousands of stars, I saw 1 extremely bright one...that was the one that I wanted to reach out and grab so I could put it into my pocket. That star had your name written on it. When I reached to grab that star so I could put it into my pocket, it was so far from my reach that I almost fell off the ledge of the earth trying to grasp it. I managed to balance myself off the ledge and looked down, the edge was pretty deep and I saw my life flash before my eyes. I saw my soul lost in your pupils, I saw my kiss stamped on your lips, I saw my hand reaching out for yours but you pulled back yours and didn't even motion to catch me if I fell. Right there and then I managed to balance myself and walked away before that star could sparkle and tempt me again to try to reach for it again. Perhaps such shiny star is only for me to admire from afar as its too far for my reach.  I know the earth will continue to rotate and with each rotation I'm sure it'll bring me closer to that bright star for me to admire and hopefully bring it closer to my reach. Until than my shiny star I will just admire you from afar as your brightness can only captivate my heart from a distance.

Good night shiny star,
Lelia