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Author Topic: Fighting For My Life  (Read 103616 times)

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NkaujNom

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Re: Fighting For My Life
« Reply #15 on: June 22, 2011, 10:14:46 PM »
Also they’ll leave you alone if you go beat up their boyfriend instead.

...:2funny:

Entire journal content: :'(

I've been in physical fights before (not as extreme as yours) as a child and I understand that they're never fun. Still to this day, it's very difficult to sink in that children could fight each other like the lowest of beasts. As children, we always want happy memories with loving parents/ guardians/ and friends. For some of us, that's just not always the case.

At least, I am happy that those days of excruciating pain during your childhood are no more for you and that you are here. I hope for plenty of blissful days to come your way.



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Offline VillainousHero

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Re: Fighting For My Life
« Reply #16 on: June 22, 2011, 10:40:39 PM »
...:2funny:

Entire journal content: :'(

I've been in physical fights before (not as extreme as yours) as a child and I understand that they're never fun. Still to this day, it's very difficult to sink in that children could fight each other like the lowest of beasts. As children, we always want happy memories with loving parents/ guardians/ and friends. For some of us, that's just not always the case.

At least, I am happy that those days of excruciating pain during your childhood are no more for you and that you are here. I hope for plenty of blissful days to come your way.

I've been in so many fights, I no longer remember.  It's just become typical experience.  It's one thing to fight off an aggresor and totally different to fight with the intention to harm.  It's just a surprise that nothing lethal has ever happend and if it did, I never heard of it afterwards.



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The real villain is looking at you.  The last hero was just not true.  If everything works out in the end.  It's because all things make amends.

NkaujNom

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Re: Fighting For My Life
« Reply #17 on: June 22, 2011, 10:54:07 PM »
I've been in so many fights, I no longer remember.  It's just become typical experience.  It's one thing to fight off an aggresor and totally different to fight with the intention to harm.  It's just a surprise that nothing lethal has ever happend and if it did, I never heard of it afterwards.

From my perspective, I would consider your experiences lethal... in a metaphorical way. Many people, including children, are afraid of death because they are unsure of what happens afterward. I've observed that most people fight just to hurt one another either to defend themselves, to scare their victims, or to hold their "ranks"; not to literally murder.

Bullying still happens to this very day, especially at school. There are many schools that would just rather not have anything to do with it. I think this is a serious epidemic we on the face of the Earth cannot entirely rid. People think and act too differently.


« Last Edit: June 22, 2011, 11:02:04 PM by NkaujNom »

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Offline VillainousHero

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Re: Fighting For My Life
« Reply #18 on: June 22, 2011, 10:57:30 PM »
There's always that chicken kick game that boys play on the monkey bars and somehow it always ends up in a fight.  I guess some kids are just sore losers.  Like usual bigger kids always think that they have a weight advantage.  However one also has to consider individual strength as well.  I still remember playing that chicken kick game against kids in ages up to 15 years old while I was merely only about 6 or 7 years old.  I still remember the few people who cheats by trying to kick your face or your hands.  I remember some bloody wounds and then somehow we all agree to a no shoe contest afterwards.

So it goes that one day of playing the chicken kick game, I was caught by the bigger kid's legs.  Size has it's advantage since I needed to move one more monkey bar to be able to get in reach of him.  That guy basically put his whole weight on me, thinking that I would give but I didn't.  I held him for several minutes, while squirming whenever I can to get out of the leg lock grip he had on me.  My hands were about to give, but then the guy's hands gave out.  He went down and his head basically hit sand first.  It was a first, that I had seen anyone's head hitting the ground first.  He got up a few moments later and he was pissed, while I was still celebrating my victory doing the monkey swing celebration.

Next thing I knew he's throwing sand at me and then followed with some punches.  I had no idea so I just did the natural reaction of wild kicking.  Must had landed a few good ones on him for him to back off or I was just too wild.  I drop down pissed off as ever and looked the guy straight i the eye.  Next thing I knew he took off!.  I was going to chase him but I still had sand in my eyes.  For some reason, I don't ever remember us playing that chicken kick game on the monkey bars ever after that.

I still have the unofficial claim as king of the monkey bar chicken kick champ...chimp really.



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Offline VillainousHero

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Re: Fighting For My Life
« Reply #19 on: June 22, 2011, 11:18:18 PM »
From my perspective, I would consider your experiences lethal... in a metaphorical way. Many people, including children, are afraid of death because they are unsure of what happens afterward. I've observed that most people fight just to hurt one another either to scare their victims or hold their "ranks", not to literally murder.

Bullying still happens to this very day, especially at school. There are many schools that would just rather not have anything to do with it. I think this is a serious epidemic we on the face of the Earth cannot entirely rid. People think and act too differently.

Seeing street fights break out in front of me, do not phase me at all.  It never surprises me how white boys are the most cowards, yet they start the most fights.  It also never surprises me how black boys always throws the first punch.  The Asians or in my case Hmong boys mostly sucker punch only.  To diffuse fight with white boys, it's bringing up the obvious that you're here to enjoy your time and so are they so just let it be.  For black boys, you need to take out his closest buddy and they'll usually back off.  If you get physical with the aggressor, his posse will gang up on you.  For the Asians/Hmong boys, it's a numbers thing.  They wont start anything if there's less of them.  Everybody is diffferent, but that generalization works pretty well.

Knowing what I know, I'm still dumbfounded why I never pull a lethal move on anyone.  Maybe it just never occur to me at the moment that my aggressor has intention to seriously send me six feet under.  I think that would kind of require an after action review to assess the risks involved.  Something this stupid kid don't even give a second thought too, till years later. 

Bullies do need to be smacked.  It's when they know that they can get hurt, they'll back off.



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Offline VillainousHero

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Re: Fighting For My Life
« Reply #20 on: February 18, 2014, 02:09:12 AM »
I can't believe it's been so long since I've posted here...still life in itself is still a fight for survival everyday.

I remember while being in the military when I had one extremely lousy commander.  However as it goes, while we were awaiting deployment in Georgia and living in cold humid barracks, I fell terribly ill.  Then they shipped us out to Germany.  Well it didn't help at all either.  I was still in a cold humid environment... turns out I succumbed to bronchitis.  Well it could have been pneumonia for all I know and military doctors are just plain lazy.  The gave me some pretty potent medicine that also basically left me bed ridden.  I swear I felt like I was lying on my death bed for the next two weeks.   I was weaken to the point where I felt utterly useless.   During this deployment I also failed my physical fitness test for the very first time in my life and I couldn't not recover afterwards.   I went from being able to bench over 390 lbs and leg press over 1200 lbs to being so weak, I couldn't even bench the bare bone bar.   For the first time it also took me over 12 minutes to run one mile and I needed to run two miles.

Anyway the most important thing about going on deployment was the opportunity to go to leadership school to get promoted.  Well when I asked my commander why I still haven't been scheduled to leadership school...That selfish bastard basically didn't have a good answer.   Heck I was doing the entire mission's work of more than two level above my rank.   Yet I wasn't even being slotted to go to leadership school for promotion.   The worst thing was that I was the only person in all of the entire reserve army that could do the job.   Even more idiotic was I able to perform the job better than any of the active military counterpart... I had to also even help out both the Navy and Air Force people get their act together.   Well after all that was said and done....not a single person actually really thanked me.   Sure I got the typical thank you that everybody get cookie cutter thank you letter.  But what burns me most of all is that I'm just a Hmong person and they just didn't give a coot how much I fought to fix all of their mistakes.   I think that was really the issue...I saw their mistakes and I fixed it.



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The real villain is looking at you.  The last hero was just not true.  If everything works out in the end.  It's because all things make amends.

zena

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Re: Fighting For My Life
« Reply #21 on: February 19, 2014, 06:30:38 PM »
Glad to see you writing again.

You surely deserve more credit.  It's unfortunate that these things go unappreciated.  You have a good heart.  I think some people are just born with a good heart even after being put under so much pain.



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Offline VillainousHero

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Re: Fighting For My Life
« Reply #22 on: February 20, 2014, 09:11:31 AM »
Glad to see you writing again.

You surely deserve more credit.  It's unfortunate that these things go unappreciated.  You have a good heart.  I think some people are just born with a good heart even after being put under so much pain.

Thank you for your reply.   I just think that God is testing me, even though it's more like God is punishing me.  Although it's more like kind people will always be taken advantage of.



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The real villain is looking at you.  The last hero was just not true.  If everything works out in the end.  It's because all things make amends.

minorcharacter

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Re: Fighting For My Life
« Reply #23 on: February 20, 2014, 09:18:40 AM »
Mister Villain,

Make a list.  I have a half tank of gas and a list of people to beat up.  You do mine, and I'll do yours. 



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Offline VillainousHero

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Re: Fighting For My Life
« Reply #24 on: February 20, 2014, 09:44:21 AM »
I used to believe that it would be worth it to fight for love.  Maybe it still is, but at this point in life, it's not.  Since love can either be a strength or weakness, it just depends on which cycle it falls upon.   Every fight is different, the meaning for the fight, the reason for the fight, the resolve for the fight.   For every ebb and flow in the force, there's also a pause in between.  When the longest pause comes, it's a prelude for the biggest ebb or flow of destruction and chaos.

If I was to win at love, I suppose I would still feel that love could conquer all obstacles.  However since I lose at love again, I have to default that love is a very weak force.  After all I have two children to raise with love and kindness.  In essence I was the single parent all of their lives, since their mom was never in any shape or form a mother to them other than giving birth to them.  Never would I had thought I would end up with such a person who's transgression goes beyond my imagination.   I think that the post-pregnancy depression is a lousy excuse for a mother's negligence of their own child to the point of passive homicidal attempts.   Let's just say that I will kill to protect my children, even if it was their mother.   Pause right there.

Is this how love changes...or my reason(s) changes?  It's not that I don't love my wife, it's that my love doesn't matter to a heartless person.  So heartless that she will kill her own children just so she can go out and have fun.  I have no idea of what she consider's fun, but adultery seems to be a big part of it.  What can I say, once a cheater is always a cheater.   The elder's advice of loving your wife too much and she will turn on you.  Yes, there was wisdom in that.  I regret accepting her and being used by her.  I regret bringing into this world two children that will face a lot of hardship yet to come in their lives.  However I cannot live my life in regret.  Pause right there.

I have to live for my children.  I have to fight for my children.  Nobody knows how to be a parent until it's too late and I'm no exception.  I do hate being stuck on pause or attempting to climb out of a pit that's keeps getting bigger and deeper.  I grow weary of life in itself.  Yet I still have no idea why I'm thankful for being alive.  For my salvation, for my next life, for my children...



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Offline VillainousHero

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Re: Fighting For My Life
« Reply #25 on: February 20, 2014, 09:45:58 AM »
Mister Villain,

Make a list.  I have a half tank of gas and a list of people to beat up.  You do mine, and I'll do yours. 

LOL...my only problem is that I might end up killing people while trying to scare them.



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The real villain is looking at you.  The last hero was just not true.  If everything works out in the end.  It's because all things make amends.

minorcharacter

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Re: Fighting For My Life
« Reply #26 on: February 20, 2014, 09:50:10 AM »
I'm absolutely okay with that.  =D



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Offline VillainousHero

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Re: Fighting For My Life
« Reply #27 on: March 01, 2014, 02:27:27 PM »
I'm trying to fight back the tears.  I just lost vision in one eye.  I don't want to go blind yet.  I still want to see my children grow up.  See if I may still have love in my life.

I know she tells me that she will probably burn in hell.  I said to her, no she won't because the devil wouldn't want her.  Actually I would've fought off heaven and collide that into hell, just for her.  So that she wouldn't burn in hell.  Oh and kill a god or two in the process, if I have to do the impossible.

I think my vision lost might be permanent now.  Now I understand how a person who's cried so much that their eyes have gone blind.  Now I understand how a person who weeps so much that they can die of a broken heart.  I used to think those were just metaphorically speaking, but in fact those are very real.



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Offline VillainousHero

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Re: Fighting For My Life
« Reply #28 on: April 05, 2014, 04:27:40 AM »
Just fighting for a little bit of peace and sleep.  I work at night leaving for work at 6pm and generally coming home between the hours of 3-5 am in the morning.  My body is beat up and it’s already hard enough to just rest and go to sleep with an aching and hurting body.

It’s so difficult when you have an ex-spouse who still insists on playing her dating games with other people and insists on coming home to sleep under your roof.  Her claimed reason is to help watch the children, like be there to take them to school and be there to bring them home from school.  Yet for the past few months, well like from Oct. of 2013, she has done so little of it up through the month of March 2014.  In fact nearly all of the missed school days for the children was her making them miss the bus stop in the morning.  And then of course when she can’t stand the children pestering her and she feels the need to get away from them.  So then in the end, I have to get up to send the children to school when they miss the bus.  It’s that it’s unnecessary, but she does it to disturb my sleep so I can’t get any sleep in.  Some days I probably get only like about 1 hour of rem sleep.  Most days, I get like a total of 4-5 hours of sleep but broken throughout the day.  It’s no wonder I’m so tired all the time.  This and add into the fear of her doing something crazy like maybe just trying to kill you in your sleep still haunts me at time.  It’s also part of why I constantly have nightmares of always someone trying to kill me.  That makes sleep in itself even more difficult.  I go to a point where I get so tired that when I do finally fall asleep from exhaustion, I sleep like a rock without any sense of what’s happening around me.  I’m usually at my most vulnerable times like these.  It’s also when the ex-spouse steal the truck keys and off she goes to the casino and off she goes to commit adultery.  Yes she usually empties my wallet of any cash, too.

Many times I wake up hours later, the kids are telling me they are very hungry and haven’t eaten anything.  Well that just pisses me off.   Their mother’s negligence and ignoring her kids.  Their mother’s negligence is nothing new.  That’s been happening from the day they were born.  Still with the lack of proper rest and sleep.  I have to fight my exhaustion and get up and cook something to feed my children.  Of course afterwards I’ll be too angry and frustrated to go back to sleep.  Often times, the ex-spouse won’t come home until 24-48 hours later.  She typically claims she’s lost all of the money.  Of which more than likely she lost it and still holds out whatever cash she has left somewhere else.  Because afterwards a few days later, she will still manage to sneak out to the casino…like riding the bus for example and then have money to spend at the casino again.  For someone who has no money, she sure has a lot of money from nowhere to gamble all the time.  Again gambling isn’t the problem, it’s just the symptom.  Getting away from her responsibility as a mother and wife is the problem.  Child negligence, is a normal routine for her.  I cannot fight her on that anymore.  I’m just so tired of her, her negligence.



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The real villain is looking at you.  The last hero was just not true.  If everything works out in the end.  It's because all things make amends.

zena

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Re: Fighting For My Life
« Reply #29 on: April 05, 2014, 06:47:13 PM »
So confusing.  Ex-spouse but lives with you?



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