AznDoll, I know you said you're trying to better yourself and move on. I commend you for that. But it also seems there is alot of resentment that you still have in your heart. With that, you can never truly move on. I remember the time when my fiance/wife cheated on me. It took me many months to come to the realization that, she has forgotten about me. So why am I still punishing myself for what she did? Why do I still blame myself, asking myself.."What did I do to make her want to cheat?"
The only thing I did was not be there physically because I was away at war while in the US NAVY. I hit rock bottom, I can honestly say. AT the time I did not want to get up. Laid in bed all day. The only times I was up was when I was either working, hungry, or had to use the bathroom. That's when I came to the realization that she has moved on. But I also realized that I loved her that much. So, I took solace in knowing that if I had that much love for someone, I can still love the next just the same. Or even more. That gave me great hopes in that one day, instead of hating the world (This is what most people who are heartbroken do. Hate the world), that I can still see the beauty that was within me.
And for that I found closure within myself. I never needed closure from her. It feels better to find yourself within yourself, than try to find yourself in someone else's comfort. Once I did that, I knew I would be better. There was no resentment, the feeling of regret left.
So, if you want to better yourself, you have to let go of all the resentment and regret before you can start healing. If you don't and it consumes you, you'd just end up hating the world.
Topic: Healing is a choice.. (Read 1131 times)