As this year comes to an end, I wanted to reflect upon it.
Ib. 2011 was a year of accomplishment
s for me. I started the year off with a new job. The pay wasn’t much considering I was entering the non-profit world but I managed to pay all my usual monthly bills and still have money leftover to fill these almost empty pockets of mines. First thing I spent my paychecks on was a fish tank. I got myself three beautiful goldfishes to go along with it. As kids, my dad would buy us fishes to raise since we couldn’t have dogs or cats as pets in the house. When he passed, no one really bothered to take care of the fishies and they all ya mus sawm ntuj nrog kuv txiv lawm thiab.
I guess that's where my love for fishies started and I wanted to bring that memory back. One 2011 goal down. Anyways, any extra money also went straight to a “new” used car. The owners (both doctors and damn loaded!!) I bought my baby from were selling their Camry for 11G (only 25,000 miles on it and accident free) so I couldn’t let that offer pass me by. I got my car and it became my new love! We’ve been growing strong ever since I drove it home….hahaha. It’s got some bumps and bruises here and there but it’s nothing big. Under my care, it’s got another guaranteed 10 yrs on it…or so that’s what my brother said. Of course after all that came a new house. This was the first house my family and I ever purchased so it was a milestone in our books. At one point it even saddened me because I wanted my dad to still be here and see it all. It’s been two months since our move and the warmth has filled our new home. I love that there aren’t any ghetto kaydoo or noob taum trying to do crap to our cars, values, and property. But I do miss the city life…the chitter chatters you can hear coming from outside…the cars that constantly drive pass every day. Now it’s just….QUIET. I should bring a little drama to the neighborhood or something. lol.
Ob. Ntses, the one who made it seem so real for me. I spent half a year getting to know him and growing to like him so much. He finally made me realize I wanted an older man who was mature and had his life set out. For once I really wanted to get married....to have babies…to devote myself to my husband for the rest of my life. Too bad he got lured back by his ex-wife after 3 yrs. of them separating. I guess to make me feel better, I kept blaming the wife for being jealous that he was finally moving on and wanting to be with someone new but really it was him. If he had really wanted something with me, he would have said no to her. Despite, time has allowed me to forgive him for hurting me. I really hope he did patch things up and is happy with his little family again. As far as I go….I guess another failed attempt just made me a little more doubtful of ever finding someone who’d really love me. I invested so much time only to find myself standing alone on the road once more. I know I should focus on the good and stay positive but sometimes it’s just so hard to hold that spirit in me when anger, sadness, and frustration knock at the walls all the time. Because of this, I will channel my energy elsewhere for next year
Peb. Another passing in the fam. It came as great shock to me because he committed suicide. Even to this day, I still can’t accept that he’s really gone. Whenever I think about him, I always think about that smile and those sad eyes. They sent two different messages and I often wondered what he was really feeling inside. Wherever he is, I hope he is happy now. I know things were hard on him as he grew into a man...since he felt like there was no family there. This is why I get pissed at parents who act like lawv tseem yog menyuam yaus tsis paub qab hau.
I need a break...