Help My Friend

[yubnag]

Doctor,

My friend's brain is now mushed. Before finally leaving her relationship, she wants to find out how faithful her BF can be, when the relationship started as an affair to begin with!!!

How can I tell her to get the f*ck out? I've tried being understanding (understanding that she loves this jerk), tried being nice (try to accept him after he left his wife), tried being wise (give her my inputs of her relationship), but now, it seems like she's under water.

How can I help her?

She's in too much denial. I even told her flat out that the reason why he hasn't left her yet is because she always manages to stop him from getting into another relationship with another girl.

When that much reality hits someone and they don't realize it, what will it take to help them?

[keng]

 Wow! It is a difficult choice to make. I would probably leave them and have them settle it out. What happened happpens.
In the end, you can only look from faraway. If you try to help, and something goes wrong, you are partially responsible. Just leave it be. If she is not asking for your help, leave it to her to deal with it herself.

[tetrapod]

I would just pretend not to know what's going on.  If you friend keep bring this problem to you, time to end the friendship.

[AOZ]

some ppl are just emotionally unstable.... no matter what.... i'd move on to other things if they don't want help.  got better things to do in this life than worry about that friend who doesn't want help.

[freebird]

Sorry, hon, but your friend's brain was mushed long ago when she thought having an affair with a married man was a bright idea. You can't help someone who doesn't want to help herself. As a friend it is understandable that you care a lot and worry for her, but she is an adult. One whom willingly entered the relationship. Now she will have to walk out of that relationship on her own two feet or crawl out on her knees if need be.

Listen to her if she asks. Give advice if she asks. Lend a shoulder if she asks. But don't feel responsible for her. If she wants to waste her time, amuse her.

 

[yubnag]

Thanks everyone. Sometimes, I wish I don't know her.

[r3b1rth]

Truly honestly... if it's not a relative.  Break off your friendship.  I agree what what Keng said. 

I had a friend in this type of situation.  One of her friends was in a relationship with a girl who was married, but he couldn't let go of his feelings for her and they would see each other in private.  My friend was mad at both of them for being this way, but she was closer to her guy friend.

Anyway, I'm going to say the same thing that I told her.  If she wants you as a friend, she'll honor what you have to say.  Otherwise, she's risking losing your friendship and that's a black and white situation.  Firmness and a strong heart counts here.  It's not a game.  It's the risk that you will have to take, but in the long run, you're helping her out with her situation and she will learn eventually (I mean A LONG LONG LONG time eventually) on her own even if you remain friends with her.

Tough.

[C@$H]

the way to help is to tell her to stick with the man and create a better life.  she's already doing what she needs to keep the man by putting him in check.  understand that she's partially at fault for ruining his previous relationship by having the affair and now she wants to leave?!?!

[non dormis]

How can I help her?

help yourself and stop being her friend.
seriously.

[DonJuan]

Some people like dramas in their life.

Just hang out when you feel like it. Tell her that her private issues belong to her and need to stay with her.

No biggie. 

[Vangpao]

Once a;




Always a;




Hummm...Look closely at the spots.
Did they change?

[Jelicas]

Honestly....pe ople like that annoy me. I would have stopped being her friend knowing that she's capable of breaking off other people's marriages even though it was partially his fault. Karma's a b-itch...that's what she got herself into...if he's willing to cheat on his wife for her, what makes her think he's not going to cheat on her? I understand you're trying to be a good friend, but I would just worry about myself and save the trouble. If you keep trying to help her, you'll drive yourself insane.

[Ajax616]

Doctor,

My friend's brain is now mushed. Before finally leaving her relationship, she wants to find out how faithful her BF can be, when the relationship started as an affair to begin with!!!

How can I tell her to get the f*ck out? I've tried being understanding (understanding that she loves this jerk), tried being nice (try to accept him after he left his wife), tried being wise (give her my inputs of her relationship), but now, it seems like she's under water.

How can I help her?

She's in too much denial. I even told her flat out that the reason why he hasn't left her yet is because she always manages to stop him from getting into another relationship with another girl.

When that much reality hits someone and they don't realize it, what will it take to help them?

If you're her true friend, then stop judging her and labeling her in such a negative way (saying her brain is mush).  She's going through a difficult and sometimes confusing period in her life.  She needs empowering and positive support from you.

[Lady_Fallin]

Love makes us do crazy things. Sometimes, what a friend really needs is just someone to listen to them.  Support them even if their decision seems stupid.

[non dormis]

Love makes us do crazy things. Sometimes, what a friend really needs is just someone to listen to them.  Support them even if their decision seems stupid.

what if they killed someone...