Recently Engaged….

[AF-Wife]

Maybe she's sad that she's going to lose you as a close friend to your new hubby?  Or it could be jealousy?

Sit down and really have a talk with her about the situation.

[boO]

Seriously? You just realise this certain behaviour from your friend now? It's hard for me to believe that out of the blue your friend would suddenly behave like this. Think back, was there any one time during your friendship that your friend display similar reaction towards an incident?

BTW, congrats on your engagement....

[madeup]

congrats!!! ring size doesnt matter, you can upgrade later when you have more money. lol.
some girls are naturally competitive. everything is a competition to them and they always have to be on top.
I had a friend like that in high school. she was very competitive with grades, boyfriends, cars, jobs, money, ect. within our group of friends, she wanted to be the best. she was a nice girl but made very rude insensitive comments and didn't realize it. I stopped being her friend when she dissed my ride. I wanted an Integra, she went and got one. my parents bought me a corolla. she made fun of my car.   

[-HusH-]

softlips,

Thanks! I’m not entirely sure either. Lately she has been making snide comments like “when I hear or see other people getting engaged/ married... I run the other way because I don’t want to do it just because everyone else is doing it” – so perhaps, that explain why she has been so distance... but I’m her friend and I feel like she shouldn’t act that way regardless. Who knows, right? I’ve tried to ask if she’s OK, but she said that she is..

foromosa,
Yes, we are among the same circle of friends... but lately she hasn’t been getting along with any of them either. So I’ve had to divide my time between our friends.. I’ll have to hang out with her one weekend and then with them the next.

Ladylionness,
That’s hard. She has approached me several times regarding appointing her for the maid of honor position and she has asked me several times if she is still in the bridal party.. I’m not sure how to react to that. I just told her that I have to narrow my list down from the 15 friends/ families that I currently have.
I’ve thought about not involving her, but she has been so persistence with setting up appointments to Bridal Shows…

HmoobPahAy,
That would be my ideal solution, but my fiancé wants to have a wedding to include his bestman in the event.


Non dormis,
Thanks! I will let her know that you think she is a “superficial shallow whore”. 


Jon_Jon,
I’ve been very vocal about my concerns. The last time I sat her down to talk to her regarding how I feel, I asked that she “tone” down her negativity and “treat people like how she would like to be treated” .. But she continued to be negative.  She has already asked if she is till a part of the bridal party.. I don’t know how to answer that, because she doesn’t get along with one of my sister .. and I’ve already asked my sister to be one of the bridesmaid. Oh, it only gets more complicated than this.


Primetime,
That seems to be the trend that I’m seeing a lot lately too! Since the engagement, I feel as if I’m being alienated. I’m hoping it’s a phase?


Yajmafia,
Thanks! I hope it’s a phase.


Cash,
Thanks! Yes, I was surprised. It took me a few weeks to adjust to the thought. I do understand her position... I’m not offended by her comment. I’m the girl-next-door-plain-Jane- type; I don’t care for materialistic things. I was more upset that he bought such a pricey ring. I’d rather he save his money for the actual event. As I am coming to find out that having a wedding is not cheap. I guess, I’m upset because I didn’t expect her reaction to be as so. Instead of “congratulation, I’m happy for you, if you’re happy”... It was more of “why are you getting marry? Are you getting married just because everyone else is getting marry? Why do you want an American wedding? Don’t you know, you both still have to do the Hmong wedding?” It made me feel as if, she doesn’t want to see me happy. Oh, Cash … he didn’t go to Jared. lol


Woofwoof,
I agree! Wedding planning is a headache all on it’s own!!


Tetrapod,
What if we can’t recover from this?


AF-Wife,
If she is sad, I can understand. I know both our lives are going to change dramatically. She’s still single and she still does what many single women do – go out, socialize with boys, etc. Unfortunately, my position has changed and I can’t do that with her anymore. But even so, I think it’s possible to have a relationship that doesn’t involve those things...
I did talk to her regarding this... She just keeps telling me she hadn’t notice a change.



Boo,
Thanks! I took a moment to think back to all the events in my life involving her... and you’re right, this isn’t the first time something like this had occurred. I remembered a time I was working so hard for a promotion... I’ve waited a long time to get it. FINALLY, when I got the promotion and raise …. I was so ecstatic to share the news with her. You know what happened? There were no reactions from her. No congratulation . No, you deserve it. She went silent and then started to talk about something entirely different (her boy problems). I didn’t think of anything at that time, because I believed since she was in a crisis with her boyfriend... I can put my excitement aside to help her through her difficult time.
There are more events that I can pin point too, now that you mentioned this. How do you recover from this?



Madeup,
Thanks! Even if she is competitive, I’m not. She can wear the same clothes, shoes, or makeup as me and I don’t care… I guess I feel like  ..these are the happy moments in my life (engagement) … and yet she can’t be happy for me. Is your life better now that you dismissed that friend of yours? Do you regret it?

[DeceiversChick]

My goodness that's not a friend. She sounds like the competitive type who wants everything and anything better than her friends.

I don't know how you didn't realize her behavior. I have a meeka girl friend who is like this. She is very very competitive and it's always on useless things. She use to work at my workplace and there was a Diversity program where if you want to sail a boat  with disabled people in europe you need to write an essay why you should be chosen. I told her I wanted this opportunity and the next day she told me she wants to do it. I said Awesome! Then a week later I changed my mind and then she said OH yea I don't want to do it anymore. WTF? She's a cool friend but I learned to stop telling her things.

[yes]

She envies you.



However, CONGRATULATION S!! The size of the ring will never compare to how his heart is.

[boO]

Boo,
Thanks! I took a moment to think back to all the events in my life involving her... and you’re right, this isn’t the first time something like this had occurred. I remembered a time I was working so hard for a promotion... I’ve waited a long time to get it. FINALLY, when I got the promotion and raise …. I was so ecstatic to share the news with her. You know what happened? There were no reactions from her. No congratulation . No, you deserve it. She went silent and then started to talk about something entirely different (her boy problems). I didn’t think of anything at that time, because I believed since she was in a crisis with her boyfriend... I can put my excitement aside to help her through her difficult time.
There are more events that I can pin point too, now that you mentioned this. How do you recover from this?

Firstly, I commend you for your generous heart. I believe that in order for you to not becomes bitter towards your friend in the long run you either (1) accept that this is who she is and although her competitive nature is taxing she may possess other appealing traits somewhere else. Come on there was something special about her that attracted you to be her friend in the first place. (2) You may need to have a courageous conversation with her as she may not be aware that she is displaying this certain behaviour.  (3) Review your friendship and determine whether this is someone you would want in your life. If not, I suggest for you to slowly weane your ties with her.

Good luck!