Your Opinion: Traditional Hmong Weddings

[silence]

If you could change a thing or two about today's traditional Hmong weddings, what would it be?

Mine would be no more dowry fee.  No money in this world could pay for the hard labor, headaches, worries, etc that a mother goes through to raise her daughter to be come a nyab.  I would rather use that money to make her wedding a memoriable one and/or give it to her to start her marriage with.

[yaweh]

i think you meant the "milk/food" fee...or "nqi mig nqi no".....however, the correct term would be "cow" fee.  the "dowry" fee would be "khoom phij cuam," particularly "lub ncauj tsiag"...aka "nyuj phij tsab neeg phij cuam" given from the bride's parents to the groom.  in weddings, we don't refer to the fee as anything other than "cow."  the reason is...in china, no money was used, instead, cows were used, this is why we dont' say "money," instead, we say "cow" (cow/oxens/chickens are very sacred animals--and valuable--to the mong).

in essence, i do not think you are fully awared of how the these "fees" play the lives of the groom/bride.  it is ok to get rid of it...but keep in mind that a wedding also involves a funeral.  wedding also unites two clans through the bonding of gift exchange.  if no cows were exchanged, "qab hluas niam txiv tsi tuav lawm.."  meaning that the "relationship" will not be there anymore....whi ch also leads to "no promises" of unity between two clans..which also leads to "no niam txiv dab, no cuag, no xov txiv dab etc.." during the bride/groom's death....which MEANS, AT THE FUNERAL OF BRIDE/GROOM, NO ONE WILL BE THERE TO HELP OUT...only the bride/groom and maybe cuab tsav....

in actuality, the groom doesn't loose anything DURING A MONG WEDDING ...and here is why....during a mong wedding, the items exchanged are:

1.  a cow (bride fee...given from groom fee to bride's parents) for the bride...but in return, the groom gets another cow (ncauj tsiag) and the bride
2.  arrows are exchanged (we dont' practice this anymore)...this arrow is the same arrow used to summon "niam txiv dab" upon death of bride/groom
3.  diav, ntsev, tsoj, cawv...chicken s...
4.  MOST IMPORTANTLY... .A DAUGHTER IS PROMISED TO THE TXIV DAB (HIS SON) ONCE THE BRIDE/GROOM HAD THEIR KIDS....TO FURTHER STRENGTHEN THEir UNITY...IN OTHER WORD...A PROMISE TO EXCHANGE FURTHER DAUGTHERS...

in my opinion....we should not get rid of the bride price...instea d we should lower it....there has to be a bride price for both weddings and funerals to exist...so if we can't pay a cow...why not pay a chicken (less money).  this is the only way to keep the tradition alive.

on the other issue regarding the groom not able to pay for a bride price...any groom who is not able to pay for bride price should not get married....it will only cause headaches for themselves and for their parents.  they will end up getting a divorce which will destroy the relationship between the two clans because of the groom's unmanly life.  any man should be able to pay 10k for a wife (the wife is worth billions people...she is the source of life for you and your future....!  i'm sure if you are man enough, you could come up with 10k!!!!!!!!!!!).  i fyou can't pay for your wife, then don't get married....and any bride who marries a LOOOOOOOOOOSER who can't pay fo rhis wife is also a LOOOOOOOOOOOSE R......SO GET THIS THROUGH YORU HEAD PEOPLE....neve r mind the love, the affection...ne ver mind your feelings..."KUV HLUB HLUB NWG LI, KU VYAUV YUAV NWS XWB, tsi muaj nyiaj los its ok"  ....this is your life people...not your fantasies....

advice for women:  if your bf can't pay for you, dont' marry him...he will be a looser all his life...it could be that he is young and has no money yet...BUT HELLO...IT IS PEOPLE LIKE THIS WHO AR EMAKING STUPID DECISIONS ALL THE TIME...AND AT THE WRONG TIME...WITH FANTASY LALALAND THOUGHTS....a woman should outgrow her "blind love" by accepting that any man who can't pay for her is a looser and/or has no respect at all for traditions...O R HIS IS A LOST SOUL WITH NO SENSE OF RESPONSIBLITY. ...DITCH HIM LADIES....HE WILL BE A BAD PROVIDER FOR YOU, you will suffer because he would only rely on others to help out....YOU WILL HAVE HEADACHES THROUGHOUT YOUR LIFE if you marry such a man.

advice for men:  know yourself, know your responsibility ...if you canpt pay ....PLEASE WORK YOUR ASS OFF AND GET THE MONEY TO PAY FOR YOUR WIFE BEFORE YORU WEDDING (remember...you r wilfe is worth billions...and you only have to pay 10k...ITS THE BEST DEAL OF YOUR LIFETIME!!!!).......if you can't pay, hold off the marriage....DO NT' RELY ON YOUR PARENTS...THEY ARE OLD AND FEEBLE...YOU ARE YOUR OWN MAN, TO YOURSELF, YOUR WIFE, AND YOUR PARENTS...BE RESPONSIBLE AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN RESPONSIBILITY AS A MAN.  



yaweh

[Qau]

I have sons of my own. I will explain the importance of drinking with your brother-in-laws until you passed out like your old man and is carried to the car- to my sons.  Yawm yij yawm dab nco ntsoov tej kev sib zeem sib hlub sib khis ua neej ua tsav.

Marrying in a church? " With this ring I take thee to be my wife." Who the f*ck are you people kidding?

[Qau]

F*king dumbaxx... Hmong people do not charge "dowry fee" stupid...  Gosh I hope you are not planning on getting hitch any time soon.   You cannot afford  the money for a wedding then why do you want to get marry for?

[yaweh]

as harsh as qau said...it is true...."i take you to be my...through bad/worst...etc..." is nothing but a charade.  mong, however, does practice that even though they do not say it...think about it...

but of course, in the usa, one little hardship and people grow wings....hahah aahahahaa....

yaweh

[Reporter]

Today, anything goes.

[8v10un30sun]

Only in America we have a bunch of Hmong brothers hahaing about Hmong traditions being changed.  In Laos and Thailand, our very own Hmong people don't even acknowledge their Hmong names and have taken Thai/Laotion name in fear that they will be ostracize from every single minute opportunity because they are Hmong and have a Chinese last name.  Sometimes in life it's easier to blend in then trying to hold onto something that the majority don't see as useful.

I do agree that the wedding rites there do bind two clan, do bind the son to the father, the daugther to the new clan and etc... and the MK are all responsible, but be realistic it's all he said, she said in court when a divorce happens.  You guys talk ideals but when the shit hits the fan, some of you aren't there when your words are given.  That there is why the Hmong laws are OBSOLETE.

[Reporter]

Anything goes these days.

[Reporter]

Nowadays, anything goes.

[freebird]

Almost yog 2012 lawm, anything goes.

[Reporter]

Almost yog 2012 lawm, anything goes.

 

[NceegVaj]

Despicable youths and ignorant people in here. Jeezzzzzzzz... .....

[freebird]

^did you hit a midday epiphany there? 


how was the Lao family rally BTW? oh, that's right. you didn't go, m(r)s Lao family hater cheap talker.

[ice]

I’ve heard that with SOME families, they feel when they’ve paid a bride price…… if they don’t like her, they tend to boss the daughter-n-law around and treat her like a servant at times.  Do you know of anyone in such a situation?  

Also, I heard someone say…..it’s sort like an investment.  When people have to put money towards something, they’re likely to value it more than if they hadn’t invested anything in it.  Do you think that’s somewhat true???  

[NceegVaj]

^did you hit a midday epiphany there? 


how was the Lao family rally BTW? oh, that's right. you didn't go, m(r)s Lao family hater cheap talker.

(((Loads Cum))) -- what was it that you want?