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Author Topic: Your Opinion: Traditional Hmong Weddings  (Read 10951 times)

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Offline Believe_N_Me

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Re: Your Opinion: Traditional Hmong Weddings
« Reply #15 on: March 10, 2012, 09:39:48 AM »
I have sons of my own. I will explain the importance of drinking with your brother-in-laws until you passed out like your old man and is carried to the car- to my sons.  Yawm yij yawm dab nco ntsoov tej kev sib zeem sib hlub sib khis ua neej ua tsav.

Marrying in a church? " With this ring I take thee to be my wife." Who the f*ck are you people kidding?

This only works for mekas because it aligns with their mentality which is deeply-rooted in their religious beliefs. Hmong practicing this is pretty absurd.

When Hmong start to observe other people's customs, they should at least be very educated about why they do what they do.



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yajkuza

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Re: Your Opinion: Traditional Hmong Weddings
« Reply #16 on: April 24, 2012, 02:11:05 PM »

2.  arrows are exchanged (we dont' practice this anymore)...this arrow is the same arrow used to summon "niam txiv dab" upon death of bride/groom

I've only seen the arrow used once.  My dad had a sister cousin that came to America that died without him knowing.  During the funeral her husband and his relative didn't call on my dad and our relatives.  One of the funeral goers tells them that they had asked the wrong Yang guy to come represent the deceased.  Once they get the story straight, the husband's relatives came to our house with the arrow for my dad.  My dad, who didn't know that his sister cousin had died or that she was even here in America made it very hard for those guys.  He wouldn't take the arrow, and those guys had to kneel for a long time.

In the end, my dad had found out that his sister cousin had came to America for about a year, her husband treated her like shit, didn't let her contact or go find her relatives, and died in a car accident when the husband was teaching her at night how to drive.



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Offline Believe_N_Me

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Re: Your Opinion: Traditional Hmong Weddings
« Reply #17 on: May 29, 2012, 08:44:29 PM »
If you could change a thing or two about today's traditional Hmong weddings, what would it be?

Mine would be no more dowry fee.  No money in this world could pay for the hard labor, headaches, worries, etc that a mother goes through to raise her daughter to be come a nyab.  I would rather use that money to make her wedding a memoriable one and/or give it to her to start her marriage with.

You mean the bride price? The bride price is a gesture for parents to show the groom's family how much they value their own daughter. We already know that you can't technically put a price on a person but think of it like the American courts where you're asked to produce something measurable to prove your case. Can you really prove how much someone loves you or not? Technically, no. But the court may ask you to and thus, you must scrounge up gift receipts, cards, pictures, love notes, etc. This is the same intention with the Hmong bride price.

Please do not knock down something because you have adopted a western mentality. Their way is only right for them.



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yuknowthat

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Re: Your Opinion: Traditional Hmong Weddings
« Reply #18 on: June 02, 2012, 11:51:45 AM »
i think you meant the "milk/food" fee...or "nqi mig nqi no".....however, the correct term would be "cow" fee.  the "dowry" fee would be "khoom phij cuam," particularly "lub ncauj tsiag"...aka "nyuj phij tsab neeg phij cuam" given from the bride's parents to the groom.  in weddings, we don't refer to the fee as anything other than "cow."  the reason is...in china, no money was used, instead, cows were used, this is why we dont' say "money," instead, we say "cow" (cow/oxens/chickens are very sacred animals--and valuable--to the mong).

in essence, i do not think you are fully awared of how the these "fees" play the lives of the groom/bride.  it is ok to get rid of it...but keep in mind that a wedding also involves a funeral.  wedding also unites two clans through the bonding of gift exchange.  if no cows were exchanged, "qab hluas niam txiv tsi tuav lawm.."  meaning that the "relationship" will not be there anymore....whi ch also leads to "no promises" of unity between two clans..which also leads to "no niam txiv dab, no cuag, no xov txiv dab etc.." during the bride/groom's death....which MEANS, AT THE FUNERAL OF BRIDE/GROOM, NO ONE WILL BE THERE TO HELP OUT...only the bride/groom and maybe cuab tsav....

in actuality, the groom doesn't loose anything DURING A MONG WEDDING ...and here is why....during a mong wedding, the items exchanged are:

1.  a cow (bride fee...given from groom fee to bride's parents) for the bride...but in return, the groom gets another cow (ncauj tsiag) and the bride
2.  arrows are exchanged (we dont' practice this anymore)...this arrow is the same arrow used to summon "niam txiv dab" upon death of bride/groom
3.  diav, ntsev, tsoj, cawv...chicken s...
4.  MOST IMPORTANTLY... .A DAUGHTER IS PROMISED TO THE TXIV DAB (HIS SON) ONCE THE BRIDE/GROOM HAD THEIR KIDS....TO FURTHER STRENGTHEN THEir UNITY...IN OTHER WORD...A PROMISE TO EXCHANGE FURTHER DAUGTHERS...

in my opinion....we should not get rid of the bride price...instea d we should lower it....there has to be a bride price for both weddings and funerals to exist...so if we can't pay a cow...why not pay a chicken (less money).  this is the only way to keep the tradition alive.

on the other issue regarding the groom not able to pay for a bride price...any groom who is not able to pay for bride price should not get married....it will only cause headaches for themselves and for their parents.  they will end up getting a divorce which will destroy the relationship between the two clans because of the groom's unmanly life.  any man should be able to pay 10k for a wife (the wife is worth billions people...she is the source of life for you and your future....!  i'm sure if you are man enough, you could come up with 10k!!!!!!!!!!!).  i fyou can't pay for your wife, then don't get married....and any bride who marries a LOOOOOOOOOOSER who can't pay fo rhis wife is also a LOOOOOOOOOOOSE R......SO GET THIS THROUGH YORU HEAD PEOPLE....neve r mind the love, the affection...ne ver mind your feelings..."KUV HLUB HLUB NWG LI, KU VYAUV YUAV NWS XWB, tsi muaj nyiaj los its ok"  :idiot2:....this is your life people...not your fantasies....

advice for women:  if your bf can't pay for you, dont' marry him...he will be a looser all his life...it could be that he is young and has no money yet...BUT HELLO...IT IS PEOPLE LIKE THIS WHO AR EMAKING STUPID DECISIONS ALL THE TIME...AND AT THE WRONG TIME...WITH FANTASY LALALAND THOUGHTS....a woman should outgrow her "blind love" by accepting that any man who can't pay for her is a looser and/or has no respect at all for traditions...O R HIS IS A LOST SOUL WITH NO SENSE OF RESPONSIBLITY. ...DITCH HIM LADIES....HE WILL BE A BAD PROVIDER FOR YOU, you will suffer because he would only rely on others to help out....YOU WILL HAVE HEADACHES THROUGHOUT YOUR LIFE if you marry such a man.

advice for men:  know yourself, know your responsibility ...if you canpt pay ....PLEASE WORK YOUR ASS OFF AND GET THE MONEY TO PAY FOR YOUR WIFE BEFORE YORU WEDDING (remember...you r wilfe is worth billions...and you only have to pay 10k...ITS THE BEST DEAL OF YOUR LIFETIME!!!!).......if you can't pay, hold off the marriage....DO NT' RELY ON YOUR PARENTS...THEY ARE OLD AND FEEBLE...YOU ARE YOUR OWN MAN, TO YOURSELF, YOUR WIFE, AND YOUR PARENTS...BE RESPONSIBLE AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN RESPONSIBILITY AS A MAN. 



yaweh
npawg now and days anything goes.. An example just because i didn't pay the 10k doesn't mean i'm a loser..i just think it's ridiculous.. money i can make another day another dollar, but the person who i'm married to and i spent 10k for? better have something up front to offer too..we live in this country today is not like back in our families home land..it's not "ib hnub haus peb dias dej kub tsuav wb sib hlub xwb ces zoo lawm" es yuav carry farmer tools to luaj teb half a side of the mountain.  :o as you please... today's world, better get your butt up at 6 am and help or we have no roof over our head because bills will never let you slide and no food on the table.



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Offline Believe_N_Me

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Re: Your Opinion: Traditional Hmong Weddings
« Reply #19 on: June 03, 2012, 12:37:04 AM »
A fair brideprice for a groom to pay should be just a little out of his reach. Make it too comfortable then he will boast. Make it too impossible then he will resent. Just a little out of his reach so that he'll remember the sacrifice he made for his bride.




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MilesDaddy

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Re: Your Opinion: Traditional Hmong Weddings
« Reply #20 on: June 03, 2012, 12:46:23 AM »
If you could change a thing or two about today's traditional Hmong weddings, what would it be?

Mine would be no more dowry fee.  No money in this world could pay for the hard labor, headaches, worries, etc that a mother goes through to raise her daughter to be come a nyab.  I would rather use that money to make her wedding a memoriable one and/or give it to her to start her marriage with.
I didn't pay one...



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MovKuam

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Re: Your Opinion: Traditional Hmong Weddings
« Reply #21 on: June 05, 2012, 11:38:15 AM »
I didn't pay one...

Sadly but true, it only applied to a Hmong male. Any other race is free of charge.



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yuknowthat

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Re: Your Opinion: Traditional Hmong Weddings
« Reply #22 on: June 05, 2012, 07:00:27 PM »
A fair brideprice for a groom to pay should be just a little out of his reach. Make it too comfortable then he will boast. Make it too impossible then he will resent. Just a little out of his reach so that he'll remember the sacrifice he made for his bride.


but at the end she wasn't a guaranteed.. >:( ;D



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NceegVaj

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Re: Your Opinion: Traditional Hmong Weddings
« Reply #23 on: June 06, 2012, 08:06:10 AM »

For those who's complaining about the token fee.  Just letting you know...I am available and free.  I'm not kidding and I will be sure you are both very happy in bed and out in public.  Thanks.



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