How can Hmong women put up living in the same household as their in-laws?

[theForumGuard]

I'd never put my partner in such a hostile position. She wouldn't be able to be herself.

[peas_n_queues]

it's because their husbands are momma's boys and don't have a backbone so they marry a hmong wife in hopes that she will give them a backbone.

[fareastlee]

As a guy you know it fawken hard on us too!! I'm in this boat also. If I leave my parents they will say "You don't love us blah blah" and if I stay I'm gonna get BS from my wife. I just can't win!!!! grrrr

[DonJuan]

Hmong culture. But yes, it's hard enough as a newwed couple, adding in-laws in the mixture isn't going to be sweet.

Best: don't live with parents as a new couple.

[jiggles]

I'd never put my partner in such a hostile position. She wouldn't be able to be herself.

As a guy you know it fawken hard on us too!! I'm in this boat also. If I leave my parents they will say "You don't love us blah blah" and if I stay I'm gonna get BS from my wife. I just can't win!!!! grrrr

Agreed with both.

[jiggles]

Cant even have good sex cus the nlaws will hear. Best to live on your own with noone else.

[aria]

It all depends on the in-laws you have. My father-in-law is no longer living but my mother-in-law is such a sweet old lady. I love her to pieces. In fact, I'm usually over visiting her since I work from home. She's always feeding and asking me if I need anything when she goes to the store. But I can see the other scenarios too.

[theForumGuard]

living with in-laws means putting pressure on the wife to live up to their unreasonable expectations. It forces women to change and unfortunately, them changing to accommodate her in-laws means you won't be marrying the women you expected to marry.

[aria]

living with in-laws means putting pressure on the wife to live up to their unreasonable expectations. It forces women to change and unfortunately, them changing to accommodate her in-laws means you won't be marrying the women you expected to marry.

I guess I need examples of what a wife would change in order to accommodate their in-laws. Most in-laws expect their nyabs to cook for their son, keep a clean house, and perhaps help them run a little errands here and then. So all of a sudden your wife is cleaning and cooking for you and now she's no longer the lazy woman you married and you don't like that? Hmm, this is a first for men. The only thing I can see is that all this extra house work might make her crabby if she's not used to it. But are your parents so bad that it'll be such a hardship on your wife?

[theForumGuard]

my point exactly. It makes her crabby because not only does she have to please you and put up with you, but also her in-laws who historically loves to gossip about how lazy their daughter-in-laws are.

[primetime]

I rather most ppl live at home and be comfy then living on their own and be broke.

And in some cases, it's the sons job to do it if they care at all. If the lady doesn't like it, shouldn't marry him.

[aria]

my point exactly. It makes her crabby because not only does she have to please you and put up with you, but also her in-laws who historically loves to gossip about how lazy their daughter-in-laws are.

Of course I agree that it's overwhelming but it's not a lifetime sentence (unless you're the wife of the youngest son).

[theForumGuard]

Of course I agree that it's overwhelming but it's not a lifetime sentence (unless you're the wife of the youngest son).

Or your partner doesn't care/can't afford to move out.

[Moospej]

Why get marry if you're not ready? If you and your s/o decided to move out but still end up with the in law living with you then you need to set the rule straige. Let them know that you can handle it and for them just relax. If the OG's see that you are a resposible DIL them start let thing go. They will become another of kid in home for you and your s/o to take care... Keep in mind that when you marry a Hmong guy/gurl you are also marrying his/her whole family.

[theForumGuard]

Why get marry if you're not ready? If you and your s/o decided to move out but still end up with the in law living with you then you need to set the rule straige. Let them know that you can handle it and for them just relax. If the OG's see that you are a resposible DIL them start let thing go. They will become another of kid in home for you and your s/o to take care... Keep in mind that when you marry a Hmong guy/gurl you are also marrying his/her whole family.

the last line isn't true.