Dislikes about Hmong funeral

[Calypso]

I don't like Hmong funerals too. It's hard enough for the family of the deceased person just to deal w/ the grief, but they have to also put on a 24hr, 3 day event. And then all ppl do is come to drink, play cards, flirt, eat, boost their own reputation, make themselves feel important

I don't want that at all for my own funeral b/c I don't want my family to go thru that and pay all the bills. Its very costly. When someone in my husband's family died, all we wanted was to just grieve and have some last moments w/ our deceased loved one. Could hardly do that w/ any kind of meaning....

[PebHmoobUnited]

In the hmong culture, although the family has the say about everything, they have to make sure they don't offend the  clan leader or leaders within their clan, otherwise it is a show of disrespect. Esp if after the husband dies, the wife and children will need to depend on the clan and its leader more etc...or seek support from them. etc.

If i may interject....I've proposed of GETTING RID of the STUPIM CLAN SYSTEM...So you dont have to DEPEND on your clan for anything.....n or serve thier greed!!!!!  Yet peb hmobo tseem RUAM tshaj raum lawm and still want to KEEP HOLDING ON TO this DARK ages' ritual in the 21 century....IDI OT!!! 

[CuaTuajCuaNtsawj]

It gets my blood boiling after reading about what some stupid clan leaders and their so call respectable acts.

[C@$H]

it isn't so much the type of food but the quantity of food...making sure it is enough for everyone.  the food is not to feast on but served to the guests paying their respect.  Some have traveled from distance, some are in attendance for long hours...but Most importantly, there are dab tuag tshaibs..it is wise to make sure there's plenty of food or they will start eating people...LOL

my last comment was a joke, but it is a common courtesy...und erstanding that they are busy and attending a funeral isn't their most interested thing to do..a serving of food the ease the appetite is not going to hurt anyone.

[Luther]

I want Tim Tebow at my funeral

[Believe_N_Me]

It is up to the family to decide how long they want the funeral to last. Of course if they leave it in the hands of the clan leader or whatever then he's going to spend a fortune in order to supposedly save face for the clan.

[digit]

some hmoob ppl are slowly changing their ways of handling their food during funerals.

it just takes time, you wouldn't believe it but we're actually smart people and fast learners. we pick up flaws pretty fast in a slow way.

[IsaacsLove]

clarification needed... are you talking about vang cher funerals or kou kay chai funerals?

none of the above. just hmong funeral in general

[IsaacsLove]

I am not complaining about the duration of the hmong funeral. That is entirely up to the family, and also depend on how old the deceased person was. If it is an elderly person, esp a male, because he has had a longer life the duration of the funeral will be longer because the ritual takes longer. If for a young person or kid, the ritual is shorter but family can still choose to do a longer funeral.

I understand guests comes far to pay their respect to the deceased, but I dislike when I hear people complain about the food, like how the oranges are too sour, or get more this  rather than that etc... it is just comments people make, but sometime I find that insensitive.

[IsaacsLove]

Funeral food either nqaij hau or qaij mos/laab. Dhau peb 3 yam nov ces nyob ntawm xyom cuab lawm xwb. Cov uas thuam ces yog cov uas tsis paub tias ib lub real funeral yog zoo li cas. Yog muaj zov hmo thiab xav kom muaj neeg nrog nyob tsis tsaug zog ces tau npaj snacks. Cov kwv tijneej tsa uas tseem coj kev cai qub es nyob tsheej tag hmo ces yeej yuav tsum tau npaj tej nov rau qhuas. Npaj tau dabtsi los xij tsuav yog snack thiab dej/coffee.

english please

[Venuz]

english please

Cliffnotes- Funeral food consists of boiled meat or ground meat/laarb. Besides these 3 dishes it's up to the immediate family. Those who complain don't really understand Hmong funerals. It comes down to having snacks available for guests especially those staying up all night (such as those who are still traditional).

Not word for word, but hope this helps.

[nuk-su-kow]

who ares about old people. they're gonna die anyways.

[A_New_Beginning]

why does the elder or guy in charge of the funeral, the (thawj xom cuab) want to spend so much money on the what they call the "last supper"? Or people complaining about wanting better food at the funeral home?

For god sake, the family who just lost that love one is flipping the bill for all the food and everything. Everyone else outside of the clan are guest at the funeral, and should eat whatever is available and not complain about the food.

A funeral is not a time to eat the high class food.

Of course the family who is paying for the funeral can decide what they want at or for the funeral, but I just get annoy when I hear people complain about the food, or expect the family to pay for expensive food like shrimps  and endless supply of fruits and snacks.

The people who complains about the food does not care about the decease and the mourning family.  They're just there for enjoyment.

The last supper it's totally up to the family. We did it for my father's funeral, since he always love guests.  Before eating, the clan leader and I make an announcement as to why the food are different than every other day...this signifies the importance of it.

[yuknowthat]

why does the elder or guy in charge of the funeral, the (thawj xom cuab) want to spend so much money on the what they call the "last supper"? Or people complaining about wanting better food at the funeral home?

For god sake, the family who just lost that love one is flipping the bill for all the food and everything. Everyone else outside of the clan are guest at the funeral, and should eat whatever is available and not complain about the food.

A funeral is not a time to eat the high class food.

Of course the family who is paying for the funeral can decide what they want at or for the funeral, but I just get annoy when I hear people complain about the food, or expect the family to pay for expensive food like shrimps  and endless supply of fruits and snacks.

thawj xom cuab-you can find one who you can trust and is financially responsible. people can talk all they want because at the end, you're the one that is spending, you're the one that has lost a love one..money is in your pocket you decide what to do and call the shots, everyone just supports. no matter how much everyone disagree , when the decision is finalized, everyone will have to support it even the clan leader! and elders!...don't depend on the clan a lot because they're not so better themselves trust me on this. if you feel that at it's the best decision to make at that time, have a discussion with family members about it to see if it's reasonable and then take action....

[ice]

I think some people just go for the food.