My Questions

[bumzc]

first two on me, the 3rd time she better offer to pay 

[eyefish]

No, got nothing to do with tradition. Sometimes its circumstance. Most traditional guys will have the wife live with his mom, to be her slave. Not for me.

It's flexible.
Back in the old country, Lao men typically go live with their wife's family to show and prove to her father that he can work, provide and be a good family to their daughter.

I don't know where you get the idea that most traditional guys take their wife home to be their mom's slave. Slave is such a strong word but if you consider making a living and helping your new family with daily routines and chores as being a 'slave' then I guess we're all slaves. But I get it, there are some cruel MILs that may treat their DIL as a slave and the son turns a blind eye - that however happens across the board among Hmong and Lao families.

[eyefish]

Seeing few threads about who should pick up the tab, I thought I should ask a question here.

In Hmong custom, if any, who should pick up the tab when...

1) On the first date (where a male is inviting a female)
2) On numerous dates (where a female inviting the male)
3) On numerous dates (where a male inviting female)
2) Out on dinner with friends (you invited them)
3) Out on dinner with friends (they invited you)

I don't ethnicity is relevant here........

[eyefish]

Laotian culture ask for bride price too. My sis in law is Lao and her parents ask for $4999, 5 baht gold necklace and a shiny diamond ring for their daughter. Of course, they gave her the ring and gold necklace afterwards. However, from what I heard from my aunt who is married to a Lao, if you don't pay for the bride price, your son will go live with the bride's family so my aunt paid for all 6 of her daughter in laws b/c she is Hmong and Hmong don't play that son-go-live-with-bride's-family deal.

Proudlao, why is it that when you Laotian have a celebration at home, they don't cook and eat all at once when everyone has arrived but yet they eat as they get done cooking?

If it's a baci or what not, the food is ready and they set it out after all they wrist string tying is done.  If it's buffet style, then it's opened for people to eat. People come at different times throughtout the day and there will always be food and drinks available into the night. We don't have rituals where the men must sit at a table and give speeches and thank yous. All the thank you between the host and guest occur when people arrive and when they leave.

[slude]

proudlao/eyefish,

hmong adopted the string tying from laos. when we tie strings, we bless the person by saying "today is a good day, today is good time, i come to tie a string, not to tie for sickness but to good health......"

can you explain the wrist string in your culture?

thanks.

[zaubmos]

How do lao per see divorce?

Would a single guy dating a divorcee be looked down upon? Vice versa

[Lan Xang]

proudlao/eyefish,

hmong adopted the string tying from laos. when we tie strings, we bless the person by saying "today is a good day, today is good time, i come to tie a string, not to tie for sickness but to good health......"

can you explain the wrist string in your culture?

thanks.

If it's for a wedding we wish them good fortunes, long last relationships, loving each others, have healthy lives and children, and may the spirits our our ancestors protects and guide you in your daily life and all the years to come.

If it's for soukhouane (spirit ceremony) we ask our ancestors to protect us and keep us from harms. We also wish them strenght and happiness on their endevors.

Everyone person has their own saying and blessings. If they are monks, they will do their recitations.

[Lan Xang]

How do lao per see divorce?

Would a single guy dating a divorcee be looked down upon? Vice versa

An unhealthy relationships in any race and culture is the same. Divorces are neither good or bad, sometimes it's the only way. Only the individuals will know when is time to move on.

I am sure some people will look down on it because reputation is everything but the bottom line is if that person is happy nothing else really matters.

[eyefish]

proudlao/eyefish,

hmong adopted the string tying from laos. when we tie strings, we bless the person by saying "today is a good day, today is good time, i come to tie a string, not to tie for sickness but to good health......"

can you explain the wrist string in your culture?

thanks.

slude,

The 'soukhouan' or Baci, it means the meeting/calling of the soul. This is the same as Hmong's Hu plig ceremony. Lao belief is that our body is a union of 32 organs in which each has a khouan (soul) that protects it. There may be times that one or more of the khouans are lost and have wandered off. To start off, the 'maw phon' (usually an elder man from the community that was a monk before and knows the mantras/rituals etc.) The intro invocation also typically starts with 'today is a good day etc....' as well. This ceremony calls the 32 souls back together and the person/family are blessed with peace, good health, fortune, unity etc... Our soukhouan ceremony should either be conducted before noon or before sunset. After the maw phon is finished with the invocations, he would be the first to tie the white string on the person(s) the soukhouan was for. We call this poukhaen (literally 'tie arm') and in Hmong it would be Khi Tes, right? The person whom the ceremony is for will typically get a white string tied from almost everyone present. Anyone can tie it and bless each other. The typical blessings people would say is "Come back soul, tie on the left soul has come, tie on the right soul is here to stay, may you be healthy and have no sickness, may you be wealthy, love your parents/spouse/family, look after them, do well in schoool and be a good person etc....' The string should be left on the wrist for at least 3 days or preferably until it falls off. In my family, we leave all them on for at least 3 days and then on the fourth day, we take them all off (we don't cut them) except for a couple on each wrist and leave those on until they fall off.

[MovKuam]

slude,

The 'soukhouan' or Baci, it means the meeting/calling of the soul. This is the same as Hmong's Hu plig ceremony. Lao belief is that our body is a union of 32 organs in which each has a khouan (soul) that protects it. There may be times that one or more of the khouans are lost and have wandered off. To start off, the 'maw phon' (usually an elder man from the community that was a monk before and knows the mantras/rituals etc.) The intro invocation also typically starts with 'today is a good day etc....' as well. This ceremony calls the 32 souls back together and the person/family are blessed with peace, good health, fortune, unity etc... Our soukhouan ceremony should either be conducted before noon or before sunset. After the maw phon is finished with the invocations, he would be the first to tie the white string on the person(s) the soukhouan was for. We call this poukhaen (literally 'tie arm') and in Hmong it would be Khi Tes, right? The person whom the ceremony is for will typically get a white string tied from almost everyone present. Anyone can tie it and bless each other. The typical blessings people would say is "Come back soul, tie on the left soul has come, tie on the right soul is here to stay, may you be healthy and have no sickness, may you be wealthy, love your parents/spouse/family, look after them, do well in schoool and be a good person etc....' The string should be left on the wrist for at least 3 days or preferably until it falls off. In my family, we leave all them on for at least 3 days and then on the fourth day, we take them all off (we don't cut them) except for a couple on each wrist and leave those on until they fall off.

Hmong folks used 12 spirits instead of 32, but now day some of the new shaman using 32 spirits, image of certern high ranking Monk, and chinese dragon on their alter.

[eyefish]

Hmong folks used 12 spirits instead of 32, but now day some of the new shaman using 32 spirits, image of certern high ranking Monk, and chinese dragon on their alter.

Interesting, why would they change something like that, I mean if it's always been 12.......

[MovKuam]

Interesting, why would they change something like that, I mean if it's always been 12.......

Those that using 32 spirits describe the unexplained event similar to Laotion so I assuming their shaman practice are part Laotion and Hmong.

[eyefish]

Those that using 32 spirits describe the unexplained event similar to Laotion so I assuming their shaman practice are part Laotion and Hmong.

Ok I see. My SIL's soon to be parent in laws are both Shamans and I would love to just sit down with them and learn of the all the how and why of what they do as Shamans.

[MovKuam]

Ok I see. My SIL's soon to be parent in laws are both Shamans and I would love to just sit down with them and learn of the all the how and why of what they do as Shamans.

It might be similar to spiritual practices. If using 32 spirits it'll take a longer to look for each of them.

[eyefish]

It might be similar to spiritual practices. If using 32 spirits it'll take a longer to look for each of them.

Hmm ok, so they typically look for one spirit at a time and convince them to return?