important skills a married couple needs to learn and practice

[LadyLionness]

One of the most important skills a married couple needs to learn and practice is how to handle conflict in their marriage. If you are afraid of rocking the boat, or willing to keep the peace at any price, or feel as if you are walking on egg shells all the time, you are avoiding conflict instead of dealing with conflict.

[LadyLionness]

Listening Skills
True Listening Can be a Challenge
 

Lack of communication in a marital relationship is one of the main reasons couples end up in divorce. When spouses don't listen to one another, the result is often frustration, anger, misunderstandi ngs, and hurt. Even your health can be compromised. Some studies on heart disease have shown that poor communication can result in rapid fluctuations in blood pressure which isn't good for your heart.
Poor communication skills can be an inherited family trait. If a person is raised in an environment where people don't listen or can't express their feelings, they will probably bring that inability to communicate into their marriage and other relationships. However, you can change the habit of being a shallow listener.Liste ning Techniques to TryTo become a more effective listener, try some of these techniques:

• Be aware that you need to listen. Make eye contact. Pay attention by not looking at the TV or glancing at the newspaper or finishing up a chore.
• Don't interrupt. Let your spouse finish what they are saying. If this is a problem and you interrupt a lot, place your hands over your mouth, or you chin in your hands to remind you to keep quiet.
• Try not to jump to conclusions. Keep an open mind and don't judge. Put yourself in your spouse's shoes. Be loving as you listen and don't overly react. Think before you say anything in response, especially if it is an emotional reaction.
• Don't look for the "right" or "wrong" in what your spouse is saying. Just listen.
• When responding, let your partner know that you heard what they said by using a feedback technique and restating what was said. Say something like You are saying you ....
• Be open to hearing that you didn't hear what your spouse was saying.
• Be aware of non-verbal signs and clues - both yours and those of your mate. These include shrugging your shoulders, tone of voice, crossing arms or legs, nodding, eye contact or looking away, facial expressions (smile, smirk, frown, shock, disgust, tears, surprise, rolling eyes, etc.), and mannerisms (fiddling with papers, tapping your fingers).
• Remember that feelings are neither right or wrong.
• Look out for these blocks to listening: mind reading, rehearsing, filtering, judging, daydreaming, advising, sparring, being right, changing the subject, and placating.
• Remember, that you can't listen and talk at the same time!
• Try to stay focused on the main points that your spouse is talking about. Don't be distracted if your mate digresses onto another topic.
• It's okay to ask questions to clarify what you thought you heard.
• Don't give advice unless asked for it.
• Listen without planning on what you are going to say in response. Let go of your own agenda.

[LadyLionness]

Top 10 Listening Tips
 

 1. Don't Interrupt
Let your spouse finish what they are saying. If this is a problem and you interrupt a lot, find someway to remind yourself to keep quiet. Some people put their chin in their hand as a sign to themselves to not speak til their mate is finished talking.
 
2. Keep an Open MindDon't judge.
Jumping to conclusions or looking for the right or wrong in what is being said prevents you from listening. Think before you say anything in response, especially if it is an emotional reaction.
 
3. Make Listening a Priority
Listen without planning on what you are going to say in response. Let go of your own agenda. Be aware that you need to listen. Make eye contact. Pay attention by not looking at the TV or glancing at the newspaper or finishing up a chore.
 
4. Use Feedback Technique
Let your partner know that you heard what they said by using a feedback technique and restating what was said. Say something like "I hear you saying ...." Be open to the possibility that you didn't hear clearly what your spouse was saying.
 
5. Watch Non-Verbal
Be aware of non-verbal signs and clues - both yours and those of your mate. These include shrugging your shoulders, tone of voice, crossing arms or legs, nodding, eye contact or looking away, facial expressions (smile, frown, shock, disgust, tears, surprise, rolling eyes, etc.), and mannerisms (fiddling with papers, tapping your fingers). 55% of the message is delievered through non-verbal signs.
 
6. Blocks to Listening
Try not to fall into these patterns of listening: mind reading, rehearsing, filtering, judging, daydreaming, advising, sparring, being right, changing the subject, stonewalling, and placating.
 
7. Stay Focused
Focus on the main points that your spouse is talking about. It's ok to ask questions to clarify what you thought you heard.
 
8. Gender Differences
Alt hough not true for everyone, men and women generally communicate differently. Being aware can enhance your listening skills. Men often share because they want to give information or solve a problem. Women tend to talk to connect with someone or to get information. Women usually talk more about relationships than men. Men are often more concerned about details than women.
 
9. Show Respect
Respect your spouse's point of view, even if you disagree with what is being said.
 
10. Advice & Talking
Don't give advice unless asked for it. You can't listen and talk at the same time. Feelings are neither right or wrong.

[WindComeWindBlow]

Awesome read.  Thanks!

[DonJuan]

 

[LadyLionness]

I need this... lolz!  I have a T-Shirt of Pepe LePew... it says... "Good Talker.  BAD Listener."   

[DonJuan]

However, I always begin with self empowerment. Because without it, there is little honesty, integrity therefore he may listen and talk but will not do as he says. 

[DonJuan]

Say only once.
No nagging.

[LadyLionness]

Say only once.
No nagging.

Been my philosophy since I was 16 and read the book of Proverbs...

[DonJuan]

No expectation.

Mixing up with the other thread.