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Author Topic: Attempt at descriptive writing  (Read 8569 times)

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Offline Reporter

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Attempt at descriptive writing
« on: June 10, 2013, 12:23:47 PM »
St. Paul, MN—June 9, 2013.  The two veteran lone grey squirrels here must love this oak branch that hangs just outside my office window.

The human-leg-sized, one-car length branch points north from its tree, with scaled barks that look coarse to the touch. Yes, just looks because I've never been able to reach up to it at this height.  Smaller branches with leaves and without—in the falls and winters—stem sporadically from it, projecting up and down in various segments throughout its length; it hangs about twelve feet above ground, just enough for squirrels to feel completely up on a tree and yet safe from any kind of fall or dangerous reach from it.

During the four years that I've been here, I've seen them use it for many things—just scurrying back and forth on it, eating their acorns on, and even having sex with each other on it--much romance between them I've enjoyed viewing. Their activities have recurred consistently throughout the years that I've been here. Sometimes I even miss them if they aren't out there on that branch.


« Last Edit: June 10, 2013, 08:04:57 PM by Reporter »

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zena

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Re: Attempt at descriptive writing
« Reply #1 on: June 10, 2013, 05:03:55 PM »
Good start. I felt all over the place though.  What were you trying to describe?  The branch, squirrels, or your feelings?  Maybe just an ordinary day or something that's been consistent like a part of your life?  Just trying to get the main point out of this.



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Offline Reporter

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Re: Attempt at descriptive writing
« Reply #2 on: June 10, 2013, 08:01:09 PM »
Good start. I felt all over the place though.  What were you trying to describe?  The branch, squirrels, or your feelings?  Maybe just an ordinary day or something that's been consistent like a part of your life?  Just trying to get the main point out of this.

It's not a start. It's a final exercise itself. Just describing an item right now.

Did you miss the branch? The topic sentence says it all. The other details are just there to create a relationship to the branch and  make the description more vivid.



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zena

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Re: Attempt at descriptive writing
« Reply #3 on: June 11, 2013, 08:27:40 AM »
It's not a start. It's a final exercise itself. Just describing an item right now.

Did you miss the branch? The topic sentence says it all. The other details are just there to create a relationship to the branch and  make the description more vivid.

I said start because you said attempt.  ::)

No, I got the branch.  I guess you meant for it to be something subtle yet important.  :)



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Offline Reporter

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Re: Attempt at descriptive writing
« Reply #4 on: June 11, 2013, 04:22:01 PM »
I said start because you said attempt.  ::)

No, I got the branch.  I guess you meant for it to be something subtle yet important.  :)

I've combined both the factual and personal description techniques on this one. That's why it's not just the branch but other surrounding things affiliated with it, too.



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zena

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Re: Attempt at descriptive writing
« Reply #5 on: June 11, 2013, 10:09:01 PM »
I've combined both the factual and personal description techniques on this one. That's why it's not just the branch but other surrounding things affiliated with it, too.

I noticed.  I was actually expecting more personificatio n from you of the tree.  More than just the first sentence.



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Offline Reporter

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Re: Attempt at descriptive writing
« Reply #6 on: June 12, 2013, 10:41:40 AM »
I noticed.  I was actually expecting more personificatio n from you of the tree.  More than just the first sentence.

I intend to revise it to make it better and even more vivid. I did think up some more stuff yesterday and this morning. And I'm planning on doing a few more pieces on this personal description technique.



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Offline lilly

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Re: Attempt at descriptive writing
« Reply #7 on: July 03, 2013, 10:42:45 AM »
I LOVE it, Reporter.  You're very good.  Very descriptive!  Are you taking a course on descriptive writing or reading a book on the topic?  Anyway, it was very good.  *claps hands*



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Offline yubnag

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Re: Attempt at descriptive writing
« Reply #8 on: July 26, 2013, 01:58:47 PM »
Very nice, I'd like to try it too.





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SVanTha

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Re: Attempt at descriptive writing
« Reply #9 on: July 27, 2013, 12:18:44 AM »
 O0

More squirrel sex.

Please and thank you.



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Offline Reporter

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Re: Attempt at descriptive writing
« Reply #10 on: August 04, 2013, 06:55:23 PM »
I'll get some more stories on that soon. I've seen a lot of them.



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Wi_sweetguy

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Re: Attempt at descriptive writing
« Reply #11 on: August 14, 2013, 01:06:48 PM »
The Beautiful Old Oak Tree

The air changes as the eastern wind blows.  I looked over my shoulder and saw how much the old beautiful oak tree has begun the shedding process.  My finger aches, my hands shaking as blood rushing through my blue veins.  My heart trembles, beating a beat faster and faster, my belly felt lighter as if the butterflies have swirler inside of me. It jumped from branches to branches looking for something.  There is another one nibbling on the seed of the Oak.  My heart is racing, my thought of where my dear friend is, he would definitely tribute to my cause.  As I looked on, more and more little fury things had gather on the old oak tree.  I wish my dear friend would be here with me.  He sure will be helping me chase my temptations.  My hearts beats uncontrollable ly as I stood there watching, studying, watching their every move, knowing soon, I will visit the old beautiful Oak tree again with my dear friend. 


 



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Offline Reporter

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Re: Attempt at descriptive writing
« Reply #12 on: August 17, 2013, 04:12:10 PM »
The Beautiful Old Oak Tree

The air changes as the eastern wind blows.  I looked over my shoulder and saw how much the old beautiful oak tree has begun the shedding process.  My finger aches, my hands shaking as blood rushing through my blue veins.  My heart trembles, beating a beat faster and faster, my belly felt lighter as if the butterflies have swirler inside of me. It jumped from branches to branches looking for something.  There is another one nibbling on the seed of the Oak.  My heart is racing, my thought of where my dear friend is, he would definitely tribute to my cause.  As I looked on, more and more little fury things had gather on the old oak tree.  I wish my dear friend would be here with me.  He sure will be helping me chase my temptations.  My hearts beats uncontrollable ly as I stood there watching, studying, watching their every move, knowing soon, I will visit the old beautiful Oak tree again with my dear friend. 


 

Here's an incident of animals taking over another's companion for sex. Real story witnessed personally by Reporter.

Not necessarily a descriptive piece though, but an interesting story.

I was casting into this side of a twin lake that was known to have a lot of large mouth bass.  Behind me was a thatch over some lawn and trees. A green-headed malard and his beige hen were walking on the lawn, even nibbling the grass. Then came three other green-headed, handsome malards alighting onto the lawn. They all moved towards her and one had pecked her upper neck and was climbing onto her. Her malard companion moved in to drive the climbing male out. But the other two male malards budged in and drove him away.

The first incoming male malard succeeded in having sex with the hen. It got down and flew away. One of the other two turned from the fray and got on top of her. He, too, did the same thing as the first one and flew way.

By the time, the hen's male malard was just standing by, watching them.

The third one then moved in and got on top of her and did the same thing: had sex with her.

He, too, flew away.

The hen and drake that were originally on the lawn just started walking together again.

This was in Winona, MN.


« Last Edit: December 30, 2015, 01:08:21 PM by Reporter »

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zena

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Re: Attempt at descriptive writing
« Reply #13 on: August 18, 2013, 11:39:26 AM »
The Beautiful Old Oak Tree

The air changes as the eastern wind blows.  I looked over my shoulder and saw how much the old beautiful oak tree has begun the shedding process.  My finger aches, my hands shaking as blood rushing through my blue veins.  My heart trembles, beating a beat faster and faster, my belly felt lighter as if the butterflies have swirler inside of me. It jumped from branches to branches looking for something.  There is another one nibbling on the seed of the Oak.  My heart is racing, my thought of where my dear friend is, he would definitely tribute to my cause.  As I looked on, more and more little fury things had gather on the old oak tree.  I wish my dear friend would be here with me.  He sure will be helping me chase my temptations.  My hearts beats uncontrollable ly as I stood there watching, studying, watching their every move, knowing soon, I will visit the old beautiful Oak tree again with my dear friend. 


 

Pretty good, although, I didn't get who "it" was in the bold.  Was it your heart you were referring to or the squirrel you forgot to mention?  Also, your title is about the oak tree but you talked more about the squirrels, so it was a little confusing.  I was expecting more on the tree.

R, so if not descriptive then it must be your thoughts.  And, thoughts should go in the journal forum.  ;D

...but, in reply to it anyway, that's a pretty interesting incident.  I saw something similar with a certain type of fish on Discover a while back.  They were deep water fishes (can't recall the type of fish) where three males were fighting to win one female to fertilize her.  While the two buffed fishes were going at each other to see which one was bigger and tougher, the weakling one, who knew he wouldn't be able to fight either of the buffed fishes, snuck over to the female fish while the buffed fishes were too caught up in their fight, fertilized her and went on his way.  The thing was, the female fish allowed the weakling fish to fertilize her because he was the smarter one of the three fishes and she wants their baby fishes to be smart like him.  He used his mind to get the girl while the other two buffed ones used there physical looks and strength.  Almost human-like.



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Wi_sweetguy

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Re: Attempt at descriptive writing
« Reply #14 on: August 30, 2013, 11:06:38 AM »
Reporter, I thought you would understand the beautiful oak tree, but thats okay.

Explaination of the beautiful Oak Tree

I wrote this short descriptive, but unclear describing my firing love for the beautiful oak tree that I visit every year.  When I see her, the sight of her ability to draw the fury squirrels that gather for her seeds makes my heart beat.  I go breathless and hope my dear friend (my gun) would be there to help me join in my urges.  I stood there study and knowing when it is time, I will be back to visit her again and bring my dear friend for some squirrels. 



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