A Walk to Remember…
It’s early. I am walking and the rain/snow mixture pelting down heavily on top of me. As I open the umbrella to shield me the wind picks it right up and says, “No shield for you today.” Good thing I had my coat on even if it’s the end of April. It’s only a mile long walk from returning the rental car.
As I’m walking my shoes are getting sopping wet and my thoughts drift off. I’m thinking how it would be nice to have someone help me in this situation. But I’m reminded that family is far and friends are few in between. Maybe it’s because my feet are getting cold and wet; so I’m reflecting that my friends are mostly ‘takers’. I am not sure if they realize that they exhibit more taking and less giving – but I don’t point it out to them. I guess I’ve always thought we are adults now and we should already know how to give and take equally.
I didn’t want to get all negative on such an early morning, and I began reflecting on how I use to walk all the time in all sorts of weather conditions. I grew up poor and was accustomed to long walks and public bus transit. I remembered when I got my first used car….and how excited I was when I bought my first new car. I went from growing up on public assistance to being in a position which changes, implements and ensures the integrity of those very assistance programs that I was on. I have been blessed with countless opportunities to empower myself as a mother, sister, friend and working professional.
Suddenly….my despairs of not having much evaporated. I was cold and wet and was only focusing on the negatives in my life at the moment. But the reality is that I’m very blessed, more than I deserve.
That was my walk to remember, to reflect on how blessed I am even with wet feet.
I am reminded everyday of my life that I wake up in the morning. Alone and I check on the children to see how they're sleeping. Yes they are sleeping soundly in the next room. They used to sleep with me for protection but now they're just too big as they should be sleeping on their own. I see all my old friends as, just passing the time friends. True how at times they will help me out here and there, but I've helped them out through so much more hardship without so much as reminding them of an IOU. I know they've all moved on, on that moment that I could no longer be of help to them. During the times that when I needed help, everyone was suddenly too caught up in their own lives. So always being the infallible person that I am, I endure it all.
I am reminded that God gave me everything that I needed already. People say that God doesn't give you any burden that you cannot carry. Whatever scripture was that, I care not so much to recall. Maybe so, but it's just a simple reminder that being a better person will mean that one has to endure and survive through hardship. I may not need to smile and laugh daily, because I only need to not be sad and crying daily. As long as I have breath, I have survived. That is enough.
It is enough that I have made many others better people through my compassion. Sure I am easy to push over, however knowing that I can still get up is enough to survive. Just having a complete stranger help me out once or twice in my life at some of the most unexpected times, reminds me that it is compassion that trumps all. It was that compassion that brought me back from the very brink of death so many times. I don't need to be reminded to pay if forward. I just need to be reminded that being the source of it, is making others better people. I don't need to laugh at them nor cry for them. I simply just have compassion and behave in that manner with integrity. When my children grows up, they too will learn of compassion and act accordingly.
Compassion in its entirety and purity.
