journal

[lilly]

 
 

[proudlao]

I know what you mean lilly. And you are not alone. But I have learned and do well in separating myself from everything that is either out of my control or does not apply to me directly. We are only harming ourselves when we get involve with too many things. I told my mom, let my siblings be, let them do as they please, let them live, and let them make mistakes. Enough trying to covered for them, holding their hands, and spotting them. I feel guilty at times for not always being there for them, but I do what I have to for myself and my princess.
 
About two weeks ago, everyone was at mom's place. I say thank you to them for being understanding and that I will always be a call away when they truly need me. Other than that, if they don't kill anyone and has done nothing wrong against the law or humanity they should live their own lives and I do mine. Siblings and families will always be there no matter what, keep that in mind.

[tRouBLe]

 
 

[lilly]

Thanks, Proudlao and Trouble. 

[lilly]

why do we only remember to say what we need to say when it's already too late?  why do we never appreciate each other when we still have the chance?  why do we always wait until it's too late to let them know that life would not be the same without them?  why is a hug or a kiss so hard to do until we realize we don't have much time?  why do we always realize the depth of the pain they carry only when they are no longer with us?  why do we never see the tears they hide inside until only after the fact?  why aren't we more kind?  more thoughtful?  more considerate?  more gentle?

[lilly]

Things I love:

Green leaves of corn swaying so poetically in the wind.
The swish swooshing movements of grass as they dance ever so gently in the wind--they carry my heart with them every which way they bend.
A good song on the radio--that takes me to a whole new scene.
His smell, his lips, his eyes, his arms, his hands.
Thunder at night when I am curled up under the blankets in my bed.
Rain drops.
The wet smell of earth--that reminds me I am alive.
Little fingers, little hands that are as soft as clouds.
Little feet that run around the hallways with such swiftness.
Little cheeks that I could kiss over and over again.
Little eyes and faces that I never tire of looking at.
Little people/bodies that came from me.

[zena]

why do we only remember to say what we need to say when it's already too late?  why do we never appreciate each other when we still have the chance?  why do we always wait until it's too late to let them know that life would not be the same without them?  why is a hug or a kiss so hard to do until we realize we don't have much time?  why do we always realize the depth of the pain they carry only when they are no longer with us?  why do we never see the tears they hide inside until only after the fact?  why aren't we more kind?  more thoughtful?  more considerate?  more gentle?

True.  A lot of people are this way.

I cannot say the same for myself though, but it's because my road has come close to death, and coming close to death always teaches us to live life to the fullest, including telling those we love that they mean the world to us.

[zena]

Things I love:

Green leaves of corn swaying so poetically in the wind.
The swish swooshing movements of grass as they dance ever so gently in the wind--they carry my heart with them every which way they bend.
A good song on the radio--that takes me to a whole new scene.
His smell, his lips, his eyes, his arms, his hands--everyday I find myself more and more in love with him despite my own resistance and urging.
Thunder at night when I am curled up under the blankets in my bed.
Rain drops.
The wet smell of earth--that reminds me I am alive.
Little fingers, little hands that are as soft as clouds.
Little feet that run around the hallways with such swiftness.
Little cheeks that I could kiss over and over again.
Little eyes and faces that I never tire of looking at.
Little people/bodies that came from me.

Those are sweet. 

[tRouBLe]

Things I love:

Green leaves of corn swaying so poetically in the wind.
The swish swooshing movements of grass as they dance ever so gently in the wind--they carry my heart with them every which way they bend.
A good song on the radio--that takes me to a whole new scene.
His smell, his lips, his eyes, his arms, his hands--everyday I find myself more and more in love with him despite my own resistance and urging.
Thunder at night when I am curled up under the blankets in my bed.
Rain drops.
The wet smell of earth--that reminds me I am alive.
Little fingers, little hands that are as soft as clouds.
Little feet that run around the hallways with such swiftness.
Little cheeks that I could kiss over and over again.
Little eyes and faces that I never tire of looking at.
Little people/bodies that came from me.

I would like to add something else to that list.......... great friends.   

[VillainousHero]

why do we only remember to say what we need to say when it's already too late?  why do we never appreciate each other when we still have the chance?  why do we always wait until it's too late to let them know that life would not be the same without them?  why is a hug or a kiss so hard to do until we realize we don't have much time?  why do we always realize the depth of the pain they carry only when they are no longer with us?  why do we never see the tears they hide inside until only after the fact?  why aren't we more kind?  more thoughtful?  more considerate?  more gentle?

These are like things we regret.  A lot of what if's.   Yet there is no answer(s).  For myself...a little hope and a little faith in karma or grace.

[lilly]

True.  A lot of people are this way.

I cannot say the same for myself though, but it's because my road has come close to death, and coming close to death always teaches us to live life to the fullest, including telling those we love that they mean the world to us.

You're right, moonangel.  It is unfortunate that sometimes it takes coming close to death or losing a very, very dear one to realize the importance of telling the ones we love that we love them.

[lilly]

I would like to add something else to that list.......... great friends.   

Oh, yes!  Definitely! I love my great friends too!   

[lilly]

Every once in awhile certain images pop up in my head.
- I can totally still smell the air that was in that basement in that house in Frogtown.
- I remember that bright sunny day in May as if I was there now, picking dandelions and laying on the grass.
- I can still visualize that bedroom, and that other one, and that other room just as they used to be.
- I can taste that mushroom soup with chicken and lemon grass.  And that steamy hot, bland mustard green soup with steamed rice--the aroma that came from it--how healing and soulful it was.
- That care-free hot summer night when we walked to the ice cream parlor in Osseo, it was just like back in those good olden days of yore.
- I remember that night watching fireworks from the Metro State building in St Paul with the mosquitoes and with friends and family--it was a good evening.  And I still remember last year's July 4th fireworks moment clearly.
- That spot in Afton Park where we stopped to grill many years ago--oh, how happy I was to be with you.
- I still remember that big and happy smile you greeted me with that one time--in that moment it seemed like nothing else mattered in the world.
- I remember when you lay upon my chest--your face so soft and warm like an angel's--I felt so lucky, and still do.
- I remember your little fingers wrapped around mine as I held you close to me.

These memories and nostalgic feelings remind me where I have been and where I am now, and possibly where I might be going.

[minorcharacter]

Lilly, I crashed my car in Osseo.  It was my first love.  "Oh where, oh where, can my Camry be?  The lord took her away from me.  She's gone to heaven so I got to be good, so I can see my baby when I leave this world."

[proudlao]

That's a sure sign of aging lilly, hi