Remembering the Life of Dara Thao

[Wi_sweetguy]

Click play and read if you want to
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0GhlIHS20Y

My recollection of the young lady who was taken away from her family and murdered in 2002.  She was beautiful, smart, and had a future, but her life ended at 19 years old along with her baby boy.  I remembered this happening like it was yesteryear striving along the good old internet days.(AA)  Reading this thread about her life really brought tears knowing what she went through, and how she was bind to the old tradition that eventually led to her death.  Years later, her husband was overheard telling another woman he would do the same to her as he did to his wife.  Her life was a tragedy and reading her story brought the hope that someday our traditional system will be challenge.  Murdered in cold blood, her life was inescapable having no one to turn to.  She lived in the era where shame was brought upon those who return and every time she return, her parents forced her to go back to her husband. 
 
I’m cleaning through my old cd writers and this happens to be saved.  I don't want her memories to go unnoticed so telling her story will bring something good out of it.  It has been over ten years since the glory days of internet emerge and I don't remembered who wrote the poem dedicated to Dara, but from the looks of it.  It could be the lover of Dara Thao before she got married.   The one girl who got away from him.  I hope we all can appreciate this love poem and don't take any offense to the reminisced of his past.   


In loving memory to Dara thao and her son.
We know that you're in a better place now and may you live
The life u always wanted.
When you pass away it seems like those horrible days,
Whatever happens to our love that we share?
I love you so much I can't longer bear
I still got love for those times we share
Hugging kissing, how much I very care
Remember the hot nights and cold days, hot lips and sexy hair
U makes me feel like I was your only man
And you was my only woman
But how this could be tearing falling from my eyes
I was at the beach waiting for you, but someone came by
Telling me you got another life with another man,
But how could this be
I love you so much my eyes can't even see
Still got memory of you and me, letting you go so easily
Was a hard thing for me?
Ever since the day u got marry I moved away
Crying hoping you would come by to say good-bye
You wasn't even there even though I wrote you a letter
All I got for memory is a picture of you and me
Sitting by the swing, I still remember that night when u gave me kiss
Even though I told u my lips were numbed
You still did it and I wonder Y?

CHORUS:
leej muaj koj mus koj mob
vim tia koj tus tsis nco txoj lawn ob
lub ncua muas tua pooj tab law
txoj tia koj tsis nyob loj kuv tseeb nyob tau koj saa koj pom rau lo
koj mus koj mo
es nco txoj kuv tia mo.

Many years have passed and I still got memory of you even though i moved on
each day trying to let you go, is a pain inside of my heart
finally i though to myself how happy u must be, being love by another man and not by me
one day happilly, visiting with my guy that live right next to my babi-boo
old places where we use to be
passing her house and seeing new faces asking him why theres so much people
things changes he said "didn't u know"
hearing the words shock me, how could this be "i though u live a happy life, but
in fact it was a tragedy.
It was the day when we went out and the day u left me
going in a place call "Heaven" living life without me
Tearing falling from my eyes as i stood watching you
walking the stair to Heaven and making your marks to the sky
seeing stars that made happy faces that look like you
i hope you live the life you wanted and one night we will meet again

when you rubbed your fingers through my hair,
You said
You told me you love me but how can this be
when i heard about the tragedy
tears dripping from eyes, falling like a thousands stars
i pretend it wasn't true, knowing the facts loving u in my heart
when u left me all alone in this unknown zone
i think about you all the time, it seems like you was here with me
thinking how u used to hug me, tears, memories of how it use to be..
though you're not here with me, u will alway be in my heart
koj nciam peb mus peb yeej xab txoj koj

tearing dripping
time going so fast
memories of you and me
sitting here so sad
wondering how it would of been..
O! it was like WHOA O O
ima let you know how i truly felt
when i was injured, you was there to help
i fell in love with you the first time i met
before i knew u it was like i was in a net
you change me in every way,
i can't even describes, the words, your face, can't even say
you're alway in my heart no matter where you are
everytime i looked out i see your stars
shinning, up in sky, wondering one day i'ma be there by your side
in loving memory
heaven place u will always be
koj pom ntxu txoj, tau nyob ua kev
koj hais tia kkoj yuav ntau kuv nyob
ua li cas koj tia mus tsis pom tia kuv hlub
 i thinking to myself how we had plan
but now all i feel is tearing falling from my eyes
i pretend it wasn't true, but the fact is your really gone
i was
as time past ,
I remember how we were,
Now you're an angel departed to the heavenly sky,

[Wi_sweetguy]

I give credit to the writer of this story.  I hope we all can learn and bring changes to the future.

The Sick Marriage
It’s the middle of May, there hasn’t been much talk about what’s going on in Dara’s life, but her family knows that things in her marriage aren’t good. Every bodyknows that she being abused by her husband. But there is nothing they can do; they have to follow the Hmong traditions. Everybody knows Dara is scared to tell someone about her problems, that she’s lost and has noway out. Many have tried to help but Dara can’t leave the marriage and come back home and lead a normal life like nothing happened. She would be considered worthless in the Hmong community if she were to get a divorce. When Dara came to visit, we all knew what happened that night, the fight her husband had started with her uncle and brothers. Drunk, he was, but that doesn’t change the fact that he was taking control over Dara. Dara’s parents asked her to stay with them and leave her husband, but without hesitation, she said no. She was blindly in love and couldn’t betray him. To this day many wonder why she chose the path she did. But, that mystery will never be solved. She was so strong when she wasn’t married, as if she’d be the one to take control over her husband. But instead, love took control over her, and that led to her husband taking control over her. When everyone saw Dara, she had bruised cheeks; people would ask her “How.” Her answers were always, “I and my husband were only playing and he accidentally pinched my cheeks too hard, that’s all.” Every time we saw her she had bruises. But sadly, there was nothing we could do to prevent harm to her. All we could do was try to help, try to make her come back home, and try to make her run away from the horrible nightmare. But in the end, nothing worked.

And so, the story of the sickening marriage begins. It is the year of 2002; it’s been about 5 months now since we lost a cousin, Wong Thao. Dara left her Fresno home a week prior to June 1 with her son Kurtis.No body knew why Dara left without checking in with her family. The only thing they knew was that Dara had left on May 25 with Kurtis to visit her cousin Naleka Thao.But the two never arrived. Naleka wentto California to visit a married sister and so decided to visit Dara too. Dara and Naleka were closes cousins, yet Dara never got to where Naleka was patiently waiting. Dara’s husband, Kor Lee, was supposedly in Wisconsin on vacation. When her familyin Colorado heard about her disappearance they were all struck. Everybody was wondering where Dara had gone. Dara’s family was worried yet they all tried staying strong. Soon after her disappearance her family in Colorado left to California to help search for Dara and kurtis. People were searching every where in Balch Camp, the place Dara was last seen and supposedly located. It was hard to search for both Dara and Kurtis, but her family did all they could. Then,the body of Kurtis Lee was found on June 2, 2002, dead. He was found under a rock, naked. Kurtis was wearing his golden necklace his grandfather had bought for him. The officers took the necklace to the family to identify the body with. When they saw the necklace, they verified that the body was Kurtis’. Kurtis Lee died at the age of 21 months. The death of Kurtis brought much grieving, a lot of tears, and most importantly the will to keep trying to find Dara. Dara’s mom was getting angry, knowing what Kor’s family had done to Dara, she could never forgive them. So, Dara’s parents went to see a Buddha. The Buddha said that who ever hid Dara hid her in a very good place. That they had put a cloth over Dara and hid her so that nobody could find nor see her (meaning a ghost had doneit or spirit). After hearing what the Buddha had said Dara’s mom, Karen Yang, called Kor’s house. Kor’s brother had picked up and Karen said that if they did not bring or find her daughter they’d regret ever hurting her. After the sudden phone call from Karen, Dara’s body was found thenext day, June 7, 2002. Dara’s mother covered her eyes and breathed deeply, then sobbed as she watched a sheriff’s helicopter fly the body of her youngest daughter away from the scene. Dara was found only 21 miles away from where Kurtis’ body had been found. The shock broke through all the way to Colorado. Her death struck the family through the heart and sadly put them in tears, Dara being the 3rd child/family they had lost since the year of 2000.

Dara was having such a successful life, learning to become a cosmetologist, and even graduating that year. But the Cruel and unjust of Kor’s family took away what she had earned. Dara was physically and emotionally abused, and nobody had the power to save her from her fate. No one knew about what she was going through till the very end. Many Hmong people in the community that Dara lived in did car washes to earn money for Kurtis. Their death struck all theHmong people in the community. The money they had raised was given to Kor Lee. Many people came to the car wash even if they didn’t want their car washed, many wanted to donate money. The day of her funeral was a sad day. Lee Yang, a cousin to Dara by marriage, sat by Dara’s casket. After she left she cried, saying she didn’t want Dara to be alone, she didn’t want her to be scared. Youa Chang, Dara’s aunt who lived in Visalia, also sat by the casket wanting to be near Dara, who she calls “My baby,” one last time. Dara’s teachers from her high school, Pershing High school, came on the day of her funeral. Amy Hall one of her teachers from Pershing, read a poem Dara had written, tears welled up in Hall’s eyes when she read the poem. Remembering the potential that was lost in Dara’s deathbrought much tears to her. The poem Dara and written showed everyone that she did love her husband unconditionall y. Though she may have been abused and hurt, Dara kept loving him with all her heart and soul. Yet, her family didn’tblame her for loving her, for it is true that love will sometimes blind you in ways you never thought of. After finding Dara the police of Fresno left the case assuming she had committed suicide. Many of them said she had killed her son. Buther family wouldn’t believe it, they knew that she loved her child more than anything in the world and could never bear killing someoneshe loved. She could never kill her child so brutally. Heruncle stated that they knew that if Dara were to commit suicide she would’ve told someone close to her. The story of Dara Thao and Kurtis Lee ends here. But they will always live in our lives like they always have. They will never be forgotten but treasured; the love we have for them will never cease but grow stronger with every tear that falls.

What happened to her Husband?? On November 17, 2002, Kor Lee was arrested for assaulting his ex-girlfriend and making threats against her. He had threatened to kill her, threatened her about Dara`s death. And yet, the Fresno police had not given out the information nor have they looked into the case again. Kor Lee, is now in jail for assault, but not for the murder of his own wife and child. I, for one, will never believe what the Fresno cops have to say about Dara and Kurtis` death. They only want money, and their way of judgement is unfair. There have been so many cases similar to Dara`s, and theirs were looked at with more concern. For example, the Lacey Peterson Case.

[Wi_sweetguy]

Song of Mourning Music plays key role in traditional Hmong funeral for 19-year-old Dara Thao.
BY: Guy Keeler, The Fresno Bee June 16, 2002, Sunday
The deep voice of Cha Wa Kou Xiong drifted through the Cooley Community Chapel in west Fresno, providing lyrical directions to guide the spirit of Dara Thao to heaven. But in death, as in life, Dara Thao's song was short.

At traditional Hmong funerals, the spirit of a departed loved one is guided by song on a reverse journey through life. Those who are old and have lived in many places require longer songs to carry them back to their place of birth, where it is believed the spirit must go to find its way into the next life.

Dara Thao, who died at 19, was born in San Diego and lived in Visalia and Denver before coming to Fresno. Those who knew her wonder about the things she might have done and the places she might have seen if her life had not been cut short.

Thao's body was found June 7 in the north fork of the Kings River near Balch Camp. The body of her 21-month-old son, Kurtis Lee, was found five days earlier about two miles upstream.

Authorities have not determined why Thao, who was last seen May 26, drove into the mountains two hours east of Fresno nor how she and her son ended up in the river.

As Xiong sang the Hmong words that would carry Thao's spirit back in time to the place of her birth, relatives and friends moved in and out of the chapel to pay their respects. Many sat quietly in pews. Others chatted with friends while children wandered about.

Several mourners contributed money to help defray the cost of Thao's funeral, then bowed toward the casket to express their respect and sorrow.

Xiong sat next to Dara Thao's closed casket as he sang. Gold and silver papers, folded in the shape of boats, lined a nearby wall. The papers, one from each family member, represented money for the spirit's journey and would be burned later.

In an adjacent building, volunteers cut up the meat from five cows butchered to feed mourners. More than 1,000 people were expected to attend Thao's funeral, which began at 7 a.m. Saturday and will conclude at 1 p.m. Monday.

Lee Yang, 21, a cousin to Thao by marriage, arrived at 8:30 a.m. Saturday and sat in a folding chair next to Thao's closed casket. She maintained her vigil for more than three hours without tears, not wanting to distract Thao's spirit while Xiong was singing.

Tears filled Yang's eyes when she finally stepped away from the casket and sat on a nearby pew.

"I wanted to be by Dara's side," Yang explained. "I didn't want her to be scared. I never got a chance [while Thao was alive] to tell her everything would be OK."

Yang, who gave birth to a son five months ago, valued Thao's advice on taking care of babies.

"Dara was fun and so positive," Yang said. "She loved her son and always worried about him. I never thought I would lose someone so close to me, so young and outgoing."

Yang has fond memories of doing Thao's nails and going out to dinner with her.

Youa Chang of Visalia, Thao's aunt, helped care for Dara when she was an infant. Chang, too, sat by the casket, wanting to be near the young woman she calls "my baby" one last time.

"We lived in San Diego, and I took care of Dara until she was 3 years old and we moved to Visalia," Chang said. "I remember when she was little, she always carried her bottle and a blanket as she followed me around."

Xiong, who sang for about three hours, completed Thao's song a few minutes after noon. Drumbeats and the haunting tones of the qeej, a traditional Hmong flute made of six bamboo tubes, continued to provide guidance for Thao's spirit after Xiong stepped away.

But new sounds of sorrow quickly filled the room as relatives approached the casket and cried openly while some sang mournful laments in Hmong.

David Raygoza, principal at Pershing High School, presented the diploma Dara Thao was to have received May 30 to Thao's husband, Kor Lee.

"Dara was a highly intelligent and highly motivated student," Raygoza said. "She completed four years of high school in 2 1/2 years. She was friendly and always had a big smile. Her death is a tremendous loss for Pershing High School and the Central Unified School District."

Amy Hall, Dara Thao's English teacher, read a poem by Thao that was selected for publication in an anthology of works by California students.

"Once upon a midsummer's night," the poem begins. "I prayed to the stars and heaven to take this pain away.

"But on that night a wish came true for in that instant I met you.

"I'll drop a tear in the ocean and when you find it, that's when I'll stop loving you.

"It's hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart can't stop."

Tears came to Hall's eyes as she remembered Dara Thao and the potential that was lost with her death.

"I will always remember Dara as one of the most polite, respectful, intelligent and lovely young women I have ever known," Hall said.

"She had a great work ethic. I believe she could have done anything she chose to pursue."
http://www.hmongunivers.angelcities.com/news20020616.html

[minorcharacter]

Thank you.  She was a distant cousin of mine that I never got to know very well.  I’ve only met her twice and although she was a few years older than me the maturity split us a decade a part.  It was actually on my birthday that my parents received the news; I’ll never forget the look on their faces that day.  She was so smart and inspirational; my parents loved Dara as one of their own.  I remember the day she passed my father said it was a huge loss for our Thao family.

[Wi_sweetguy]

Once upon a midsummer's night,"
"I prayed to the stars and heaven to take this pain away.
"But on that night a wish came true for in that instant I met you.
"I'll drop a tear in the ocean and when you find it, that's when I'll stop loving you.
"It's hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart can't stop."

by Dara T.


Once upon a midsummer's night,
I looked to the moon and asked for it to be brighter
To reflect off the ocean where I dropped my tear
Hoping it will stay there, but now I prayed to find it back
For what I gave you, can't be taken back

I wish upon the stars on that faithful day
As I took your hand, you made vows
To live, to love, and to cherish
To echo the wave with our love
But on that evening, heavens took me away

I asked the gods for the reasons of my existed,
He told me was to comfort your dark days and bring you light
For she was supposed to given you wonderful nights

Was I just a thing to be tender with?
God told me no, he gave her a chance to be with me
So I can be her guiding light, her savior
But my effort was like melting butter

The lord asked me what he should do to her
I insisted, nothing be done to the tainted memories we had
For I want a clean slate, a new beginning, a new dream
He asked me to open my hand and closed my eyes
With a small touch, my chamber of thoughts was clear of deceits and lies

Upon the midsummer's night,
I looked down the ocean to drop a tear
Will she really be here?
The thought should I or should I not?

Was my dream with god real or not?
For that faithful day, I decided not to drop a tear in to the ocean

For I wished upon the stars to never have met you
Although it was pleasure and pain
Life was always in rain

It was hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone who doesn't love you back
Given the circumstance, I wished to go back
To the time when I drove by
Looking into your medusa eyes
Never to take that leap

-- by WSG


To Dara
I searched the ocean and found your single drop of tear
once upon the shooting stars
your cries echoed through the heavenly courts

I came a bit too late
On that faithful day
You found me
You came too soon

For the heavens mourned
An angel of heavenly sent
To protect, to love, to serve

You're titanium heart to still protect even through death
Your desires to still believe
For someone so undeserving

You are now free
You gave humans a shot
To drop something as precious as your tear
In a ocean unpenetratable by their eyes

You were the Angel of savior
Come forth into the light
For righteousness and good heart will bear your true name

Walk to the heavenly gates, and for once you were heavenly sent
Break the titanium heart, for once it brought you pain
Empty your sweet tears, for once brought you bitterness

Walk into the light and stand above all
For your sake, the heavens called
Be upon the shooting stars,
So on this faithful day
you will live a new life miserable free

I hope you are doing well with your child.  May the angels watch over you soul and guide you to the light.  Where god will acknowledge your kindness and give life a new meaning.  One day, you will find justice.

by wsg
in loving memory of someone who's life was taken away, and may the gods punish those who have done her wrong.