Advertisement
Pages: 1 ... 6 7 [8] 9 10 ... 38

Author Topic: jokes, jokes, and more jokes  (Read 86900 times)

0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

Offline VillainousHero

  • Elite Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 13812
  • Gender: Male
  • Villain or Hero
  • Respect: +398
    • View Profile
Re: jokes, jokes, and more jokes
« Reply #105 on: April 04, 2015, 09:15:38 AM »
Two ladies walk up to the bartender and asks about some new drinks. The bartender tells them they're out of fruits so no fruity drinks.  The ladies insists on a having a strawberry daiquiri and apricot schnapps.  Bartender explains again, no fruits for fruity drinks.  Frustrated he asks the two ladies the following questions and they answered.

Did mother nature put the straw in strawberries?

No, God did

Did mother nature put the ape in apricots?

No, God did

Did mother nature put the freak in fruit?

No, there's no freak'n fruit.

No, God freak'n fruit.



Like this post: 0
Logged
The real villain is looking at you.  The last hero was just not true.  If everything works out in the end.  It's because all things make amends.
Adverstisement

Offline VillainousHero

  • Elite Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 13812
  • Gender: Male
  • Villain or Hero
  • Respect: +398
    • View Profile
Re: jokes, jokes, and more jokes
« Reply #106 on: April 04, 2015, 04:13:59 PM »
Women should never say such misleading things like this:

A guy was shopping in the supermarket. 

A nice lady was waving at him and says, "Hello"

Confused the guy says, "Do you know me?"

The nice lady replies, "I think you're one of my kids father."

The confused guy says, "I was young and didn't know any better, I'm married now!"

The nice lady says, "I'm one of his teachers."

 ;D ;D ;D



Like this post: 0
Logged
The real villain is looking at you.  The last hero was just not true.  If everything works out in the end.  It's because all things make amends.

Offline VillainousHero

  • Elite Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 13812
  • Gender: Male
  • Villain or Hero
  • Respect: +398
    • View Profile
Re: jokes, jokes, and more jokes
« Reply #107 on: April 04, 2015, 05:30:26 PM »
Quote from: tRouBLe on April 01, 2015, 07:34:32 PM
Mr. and Mrs. Smith had two daughters. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two girls decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for her sister behind garbage cans and bushes. Then she started looking in and under cars until a policeman approached her and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the girl replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business," she answered. Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The girl replied, "Why, yes."   :P

(Mr. and Mrs.  Buzzness had two daughters.  One is named Mandy Honey Buzzness.  Her sister is named Trub Ling Buzzness)  :2funny:

The other three LaBouche musketeers brothers: Shaddup, Beeqyuatt, and Treble.  Treble was basically the black sheep musketeer.

One day, they agreed to meet up at their usual place and go drinking in town.  They get to the first tavern.  Bouncer at the front says, "What are your names?"  They proceed to reply, "LaBouche!  Shaddup, Beeqyuatt and..."  Bouncer cuts them off, "We don't want any Treble here."  So they leave and goes to the next tavern.  Same thing happens, They are asked what are their names and then told that they don't serve any one by the name of Treble.  This goes one for a few times.

They finally come to a very noisy bar full of ruffians.  There was an open table in the middle of the place.  They sit down and the barmaid gets to their table and asks, "I'm Jessie.  What are your names and what do you want?" 
Somewhat frustrated, the two musketeers replied loudly, "Shaddap, Beeqyuatt and we want Treble here too."
Bar maid says, "So just the two of you?"
Shaddup and Beeqyuatt looks at each other and looks around.  Treble was missing.  They replied, "Jessie wait, for Treble to come here."
Bar maid jumps up on the table in the middle of the room.
"Attention everyone! Ferme La Bouche! Shut UP and Be Quiet!  They're looking for TROUBLE!  Is there TROUBLE HERE!"

The biggest meanest ruffian steps up with his zealous posse backing him up, "So you're looking for TROUBLE?"

"No! We are Not!  We are Waiting for TREBLE!"


« Last Edit: December 17, 2021, 03:31:46 AM by VillainousHero »

Like this post: +1
Logged
The real villain is looking at you.  The last hero was just not true.  If everything works out in the end.  It's because all things make amends.

Offline VillainousHero

  • Elite Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 13812
  • Gender: Male
  • Villain or Hero
  • Respect: +398
    • View Profile
Re: jokes, jokes, and more jokes
« Reply #108 on: April 04, 2015, 08:09:07 PM »
A middle age modern man gets a physical check up and takes the physician's prognosis to heart.

So he's now goes around town all happy with a hot gorgeous lady in arms every where he goes.

So he goes to get his hearing check out now with an ear doctor.  Swings his hot gorgeous lady all around, being all happy.

This ear doctor calls up his old physician and asks for his medical records, before giving him is prognosis.

The doctor asks the middle age man what his last prognosis was.

The middle age man replied.  "I was told to get a hot mamma and be cheerful when out in public."

The doctors says. "Your hearing is bad.  Says here you've got a heart murmur and be careful when out in public."



Like this post: +1
Logged
The real villain is looking at you.  The last hero was just not true.  If everything works out in the end.  It's because all things make amends.

Offline tRouBLe

  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Posts: 12541
  • Gender: Male
  • Welcome to PH! 😜
  • Respect: +1038
    • View Profile
Re: jokes, jokes, and more jokes
« Reply #109 on: April 06, 2015, 09:40:07 AM »
Funny, VH.   ;D



Like this post: 0
Logged
Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are. ~ John Wooden

Offline VillainousHero

  • Elite Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 13812
  • Gender: Male
  • Villain or Hero
  • Respect: +398
    • View Profile
Re: jokes, jokes, and more jokes
« Reply #110 on: April 06, 2015, 03:43:49 PM »
Quote from: tRouBLe on April 06, 2015, 09:40:07 AM
Funny, VH.   ;D

LOL....I always like the trouble joke.  O0



Like this post: 0
Logged
The real villain is looking at you.  The last hero was just not true.  If everything works out in the end.  It's because all things make amends.

Offline VillainousHero

  • Elite Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 13812
  • Gender: Male
  • Villain or Hero
  • Respect: +398
    • View Profile
Re: jokes, jokes, and more jokes
« Reply #111 on: April 09, 2015, 06:16:07 AM »
The adventures of Trouble, Shaddup, and Beqwyatt

One day the three brothers, Trouble, Shaddup, Beqwyatt went for a drive.  Trouble turned onto the highway and was listening to the news radio.  In a few minutes the news radio reports, "We've just got several calls that there's Trouble on highway 94, going the wrong direction at high speed."

Trouble was kind of frustrate at how wrongly the news radio got their story wrong.  Tells Shaddup and Beqwyatt to calls the news radio station.

"What's your name and what's your news?"

"Shaddup and Beqwyatt, got your story straight.  We're looking at Trouble on highway 94, and there's hundreds of cars going the wrong direction."

 ;D ;D ;D



Like this post: +1
Logged
The real villain is looking at you.  The last hero was just not true.  If everything works out in the end.  It's because all things make amends.

Offline VillainousHero

  • Elite Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 13812
  • Gender: Male
  • Villain or Hero
  • Respect: +398
    • View Profile
Re: jokes, jokes, and more jokes
« Reply #112 on: April 09, 2015, 06:41:34 AM »
Trouble at work:

Trouble is the top producer at work.  He's been very stress so they hired a new blonde worker.  Her name was Hayu Klueluz.  So Trouble told Hayu that he's gonna pretend to be a lightbulb on the ceiling.  The boss will think he's crazy stressed out and give him the day off.  Anyway Trouble was teaching Hayu how to do the work on her first day.

Later the boss walks in and see's Trouble hanging on the ceiling.  "What are you doing?"

Trouble says, "I'm a lightbulb!"

The boss says, "Clearly you are stressed out, you may take the rest of the day off.  See you bright and shiny tomorrow."

Trouble jumps down and walks off.  Hayu gets up and walks off right after Trouble.

The boss says, "Hey you clueless. Who do you think you are and where do you think you're going?"

Hayu replies, "That's right, I'm Klulezz and if there's no Trouble, I can't get any work done in the dark."

 ;D ;D ;D






Like this post: 0
Logged
The real villain is looking at you.  The last hero was just not true.  If everything works out in the end.  It's because all things make amends.

Offline VillainousHero

  • Elite Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 13812
  • Gender: Male
  • Villain or Hero
  • Respect: +398
    • View Profile
Re: jokes, jokes, and more jokes
« Reply #113 on: April 10, 2015, 03:13:41 AM »
Trouble seeks advice on getting dates

So Trouble went to see a dating counselor and got some really good advice on how to get attention from women that next time he sees them in the bar.

Sure enough he goes to make use of it that night.  So Shaddup and Beqwyatt accompanies Trouble.  They get to the bar.  It was ladies night out for sure.  As usual the ladies ignore the three LaBouche brothers.  Trouble goes to make his move.

He sees a the green and yellow John Deere as prop in the corner of the bar.  He sits on it and chills with a beer.  Then he gets up, walks to the front of the John Deere, gets a great big grin, and does his sexy striptease swagger towards its.  He flexes his arms, does the Mr. Olympia pose, rips his shirt off, and rides his shirt.  He turns around and puts his buttocks on the grill of the John Deere and shakes.  By now all the women in the bar are looking at Trouble with jaws wide open.  They're all licking their chops.

Trouble sees how wonderful the advice of the dating counselor is working.

He yells, "Shaddup and Beqwyatt! I'm being sexy to a tractor (attract her)!"




Like this post: 0
Logged
The real villain is looking at you.  The last hero was just not true.  If everything works out in the end.  It's because all things make amends.

Offline VillainousHero

  • Elite Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 13812
  • Gender: Male
  • Villain or Hero
  • Respect: +398
    • View Profile
Re: jokes, jokes, and more jokes
« Reply #114 on: April 10, 2015, 05:32:41 AM »
Things we do and say that makes no sense:

Why do we drive on a parkway, but park on a driveway?

Why do we listen to a wise man, but we don't listen to a wise guy?

What do we put into a toaster?  Toast!  Wrong it's a slice of bread.

Why is it that one can order a Mexican Pizza, but can't even order an Italian Pizza?

If you know nothing, why are you full of it?





Like this post: 0
Logged
The real villain is looking at you.  The last hero was just not true.  If everything works out in the end.  It's because all things make amends.

Offline tRouBLe

  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Posts: 12541
  • Gender: Male
  • Welcome to PH! 😜
  • Respect: +1038
    • View Profile
Re: jokes, jokes, and more jokes
« Reply #115 on: April 15, 2015, 08:52:04 AM »
VH, you got jokes.   ;D    :D



Like this post: 0
Logged
Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are. ~ John Wooden

Giggles_Shyly

  • Guest
Re: jokes, jokes, and more jokes
« Reply #116 on: April 15, 2015, 08:21:41 PM »
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. :2funny: :2funny:



Like this post: +1
Logged

Giggles_Shyly

  • Guest
Re: jokes, jokes, and more jokes
« Reply #117 on: April 21, 2015, 10:09:15 AM »
Why did the banana start to peel???


Because it forgot to put sunscreen on


« Last Edit: April 28, 2015, 08:08:14 AM by Giggles_Shyly »

Like this post: 0
Logged

Offline VillainousHero

  • Elite Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 13812
  • Gender: Male
  • Villain or Hero
  • Respect: +398
    • View Profile
Re: jokes, jokes, and more jokes
« Reply #118 on: April 26, 2015, 12:26:52 PM »
Three daughters are named Jan, May, and April.  Their dad's name is August. What is their mother's name.

Is it June, November, or December?












Give up?












What do you think?






What is her name.



Like this post: 0
Logged
The real villain is looking at you.  The last hero was just not true.  If everything works out in the end.  It's because all things make amends.

Offline tRouBLe

  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Posts: 12541
  • Gender: Male
  • Welcome to PH! 😜
  • Respect: +1038
    • View Profile
Re: jokes, jokes, and more jokes
« Reply #119 on: April 28, 2015, 09:14:22 AM »
Quote from: Giggles_Shyly on April 15, 2015, 08:21:41 PM
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. :2funny: :2funny:

That was definitely funny.   ;D    ;)

Quote from: VillainousHero on April 26, 2015, 12:26:52 PM
Three daughters are named Jan, May, and April.  Their dad's name is August. What is their mother's name.

Is it June, November, or December?


Give up?


What do you think?


What is her name.

At first, I thought it was Three.   ;D    :D



Like this post: 0
Logged
Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are. ~ John Wooden
Pages: 1 ... 6 7 [8] 9 10 ... 38
 

Advertisements