Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place:
First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.
Second guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I'll build her a new deck for the pool.
Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I'll remodel the kitchen for her."
They continue to fish when they realized the fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?"
Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 AM. When it went off, I shut off the alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, "Fishing or Sex" and she said, "Wear a sweater."
A drunk decides to go ice fishing, so he gathers his gear and goes walking around until he finds a big patch of ice. He heads into the center of the ice and begins to saw a hole. All of sudden, a loud booming voice comes out of the sky.
"You will find no fish under that ice."
The drunk looks around, but sees no one. He starts sawing again. Once more, the voice speaks.
"As I said before, there are no fish under the ice."
The drunk looks all around, high and low, but can't see a single soul. He picks up the saw and tries one more time to finish. Before he can even start cutting, the huge voice interrupts.
"I have warned you three times now. There are no fish!"
The drunk is now flustered and somewhat scared, so he asks the voice, "How do you know there are no fish? Are you God trying to warn me?"
"No", the voice replied. "I am the manager of this hockey rink."
Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses." We don't have any." replied the first blonde.
"Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the Game Warden. "But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead in this river?!"
A lady goes into a sporting goods store to buy a fishing rod to give to her husband for his birthday. A salesman wearing dark glasses with a dog is behind the counter and asks, "Can I help you ma'am?"
"Well, I'd like to buy a fishing rod, can you tell me about this one?" she replies.
The salesman replies, "I'm sorry ma'am but I am blind and cannot see the rod you're referring to. However, if you'll drop it on the counter, I'll tell you all about it as I can tell rods by the sound they make."
So the lady picks up the rod and drops it on the counter.
"That's a Zebco 2500, fiberglass, 6'2" long, medium action - costs $55.95," he says.
The lady is amazed. She asks if she can try again. Finding another rod, she drops it on the counter.
"That's an Orion 35C, graphite, saltwater casting rod, 7' even - costs $135.00," he responds.
Impressed, the lady decides to buy the second rod. As the blind clerk is ringing up the sale, the lady walks a short distance away to look at fishing reels. As she returns to the counter, she cannot help herself, and makes a distintive sound as she passes gas. Embarrassed, but figuring the clerk will have no idea who did it, she elects not to apologize.
Finished with the sales tally, the clerk says, "That will be $170.00"
"What?" says the lady. "You said the rod was only $135.00."
"That's right ma'am," says the clerk. "$135.00 for the rod, $30.00 for the duck call, and $5.00 for the bait.
