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Author Topic: How is my story so far?  (Read 7657 times)

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Offline VillainousHero

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Re: How is my story so far?
« Reply #15 on: May 21, 2015, 02:31:05 AM »
I'm reading it like a multi-plot multi-concept translated anime.  I take it you're getting used to that word processor, since the compounded sentences weren't present in your latter chapters.  Your contradictory descriptions has been greatly reduced, so your imagery is getting better.



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The real villain is looking at you.  The last hero was just not true.  If everything works out in the end.  It's because all things make amends.

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composition07

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Re: How is my story so far?
« Reply #16 on: May 21, 2015, 03:20:44 AM »
I'm reading it like a multi-plot multi-concept translated anime.  I take it you're getting used to that word processor, since the compounded sentences weren't present in your latter chapters.  Your contradictory descriptions has been greatly reduced, so your imagery is getting better.

Well, can you at least highlight which section needs to be fix on your thoughts? And yes, it's a Marvel/Anime style. I was aspired by them.



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composition07

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Re: How is my story so far?
« Reply #17 on: May 21, 2015, 03:21:28 AM »
You know that these people aren't humans, right? They are Tyrenkians...



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composition07

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Re: How is my story so far?
« Reply #18 on: May 21, 2015, 03:23:03 AM »
I'm reading it like a multi-plot multi-concept translated anime.  I take it you're getting used to that word processor, since the compounded sentences weren't present in your latter chapters.  Your contradictory descriptions has been greatly reduced, so your imagery is getting better.

One more thing...I don't get what you mean by 'Multi-plot and Multi-concept translated?'



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zena

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Re: How is my story so far?
« Reply #19 on: May 21, 2015, 01:06:48 PM »
Not bad.  I read the first part and briefed through the rest because there's just too much back story all in one area.  Some grammatical errors...mostl y mixing present tense with past tense.  I do the same thing when I write.

I guess for me I don't understand this kind of writing of anime-like process very well so it's difficult to understand what's really going on. This is what I got so far though: the protagonist is the angel of wrath who returns to fight for what he believes, or to avenge his enemy.  He also has an interest in learning about who his parents are because it's insight into who he is.  He seems to be the second coming, per se.

I like the back story but there is so much to the "facts" and not enough character development or present story or world building.




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composition07

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Re: How is my story so far?
« Reply #20 on: May 21, 2015, 02:04:47 PM »
Not bad.  I read the first part and briefed through the rest because there's just too much back story all in one area.  Some grammatical errors...mostl y mixing present tense with past tense.  I do the same thing when I write.

I guess for me I don't understand this kind of writing of anime-like process very well so it's difficult to understand what's really going on. This is what I got so far though: the protagonist is the angel of wrath who returns to fight for what he believes, or to avenge his enemy.  He also has an interest in learning about who his parents are because it's insight into who he is.  He seems to be the second coming, per se.

I like the back story but there is so much to the "facts" and not enough character development or present story or world building.

I was more focus on Jei-Ru, Reik Léion, and Mazeyus. The first two chapters was to explain the world that I brought. His character will be develop soon. There's more to the story and it's not quite done yet.

I'm glad you like it. However, I would like for you to highlight which part that you think needs to be fix. I will fix it to your likings or any other likings...



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composition07

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Re: How is my story so far?
« Reply #21 on: May 21, 2015, 02:26:46 PM »
Not bad.  I read the first part and briefed through the rest because there's just too much back story all in one area.  Some grammatical errors...mostl y mixing present tense with past tense.  I do the same thing when I write.

I guess for me I don't understand this kind of writing of anime-like process very well so it's difficult to understand what's really going on. This is what I got so far though: the protagonist is the angel of wrath who returns to fight for what he believes, or to avenge his enemy.  He also has an interest in learning about who his parents are because it's insight into who he is.  He seems to be the second coming, per se.

I like the back story but there is so much to the "facts" and not enough character development or present story or world building.

it's mix: DC, Marvel, and Anime. I am combining it from what I was aspired from it.


I imagine Reik to look like this:

http://celesse.deviantart.com/art/A-Cowboy-183257438

http://www.deviantart.com/browse/all/?q=Cowboy+anime&offset=10

http://www.ew.com/sites/default/files/i/2011/05/11/Clint-Eastwood-Good-Bad-Ugly_610.jpg

I imagine Aruja to look like this:

http://nefar007.deviantart.com/art/spawn-67934840

http://chainshred.deviantart.com/art/Grim-Reaper-43394199

http://tomedwardsconcepts.deviantart.com/art/The-Grim-Reaper-456038276  (He use his own blood blue for power)

http://tomedwardsconcepts.deviantart.com/art/The-Grim-Reaper-436637946

http://tomedwardsconcepts.deviantart.com/art/Archangel-405124314

http://mn.kobiz.or.kr/cheditor/attach/OGrojXywUlSBRyuDIjvT.jpg (Older Form) {When he is dead}

http://i2.listal.com/image/1347340/500.jpg (Younger Form (Teenage)) {When he was alive}

I imagine Mazeyus to look like this:

http://wallpaperswa.com/thumbnails/detail/20121122/blondes%20blue%20eyes%20men%20actors%20jude%20law%20faces%20portraits%201600x1200%20wallpaper_wallpaperswa.com_49.jpg

http://inetres.com/gp/anime/8ma/8ma_05.jpg

http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/z/attractive-young-businessman-urban-background-portrait-wearing-blue-suit-necktie-blonde-hair-34740263.jpg

--------------------

Just to let you know that I was trying to explain the origin of Reik and Aruja first before meeting their characters.


« Last Edit: May 21, 2015, 02:30:09 PM by composition07 »

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zena

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Re: How is my story so far?
« Reply #22 on: May 21, 2015, 02:42:16 PM »
I was more focus on Jei-Ru, Reik Léion, and Mazeyus. The first two chapters was to explain the world that I brought. His character will be develop soon. There's more to the story and it's not quite done yet.

I'm glad you like it. However, I would like for you to highlight which part that you think needs to be fix. I will fix it to your likings or any other likings...

I C.  I guess you can do character development later.  Personally, I prefer it earlier in the story because I require it to keep reading otherwise, I can't connect to the characters (good or evil) and I don't continue.

As for highlighting, that would take me too much time and I don't do it for free.  You'll have to do what other writers do: finish your story then find an editor who will edit your story for payment.



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zena

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Re: How is my story so far?
« Reply #23 on: May 21, 2015, 02:47:06 PM »
it's mix: DC, Marvel, and Anime. I am combining it from what I was aspired from it.


--------------------

Just to let you know that I was trying to explain the origin of Reik and Aruja first before meeting their characters.

You might want describe them in that way.  I couldn't picture them in my head because there was no description of them (no character development such as: clothing style, jewelry, personalities, size, height, features, expression, etc.)



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Offline VillainousHero

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Re: How is my story so far?
« Reply #24 on: May 21, 2015, 03:22:14 PM »
One more thing...I don't get what you mean by 'Multi-plot and Multi-concept translated?'
You have multiple characters with their own short stories as part of the whole story, and time line isn't linear, since multiple characters are recounting from their perspective.

Your multi concept crosses known religion mostly Christianity and some Jewish.  There's the multi dimensional allusion to Aliens, Angels, and devils.  Then your other worldly powers and even the concept of multiplane existence of flesh, mind, and soul.  You're creating an entirely different world with different sets of laws that most anime works wouldn't do.  Its like combining all the Final Fantasy worlds together.



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The real villain is looking at you.  The last hero was just not true.  If everything works out in the end.  It's because all things make amends.

composition07

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Re: How is my story so far?
« Reply #25 on: May 21, 2015, 06:50:44 PM »
You have multiple characters with their own short stories as part of the whole story, and time line isn't linear, since multiple characters are recounting from their perspective.

Your multi concept crosses known religion mostly Christianity and some Jewish.  There's the multi dimensional allusion to Aliens, Angels, and devils.  Then your other worldly powers and even the concept of multiplane existence of flesh, mind, and soul.  You're creating an entirely different world with different sets of laws that most anime works wouldn't do.  Its like combining all the Final Fantasy worlds together.

Well, it's going to be a mix. It's anime combine with DC and Marvel. The world that I am creating is a polycultural race. Neinchian is China, Iton is Japan, Eglas is England, and Bostovia is Russsia.

America is known as the United Republic of Federation since it deals with politics, religion, and history all together. What you are reading has to deal something like this.



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