So there I was...
We had just gotten out of the field from doing some joint training with the Croatian Army. They had come stateside to train with us in preparation for their deployment to Afghanistan. They had only about 1 1/2 weeks left here in the US before they would fly back home and get their things ready to deploy out to combat. And normally your last week before flying back out of anywhere in the military is a drunk fest.
So me being me, I thought I'd go to the bar on base and get me something to drink. I saw two of my buddies there already so I was at a good start. We began talking about our war stories of being in Iraq and that's when they showed up. A posse of Croatians came in and sat along the bar rail across from us. Things got very quiet and nobody said a word. So once again; me being me, I decided to break the air of silence using the only tool I knew how. Shots!
I asked them what they wanted to drink. And they responded with a no thanks. Well I felt that wasn't good enough so I ordered anyways. In Eastern Europe, the preferred alcoholic drink most of the time is Vodka so I ordered some Vodka for all of them. They asked what it was and I told them. They thanked me for it and the next thing you know, I had a shot of Vodka sitting at my stool. They looked over at me and said that's for you. So now the game was on. I ordered another round of Vodka and they drank. I drank. They drank. I drank. They drank. I drank. And I finally realized that it had to stop. It was only about 9 PM at night and I was gonna go to sleep by 10 at this rate. I finally walked over to them and asked for their names and shook their hands. They thanked me personally for all the shots I bought them and I did the same for them. We got to know each other personally and learned about each other's cultures and customs. I eventually noticed that one of them was an attractive 5'4 blonde. She didn't say much which is probably why I didn't notice her. I asked them if they were gonna be around tomorrow night and they said they were thinking about heading out to town tomorrow night. I told them I would be here at the same place again if they were interested. We parted our ways around 2 in the morning and I was supposed to be awake by 5.
I woke up still drunk. I got to work and chugged down as much coffee as I could. I knew today was going to be a long day. I told everyone at work about the Croatians and that we should all go meet them up tonight to have some drinks together. They weren't about it. Who wants to hang out with dudes right? Finally I mentioned that, "Well, there is this one cute blonde chick they have with them. I think she might be the only one they have in their formation." Everybody's eye lit up like a Christmas tree and now they were dialed in. All these American boys wanted was a chance and I just gave it to them.
Fast forward to the night. We ended up going to the same bar. We waited wondering if they were ever going to show up. About an hour and a half went by and sure enough, they did. This time they came in force. There had to be about at least 50 of them. And of course the dudes and one dudette that were with me the other day told them about me. So of course, everybody wanted to buy me drinks. Folks, if you've ever been the groom or best man at a Hmong wedding; your worst nightmare just walked right into the door and it's about be a rollercoaster. I began to prepare myself mentally after the first three waves of shots came pouring in. Of course I gave mines in return but a small ripple has no effect in water when encountered by a tsunami and I was getting flooded with drinks. I tried walking away or going to the bathroom but these dudes would wait on me if I went anywhere remote within the bar. And there were many of them so all I could do was take and give. I tried getting some of my Soldiers to help but they looked at me like I was crazy. All in the meanwhile, every other US Soldier that was in that bar had one target in mind only; the cute blonde girl that was with the Croatians. I was on my own.
Finally, it stopped. Their Commander wanted to see me and my buddy Staff Sergeant Deidrich. He wanted to know our names, what our ranks were and what kind of experiences we had in relations to war. According to his men, this guy was a war hero. He was a sniper during the Serbian Wars and had a lot of confirmed kills. He clearly had the respect of his men. No one would buy me shots because I was talking to the man himself. Eventually, he stopped asking questions and offered to buy us a round of shots. We both agreed. I tried to buy the man one but he absolutely refused because it was against his policy to ever let someone he outranked buy him a shot because he felt his pay grade made him obligated through respect and honor to always offer that gesture to them rather than him. I honored and respected his words. It was clear that this guy was a man amongst men. He then began to tell me and my buddy how much he liked our warrior spirits and asked us if he could, ask if we deploy with him and his men to Afghanistan. I didn't know how to respond and I was drunker than sh!t so I agreed. He took down our names.
I was then pulled away by one of his junior Officers. I forget his name but I know he was a Lieutenant (LT). The good LT had something he wanted to tell me in private outside so we went outside to have a smoke. We went outside about 20 feet beyond the main doors and standing next to us now was the cute blonde haired girl. He started to talk to me; asking me about my interests. He asked me what I liked to do on my free time, what my job and rank was. I told him what I could. But I could tell there was more he wanted to ask and soon he did. And this was our conversation: (keep in mind he kind of speaks like Borat so try to understand the verbiage I'm using)
LT: Sergeant, I have sometink I vould like to tell you.
Me: What is it sir? You're good.
LT: She vould like to tell you sometink. I not so sure how say this.
Me: It's okay. I don't mind really.
LT: Vell... she likes you.
Me: Yeah. It's quite alright. I tend to have that way around other Soldiers.
LT: No, no, no. She likes you. She vould like to know more about you.
Me: She likes me?
LT: Yes. Vould you like to be vith her?
Me: Woah, woah, woah. I have a woman.
LT: A voman? I don't understand.
Me: A woman. A lady. A girl. We're together.
LT: Ohhh. It's okay. I have one too.
Me: No. We are together. We don't do stuff like that.
LT: It's okay. I von't tell.
As you can see. I wasn't going anywhere with this conversation. I had managed to gain the attention of the one girl that each and every swinging d!ck in my unit was trying so hard to get with. Of course I wanted nothing to do with it but how was I supposed to let her know I wasn't interested. Improvise and adapt. It's what they teach us in the Army. I knew what I needed to make this work and it would require a key player in my team, my star c0ck blocker: Specialist Koepler (Kep). Kep had a way with woman that wasn't really a way at all. It was just straight out rude and to the point. But I knew that I needed that now, more than ever. It just so happens that he was outside having a cigarette when I needed him. And of course he was already drunker than sh!t so I knew I could rely on his expertise. As I was talking to the LT about our arrangement with his female Soldier, I called for Kep so I could introduce him to them. Kep instantly replied, "What do you need Sarg?" I glanced over at the girl as he watch my eyes look over there and he realized real quick what was going on. He then laughed and said, "So you're the lucky girl that's wants to bone my Sarg?" She didn't know what he was saying but the LT explained to her what he said. Kep went on to say things that I can't regurgitate without turning this post into the adult forum but one can only imagine. She eventually got disgusted and stormed herself back into the bar away from me and Kep.
I high fived my man and went back inside and got extremely stupid drunk. I ended up drinking with the Croatian Army until 4 in the morning knowing that I had to get up at 5. Regardless to say it was a long day afterwards but I knew that I had won my battle with the Croatians at the Battle of the Shots.
Topic: Darksyde's Drunkin Adventures (Read 11510 times)