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Author Topic: Bring up ansetors problem at weddings  (Read 2276 times)

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Offline one_change08

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Bring up ansetors problem at weddings
« on: June 12, 2015, 11:04:36 AM »
I just hate it when our generation gets married Hmong way and during the negotiation, they bring up problems within the two clans and then the bride side says they want more money because of that problem. I don't understand why they place the problem between the two ancestors to the newly weds? It doesn't bring anything, but more problems. And sometimes the kids don't get married because the groom side leaves because the bride side ask for more money and being righteous. Have anyone experienced this or know of someone who had? What do you guys think of this?



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Offline Giggles_Shyly

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Re: Bring up ansetors problem at weddings
« Reply #1 on: June 12, 2015, 11:07:42 AM »
Among the elders, they always wait for an event to bring old news up and add on to the old news. Not just wedding does this happen, funerals even. Old people can't let go of the past, just not done, it's a respect thing that they are after.



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Offline one_change08

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Re: Bring up ansetors problem at weddings
« Reply #2 on: June 12, 2015, 12:49:12 PM »
Among the elders, they always wait for an event to bring old news up and add on to the old news. Not just wedding does this happen, funerals even. Old people can't let go of the past, just not done, it's a respect thing that they are after.

True. Og's hold grudges until they die. They can never let go. And that is what tears Hmong people apart. Because of past problems. One of my cousin almost didn't marry his wife because of that. It's like we don't even know who our great great grandpa who did something bad to your great great grandma and why are you putting their past problems and gluing it to your children who are in love and just want to get married? I still respect Hmong weddings, but that sheet gets blown out of proportion.



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Offline Giggles_Shyly

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Re: Bring up ansetors problem at weddings
« Reply #3 on: June 12, 2015, 12:52:49 PM »
True. Og's hold grudges until they die. They can never let go. And that is what tears Hmong people apart. Because of past problems. One of my cousin almost didn't marry his wife because of that. It's like we don't even know who our great great grandpa who did something bad to your great great grandma and why are you putting their past problems and gluing it to your children who are in love and just want to get married? I still respect Hmong weddings, but that sheet gets blown out of proportion.

It's like we young people say all the time: Forgiveness is achievable, it's the forgetting part that is hard. Like a broken record that ceases to be thrown away.



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“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.”

Offline one_change08

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Re: Bring up ansetors problem at weddings
« Reply #4 on: June 12, 2015, 01:04:51 PM »
It's like we young people say all the time: Forgiveness is achievable, it's the forgetting part that is hard. Like a broken record that ceases to be thrown away.

Yep. At least we can forgive.



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Offline yuknowthat

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Re: Bring up ansetors problem at weddings
« Reply #5 on: June 12, 2015, 05:04:04 PM »
Some hmong are stupid.. just paid the damn freakin money to mend all issues and then say lawm hnub nyuj ua nyuj thauj, nees ua rau nees ris. What happens in the past ends today. Hmoob mas ruam tiag. Stubborn as goat being drag across the river.

 Tus ua nrhiav plaub mas nim nrhiav plaub tag npauv li thiab. Coj cauj khaum, caus hoom leejtwg los yeej ntshai tsis xav nrog ua neej ua tsav. Lossis ua ntaus cov ntxhais tsis tau txiv yuav.



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Offline NeejYagHawj

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Re: Bring up ansetors problem at weddings
« Reply #6 on: September 28, 2015, 01:16:48 PM »
for those type of people, just run....there's nothing they could do.



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Offline anonymouse

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Re: Bring up ansetors problem at weddings
« Reply #7 on: September 28, 2015, 01:21:28 PM »
I hate this too.
Never in my immediate/extended family.  Usually distant family.
Seen a wedding not happen because of it.

And in another wedding.  It just went nowhere cause they couldn't negotiate the price. It took all night.



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Try to change the things you cannot accept.

Offline theking

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Re: Bring up ansetors problem at weddings
« Reply #8 on: September 28, 2015, 01:35:42 PM »
for those type of people, just run....there's nothing they could do.

Agree! No one can force you to marry another person here in this great country. Even after you bring the girl home and take her back to her parents' home for wedding proceedings i.e., overnight negotiation.

If there's problems during the negotiation process, you can pretty much say F-U, and get the F out. If the girl still wants to marry you, you two can still get marry in other forms and it's legal to boot vs. the primitive traditional Hmong wedding proceedings where they bring up issues a long time ago where you didn't have anything to do with it..



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Offline anonymouse

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Re: Bring up ansetors problem at weddings
« Reply #9 on: September 28, 2015, 01:43:26 PM »
Agree! No one can force you to marry another person here in this great country. Even after you bring the girl home and take her back to her parents' home for wedding proceedings i.e., overnight negotiation.

If there's problems during the negotiation process, you can pretty much say F-U, and get the F out. If the girl still wants to marry you, you two can still get marry in other forms and it's legal to boot vs. the primitive traditional Hmong wedding proceedings where they bring up issues a long time ago where you didn't have anything to do with it..

Yep. Can always just elope.

The only issues with it is.
1. possibly being disowned by relatives/parents.
2. In-Laws who don't love you.

But in the end who cares.  Move out, live on your own and take care of yourself. Problem solved.
If your siblings, friends, etc. can't be understanding, then you don't need them in your life.

If he was abusive and they worried about that.  That's different.

But if they stuck to primitive traditions, then it's their loss.

As they say.

When in Rome, Do as Romans do.



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Offline Believe_N_Me

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Re: Bring up ansetors problem at weddings
« Reply #10 on: October 02, 2015, 03:17:02 PM »
I just hate it when our generation gets married Hmong way and during the negotiation, they bring up problems within the two clans and then the bride side says they want more money because of that problem. I don't understand why they place the problem between the two ancestors to the newly weds? It doesn't bring anything, but more problems. And sometimes the kids don't get married because the groom side leaves because the bride side ask for more money and being righteous. Have anyone experienced this or know of someone who had? What do you guys think of this?

It has its place. However, if you have a problem with it then simply don't have a cultural wedding and forego all the traditional Hmong customs of getting married.

Perhaps learn to court women from families that are more Americanized in order to save yourself the headache of stepping on neej tsa's toes.

The blame is on you men who don't seem to know which women to court and from which clans/families. You are marrying their daughter so they have every right to intervene, negotiate, consult her, advise her, etc.

Don't like it? Txhob mus thab xwb los mas.



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Offline chidorix0x

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Re: Bring up ansetors problem at weddings
« Reply #11 on: October 03, 2015, 12:04:46 AM »
...  kekeke  ...   :2funny: ( :idiot2:/ ::))

All you ha'clueless ha'ignorant ha'idiotic ha'ranting HA'Mung basically only knows shiEEtz; that is wives' tales, gossip, nonsense, and utter garbage barring any factual/applicable facts/truths about the traditional Hmong/Mong wedding practice/ceremony, or negotiation/mediation process, based off of all the ha'dolt/dope-centric HA'Mung comments/posts thus far  ...  KEKEKE  ...   >:D

It is quite obvious and crystal clear that NONE of you ha'dolt/dope-centric HA'Mung has ever really sat through, much less understand/understood any/ALL of the negotiation (verbiage) being exchanged between the 2-4 wedding negotiators except what you ha'dolt/dope-centric HA'Mung either have been spoon-fed hyperbolically, or has dreamed up in all of ya wet dreams  ...  kekeke  ...   :idiot2:

This is one if not the MAIN reason/source of UTTER narrow-mindedness, ignorance, and of all things FALSELY (stOOpidity), or practically articulated LIES of and about Hmong culture, customs, and practices; meaning all of you ha'dolt/dope-centric HA'Mung are stOOpidly telling/spreading lies to the general public including your ha'idiotic ha'stOOpid selves rooted in your own ignorance, stOOpidity, and idiocy ...  KEKEKE  ...   ::)

HA'Hint:
The bride price (or dowry as some of you ha'idiotic HA'Mung keeps ha'ignorantly keeps calling/labeling it as) has practically NOTHING to do with "bringing up ancestral issues/problems" --  at least 9/10 times, or 9.99/10 times for that matter.    NO!  No explanation is warranted among ha'dolt/dope-centric HA'Mung  ...  kekeke  ...   8)  And NO!  I never said "ancestral issues/problems" CANNOT be brought up during a wedding either all you ha'dolt/dope-centric HA'Mung  ...  KEKEKE  ...   ;)  (But I can assure all you ha'idiotic ha'ignorant HA'Mung that 9/10 times, or 9.99/10 times, whatever is brought up is practically either a LIE, or an overly exaggerated accusation/allegation of and from $greedy$ parents/in-laws/relatives, or !!disgruntled!! (over other non-related, yet sensitive issues) ones.  Period.)

HA'Mung os HA'Mung ua cas yuav ruam tsis ruam kiag yuav ntse tsis ntse kiag es pheej ua HA'Mung quav dev luj leg xwb nas cov me HA'Mung ruag aw  ...  kekeke  ...   >:D



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