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Author Topic: The Start of Something New  (Read 19742 times)

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Offline anonymouse

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The Start of Something New
« on: August 05, 2015, 12:51:05 PM »
The closer it gets.  The more nervous I get.
In less than 30 days I'll be changing my entire life around.  It's pretty scary if you ask me.
I'll be at school monday-wednesday from 12-8.  Thursday-friday I'll be at internship.
Saturday, I plan on being at school to study and gym.

I figure.  If I'm going to pass this masters program, I'm going to need to do things i've never gone before.
That includes dozens of hours of studying.  It's nerve wrecking.

Of course, even though things are going well. I'm getting almost a full ride into college.
A part of me is still longing for something.  Still feeling a bit lonely.  Still feeling empty.
I keep trying to find other stuff to fit that hole, but it's never quite right.  And everything else eventually dissolves leaving the hole empty again.

But I guess.  I can't think about it now.  I've made my choice.  I've chosen what I wanted.
Rather than take the other path leading to love and marriage.
I chose the path that led to a career.  Always telling myself, love can come later. 
I admit i'm a bit a hopeless romantic.  I admit I can picture walking into the sunset.
But that'll be for another day.

The years passed.  THhings about me change.  But one thing tends to always be the same.
I'm always trying to guess the next thing. 

Like I've told my cousins and friends.  I'm not going to do a one night stand or try to smash every thing that walks by.
The reason why I won't is because I want to control my destiny.  I don't want my future to control me.  I don't want to randomly hook up and accidentally knock up someone
and then bam.. goodbye life.  No.  I like being in control of my destiny.  I won't let my future tell me what to do.  I decide what to do.

It's not like I regret my life. I love it. everything has came out well. I'm quite happy.
it's just everything I do doesn't feel as satisfactory without filling that hole up.

Perhaps one day I'll fill that hole. fill the void. Find that happiness. Find that peace.
And then, the future won't be such a big issue because the present is more important.

Until then.

 I've made my bed.  It's time to sleep in it.
less than 30 days left.
It's time for the start of something new.


« Last Edit: August 05, 2015, 01:03:20 PM by anonymouse »

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Dark Angel

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Re: The Start of Something New
« Reply #1 on: August 05, 2015, 01:03:30 PM »
I like your outlook on life and I like how you want to control your own destiny. I hope you get really far in life with your mindset.  :)



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Offline anonymouse

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Re: The Start of Something New
« Reply #2 on: August 05, 2015, 01:08:05 PM »
I like your outlook on life and I like how you want to control your own destiny. I hope you get really far in life with your mindset.  :)

Thanks DA.

With every choice a consequence. With every consequence, some opportunities are skipped.

But it is what it is.

I hope i get far too. It's exhausting. It's draining.  It takes a whole lot of work to try and control my destiny.
But I always figure.  It's for the best.  Rather than make a mistake and have to regret it for the rest of my life.
I'm measuring multiple times and cutting once knowing that the cut I make is one I prefer.  :)



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Dark Angel

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Re: The Start of Something New
« Reply #3 on: August 05, 2015, 01:16:24 PM »
It's better than walking on a road without a direction. Then getting lost at times and not being able to find the road back. When you know what you want, the road becomes much clearer and everything makes more sense.

All the sacrafices will pay off at the end. The bumpy road will become smooth. I wish you luck.



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Offline anonymouse

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Re: The Start of Something New
« Reply #4 on: August 05, 2015, 01:31:10 PM »
Very true..  But even when you get lost. You can always find your way.

I figured being spontaneous isn't a bad thing.  Sometimes its good to be spontaneous and just do something random for a change.
Just do something without much care.

But of course. for me. Spontaneity has it's limits. 

Maybe I should do what they say. enjoy the journey and focus on that instead of trying to get to the end.



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Dark Angel

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Re: The Start of Something New
« Reply #5 on: August 05, 2015, 01:35:53 PM »
Enjoy it... every minute of it. Life is too short to try and rush to the end... You will miss alot of things along the way..



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Offline VillainousHero

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Re: The Start of Something New
« Reply #6 on: August 05, 2015, 01:43:17 PM »
You have such an opportunity that most people don't get.  Used it to elevate yourself, but be humble to your roots.



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The real villain is looking at you.  The last hero was just not true.  If everything works out in the end.  It's because all things make amends.

Offline anonymouse

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Re: The Start of Something New
« Reply #7 on: August 05, 2015, 05:08:13 PM »
You have such an opportunity that most people don't get.  Used it to elevate yourself, but be humble to your roots.

Trying my best to be humble. As I learn more and more about myself over the years.  I begin to change and accept new things.  Often coming out insulting. but I try my best not to be rude.

I wish I went to grad school but I couldn't stomach the extra $$$. Good luck man, life is always a journey no matter where you turn.

I was going to take a loan , but lucky enough I got a grant to cover roughly 3300/4000 .. so I only pay 700 a semester.
I love learning. Tests and quizzes not really. But I know several of the professors and I really enjoy them so one way or another I was determined to get to grad school.
Thanks.   I'll keep that in mind.


Enjoy it... every minute of it. Life is too short to try and rush to the end... You will miss alot of things along the way..

Will Do. Will do..



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Offline VillainousHero

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Re: The Start of Something New
« Reply #8 on: August 05, 2015, 06:17:55 PM »
I myself am a forever student in heart and mind.  But I've strayed, cuz of the need to provide for others. 



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The real villain is looking at you.  The last hero was just not true.  If everything works out in the end.  It's because all things make amends.

Offline anonymouse

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Re: The Start of Something New
« Reply #9 on: August 11, 2015, 03:05:34 AM »
I myself am a forever student in heart and mind.  But I've strayed, cuz of the need to provide for others.

for myself. I find that, before I can provide for others. I must provide for myself.
And for that, I don't just mean food, shelter, clothing (basic needs).
But mental needs to keep myself at bay.  Even though I enjoy seeing other people happy. And that makes me very happy.
Deep down, I need some personal happiness.  And that comes from my own success.  I don't need others to celebrate with me. I don't need to gloat to others.
I just need to be able to feel like I'm on top of the world..

Might sound a bit self centered, but it's not necessarily a bad thing.

First me.  then others afterwards. I can't help others if I cannot help myself.  Something I learned the hard way.
I can't and shouldn't be helping clients if I'm mentally unhealthy.



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Offline anonymouse

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Re: The Start of Something New
« Reply #10 on: August 12, 2015, 05:08:56 PM »
Everything happens for a reason right?

I got my internship for the MSW. YAY!

The first internship, I wanted.  It sounded really great. the place was really nice and professional looking.
it was across town.
The interview was smooth and very easy.  The lady said she liked me and really wanted me, but they couldn't take me because one of the Supes got let go.

The second internship. It's a school district where I live. 
The interview was hard, but not that bad.  I got a confidence boost from the first internship, and it cooled alot of nerves down.
I used everything I had at my disposal.  Theories and concepts. references to video games, disney. and everything I could.

I was worried. But in the end I got it.

My sister assured me that it's meant to be.
And I guess she's right. I was meant to be here.  The first internship was more of a confidence booster and just to get my feet wet.



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Offline anonymouse

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Re: The Start of Something New
« Reply #11 on: September 04, 2015, 02:54:27 AM »
Haven't updated in about a month.

2 weeks ago I began a journey to change my life.

A day at a time I began cutting things out of my diet.  Yes I still have cheat days (like today, i can't NOt eat spring rolls).
Cut sugar, salt, rice, noodles (it's technically still rice), beef, pork. 

The beef and pork are temporary.  The others are for a longer duration.

My diet is mostly just chicken breasts and spinach.  YES IT'S TERRIBLE! lol. spinach is fine. chicken is so plain. 

4 more weeks after this week then I'll be cleansing my body with more water and adding other food again. 
I don't plan on going back to rice.  I'll maybe add some bread. 

I also began exercising:

When I began 2 sundays ago, I was 220 lbs.
I was so unfit I could barely jog 1/4th of a lap at the middle school. (terrible I know lol).
could barely do 5 push ups - ok I can't do it perfectly, but i couldn't even attempt 5.
Could barely do 5 burpees.

Now.
I am 212 lbs.
I can jog 2 laps straight.  And for the most part I can jog laps.
I can do 2 sets of 10 burpees and pushups.

I'm getting somewhere. :)

As for MSW.  It's so much reading..  but other then that I love being back.

I met several of the new fraternity members.  One is dorky and cute.  One is a potty mouth.  ANd the rest are pretty chill.
My classes aren't so bad for a first time around.

I'll probably post a video recapping the entire first week tomorrow or so.   Not yet done making it.



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Offline anonymouse

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Re: The Start of Something New
« Reply #12 on: September 16, 2015, 02:39:33 PM »
to her:

If you're wondering why I don't respond to you or never pick up when you send me a message.

Well the truth is.  You're a haha and I'm trying to be nice and not put you in check.

Put it this way.
When I was pledging for the fraternity.  You constantly bashed the greek system.
You smack talked about co-eds saying that co-ed fraternities were stupid, and if anything you would join a sorority.
Whenever you introduced me to your friends, you just so had to mention that I'm in this fraternity. and you say it in such a negative way.  They share your negative view too.  They questioned the pledging process, calling it stupid.

I was nice enough to not call them out just like I didn't call you out.

You were a good studying partner.  You were a helpful classmate.  But beyond that, you were a terrible person to be around.
What did you have against the fraternity I'm in?  At one point you claimed the club you were in was a rival to my fraternity. 
Even when I didn't want to talk to you about fraternity stuff, you would casually ring it in how disgusted you were.

And I always wondered why.

Was it because I told you I was thinking about joining your club, but I ended up joining the fraternity instead?  Do you have a grudge over that?  Because you aren't even in the club anymore.

I don't know what your problem is, but it's stupid.

And then when I graduated.  I heard that you pledged for the fraternity.  I was just going, "wait what?"  You? the fraternity? You hated us so much.  You bashed us so much.  And now you're being a part of us? at first i thought.  "Change of heart?"  it's possible.

But when I did speak with you again.  All you did was complain about the fraternity.  Look, if you don't like it.  You can leave.  It didn't look like you wanted to be here.  We're not perfect.  But we do alot of great things.  Maybe the problem isn't us, it's you.  You came in with such hate.  There's no possible way for us to change that. 

Just walk away and go another direction.  I'm doing my best not to call you out.  But if I have to.  I will.
Keep your mouth shut. Stop bashing the me and the fraternity and just move on.  Nobody wants to hear your crap.

I do find it ironic, possibly even poetic justice about our situations.
Several years ago while we were both undergraduates, you talked about how easy your classes were.  How you were understanding the stuff.  You spoke about an easy path to graduation.  You even mentioned how you get higher priority compared to me since you've been in college a year longer than I have.

But look at where we are now.  I'm in my first year of grad school, you are just getting into your last year of undergraduate.  You began a year before me, started your classes first.  Got an easy route.  I worked my butt off and here I am.  You spoke about being screwed with terrible professors and bad placement.  No it's just you.  You're just someone with excuses for everything.

It's time to just grow up.


« Last Edit: September 16, 2015, 02:48:47 PM by anonymouse »

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Offline anonymouse

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Re: The Start of Something New
« Reply #13 on: September 16, 2015, 02:59:24 PM »
I can say without a doubt.

I'm not addicted to video games.

I thought it would be the hardest habit to break but as it turns out it was one of the easiest.

I maybe play for 10 minutes everyday, sometimes even less. I mostly just go online to pick up my daily rewards and then logoff.

Good to know it's not an addiction.  I don't have a craving or withdraw effect going on.



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Dark Angel

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Re: The Start of Something New
« Reply #14 on: September 16, 2015, 03:02:34 PM »
I can say without a doubt.

I'm not addicted to video games.

I thought it would be the hardest habit to break but as it turns out it was one of the easiest.

I maybe play for 10 minutes everyday, sometimes even less. I mostly just go online to pick up my daily rewards and then logoff.

Good to know it's not an addiction.  I don't have a craving or withdraw effect going on.

That's good that you're not an addict to playing video. Not that it's bad but it just shows that you do have the strength to overcome such addictions. Are you addicted to PH?lol



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