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Author Topic: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...  (Read 10576 times)

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Offline Hung_Low

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #15 on: February 24, 2016, 09:43:29 PM »
Guys/Gals,

I never thought I would be in a situation like this, but recently found out my wife cheated on me. It's been a couple of weeks, and I came back home to try to worked it out a few times.  Now, life throws another curveball at me and I recently found out she is pregnant.  The thing is she lied about the dates she slept with the guy when I came back to try to work it out, and  now she is pregnant with a baby that could not be mine. I am debating on divorcing her, and she isn't planning to keep the kid.  I never thought I would be a yawg nrauj, and I have been out of the dating game for so long, I don't know how I will meet anyone else if I leave. Btw, I'm only 31 years old and my wife and I have been married 6 yrs.  Let me know your thoughts.

Bro... I'm telling you to cut tie with her while you still can without child support. You'll feel awkward at first jumping back to the dating game. But soon, it'll be fine. At your age, you're still very young in today's standard. Heck, I'm about your age and I'm not even married yet. Her behavior while you're still married to her already told us that she's not a good fit for you. If you take her back, she already own you and she'll abuse your love for her. You'll never truly forget or forgive her each time she does something bad to you. I might even consider it a mistake if it happen in a one-night stand but to be with the person for weeks and having his baby, that's not a mistake, that's a calculated two timing ho.

I was not even married when my x-gf cheated on me. We try to work it out but I was never able to forget or forgive her. That trust was broken. I eventually broke up with her... found out later that she's married and cheated on her husband too.

I had a cousin that went thru what you did... his wife cheated on him with a guy at her work place. She got pregnant and had an abortion. He found out and divorced her but soon took her back because his kids was missing her. She did this whole Hmong apologized thing, she had a big dinner and came and apologized to him and his whole family and beg to him to take her back. Guess what, 5 years later, she cheated on him again. Now, he's married to a wonderful woman and he's so much happier. He was 35 when he divorce her the second time.




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Offline nraug_hmoob

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #16 on: February 25, 2016, 03:31:21 AM »
Thanks everyone for their kind thoughts. Like my mom said to me, "qub neeg qub siab". I look at my situation and I know I have to decide if I can see myself with this person the next 5, 10, 20 years, and my heart says no.  It's the hardest things I ever had to do, to tell someone I loved, that I choose not to be them anymore.  However, I know staying that  I cannot accept what she did either. 



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Offline theking

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #17 on: February 25, 2016, 09:24:20 AM »
Thanks everyone for their kind thoughts. Like my mom said to me, "qub neeg qub siab". I look at my situation and I know I have to decide if I can see myself with this person the next 5, 10, 20 years, and my heart says no.  It's the hardest things I ever had to do, to tell someone I loved, that I choose not to be them anymore.  However, I know staying that  I cannot accept what she did either.

I know the difficulty level can vary from person to person in terms of breaking up but it's never been that hard for me if deep down I can foresee the relationship won't work for any reason. Mainly, because she's not the one. I hope you can find the one for you and good luck!



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Offline Believe_N_Me

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #18 on: March 07, 2016, 04:41:57 AM »
You should never let the fear of being single again be the reason for staying.

In order to figure out if she can be forgiven, here are some things to consider. Is this incident within her character? In other words, does she always pull b.s. and this incident only magnified those behaviors? What other good qualities does she have that outweighs this incident? And how easily can those qualities be found in others? Are those qualities extremely important to you?   



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Offline Buttercup

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #19 on: March 08, 2016, 09:10:20 PM »
You should take her to divorce court and do a DNA test to verify if it is your baby or not.  Make her pay for the DNA test and if the baby is yours.  Keep it!  Just to make her feel the pain.  lol

If the baby isn't yours, still keep it, and let it be adopted to a family who is in need of one.  31 years of age is very young.



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Offline Blongforever

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #20 on: March 18, 2016, 12:13:02 PM »
Do you know that lucky SOB that scored your wife?  She got nailed by that SOB real good man.  I'd divorce that door knob and move on.  Do you want to live with her and the thought of her allowing another man to nail her real good when you are not around for the rest of your life?  You may be a better man than I am so maybe you can handle that shit.  I think your problem is more complicated than her unfaithfulness and what you are sharing.  Are there children involved?



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Offline Believe_N_Me

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #21 on: March 20, 2016, 01:04:54 AM »
You can determine paternity before birth. Just simply have an amniocentesis performed. It's the same test they use to determine Down Syndrome. However, it's very costly.



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Offline yuknowthat

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #22 on: March 21, 2016, 08:59:45 AM »
Npawg! Being a divorcee is the new trend.lol jk. Dont worry about it. Its not only you that have been divorced. This whole world have millions who probably been divorce more than once.


31 is still young and right time to start thinking about marriage only.



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Offline autumnbreeze

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #23 on: March 24, 2016, 10:52:53 AM »
I can feel your pain just reading your post. I'm very sorry to hear that you're going through this.

I think that when a woman cheats on you, she no longer loves you. even if she still wants to work out and keep the marriage, that only means the other guy doesn't want her anymore. nws pom dej dag siab thiaj nqeg lawm. so basically, you are her second, her shelter when she has no where to go. the only reason why she now sees you as the best is because she was dumped by her lover. do you want to be second for the rest of your and her life? and always remember that once a cheater is always a cheater. some are able to get away from it, but many others revert back to their cheating behaviors. so good luck to you and I wish you the strength to make the best decision for you. since there is no kids yet, it won't be that hard. oh, and as another pher said, the fact that she wants to abort the child is because she's not sure whom the father is. since she wants to work it out with you, she's probably terrify that the baby might be her lovers so that's why she decides to abort it.



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Offline autumnbreeze

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #24 on: March 24, 2016, 10:57:50 AM »

I had a cousin that went thru what you did... his wife cheated on him with a guy at her work place. She got pregnant and had an abortion. He found out and divorced her but soon took her back because his kids was missing her. She did this whole Hmong apologized thing, she had a big dinner and came and apologized to him and his whole family and beg to him to take her back. Guess what, 5 years later, she cheated on him again. Now, he's married to a wonderful woman and he's so much happier. He was 35 when he divorce her the second time.


I also have a cousin in a similar situation too. his wife cheated on him with a Mexican guy at her workplace. he caught them red handed. she did this whole cow party to fix his face. her side of the families came. she made all these promises to be good and stay with him. she begged all the elders and promised to not do it again. a few months later, she got in contact with him again and slept with him. again, my cousin found out and this time, he kicked her out of the house. she went to her Mexican lover but he didn't want her. in fact, he was no where to be found because he was afraid of getting in trouble by my cousin. plus, he never wanted her. he just wants to use her sexually only. she couldn't find him so she went back to her side of the family and eventually remarried. her now husband is good and loves her a lot, but she still regrets my cousin. and the pain and suffering she puts her children through was just very sad.



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Offline autumnbreeze

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #25 on: March 24, 2016, 11:04:10 AM »
anyways, back to your original title, sometimes it's best to be a yawg nraug than to be in a loveless marriage. at least you know you weren't the one that f*ck up the marriage and that you really did gave it your all. you have nothing to regret. best to be single and look for a new love than to fix a love that was broken into a thousand pieces. best to start over new than to go back to someone who you no longer love completely, trust enough anymore, and your heart will never be content with her ever again. best to leave now than stay and be miserable and in pain for the rest of your life. she will heal and get over it, but you won't, trust me. I know finding new love will be hard, but just take your time looking for new love. don't rush and jump right into another marriage. I believe that if you are a good person with a genuine heart, you will find another good soul to be with. now, if you become a player after divorce and just party and drink every weekend, then your life would be just having fun only and no serious woman would want to be with you unless you find another woman who just loves drinking, partying, and having fun like you.



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Offline Hot Pockets

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #26 on: March 25, 2016, 07:05:38 PM »
Well I'll tell you there are plenty of divorced Hmong people to go around. So you can always find someone. Divorce rates has gone up significantly among Hmong couples.

If you can't trust her than its over. Start by asking friends and family if they can network you with singles.



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Offline nraug_hmoob

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #27 on: April 02, 2016, 11:46:06 AM »
Thanks everyone. The hardest part of moving on is the fact that you always had someone there for you. When you don't anymore, loneliness and depression hits you really hard. It is always easiest to run back to the one person that you once had. However, I agree with many of you. I can forgive, but I cannot forget. This situation was beyond my limits and I know that it forever changed my respect for her.  To spend a lifetime with this person knowing how she treated me, I don't think I can do it. 



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Offline Hung_Low

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #28 on: April 06, 2016, 08:42:32 PM »
Well I'll tell you there are plenty of divorced Hmong people to go around. So you can always find someone. Divorce rates has gone up significantly among Hmong couples.

If you can't trust her than its over. Start by asking friends and family if they can network you with singles.

There are other single women/men that will take a divorce men/women...  I know a few people that were divorce and they end up marrying single girls. Never underestimate the power of "has lug zoo and lug mog". I'm just saying that people are not as picky as they used to be in the old days.



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Offline Giggles_Shyly

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #29 on: April 07, 2016, 08:28:30 AM »
Don't worry too much about a title you were forced to have. There are plenty of good women still out there and you will find her. Be open minded and date for a while before settling down :)

Wise words from my grandpa:

Cov neeg es tuag tsis muaj ntxa, tsis txhob ntshai kiag. Nws hem tsis tau yus lawm. O0


« Last Edit: April 07, 2016, 08:49:39 AM by Giggles_Shyly »

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