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Author Topic: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...  (Read 11341 times)

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Offline nraug_hmoob

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Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« on: February 01, 2016, 10:29:04 AM »
Guys/Gals,

I never thought I would be in a situation like this, but recently found out my wife cheated on me. It's been a couple of weeks, and I came back home to try to worked it out a few times.  Now, life throws another curveball at me and I recently found out she is pregnant.  The thing is she lied about the dates she slept with the guy when I came back to try to work it out, and  now she is pregnant with a baby that could not be mine. I am debating on divorcing her, and she isn't planning to keep the kid.  I never thought I would be a yawg nrauj, and I have been out of the dating game for so long, I don't know how I will meet anyone else if I leave. Btw, I'm only 31 years old and my wife and I have been married 6 yrs.  Let me know your thoughts.



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Offline anonymouse

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #1 on: February 01, 2016, 11:12:17 AM »
Can't imagine what you are going through.
She cheated, she's pregnant, and she's not keeping the child. :(

When you say work it out.  What do you mean?  Did you guys go to counseling? talk it out?



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Offline nraug_hmoob

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #2 on: February 01, 2016, 11:31:08 AM »
Can't imagine what you are going through.
She cheated, she's pregnant, and she's not keeping the child. :(

When you say work it out.  What do you mean?  Did you guys go to counseling? talk it out?

I know it's not easy at all. After I caught her, she threaten to divorce me and didn't care what she was doing. I couldn't take it and left back home to my parents. We argued over text back and forth during those times. After I agreed to the divorce she backed down and then wanted to work it out. I said fine and came back home then. Since then, I also found that I don't think I will ever look at my wife the same way after knowing that she cheated on me.  My friends and family tell me to divorce her, and I feel foolish not to, but now that I know that she has been constantly lying to me, I had enough and wanted to leave her. I'm worried about being a divorcee and how I will meet anyone else. 



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Offline anonymouse

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #3 on: February 01, 2016, 11:34:47 AM »
I know it's not easy at all. After I caught her, she threaten to divorce me and didn't care what she was doing. I couldn't take it and left back home to my parents. We argued over text back and forth during those times. After I agreed to the divorce she backed down and then wanted to work it out. I said fine and came back home then. Since then, I also found that I don't think I will ever look at my wife the same way after knowing that she cheated on me.  My friends and family tell me to divorce her, and I feel foolish not to, but now that I know that she has been constantly lying to me, I had enough and wanted to leave her. I'm worried about being a divorcee and how I will meet anyone else.

The divorce is up to you.  What was her reasons for cheating on you?  What did she say when you returned?  There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.  Would you rather be married to her and living a life of pain, hurt, and so on or would you rather move on and try to find happiness somewhere else?

I can't tell you much about being a divorcee as I am not one.  But there's always a silver lining in everything.



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Offline nraug_hmoob

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #4 on: February 01, 2016, 11:40:51 AM »
She told me she was lonely, made a mistake and wanted me back in her life. She realized I'm the best thing that ever happened to her.  Regardless, I couldn't accept that she kept seeing this guy for weeks, which I told her it was not a mistake anymore but a decison she made.  I no longer can accept her and trust her.  I wanted to move on, but I also afraid to lose the life that I built.  We have a house, nice jobs, and live comfortably.


« Last Edit: February 01, 2016, 11:44:42 AM by nraug_hmoob »

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Offline anonymouse

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #5 on: February 01, 2016, 11:47:50 AM »
She told me she was lonely, made a mistake and wanted me back in her life. She realized im the best thing thst ever happened to her.  Regardless, i couldnt accept that she kept seeing this guy for weeks, which I told her it was not a mistake anymore but a decison she made.  I no longer can accept her and trust her.  I wanted to move on, but I also afraid to lose the life that I built.  We have a house, nice jobs, and live comfortably.

Let me rephrase what I said earlier.  When it comes to the decision to divorce or not.  Only you (and possibly her) can make that decision.  Here's the thing, we're not in your situation, we didn't build the foundation of the relation, we weren't there.  So it's easy for us to pick one side or the other, but at the end of the day, we're not the one going through the divorce, you are.  So it's not our decision to make.

If you feel you cannot, then it may be best to follow your wishes.  If she cannot change her ways, you are only going to hurt yourself more, the longer you stay.  Sometimes when you invest more and more into things, you get attached thinking of some outcome that will occur.  A house is just a box with items in it.  It's not a home unless you make it one.  Are you living or are you just alive?  Sometimes people do make mistakes, they get overwhelmed, and so on..

Sometimes you have to look at it as sunk cost.  It's something that already happened and can't be recovered.  You'll only lose more the longer you stay in.  Sometimes it's better to cut your losses early.

There's not much, we here on PH can do to help your situation.  It's all up to you. She made her bed, it's time for you to make yours.



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Online theking

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #6 on: February 01, 2016, 02:42:00 PM »
When it comes to the decision to divorce or not.  Only you (and possibly her) can make that decision. 

Yes!

And good luck to the OP on what ever direction he chooses to go...



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Offline CARLOS

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #7 on: February 01, 2016, 02:45:14 PM »
I'm surprised you even attempted reconciliation .  If there are no kids involved then sell the house, split the proceeds and cut off all contact from the whore of a woman. The only reason she wanted to work things out was because dude had his fun and pumped and dumped your wife and now she has nowhere to turn to.

Edit: also you're getting close that that period of no return. Do you really want to patch things up only to find out that after 10yrs of marriage she cheated on you once again and now will also seek alimony? 


« Last Edit: February 01, 2016, 02:49:15 PM by CARLOS »

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Offline Asharia

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #8 on: February 02, 2016, 03:29:20 PM »
I guess this all depends on how much you love your wife. Do you love her enough to try to get over this, rebuild the trust between you two, and stay married for better or for worse til death do you part?



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Offline nraug_hmoob

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #9 on: February 02, 2016, 09:37:19 PM »
I'm surprised you even attempted reconciliation .  If there are no kids involved then sell the house, split the proceeds and cut off all contact from the whore of a woman. The only reason she wanted to work things out was because dude had his fun and pumped and dumped your wife and now she has nowhere to turn to.

Edit: also you're getting close that that period of no return. Do you really want to patch things up only to find out that after 10yrs of marriage she cheated on you once again and now will also seek alimony?

No kids. We were about ready to start a family before all this happened. I don't know if I can be in this relationship any longer than I have.  I'm been very patience with her for the last 6 years. Throughout the years, she has never stop threaten to divorce me everytime we get into a huge arguments.  I feel she is always asking for more than I can give, and when I do give, she's ask for more. She never seems happy with what she had. But now, I feel it's too late, I cannot accept her carrying someone else's child before mine.



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Offline tRouBLe

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #10 on: February 03, 2016, 07:59:10 PM »
Sorry to hear about your situation.  Keep in mind that people can fall in love at any age, if they're willing and open to it.  You're not the first to get a divorce (if that's your route) and you won't be the last.  If others can overcome it, so can you.  Good luck on whatever you decide to do.



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Offline baddabing

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #11 on: February 04, 2016, 01:52:33 PM »
If you plan to get back with her don't tell the world she cheated on you, it'll be too embarrassing for you that you still take her back. :)



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Offline FetishDream

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #12 on: February 04, 2016, 02:35:05 PM »
it all depends on your toleration.  Some people divorce over the smallest and stupid chit while others divorce over a big case like yours. 

I have forgave my previous women before and while I was younger and foolish and stupid, I took them back.  I was trap like you in thinking that I would and could not move on without them.  Toleration is the key word here.  I was tolerable to work things out even if they cheated on me with my friends and 10 other guys.  :2funny:   

With your case, she cheated and have a child by dude?  She even wants to abort that kid?  How much evil is this woman capable of? 

I'd divorce because I can not tolerate that degree of evilness in this world.  Dayam if you stay and double dayam if you don't. 
 



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Offline Crapcom

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #13 on: February 23, 2016, 04:31:50 PM »
If you stay, don't you get the feeling that a man have got inside your wife.....your wife....


Up to you, live in pain and suffering to make others happy or choose a new path.

Goodluck.



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Offline sunrain

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Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #14 on: February 24, 2016, 04:04:25 PM »
The reason she wants to abort the baby is because she doesn't know who the father of the baby is.  She's afraid, very afraid of losing you, right now!  You are her shelter, supporter, and home.  She's very afraid because she knows that the other man wasn't giving her pleasure.  He was just torturing her and succeeded at wrecking the heart of the home, you! 

Understand that everything that you are is a representation of your mother, father, brothers, and sisters.  When you are hurt, they are also hurt.  They too have spent time loving her as their daughter in law and sister in law. Of course they want her out of your life when they see your tears, your pain, and distress.  No one will ever have a heart-to-heart talk with you other than your family.  They will tell you the good, the bad, and the most disgusting and ugly things that you don't want to hear about your situation but it is the honest truth of how they feel.

Despite everything they have to say, you are the one who holds the hammer.  You need to wake up and stand up for who you are as a husband, a brother, and a man.  What this mean is that whatever decision you make, don't forfeit along the way.  It is not a death sentence but it shows your spirit, your strength, and your will...which determines whether you are going to make it through during the hard times.

If you want to know if the baby is yours, a DNA test can be done after 12 or 14 weeks.  This will cost up to $1K-3K depending where you go. $1K-3K is nothing if this is your baby, you're going to be so damn happy.  If it's not your baby, it's going to make you so damn happy because this baby will help you make a better decision on whether you want to continue your marriage or let it all go.

If you decide to continue your marriage with her whether you guys keep the baby or not, please understand if she even wants to be with you anymore.  Being with someone who no longer wants to be with you is like keeping them in jail and keeping a watch on everything they do to ensure that they are behaving.  Do you really want to live like that?  Understand that a person who wants to mend and heal a marriage is going to be different than a person who is only seeking shelter because they are afraid of the dark.

Honestly though, if she really wants to save her marriage, honor you as her husband and love your entire family as her own from the bottom of her heart, she would already fork up the $1-3K and prepared all the proper documentations to do the DNA test in the case that this is your child.  She would already gotten on her knee and own up to her mistakes in front of every family member of yours that has every nurtured and loved her as their own.  She would have already have a heart to heart talk with your mother even if your mother don't give a damn about her because you both are still married so she is still your mother's daughter in law.  Traditionally, she would already fork up money on her own to kill a cow and prepare to fix you the Hmong way.  If she really wants to be with you, she'd do anything to save this marriage even if you are not asking for her to do anything.

/muchhearttoyouboth



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