Advertisement

Author Topic: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...  (Read 23263 times)

0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

Offline nraug_hmoob

  • PH Regular
  • **
  • Posts: 118
  • Gender: Male
  • Respect: +6
    • View Profile
Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« on: February 01, 2016, 10:29:04 AM »
Guys/Gals,

I never thought I would be in a situation like this, but recently found out my wife cheated on me. It's been a couple of weeks, and I came back home to try to worked it out a few times.  Now, life throws another curveball at me and I recently found out she is pregnant.  The thing is she lied about the dates she slept with the guy when I came back to try to work it out, and  now she is pregnant with a baby that could not be mine. I am debating on divorcing her, and she isn't planning to keep the kid.  I never thought I would be a yawg nrauj, and I have been out of the dating game for so long, I don't know how I will meet anyone else if I leave. Btw, I'm only 31 years old and my wife and I have been married 6 yrs.  Let me know your thoughts.



Like this post: 0

Adverstisement

Offline nraug_hmoob

  • PH Regular
  • **
  • Posts: 118
  • Gender: Male
  • Respect: +6
    • View Profile
Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #1 on: February 01, 2016, 11:31:08 AM »
Can't imagine what you are going through.
She cheated, she's pregnant, and she's not keeping the child. :(

When you say work it out.  What do you mean?  Did you guys go to counseling? talk it out?

I know it's not easy at all. After I caught her, she threaten to divorce me and didn't care what she was doing. I couldn't take it and left back home to my parents. We argued over text back and forth during those times. After I agreed to the divorce she backed down and then wanted to work it out. I said fine and came back home then. Since then, I also found that I don't think I will ever look at my wife the same way after knowing that she cheated on me.  My friends and family tell me to divorce her, and I feel foolish not to, but now that I know that she has been constantly lying to me, I had enough and wanted to leave her. I'm worried about being a divorcee and how I will meet anyone else. 



Like this post: 0

Offline nraug_hmoob

  • PH Regular
  • **
  • Posts: 118
  • Gender: Male
  • Respect: +6
    • View Profile
Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #2 on: February 01, 2016, 11:40:51 AM »
She told me she was lonely, made a mistake and wanted me back in her life. She realized I'm the best thing that ever happened to her.  Regardless, I couldn't accept that she kept seeing this guy for weeks, which I told her it was not a mistake anymore but a decison she made.  I no longer can accept her and trust her.  I wanted to move on, but I also afraid to lose the life that I built.  We have a house, nice jobs, and live comfortably.


« Last Edit: February 01, 2016, 11:44:42 AM by nraug_hmoob »

Like this post: 0

Offline theking

  • Elite Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 58885
  • Respect: +1322
    • View Profile
Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #3 on: February 01, 2016, 02:42:00 PM »
When it comes to the decision to divorce or not.  Only you (and possibly her) can make that decision. 

Yes!

And good luck to the OP on what ever direction he chooses to go...



Like this post: 0

CARLOS

  • Guest
Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #4 on: February 01, 2016, 02:45:14 PM »
I'm surprised you even attempted reconciliation .  If there are no kids involved then sell the house, split the proceeds and cut off all contact from the whore of a woman. The only reason she wanted to work things out was because dude had his fun and pumped and dumped your wife and now she has nowhere to turn to.

Edit: also you're getting close that that period of no return. Do you really want to patch things up only to find out that after 10yrs of marriage she cheated on you once again and now will also seek alimony? 


« Last Edit: February 01, 2016, 02:49:15 PM by CARLOS »

Like this post: 0

Offline nraug_hmoob

  • PH Regular
  • **
  • Posts: 118
  • Gender: Male
  • Respect: +6
    • View Profile
Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #5 on: February 02, 2016, 09:37:19 PM »
I'm surprised you even attempted reconciliation .  If there are no kids involved then sell the house, split the proceeds and cut off all contact from the whore of a woman. The only reason she wanted to work things out was because dude had his fun and pumped and dumped your wife and now she has nowhere to turn to.

Edit: also you're getting close that that period of no return. Do you really want to patch things up only to find out that after 10yrs of marriage she cheated on you once again and now will also seek alimony?

No kids. We were about ready to start a family before all this happened. I don't know if I can be in this relationship any longer than I have.  I'm been very patience with her for the last 6 years. Throughout the years, she has never stop threaten to divorce me everytime we get into a huge arguments.  I feel she is always asking for more than I can give, and when I do give, she's ask for more. She never seems happy with what she had. But now, I feel it's too late, I cannot accept her carrying someone else's child before mine.



Like this post: 0

Offline tRouBLe

  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Posts: 12541
  • Gender: Male
  • Welcome to PH! 😜
  • Respect: +1038
    • View Profile
Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #6 on: February 03, 2016, 07:59:10 PM »
Sorry to hear about your situation.  Keep in mind that people can fall in love at any age, if they're willing and open to it.  You're not the first to get a divorce (if that's your route) and you won't be the last.  If others can overcome it, so can you.  Good luck on whatever you decide to do.



Like this post: 0
Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are. ~ John Wooden

baddabing

  • Guest
Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #7 on: February 04, 2016, 01:52:33 PM »
If you plan to get back with her don't tell the world she cheated on you, it'll be too embarrassing for you that you still take her back. :)



Like this post: 0

FetishDream

  • Guest
Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #8 on: February 04, 2016, 02:35:05 PM »
it all depends on your toleration.  Some people divorce over the smallest and stupid chit while others divorce over a big case like yours. 

I have forgave my previous women before and while I was younger and foolish and stupid, I took them back.  I was trap like you in thinking that I would and could not move on without them.  Toleration is the key word here.  I was tolerable to work things out even if they cheated on me with my friends and 10 other guys.  :2funny:   

With your case, she cheated and have a child by dude?  She even wants to abort that kid?  How much evil is this woman capable of? 

I'd divorce because I can not tolerate that degree of evilness in this world.  Dayam if you stay and double dayam if you don't. 
 



Like this post: +1

Crapcom

  • Guest
Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #9 on: February 23, 2016, 04:31:50 PM »
If you stay, don't you get the feeling that a man have got inside your wife.....your wife....


Up to you, live in pain and suffering to make others happy or choose a new path.

Goodluck.



Like this post: 0

Offline sunrain

  • Jr. Poster
  • ***
  • Posts: 1876
  • Respect: +169
    • View Profile
Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #10 on: February 24, 2016, 04:04:25 PM »
The reason she wants to abort the baby is because she doesn't know who the father of the baby is.  She's afraid, very afraid of losing you, right now!  You are her shelter, supporter, and home.  She's very afraid because she knows that the other man wasn't giving her pleasure.  He was just torturing her and succeeded at wrecking the heart of the home, you! 

Understand that everything that you are is a representation of your mother, father, brothers, and sisters.  When you are hurt, they are also hurt.  They too have spent time loving her as their daughter in law and sister in law. Of course they want her out of your life when they see your tears, your pain, and distress.  No one will ever have a heart-to-heart talk with you other than your family.  They will tell you the good, the bad, and the most disgusting and ugly things that you don't want to hear about your situation but it is the honest truth of how they feel.

Despite everything they have to say, you are the one who holds the hammer.  You need to wake up and stand up for who you are as a husband, a brother, and a man.  What this mean is that whatever decision you make, don't forfeit along the way.  It is not a death sentence but it shows your spirit, your strength, and your will...which determines whether you are going to make it through during the hard times.

If you want to know if the baby is yours, a DNA test can be done after 12 or 14 weeks.  This will cost up to $1K-3K depending where you go. $1K-3K is nothing if this is your baby, you're going to be so damn happy.  If it's not your baby, it's going to make you so damn happy because this baby will help you make a better decision on whether you want to continue your marriage or let it all go.

If you decide to continue your marriage with her whether you guys keep the baby or not, please understand if she even wants to be with you anymore.  Being with someone who no longer wants to be with you is like keeping them in jail and keeping a watch on everything they do to ensure that they are behaving.  Do you really want to live like that?  Understand that a person who wants to mend and heal a marriage is going to be different than a person who is only seeking shelter because they are afraid of the dark.

Honestly though, if she really wants to save her marriage, honor you as her husband and love your entire family as her own from the bottom of her heart, she would already fork up the $1-3K and prepared all the proper documentations to do the DNA test in the case that this is your child.  She would already gotten on her knee and own up to her mistakes in front of every family member of yours that has every nurtured and loved her as their own.  She would have already have a heart to heart talk with your mother even if your mother don't give a damn about her because you both are still married so she is still your mother's daughter in law.  Traditionally, she would already fork up money on her own to kill a cow and prepare to fix you the Hmong way.  If she really wants to be with you, she'd do anything to save this marriage even if you are not asking for her to do anything.

/muchhearttoyouboth



Like this post: +1
I ❤ ♫ walking in the

Offline Hung_Low

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 9586
  • Gender: Male
  • Respect: +245
    • View Profile
Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #11 on: February 24, 2016, 09:43:29 PM »
Guys/Gals,

I never thought I would be in a situation like this, but recently found out my wife cheated on me. It's been a couple of weeks, and I came back home to try to worked it out a few times.  Now, life throws another curveball at me and I recently found out she is pregnant.  The thing is she lied about the dates she slept with the guy when I came back to try to work it out, and  now she is pregnant with a baby that could not be mine. I am debating on divorcing her, and she isn't planning to keep the kid.  I never thought I would be a yawg nrauj, and I have been out of the dating game for so long, I don't know how I will meet anyone else if I leave. Btw, I'm only 31 years old and my wife and I have been married 6 yrs.  Let me know your thoughts.

Bro... I'm telling you to cut tie with her while you still can without child support. You'll feel awkward at first jumping back to the dating game. But soon, it'll be fine. At your age, you're still very young in today's standard. Heck, I'm about your age and I'm not even married yet. Her behavior while you're still married to her already told us that she's not a good fit for you. If you take her back, she already own you and she'll abuse your love for her. You'll never truly forget or forgive her each time she does something bad to you. I might even consider it a mistake if it happen in a one-night stand but to be with the person for weeks and having his baby, that's not a mistake, that's a calculated two timing ho.

I was not even married when my x-gf cheated on me. We try to work it out but I was never able to forget or forgive her. That trust was broken. I eventually broke up with her... found out later that she's married and cheated on her husband too.

I had a cousin that went thru what you did... his wife cheated on him with a guy at her work place. She got pregnant and had an abortion. He found out and divorced her but soon took her back because his kids was missing her. She did this whole Hmong apologized thing, she had a big dinner and came and apologized to him and his whole family and beg to him to take her back. Guess what, 5 years later, she cheated on him again. Now, he's married to a wonderful woman and he's so much happier. He was 35 when he divorce her the second time.




Like this post: 0
- Maxi pad not greatest thing on earth but next to it.

Offline nraug_hmoob

  • PH Regular
  • **
  • Posts: 118
  • Gender: Male
  • Respect: +6
    • View Profile
Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #12 on: February 25, 2016, 03:31:21 AM »
Thanks everyone for their kind thoughts. Like my mom said to me, "qub neeg qub siab". I look at my situation and I know I have to decide if I can see myself with this person the next 5, 10, 20 years, and my heart says no.  It's the hardest things I ever had to do, to tell someone I loved, that I choose not to be them anymore.  However, I know staying that  I cannot accept what she did either. 



Like this post: 0

Offline theking

  • Elite Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 58885
  • Respect: +1322
    • View Profile
Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #13 on: February 25, 2016, 09:24:20 AM »
Thanks everyone for their kind thoughts. Like my mom said to me, "qub neeg qub siab". I look at my situation and I know I have to decide if I can see myself with this person the next 5, 10, 20 years, and my heart says no.  It's the hardest things I ever had to do, to tell someone I loved, that I choose not to be them anymore.  However, I know staying that  I cannot accept what she did either.

I know the difficulty level can vary from person to person in terms of breaking up but it's never been that hard for me if deep down I can foresee the relationship won't work for any reason. Mainly, because she's not the one. I hope you can find the one for you and good luck!



Like this post: 0

Offline Believe_N_Me

  • Elite Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 14023
  • Respect: +454
    • View Profile
Re: Never thought i would be a yawg nrauj...
« Reply #14 on: March 07, 2016, 04:41:57 AM »
You should never let the fear of being single again be the reason for staying.

In order to figure out if she can be forgiven, here are some things to consider. Is this incident within her character? In other words, does she always pull b.s. and this incident only magnified those behaviors? What other good qualities does she have that outweighs this incident? And how easily can those qualities be found in others? Are those qualities extremely important to you?   



Like this post: +1

 

Advertisements