Stroke Patient

[Crapcom]

Feel free to comment and advise on this topic...

My friend's father have a stroke last year.....story short; have a surgery and now left side is paralyze or said weak...his parent split up also......

Last time i visited, my buddy's father still able to walk slowly but with the support of a walker stand....and he repeat himself often.

Situation:
He is a stubborn person even before stroke, and after stroke is even worse my friend said.
When both him and his wife went to work, the oldman would walk out of the house leaving the front door UNLOCK...going for his walk....
He try talking to the oldman, oldman refuse to listen; everytime they talk; oldman would talk about suicide.....it's pretty hard to talk to the oldman.
His wife is fed up with it......so if the 4th time happen worse scenario they getting rob......that'll be the end of it.
My buddy is a traditional person and respect his elders dearly, but as a SON is it right for him to send his old man to the NURSING HOME? ADVISE

I try getting my buddy inputs too but do advise me so i can get him more info or any kind of help.

appreciate everyone comments 

 

[Sleipnir]

Is he the only son/child?

[Sleipnir]

A decision this big in my family wouldn't be unilateral from any sib..

We'd meet and discuss our options.

[Crapcom]

Since his parent split up, they have 3 sibling including himself. The 2nd younger brother is living with his mom, and the youngest is living with him and the oldman.....but he work and school......

Pretty hard situation....y ou know since he doesn't have a Mother so as the oldest son he's taking in all the Heat from the Oldman.....

His living environment is pretty sad...all sharp objects are hidden.......

[Giggles_Shyly]

First off, it isn't always easy to be a good child to your parents. Sometimes the mistakes we make, we can't find ways to fix them. Other times, our fixes end up scarring them more. The most important thing to remember is that, while being their child you may face challenges, they are merely tests that prepare you for parenthood, and the best thing you can do is to give your parents your love and support.

Sick parents are the most difficult to please because they will revert to a child like state and throw tantrums, give you guilt trips, and lash out at you riding on your last nerve. Because they are sick, they are depressed as well, you must keep that in mind. Anything and everything will irritate them. Best solution is to see if you qualify for assistance and hire a PCA to assist you in watching him if your siblings can't help. They will know how to get him to listen to instruction and because they are aware of his condition, they will have the willingness to maintain patience.

You can advise him to look into what I have suggested my aunt was in the same condition and with care from outside the family, she was more attentive and responsive to do what she was told.

[theking]

Feel free to comment and advise on this topic...

My friend's father have a stroke last year.....story short; have a surgery and now left side is paralyze or said weak...his parent split up also......

Last time i visited, my buddy's father still able to walk slowly but with the support of a walker stand....and he repeat himself often.

Situation:
He is a stubborn person even before stroke, and after stroke is even worse my friend said.
When both him and his wife went to work, the oldman would walk out of the house leaving the front door UNLOCK...going for his walk....
He try talking to the oldman, oldman refuse to listen; everytime they talk; oldman would talk about suicide.....it's pretty hard to talk to the oldman.
His wife is fed up with it......so if the 4th time happen worse scenario they getting rob......that'll be the end of it.
My buddy is a traditional person and respect his elders dearly, but as a SON is it right for him to send his old man to the NURSING HOME? ADVISE

I try getting my buddy inputs too but do advise me so i can get him more info or any kind of help.

appreciate everyone comments 

If his father requires a higher level of care that he can't provide, I don't see any problems getting appropriate outside help. Also if his father is suffering and don't want to live anymore, it is also his father's choice to make...

[Superan]

There are Hmong hospice homes now. Maybe go visit a few of those and see if he likes it.

[Crapcom]

Giggles_Shyly,

so for PCA, how is their role? do they do home care? or the patient has to be relocate?

It is true that, the father is stubborn; but what if my buddy's wife give him an ultimatum? is she wrong to do that? coming from her angle?  loosing her patience after so long....pretty much...

any comments to add on are welcome.

[maivbabe]

Although not a bad idea, a PCA provides assistance with an individual's physical needs, toileting, grooming, etc. Plus, if the father is functionally capable he may only qualify for a couple of hours/day. It sounds like the father has poor safety awareness and needs supervision. They can look into adult day care programs during the hours they are at work. To commit a parent into a nursing home is a big decision and one that should not be made under emotional duress. Overall, not a decision you want to be making alone, not one to make overnight, and definitely not one to be pressured into making. Our parents deserve better than that.

[Giggles_Shyly]

Giggles_Shyly,

so for PCA, how is their role? do they do home care? or the patient has to be relocate?

It is true that, the father is stubborn; but what if my buddy's wife give him an ultimatum? is she wrong to do that? coming from her angle?  loosing her patience after so long....pretty much...

any comments to add on are welcome.

Just as Maivbabe stated: phycial needs, toileting, grooming, baths, some take their patients to their appointments, physical therapy. .. and more... PCA providers will come to the client's house, depending on the number of hours the client is eligible for. Have your friend look into it further. Ask lots of question and determind what is best.

As for the wife giving him an ultimatum,  she should understand that she too has a father and one day, the table might turn around. The shoes might be on the other foot, how would she feel. He needs to sort out his priorities and make thoughtful choices. Yes, he has a lot of weight on his shoulders but he needs to let his wife know how he feels, how hurt he will be if they put his dad somewhere else other than their home. Of course he should think of her feelings too but she can't really ask him to choose between her and his dad, it is not a fair option. Two people who matter and has impacted his life the most. Communication is vital among the couple. Both have to agree on good terms how to deal with the situation.

[Jiggles]

If his father requires a higher level of care that he can't provide, I don't see any problems getting appropriate outside help. Also if his father is suffering and don't want to live anymore, it is also his father's choice to make...

Agreed. Logically it's a clear cut situtation. The only thing standing in the way is emotional guilt on the son's part.

[VillainousHero]

You can't change people if they refuse to change.  You can only change the way you interact with them. 

Sometimes it means being more flexible, sometimes it means being more stern.  Sometimes enough is enough.  Sometimes it requires one (or) more chance(s).

[Redemption]

Have your friend put his father in a nursing home. They are trained professionals that can take care of him better than your friend can. At those facilities, if they choose a good one, will take good care of him and be able to watch him 24/7, unlike what your friend can do. I have always been a mama's boy, and even though in my mind, I have always imagined that I would take care of my mama no matter what, but truth is, there is only so much you can do. Just make sure he visits his father and doesn't totally abandon him.

[SummerBerry]

Have your friend put his father in a nursing home. They are trained professionals that can take care of him better than your friend can. At those facilities, if they choose a good one, will take good care of him and be able to watch him 24/7, unlike what your friend can do. I have always been a mama's boy, and even though in my mind, I have always imagined that I would take care of my mama no matter what, but truth is, there is only so much you can do. Just make sure he visits his father and doesn't totally abandon him.

Stubborn Hmong parent you put them in nursing home.  They think you want them dead or out of your life.  They don't understand how hard it is to care for u 24/7 without them getting a chance to enjoy and some time with their own kids. 

[Special_K]

Crap - Here are some resources for you to give to your friend if you guy's are from MN. His Father will most like qualify for CADI and PCA services. It's easy to enroll and keep his Father home.

http://mn.gov/dhs/people-we-serve/people-with-disabilities/services/home-community/programs-and-services/cadi-waiver.jsp

Now in response to your friends wife and to all those that say, put the father in hospice, assisted living homes.. I hope that when it comes to your day, your kids do and say what you said today. Your parents didn't give up on you when you were born, don't give up on them when they need you most. Cause when they die, even your house will no longer be home without the presence of a Father, grandfather or parent. No place to call home and I hope you don't shed a tear at their funeral or burial.