Advertisement

Author Topic: letitbenonmundane  (Read 37922 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline lilly

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 6070
  • Gender: Female
  • Be happy!
  • Respect: +500
    • View Profile



Like this post: 0

Adverstisement

Offline lilly

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 6070
  • Gender: Female
  • Be happy!
  • Respect: +500
    • View Profile
Re: Lilly's Journal
« Reply #106 on: October 21, 2019, 03:10:01 PM »
Life right now is crazy and I haven't been able to accomplish the things I wanted to accomplish yet.  I hate how we have an image in our heads of how we want things to turn out but sometimes it takes a long time for the things we want to become a reality.  I've been a bit sad that it's taken me so long to finish the things that I want to get done.  There is only one of me.  But I know that there are better days ahead.  Nothing good ever comes without hard work.  I just miss doing things with my kiddos so much.  House projects have taken up all of my time and, so, I haven't had the time or energy to do a lot of things with them.  I hope that that can change very, very soon.  They are growing up so fast!  I hate how fast they are growing!  My baby boy got so much taller over the summer!   :'(  I still want him to be little.   :'( :'(   I want nothing but to see smiles on my babies' faces.  I want nothing but to hear their laughs.  I hope that after this whole ordeal, things will be a lot better for us.



Like this post: 0

Offline lilly

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 6070
  • Gender: Female
  • Be happy!
  • Respect: +500
    • View Profile
Re: Lilly's Journal
« Reply #107 on: November 05, 2019, 10:23:40 AM »
I'm a cardi b fan.  She exudes this power that's hard to explain.  She's super confident in herself and has this 'don't care what people think' attitude. She's true to herself and uninhibited.  She's so unique in her sound and style.  Her performance here is excellent: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4G-ULhfBLjM

I also like Hwasa because she displays a sassy confidence.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScSn235gQx0   Btw, I only found out about her through this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6M9wM6hD8Q


« Last Edit: November 05, 2019, 10:26:51 AM by lilly »

Like this post: 0

Offline lilly

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 6070
  • Gender: Female
  • Be happy!
  • Respect: +500
    • View Profile
Re: Lilly's Journal
« Reply #108 on: November 06, 2019, 05:45:12 PM »
Every time this song comes on the radio I have the biggest smile on my face because it's my son's favorite song.  I love love love the way he sings this song.  He sings it without music at random times and along with the song when we hear it on the radio.  Imagine Dragons - Believer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhP3J0j9JmY

Another song that brings a smile to my face every time I hear it is this song because my son loves it: Godzilla: King of the Monsters Song | Long Live The King: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgtoHhkVEjA

Whenever I hear Billie Eilish songs I think of my daughter because she's the biggest Billie Eilish fan.  It makes sense that my daughter would like Billie Eilish--because her personality and voice are similar to Billie Eilish's musical personality and voice.  I tell her that she's emo but she says she's not.  OK.   Billie Eilish - bad guy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyDfgMOUjCI



Like this post: 0

Offline lilly

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 6070
  • Gender: Female
  • Be happy!
  • Respect: +500
    • View Profile
Re: Lilly's Journal
« Reply #109 on: November 06, 2019, 06:13:46 PM »
I dont think these guys are capable of making bad songs, or, maybe its because I love their voices so much:
Jake Owen - Beachin': https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwgCBRj3dn4
Khalid Better: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3bfa3DZ8JM
Khalid - Young Dumb & Broke: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgjG53gnfFc
Imagine Dragons Thunder: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKopy74weus



Like this post: 0

Offline lilly

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 6070
  • Gender: Female
  • Be happy!
  • Respect: +500
    • View Profile
Re: Lilly's Journal
« Reply #110 on: November 06, 2019, 06:17:17 PM »



Like this post: 0

Offline lilly

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 6070
  • Gender: Female
  • Be happy!
  • Respect: +500
    • View Profile
Re: Lilly's Journal
« Reply #111 on: November 06, 2019, 06:21:45 PM »
No words, just. so. beautiful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOMipc60JvA



Like this post: 0

Offline lilly

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 6070
  • Gender: Female
  • Be happy!
  • Respect: +500
    • View Profile
Re: Lilly's Journal
« Reply #112 on: November 07, 2019, 11:34:02 AM »
I love western, blues, and Spanish romantic flamenco guitar instrumentals. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3EpPROnl6w



Like this post: 0

Offline lilly

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 6070
  • Gender: Female
  • Be happy!
  • Respect: +500
    • View Profile
Re: Lilly's Journal
« Reply #113 on: November 08, 2019, 03:26:34 PM »
<begin rant>  I almost forgot what day today is.  Been so busy with work and house stuff I haven't been able to pay much attention to anything else.  The last few months have totally sucked.  Actually the last 5 years have totally sucked.  Actually the last 10 years have totally sucked.  Actually, my whole life has totally sucked.  But surprisingly, I keep on going.  Like the energizer bunny, I don't stop.  I don't get it.  Sometimes I'm surprised at myself.  How have I kept it up?  How have I not been a complete mess yet?  I don't know.  I guess the addage "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" applies to me?, but I can swear that God has given me so much more than I can handle and he doesn't seem be slowing down in the "throw all the shIt on lilly!" department either.  Ay caramba!  But I do it all with a happy face too.  I don't know why I don't just break down and just say eff it already.  The same thing with work.  I get piled on with all this work that nobody wants to do.  Well, I don't want to do them either!  But I'm stuck doing them because everyone else is an incompetent a$s.  I keep wondering when I'll catch a break but I feel like at this rate, the answer is never.  A few days ago I dreamed I was in a public bathroom where there were no doors for the stalls.  I wonder if I should have bought lotto tickets after that dream?  But oh well, the chances of me winning the lotto is -1000, anyway.  ::) Such is life.  Life sucks.  On the bright side, I'm alive.  Yay?  </rant>



Like this post: 0

Offline azn-guy

  • Jr. Poster
  • ***
  • Posts: 3433
  • Respect: +71
    • View Profile
Re: Lilly's Journal
« Reply #114 on: November 08, 2019, 04:04:52 PM »
Lily was a little girl
Afraid of the big, wide world
She grew up within her castle walls
Now and then she tried to run
And then on the night with the setting sun
She went in the woods away
So afraid, all alone...



Like this post: +1

Offline lilly

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 6070
  • Gender: Female
  • Be happy!
  • Respect: +500
    • View Profile
Re: Lilly's Journal
« Reply #115 on: November 08, 2019, 04:18:32 PM »
...I've been having this thought: I know that I am getting older but I wish I could still be young.  I wish I was still in my early 20's and I could just go with the flow, go to parties, enjoy life, and dance like nobody's watching.  I feel like my brain is trying to pull me from this old body into a 20-something-year-old gal's life.  So sad.   :'(  I'll never be young like that again where every day is an adventure and life is a joy ride.  Even though I still want to be young, responsibiliti es and back pain are constant reminders that the clock moves forward only.  These episodes of wanting to be a young gal again are annoying because they only serve to remind me of my age and of the things that I can no longer do.  :'(



Like this post: 0

Offline lilly

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 6070
  • Gender: Female
  • Be happy!
  • Respect: +500
    • View Profile
Re: Lilly's Journal
« Reply #116 on: November 08, 2019, 04:22:21 PM »
Lily was a little girl
Afraid of the big, wide world
She grew up within her castle walls
Now and then she tried to run
And then on the night with the setting sun
She went in the woods away
So afraid, all alone...

I love it.  Thank you, azn-guy.   :)



Like this post: 0

Offline lilly

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 6070
  • Gender: Female
  • Be happy!
  • Respect: +500
    • View Profile
Re: letitbenonmundane
« Reply #117 on: November 12, 2019, 10:18:32 AM »
The other day I thought about my mortality and it kind of scared me a little.  I wonder how people see me now that I am my age.  I don't feel any different but I wonder if people see me as "old".  Do I look old?  When I was younger I saw people that were my age as being old and now that I am here, I don't feel old but I must look old to other people.  It's so scary to think that in just 20 years I'll be 20 years older.  I'll be in that age category!  I want to just live a simple but happy life.  Why is that so hard to obtain?  I don't know anymore.  Happiness seems to never be within my grasp!  I try and try so hard to reach for it but it eludes me and I'm left with... not happiness (not the kind that lasts for long periods of times).  I cannot wait for everything to fall into place because this place that I am at right now... it's just not a good place to be in.  I cannot wait to finish these 4 annoying RFP projects at work.  I want things the way they were 13 years ago with my old boss.  I just don't find joy at this workplace anymore.  But I am also not in a place right now to transition to a different job either.  OMG, some wizard... just do your magic wand stuff and transport my life to a different plane.


« Last Edit: November 12, 2019, 10:22:24 AM by lilly »

Like this post: 0

Offline lilly

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 6070
  • Gender: Female
  • Be happy!
  • Respect: +500
    • View Profile
Re: letitbenonmundane
« Reply #118 on: November 21, 2019, 11:43:07 AM »
I had the weirdest dream last night.  I dreamt that there was this department store that was for sale and I bought it and moved into it.  I set up my bed at the back middle part of the store.  The shelvings and aisles were still in place, with merchandise still on the shelves.  I was busy setting up the store to be a home but at the end of the dream a thought popped into my head and I wondered to myself "Is this even legal?  This place is a commercial building. I don't know if my family and I can live here."  So weird.

Dreams are still as perplexing as ever to me.  How we're able to see an alternate reality in our dreams is crazy.  How we're able to feel such real feelings and see things as though they really exist inside of our dreams, is crazy.  There are just really no words to describe how amazing our brains and imaginations are.  How are we able to imagine and dream about things that we have never ever seen before or things that aren't even real in the waking life?  For example, all the strangers in our dreams, how do our minds create these strangers if we have never seen them before?  It's fascinating how our brains work.


« Last Edit: November 21, 2019, 01:28:03 PM by lilly »

Like this post: 0

Offline lilly

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 6070
  • Gender: Female
  • Be happy!
  • Respect: +500
    • View Profile
Re: letitbenonmundane
« Reply #119 on: November 21, 2019, 01:24:05 PM »
I wonder how often people get annoyed by the different circumstances they find themselves in.  I wonder if I am the only one where my mood never stays the same.  Every so often my mood and feelings change.  Take for example, I'm working on my work and I have a specific goal to achieve (e.g. to get a report done).  My mind is focused only on achieving my goal and getting the report done; I'm not really feeling any sort of way except getting this task done.  After the report is done and I send it off to whomever requests it, they come back with additional changes they want on the report.  I make the requested changes.  Then they come back a second time and want even more stuff on the report.  Im now feeling a bit annoyed because why couldn't they have requested for all the things they wanted in the beginning?  My neutral mood has now shifted to slight annoyance.  I complete all of the requested changes on the report and send it off and the person approves and thanks me.  This makes me feel relieved and happyI can now move on to do other things.  It is now time for my break.  I take a break from work and go read a newspaper.  One of the articles I read is about a tragic story about a young kid.  My heart is broken and I now feel depressed thinking about how cruel and unfair life is, thinking about how little kids don't deserve to experience or see bad things at such young ages.  It takes awhile to get my mind off of the story and to neutralize my feelings again.  I try hard to not feel depressed because I need to return to work.  While in work mode Im still feeling sad but then all of a sudden something urgent comes up at work that forces me to stop feeling sad/depressed.  The work crisis forces me to go into action to find a resolution.  And so on and so forth, the changes in moods and feelings go on a roller coaster ride throughout the day; rinse, repeat every day.  I wonder if other people are as aware of the changes in their moods and feelings as I am?  Im guessing the answer is yes.  With that said, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be another person for a dayto live their life and to feel what they feel for a day.  I think that would be really interesting!


« Last Edit: November 21, 2019, 01:26:08 PM by lilly »

Like this post: 0

 

Advertisements