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Author Topic: Last Names vs. Hyphenated Last Names  (Read 5214 times)

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Last Names vs. Hyphenated Last Names
« on: February 06, 2017, 03:06:11 PM »
Last names vs. Hyphenated Last Names
So I am a bit curious as to what everyone thinks when it comes to this topic.  These are just some scenarios…
For example when Hmong people get legally married and the Woman changes her last name to her Husband’s last name…
“Woman Thao” marries “Man Yang” now becomes “Woman Yang.” 
Another case if when “Woman Thao” Marries “Man Yang” and becomes “Woman Thao-Yang.”
Another case is when “Woman Thao” Marries “Man Yang” and becomes “Woman Thao (middle name) Yang.”

Which would you prefer? Why?
Now the real question is would you ever hyphenate your child’s last name to combine both you and your spouse’s last name?  Why or why not?   

Reason behind this topic; so over the weekend it was brought to my attention that while a group of my friends and them were playing “The Voting Game,” there was a guy who was voted most for being the guy to not wear the pants in his relationship.  While that was brought up all the guys in that group was discussing how there was a Hmong couple we all knew who the husband was going to change his last name to his wife’s last name because supposedly she wore the pants and she was not willing to change her last name to his.  With that being brought up I discussed how if I was to ever get legally married I would not change my name to his last name, that I would either move mine to my middle name or I would hyphenate my last name.  Then the topic came with kids, and how I wanted to also hyphenate my kids last name to combine both my last name and my spouse’s last name, but in the back of my mind I knew that it may not be accepted by our fellow Hmong community….
What do you think?

You are subject to your own opinions and I am subject to mine.  If you really have nothing nice to say then please move along.
Thank you!



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Offline Gucci K

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Re: Last Names vs. Hyphenated Last Names
« Reply #1 on: February 06, 2017, 03:18:34 PM »
when you hyphenate your child's name, you're limiting your child potential for a mate.

hi my name is TOU Moualeexiongya ngvuevangkhang thaohanglorlao HERandHIM



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wb Zaj Dab Neeg xaus lawm...

nooneever

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Re: Last Names vs. Hyphenated Last Names
« Reply #2 on: February 06, 2017, 03:22:04 PM »
What's more important to you?  Tradition, identity, freedom?  Maybe all of it? 

Traditionally Hmong men do not change their names nor do the women legally change their names, however I imagine the whole legally changing your name thing is new to us and could represent the marriage into a clan.

There's a history behind the whole hyphenated last name bit and the same with changing last names.  You can Google this later, but at the least it seems though you're okay with introducing other traditions into the Hmong culture.  It's already happening anyways, amirite?  If that's the case than have a blast.  It seems you're more focused on identity.

Well, that's my guess anyways but I'm not the one with an online degree Hmong Culture.



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Re: Last Names vs. Hyphenated Last Names
« Reply #3 on: February 06, 2017, 03:26:42 PM »
when you hyphenate your child's name, you're limiting your child potential for a mate.

hi my name is TOU Moualeexiongya ngvuevangkhang thaohanglorlao HERandHIM

I completely agree with that also, but there are also some cases where a child with no known father will take on his/her mother's last name or his/her grandfather's last name... That too limits their potential mate pool, but what's wrong with saying "Hi, I am Blank Thao-Yang, my Father's a Yang but I took on both of my parent's last name."  Again in general all the potential mating pool is already limited when it comes to last names and dating similar last names or certain last names not being able to date certain last names.  Of course, in the sense of me naming my children with a hyphenated last name it would be up to them when they grow up to keep or change their name. It would also be up to them to decide their own children's last name.   



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Giggles_Shyly

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Re: Last Names vs. Hyphenated Last Names
« Reply #4 on: February 06, 2017, 03:28:41 PM »
I have a cousin who changed his name to  "Zin" with no last name.  I have a bil who took his mom's last name because at the time of his birth, his dad wasn't around, but he is a Chang and claims it. He says it don't matter what a piece of paper says as long as you know where you belong.

A lot of people especially this day and age, they don't have identity issues but more issues of who would rather welcomes and makes you belong.

My parents are Lo/Xiong, I associate more with my Lo side verses my Xiong side because my Lo side welcomes us openly while the Xiong side is all about survive of the fittest.

Perhaps as I grow older, I will most likely want to connect with my Xiong side for the sake of expanding my knowledge of the Xiong clan.


« Last Edit: February 06, 2017, 03:50:36 PM by Giggles_Shyly »

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Re: Last Names vs. Hyphenated Last Names
« Reply #5 on: February 06, 2017, 03:32:03 PM »
What's more important to you?  Tradition, identity, freedom?  Maybe all of it? 

Traditionally Hmong men do not change their names nor do the women legally change their names, however I imagine the whole legally changing your name thing is new to us and could represent the marriage into a clan.

There's a history behind the whole hyphenated last name bit and the same with changing last names.  You can Google this later, but at the least it seems though you're okay with introducing other traditions into the Hmong culture.  It's already happening anyways, amirite?  If that's the case than have a blast.  It seems you're more focused on identity.

Well, that's my guess anyways but I'm not the one with an online degree Hmong Culture.

What's important to me? 
I would say all of it along with equality.
I am not higher than him nor is he higher than me, we are in this together is how I'd like to see things.

Agreed, traditionally Hmong men do not change their last names to their wives, but then again we are all changing.  This again could be a debatable topic, but who am I to debate on behalf of someone's relationship.  I would personally never force my spouse to ever change his last name,  it is his own decision. 



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Re: Last Names vs. Hyphenated Last Names
« Reply #6 on: February 06, 2017, 03:34:01 PM »
I have a cousin who changed his name to  "Zin" with no last name.  I have a bil who took his mom's lastname because at the time of his birth, his dad wasn't around.

Exactly, I know plenty of people who were born and did not have a father around for what ever reason and took on their Mom's last name also, or would take their Grandfather's last name. 



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nooneever

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Re: Last Names vs. Hyphenated Last Names
« Reply #7 on: February 06, 2017, 03:55:58 PM »
What's important to me? 
I would say all of it along with equality.
I am not higher than him nor is he higher than me, we are in this together is how I'd like to see things.

Agreed, traditionally Hmong men do not change their last names to their wives, but then again we are all changing.  This again could be a debatable topic, but who am I to debate on behalf of someone's relationship.  I would personally never force my spouse to ever change his last name,  it is his own decision.

Equality is a never ending struggle and in a relationship it will be bigger than a name.  For example traditionally the hyphenated last names practiced in Spanish culture was never really about equality, rather showing which two families the child is from.  Women were still expected to play out their part as home makers and men vice versa.  If and when you meet the right man, just make sure he treats you will and the last name ordeal, well... What's in a name?



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Offline theking

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Re: Last Names vs. Hyphenated Last Names
« Reply #8 on: February 06, 2017, 04:07:39 PM »
Last names vs. Hyphenated Last Names
So I am a bit curious as to what everyone thinks when it comes to this topic.  These are just some scenarios…
For example when Hmong people get legally married and the Woman changes her last name to her Husband’s last name…
“Woman Thao” marries “Man Yang” now becomes “Woman Yang.” 
Another case if when “Woman Thao” Marries “Man Yang” and becomes “Woman Thao-Yang.”
Another case is when “Woman Thao” Marries “Man Yang” and becomes “Woman Thao (middle name) Yang.”

Which would you prefer? Why?
Now the real question is would you ever hyphenate your child’s last name to combine both you and your spouse’s last name?  Why or why not?   

Reason behind this topic; so over the weekend it was brought to my attention that while a group of my friends and them were playing “The Voting Game,” there was a guy who was voted most for being the guy to not wear the pants in his relationship.  While that was brought up all the guys in that group was discussing how there was a Hmong couple we all knew who the husband was going to change his last name to his wife’s last name because supposedly she wore the pants and she was not willing to change her last name to his.  With that being brought up I discussed how if I was to ever get legally married I would not change my name to his last name, that I would either move mine to my middle name or I would hyphenate my last name.  Then the topic came with kids, and how I wanted to also hyphenate my kids last name to combine both my last name and my spouse’s last name, but in the back of my mind I knew that it may not be accepted by our fellow Hmong community….
What do you think?

You are subject to your own opinions and I am subject to mine.  If you really have nothing nice to say then please move along.
Thank you!

Nothing wrong with any of those situation.

As far as the scenario of a woman wanting her man to change his last name to hers, nothing wrong with that as long as they both want the same thing. When a couple married, it is also NOT required by law that one spouse take the other's last name either as they can still keep their own last name(s) after marriage.

I've seen cases of women taking their man's last name, men taking their woman's last name, both spouses keeping their own last name, and of course "Hyphenated" their last names, and it's all good as long as both parties agree and consent. If not, then work a compromise out that both can agree on otherwise, don't get married. I mean if the couple can't even agree on such a small thing, their marriage probably won't last anyway...




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Re: Last Names vs. Hyphenated Last Names
« Reply #9 on: February 07, 2017, 09:24:43 AM »
Nothing wrong with any of those situation.

As far as the scenario of a woman wanting her man to change his last name to hers, nothing wrong with that as long as they both want the same thing. When a couple married, it is also NOT required by law that one spouse take the other's last name either as they can still keep their own last name(s) after marriage.

I've seen cases of women taking their man's last name, men taking their woman's last name, both spouses keeping their own last name, and of course "Hyphenated" their last names, and it's all good as long as both parties agree and consent. If not, then work a compromise out that both can agree on otherwise, don't get married. I mean if the couple can't even agree on such a small thing, their marriage probably won't last anyway...

I agree! There is no law that requires the Husband or Wife to change their last name, but I know if the man were to do it then it may be frowned upon by the Hmong elders and etc..  Honestly, in today's world I believe the marriage should be between the two whom are in the relationship, but that is not always the case...

So true, on how if that can not even agree to something like that, then they probably should have never gotten married to begin with.  Marriage is about compromising.



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Re: Last Names vs. Hyphenated Last Names
« Reply #10 on: February 07, 2017, 09:30:55 AM »
Equality is a never ending struggle and in a relationship it will be bigger than a name.  For example traditionally the hyphenated last names practiced in Spanish culture was never really about equality, rather showing which two families the child is from.  Women were still expected to play out their part as home makers and men vice versa.  If and when you meet the right man, just make sure he treats you will and the last name ordeal, well... What's in a name?

Absolutely true, we are still struggling with equality everyday in the real world. 
With Spanish families hyphenating the last names and the background to that is what I want.  Which is for my child to be represented by both my spouse and I.  Thankfully, I have met someone who understands my views just so as I understand his views.   



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Offline theking

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Re: Last Names vs. Hyphenated Last Names
« Reply #11 on: February 07, 2017, 09:34:59 AM »
I agree! There is no law that requires the Husband or Wife to change their last name, but I know if the man were to do it then it may be frowned upon by the Hmong elders and etc..  Honestly, in today's world I believe the marriage should be between the two whom are in the relationship, but that is not always the case...

So true, on how if that can not even agree to something like that, then they probably should have never gotten married to begin with.  Marriage is about compromising.

If a man's self-esteem is that low and insecurity is that high that he worries about what others like "Hmong elders" may think of him on such a small thing then he's not true to himself instead he's just livin his life based on others' opinion/judgment of him and allowing others to dictate how he should live. Living life based on others' views instead of being true to oneself by living one's life based on one's own preference and what makes one contempt in life ain't much living IMO...



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Re: Last Names vs. Hyphenated Last Names
« Reply #12 on: February 07, 2017, 10:29:43 AM »
If a man's self-esteem is that low and insecurity is that high that he worries about what others like "Hmong elders" may think of him on such a small thing then he's not true to himself instead he's just livin his life based on others' opinion/judgment of him and allowing others to dictate how he should live. Living life based on others' views instead of being true to oneself by living one's life based on one's own preference and what makes one contempt in life ain't much living IMO...

Very well spoken!



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Offline lexicon

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Re: Last Names vs. Hyphenated Last Names
« Reply #13 on: February 07, 2017, 10:58:48 AM »
Preference in the end.

Personally my s/o and I went with my surname for myself, she went with my surname-her surname and our kids will go with my surname. In the scheme of things, it's not a real priority nor is it of great importance. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet, said a guy once.



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Re: Last Names vs. Hyphenated Last Names
« Reply #14 on: February 07, 2017, 11:06:02 AM »
Preference in the end.

Personally my s/o and I went with my surname for myself, she went with my surname-her surname and our kids will go with my surname. In the scheme of things, it's not a real priority nor is it of great importance. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet, said a guy once.

Well said.



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