Bars and Club After Marriage?

[theking]

You are what the elders considered bad wife. When you go out to parties without your husband so oftenly, you're not a very good wife to your husband and your husband is probably a really boring nerd too.

Incase you don't know going out to bars and clubs is potential disaster for your marriage especially if you have kids too. Those places will not have any good influences on you only negative.

Good luck...don't become a divorced statistic resulting from that life style.

Funny cause some of those "elders" have no problem going to Laos to molest 13-14 year old girls and/or bring them back as second/third wives illegally...

There are far more common places for married people to cheat than the clubs as pointed out already i.e., work, online, etc...So it's not so much the place that's a "potential disaster" or the "life style" causing the "divorced statistic" but more so the individual that made the decision to break the bond...And there are enough cases where that decision to break the bond was made right at their own homes.

[theking]

let me school you with some knowledge.

why? cause people don't respect marriage no more and do what they want. now knee before before me for proving how silly you are. OP is like that song, girls just wanna have fun and she trying so hard to hide her panties when she gets off on going out and causing trouble. 

That "50%" stat is common knowledge so not much "schooling" and nothing new from you.

And nope, going out is not even as high as going to work or going online for married people to cheat on their spouse so you missed the simple but factual point of: It's not the place that causes people to cheat but the individual...w hen it comes to married people cheating on their spouse...Again, the place could be a church and cheaters that want to cheat will cheat.

[theking]

Its all fun and games..but in the end your Hubbie is gonna find himself looking like an idiot when you run off with someone from that bar or club..its like DUH... he ain't the only man in the world..

That reminded me of some OG saying they do not allow their wives to go to work or school because they can run off with someone even if the extra income benefits the family. We used to live near a levee and they won't even allow their wives to go take a walk there due to their insecurity and controlling nature.

Funny thing is when they go to work, a couple of the wives cheated on them in their own bedrooms...

[ProudLao]

That's a little extreme. When they want to cheat they will find the way.

[Reporter]

Coronas are just an analogy to your situation. One take-home becomes two. Two becomes three. Three becomes so many more and you're hooked to each other.

Good thing I don't drink Coronas

[Reporter]

Or we could make them feel less guilty by saying someone will find them.

That's a little extreme. When they want to cheat they will find the way.

[theking]

That's a little extreme. When they want to cheat they will find the way.

DING, DING, DING!!! 

[DuMa]

Good morning and how about an update on the OP? 

Have your views change or what have you learn or how are you wrong? 

I like old threads because I like to read what I wrote in such year and see if I still agree or disagree with myself with the current year.  Nothing is set stage in stone.  We live to grow or we live to change.   

[lilly]

This thread has been a very riveting read.  I agree with those that say that if a person wants to cheat, they can cheat FROM ANYWHERE. 

I think it's fine to go clubbing/dancing when you are married if you're going for the right reasons (like you're out celebrating with girlfriends or you just love dancing like me!) as long as you know how to fend off the people that come on to you.  With that said, however, everything has its limits.  Yes, go dancing if you love dancing, but you've got to set a limit, like only go once a year or once every 2-3 years!  It's been 7 years for me!  We shouldn't go all the time because we all have priorities, a life, a career, etc... but once in a blue moon, it's good to allow your inner carefree personality to come out and live too.  I probably won't appreciate people that try to stifle my need to just let go sometimes and people that try to stop my dancing bugs from coming out.  People should be allowed to enjoy life how they see fit responsibly.  Going to the club should not be an automatic negative.  If a girl loves her husband her heart will never waver... even when a hot guy or the guy of her dreams approaches her at the club... she'll just simply look away and keep on dancing.  That's how I was!

You just got to not care so much what people think.  "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind."

[DuMa]

Clubbing is an art.  It is like this.  Some people are made for the club.  It fits them so well like if you are from the pretty people group,  you don't need to do anything at the club but just show up and look pretty.   If this is you, you shouldn't get marry because you are married to the clubbing scene.

It is also like this.   Just like genre in music.  Some of you hmong be listening to country music and that's fine but there are other people that can not stand country music.  Same goes with people who don't enjoy them fast pace dancing machine music.  Both types of people can not see each other on an eye to eye level and both will have to agree to disagree when the topic about clubbing comes along. 

Those who are against married folks clubbing do not see it on the same level as those who are clubbers themselves.  Then again, you have to ask yourself, why am I taking advice from those who are not clubber themselves?  It is like taking advices from your own mother who are always in your best interest but are out to ruin your fun as well.   

There is so much more involved in the whole clubbing culture and too little time to tackle them all. 

[lilly]

Clubbing is an art.  It is like this.  Some people are made for the club.  It fits them so well like if you are from the pretty people group,  you don't need to do anything at the club but just show up and look pretty.   If this is you, you shouldn't get marry because you are married to the clubbing scene.

It is also like this.   Just like genre in music.  Some of you hmong be listening to country music and that's fine but there are other people that can not stand country music.  Same goes with people who don't enjoy them fast pace dancing machine music.  Both types of people can not see each other on an eye to eye level and both will have to agree to disagree when the topic about clubbing comes along. 

Those who are against married folks clubbing do not see it on the same level as those who are clubbers themselves.  Then again, you have to ask yourself, why am I taking advice from those who are not clubber themselves?  It is like taking advices from your own mother who are always in your best interest but are out to ruin your fun as well.   

There is so much more involved in the whole clubbing culture and too little time to tackle them all.

I get what you're saying about how people see things differently.  I see it from the non-clubbers' point of view and I see it from the clubbers' point of view as well.  At the end of the day, people just need to agree to disagree and live and let live.  If what other people do have no direct impact on your own life... don't think too much or too hard or gossip too much about their actions.  Let them live their lives and make their own mistakes, you live your own life and do you.

[YAX]

This thread has been a very riveting read. I agree with those that say that if a person wants to cheat, they can cheat FROM ANYWHERE. 

I think it's fine to go clubbing/dancing when you are married if you're going for the right reasons (like you're out celebrating with girlfriends or you just love dancing like me!) as long as you know how to fend off the people that come on to you.  With that said, however, everything has its limits.  Yes, go dancing if you love dancing, but you've got to set a limit, like only go once a year or once every 2-3 years!  It's been 7 years for me!  We shouldn't go all the time because we all have priorities, a life, a career, etc... but once in a blue moon, it's good to allow your inner carefree personality to come out and live too.  I probably won't appreciate people that try to stifle my need to just let go sometimes and people that try to stop my dancing bugs from coming out.  People should be allowed to enjoy life how they see fit responsibly.  Going to the club should not be an automatic negative.  If a girl loves her husband her heart will never waver... even when a hot guy or the guy of her dreams approaches her at the club... she'll just simply look away and keep on dancing.  That's how I was!

You just got to not care so much what people think.  "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind."

What people who say that don't understand is that, sometimes, it's not the person's intention to cheat nor do they want to but they expose themselves to scenes that tempt them.  The more tempted you are, the harder it is to resist.  Eventually it happens and they'll find ways to excuse themselves, like "oh, he's been mean to me" etc.  If you just avoid the scene all together, you lessen your chances of being tempted to cheat.  You think those guys at the bar are just being friendly when they buy you a drink? Don't be so naive.

[YAX]

That's exactly my point. If it's not your thing and/or you don't know much about it, going around falsely assuming this or that is not very smart..

That's as smart as White people falsely assuming all Hmong people are bad because one Vang dude shot a cop yesterday in WI...

I see.  So you claim to be an expert with club scenes yet you haven't seen marriages broken by it?

Nope never claim to be an expert but been to the clubs enough times to see various reasons why people go to the clubs.

Well, if you don't know much about it, going around falsely assuming this or that isn't very smart..

[lilly]

What people who say that don't understand is that, sometimes, it's not the person's intention to cheat nor do they want to but they expose themselves to scenes that tempt them.  The more tempted you are, the harder it is to resist.  Eventually it happens and they'll find ways to excuse themselves, like "oh, he's been mean to me" etc.  If you just avoid the scene all together, you lessen your chances of being tempted to cheat.  You think those guys at the bar are just being friendly when they buy you a drink? Don't be so naive.

I get what you're saying.  I think there are two points that are colliding here. 

The first is: People view the club-goer negatively based solely on the club-goer's decision to go clubbing.  This is an unfair judgement because the club-goer's decision to go clubbing does not automatically make the club-goer a bad person nor does it automatically mean that there is trouble in paradise if the club-goer goes clubbing.  Going clubbing may just be something that the club-goer enjoys doing--because they like dancing, for example.  Let me put it this way.  If you like and enjoy eating ice cream but I'm a self-appointed health-conscious cop, is it fair of me to think that you're a bad decision maker and you're not smart because if you were smart, you'd know that eating ice cream will make you fat?  See.  It's not fair for me to judge you so harshly, when maybe you're eating ice cream to celebrate a huge life achievement or maybe you're eating ice cream because you feel really sad and just needed the ice cream to cheer you up.  In conclusion, whether you go clubbing or eat ice cream--these things do not make you a bad person if you choose to do them.  But there will be people that will judge you just because you decide to do one or the other of these things.  People need to get a life.

The second is: There is genuine concern from the non-club goers for the club-goers because of temptation.  Temptation is a real thing.  The more you expose yourself to temptation, the higher the chances that you might not be able to resist it.  So, if you were a married person, putting yourself in a tempting situation (such as being at a club with lots of people that use the club scene as a way to pick up guys/girls), might be a potential risk to your marriage should you fail to resist the temptations found at the club.  This is a genuine concern and one that I agree with.  But, I'm sure the OP understands this, hence, her wanting her husband to tag along and her limiting herself from going clubbing so frequently.

With all that said, a third point to make, which theking already stated numerous times, is that the non-club goers should factor in that temptation can be found anywhere and not just at the club.  So, if non-club goers are going to judge a club-goer so harshly, non-club goers should understand that the club is just one place of temptation, there are tons more, even more harmful ones.  Like online, social media, at the grocery store, walking/jogging in the park and saying hi to another jogger who compliments you on your tennis shoes, at work (liking your co-workers), at a restaurant sitting across from the guy or girl of your dreams and making flirty eye contact with them, at the mall accidentally bumping into the guy/girl of your dreams, etc!

[VillainousHero]

In thunderdome... not only are there bars and clubs...but there's chainsaws and axes...crossbo ws and swords.

So if I show up with a fishing pole...I will be tempted by a spear or bo...