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Offline lifemystery

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Top 5 Reasons
« on: May 29, 2017, 05:30:38 PM »
What are your top 5 reasons to be or not to be in a relationship with a single parent?



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Offline anonymouse

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Re: Top 5 Reasons
« Reply #1 on: May 29, 2017, 06:24:44 PM »
It depends.

:p

But in most cases.  It has to do with you and not the single parent.



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Offline theking

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Re: Top 5 Reasons
« Reply #2 on: May 30, 2017, 12:38:50 AM »
I second with "depends"... so "reasons" can vary depending on the variables.



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Offline ZDN

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Re: Top 5 Reasons
« Reply #3 on: May 30, 2017, 08:26:13 AM »
I would love to use "depends" if they're gay or not, as well...but I'll give you my list.

top 5 reasons to be in:
1) she's still smoking hot
2) she makes more money than I do (less is okay too  :P)
3) she has a place of her own
4) she has a car of her own
5) most important of all...her child(ren) is well behaved.

top 5 reasons NOT to be in:
1) 8+ kids
2) 7 kids
3) 6 kids
4) 5 kids
5) 4 kids

I can handle 3 or below, anymore I may not be as honest, in the relationship.. ..same as a woman who would not want to be in a relationship with a man who has to pay child support to more than 3 kids...worst, more than to 3 baby mamas.  :D :P ;D


« Last Edit: May 30, 2017, 08:35:04 AM by ZDN »

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Offline lost_forever

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Re: Top 5 Reasons
« Reply #4 on: May 30, 2017, 11:51:14 AM »
Some of my reasons..

1. Have to be stable in life. Financially and personal. No drama with ex, baby momma, family..
2. Have to be in shape
3. Have to have a place of their own
4. Have no health issues
5. Have to be responsible/ reliable
..



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Offline Reporter

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Re: Top 5 Reasons
« Reply #5 on: May 30, 2017, 04:10:30 PM »
There are five or only five?

What are your top 5 reasons to be or not to be in a relationship with a single parent?



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Offline anonymouse

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Re: Top 5 Reasons
« Reply #6 on: May 30, 2017, 06:37:31 PM »
Some of my reasons..

1. Have to be stable in life. Financially and personal. No drama with ex, baby momma, family..
2. Have to be in shape
3. Have to have a place of their own
4. Have no health issues
5. Have to be responsible/ reliable
..

2-5 could be applied to anybody.
Would your 5 still be okay if he/she made mistakes in the past but has changed for the better in the past few years.

1. I think that'll be hard especially for Hmong people.  I've met a select few (non hmong) that can get by with no huge drama that affects the new relationship.  But no drama is rather difficult.
Sometimes if they are even "best of friends" post-breakup it still weirds their partner out. 
Nothing major, but there tends to be disagreements with visitation or who gets kids at what week.  Or the most common,  scheduled weekend with Dad, but Dad has plans and so does Mom.

Drama seems inevitable for divorced or separated parents, but minor stuff I can probably do.  Major ones where they are bickering. that's a no-no.



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Offline lifemystery

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Re: Top 5 Reasons
« Reply #7 on: May 30, 2017, 09:51:11 PM »
Being in a relationship with a single parent is a last resort, unless the person is in some kind of desperation who sees no opportunity in the dating world.  Carrying on with the topic..

1.  They are separated or divorced for a reason and usually itís very bad.

2.  A lot of them have impulsive and poorly-reasoned behaviors.

3.  They most likely to be in financial dead end.

4.  Their children will likely be on their side.

5.  Last but not least, anyone who is in a relationship with them are second to none because of their children comes first.





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Offline anonymouse

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Re: Top 5 Reasons
« Reply #8 on: May 30, 2017, 10:07:07 PM »
Being in a relationship with a single parent is a last resort, unless the person is in some kind of desperation who sees no opportunity in the dating world.  Carrying on with the topic..

1.  They are separated or divorced for a reason and usually it’s very bad.

2.  A lot of them have impulsive and poorly-reasoned behaviors.

3.  They most likely to be in financial dead end.

4.  Their children will likely be on their side.

5.  Last but not least, anyone who is in a relationship with them are second to none because of their children comes first.


At some point in life. We all have to wonder what our baggage is.  Everyone has baggage.

1. Hmong people? for the most part yes.  Though it probably will change with years to come. I know plenty of non-hmongs who have divorced and not for "very bad" reason.  Often it's, they aren't happy.  They want different things. or they grown apart.
Unlike some hmong couples they don't just "Ua siab ntev" or stick with it cause they've been married for xx years.  If they are unhappy and there's nothing left in the marriage, they will go out and find their happiness.
I'd rather a couple divorce if they are unhappy together and no amount of counseling, meeting, etc. will change it.  If they both feel it's better to divorce. go for it.

At the very least someone else could turn the table and apply the same logic to the single person. you're single for a reason and it's a bad reason.

2. That can be applied to everyone.

3. That can be applied to everyone.

4. I don't see how this is a bad thing.  Children love their mom/dad.  More power to them.  I'd rather the children love their parent than some stranger who just jumped into their life.  If the kids love and trust their parent. That might just mean despite the choices they made, atleast they are doing okay at parenting.

5. Well that's to be expected. That's something you should always keep in mind when dating someone who has kid(s).  And the thing you have to realize early on is, if you are fully committed in this relationship, you aren't just committing to be a boyfriend/girlfriend, you are committing to being a potential stepparent as well.  It's a big hoop to jump through, one second you are a single person, the next you are someone's potential stepparent.  It's a big big hoop, but you have to be aware of that early on.


your 5 reasons (besides the 5th) can really be applied to anyone.



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Offline lifemystery

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Re: Top 5 Reasons
« Reply #9 on: May 30, 2017, 11:41:27 PM »
At some point in life. We all have to wonder what our baggage is.  Everyone has baggage.

1. Hmong people? for the most part yes.  Though it probably will change with years to come. I know plenty of non-hmongs who have divorced and not for "very bad" reason.  Often it's, they aren't happy.  They want different things. or they grown apart.
Unlike some hmong couples they don't just "Ua siab ntev" or stick with it cause they've been married for xx years.  If they are unhappy and there's nothing left in the marriage, they will go out and find their happiness.
I'd rather a couple divorce if they are unhappy together and no amount of counseling, meeting, etc. will change it.  If they both feel it's better to divorce. go for it.

At the very least someone else could turn the table and apply the same logic to the single person. you're single for a reason and it's a bad reason.

2. That can be applied to everyone.

3. That can be applied to everyone.

4. I don't see how this is a bad thing.  Children love their mom/dad.  More power to them.  I'd rather the children love their parent than some stranger who just jumped into their life.  If the kids love and trust their parent. That might just mean despite the choices they made, atleast they are doing okay at parenting.

5. Well that's to be expected. That's something you should always keep in mind when dating someone who has kid(s).  And the thing you have to realize early on is, if you are fully committed in this relationship, you aren't just committing to be a boyfriend/girlfriend, you are committing to being a potential stepparent as well.  It's a big hoop to jump through, one second you are a single person, the next you are someone's potential stepparent.  It's a big big hoop, but you have to be aware of that early on.


your 5 reasons (besides the 5th) can really be applied to anyone.

That's not my kind of baggage.  It works well with the nice guys who are supportive.  They'll take whatever that's on the dinner table.  Anybody want left over pho?  Because I am not.   ;D



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Offline anonymouse

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Re: Top 5 Reasons
« Reply #10 on: May 31, 2017, 12:02:44 AM »
That's not my kind of baggage.  It works well with the nice guys who are supportive.  They'll take whatever that's on the dinner table.  Anybody want left over pho?  Because I am not.   ;D

Hey I eat my own leftover pho as long as the broth has not been absorbed into the noodles haha.

But yea I get what you mean. Personally, it's not my kind of baggage either.  It's just not for me. Maybe in a far future. but right now. nope. 

It's definitely not for all of us. Takes alot of heart, alot of courage, and someone who can really love..
Or.. the person is just super desperate.



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Offline duckwingduck

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Re: Top 5 Reasons
« Reply #11 on: May 31, 2017, 06:39:56 PM »
It's a trade off.

If she's the girl of your dream, you won't mind making the effort.  You will work around her children's schedule.  You will have to please both her and her children.  If she likes you, but her children do not like you, it might not work out.  If you like the woman but do not like her children. 



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