Calm, Cool, Collective

[DaCurse]

damn it folks..I don't know no more...got into another heated argument with her yesterday..its about friends of the opposite gender..She claims all her guy friends she knew and met before knowing me...I said, I met her while you ignore me for 2 damn whole weeks...it wasn't like i was out there hunting...and the hell I know you up to during them two weeks..you knew I would be left hanging and left me hanging...but she, she was there for me...damn it...I lost it folks...I fuke up...it's not going to work out, if its like this...fuke...

[DaCurse]

fuking shit yo...all i got was short answers and not so friendly emojis al morning from her...lols going to go with my co-worker's advice. bring how some nice flowers, and sing her a song..hahah..t he guy wasn't even being sarcastic..lol s okay, i might just have to do that...some day, but not anytime soon...unless i really really fuke up..lols nah, pay me a million and im still not going to even attempt to sing..lols

[DaCurse]

She wants me to just be myself..I said I am being myself, I'm never the same...I said a normal person has some degree of bipolarity..if that's the correct term or even a word...lols She then says, I know you're really not always as happy as you portray it..I said, I make it known when Im faking things..that's something you ought to respect. lols she says fine, and i walked to my car but then turned around to hugged her. She watches me until I got into my car and drives off..

damn it, I still miss my singlehood but i guess there really is such a thing as fate and you can't fight it...haha so Reporter, ifyou see this, maybe I was wrong, there is such a thing as fate...maybe.. .haha

[DaCurse]

why do you only call or text when you miss me.

am i suppose to miss you every second of the day.

No, but you've been distant, do you ever think if Im okay if you don't hear from me all day.

I think of you at least once a day, i just think you're overreacting. You have friends who can contact me if anything, I was busy with work as always...You knew this already..doesn't mean I don't care, just mean I thought you would understand.

......

So how are you anyway?

.........

hey, can we tell ghost stories?

NO.

Can I swing by for a quick  bit- I need to make a errand close by anyway?

NO...stop your bs

Okay, well as long as your okay.

.......

I guess it's good night then...nights.

.......

---never knew she could be so immature sometimes...lo ls

[lilly]

If your significant other (s/o) tells you they feel distant from you then maybe you haven't been giving them the time and attention that they need from you.  Everyone has a level of communication/a level of bonding that they need from their s/o in order to feel connected to their s/o.  Maybe you are not meeting your girl's level of communication/level of bonding that she needs from you.  My guy told me I didn't give him enough time and attention too.  He seemed OK after I explained all the tasks that I had to do in a given day and why I had no time for awhile.  He seemed to understand after that.  But I try to be mindful and check in on him so he doesn't feel like I am neglecting him.  It's all about good communication and making sure we are taking care of our s/o's needs.  For me I like my alone time but for other people they need to be in constant contact with their s/o to feel secure and connected to their s/o.

[DaCurse]

thanks for your input, lilly. I have been thinking and there's times when I need to slow down, just take a few minutes out my day and say Hi to my loved ones...haha but im a machine, once im set to a sense of urgency, everything is fast pace, tackling everything at once kind of thing...lols.. .so working on it...working on when to press the stop or off button..she seems happier now..but she's making me initiate these quick texts..haha wants me to get into the habit...i joked, don't whine if i become too clingy...lols

[DaCurse]

I remember a time back in High school....Had a old Asian Substitute for a short term period. For the sake of dedication and love, she was in her 70's..Old, fraile, weak. she was an easy target for the bullies to say something mean to or talked back to her. Or just to make her day miserable.

One day, two of these Hmong gangsters had enough and told the bullies to stop being mean to the teacher. One of the bully said "but she's Chinese, You guys are Hmong"...One of the Hmong gangster said "it don't matter"....and the bullies went quiet really fast.

I was a nerd back then...so of course I just lay low and stay quiet..haha but I give those two dudes props...I didn't think I hit puberty yet then...lols

[DaCurse]

went out to lunch with her and met with her brother and his partner. haha So he's gay. Why didn't you tell me this? why does it matter. I was caught off guard. Why would you. I was thinking about saying "if we have kids, what if one of them becomes gay"...whooo close one...So I just said, I don't know, i just thought you would have mention it when ever you talk about your family to me...fuke, i thought she would not bring it up again. But she did when I dropped her off..."if you're anti-gay, I don't know what to think of you now"...I looked at her and I said..."If that's how you think of me, then I don't know what else to say"...she got out of the car, slightly slams the door and walked to her door without saying anything or lookingback... .I watched her get inside, stay on the curb for a few minutes...

okay, maybe she got me.....but then I'm not perfect, I'm not anti-gay..I just really prefer any of my future kids to be straight..haha but i understand, its not my life, and if one or they are gay, i will let it be. So maybe I shouldn't have kids..haha

it got me thinking...I really didn't see what the big fuss was about when that sheriff said "he just had a really bad day"...I mean people can intepret it however which way they want...the way I see it, He was trying to say " I really wish he hadn't done it, now his life is ruin at such a young age"....

Maybe I need to be a better liar. a mindful person makes for a good liar....lols a honest person speaks their mind...lols damns fuke, but i think i'm put on her ignore list again...fuking shiit...she made it seem like i was anti-gay...I was only saying..haha oh wells, i need some time for myself...its long overdue...haha

[DaCurse]

haha I'm playing her own game on her..ignoring her...lols I'm gonna go up north to a friend's cabin and find some peace in solitude..haha i need to get away from reality for the weekend..all these anti-asian hate crimes..it does bother me..it bothers me a lot...I wish i can be careless but I'm a compassionate person...haha j.k..but really, I need some time to think long and hard about this woman. Honestly, I need time alone to find my answers...one part of me says, she's great overall, i should just accept her even if there are things I dont like about her. like getting easily offended or upset all the time...haha Another part tells me, I should seek the type of relationship I want. Laid back, simple, boring, but genuinely loving...haha Some may say, that's impossible. because its so common for couple to bicker constantly...f or sakes, its what keeps the relationship going...haha but me, Im different...i like to stand out and feel important...lo ls joking...my heart is just confused, a lot is going on, i've been working much harder than anticipated... haha i need to visit my own world for a few days...Will be back folks.

[DaCurse]

I gave up a lot folks. I left my decently high paying job, gave away my car to someone deserving, and....yes, I.... let her go as well. I come to realization, all that I ever worked hard for, hustle my ass off was never anything I truly desired. There was nothing wrong with how I saw life at a early age, and the only thing wrong I did was to thought I have some proving to do. haha

I don't want nice cars, homes, and beautiful women. I just want peace and sanity...haha I'm going back to work a 15 dollar hour job, drive a car worth 5k, and I don't know what I want to do with all my money yet..haha lols j/k

yes, I'm alright fammies...I'm quite a alright...haha yes I am.

[DaCurse]

be water, be free flowing, be desire-less. when you have desires, you have weaknesses, when you possess those desires you have vulnerabilitie s. be desireless my friend.

only desire what you need to survive, be healthy, and happy.

Unfortunately, our desires are not the same. And we both agreed to part ways. I've been told I give good advice, but i never follow my own advice. lols...I've kind let my guards down on her, and though i know she meant well for me, i needed to be honest..it was now, or before it's too late....It may sound selfish, and maybe it is, but i felt it was the best for her. yes her..and me too..okay..who isn't selfish..haha thanks fammies, I appreciate all you guys concern for my well being but I am doing just fine. I hope you guys better understand the simple but complicated mind of the Curse now. haha

[DaCurse]

I wasn't testing you. I wasn't. It was just a mistake. We should had never given it a second chance. That's all. I know what you're thinking, I would never used you as just a quick hook up. I really though there was something htere, but we were moving so fast, that it leads us to a breaking point. I hope you can appreciate that its only 6 months, and not 6 years, or  even 60 years later when I realize this and decided, we're not right for each other. What you desire and what I desire can't be compromise. I can't be someone I'm not, I should've known that. But I wanted to be open minded, and give you my all because I thought you were worth the shot. It's just didn't turn out what I hope for.

You don't always get what you want, but you don't always have to accept what is given to you as well. I really do wish her all the best and I know she will fully understand me some day.

[DaCurse]

we'll still stay in touch right? yes, of course. I don't know why i'm crying, i should really be happy and supportive of you. You should be angry at me. But i'm not....okay, thank you then....She walks away and as much as I wanted to run after her, i couldn't...i just couldn't. that's where it hurts the most. I couldn't dragged her along a life i know she would not find fullfilling... .fuke, i didn't think it would hurt this much...to let someone go...callin in work tomorrow..haha fuke..shit..da mn it hurts..fuke.

[DaCurse]

I was walking out from a store and someone decides to mimics some bruce lee noises from a distant. I looked straight into that mofo's eyes. Mofo quiet real fast and look like he just saw a ghost. I didn't want to be ghetto and spit on the ground...lols not like the 90's no more yo...lols that shit hella ghetto and cheesy..lols.. .so I after i look at him, i give him a blank stare, and walked away. Could've been ugly folks...But I wasn't in a good mood..I know shoulda just ignore it....and i can't be sure he was taunting me or just happen to blurt out those mimics with hs friends...but i'm highly sensitive these days...lols

[DaCurse]

i talked to someone i haven't talk to in a long while. I asked are you still with that chick from Nevada? he sarcastiacally joke man why you gotta bring her up..but i know he kind of meant it too. in my mind i wanna say, man bro..like that? why you gotta make me feel bad for asking for the sake of curiousity..ha ha so i said sorry, i'd asked..i won't talk to you again...lols j/k about the latter. oh yeah,it was more like  i asked what's new with him, and he was like same ole, just hanging out with the girlfriend...s o it wasn't like i was digging up graves..haha i was curious, if it was the same girl or not...that's was all, that was it..damns...as nice of a guy he seems, and i understand sometimes people just get caught in a bad moment, but really though, when someone asked, it usually means they care enough to asked..

reminds me of the time i saw a old friend's brother, i asked his brother about him..and his brother told me of his misfortunes and his whereabouts... later this old friend asked me why i gotta be nosey for...i said, damn bro, like that? who walked with you everyday to and from school during elementary days..haha when you were the new kid, i was your only friend brah...damns.. .

and you wonder why, friends come n go...and why they don't stay in touch no more...and then the next time you just act like you don't even see em, they be like man this guy too good now, don't even say what's up no more..haha wtf...now you know i got food on the table you wanna be friends again? haha