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Author Topic: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...  (Read 13652 times)

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Offline Dok_Champa

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When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« on: January 26, 2018, 03:34:12 PM »
Most  Hmong marriages are very similar because most hmong men are wire similarly in their understanding of a woman's needs or women in general.  (Maybe because they came from the same pool/cultures).  AND a woman fools herself thinking she'll find someone different by replacing the old w/ the new only to find herself back to the same old marriage she left.  If that's the case - why divorce in the first place.  To really change a marriage - don't marry a hmong man.  That's what i'm thinking. 



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But true love is a durable fire, In the mind ever burning, Never sick, never old, never dead, From itself never turning.<br />               --Sir Walter Raleigh

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Offline theking

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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #1 on: January 26, 2018, 07:01:33 PM »
I can see that to a degree especially in areas where Hmong women have very little to zero rights but to flip it around from what I've seen here in the states, some Hmong men are in the same boat too as the grass is not always greener either when they remarried another Hmong woman. Sometimes that new Hmong wife is actually more problems than the old one...It really just depends on the situation..



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Offline Believe_N_Me

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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #2 on: January 27, 2018, 09:48:45 PM »
Well, why did she leave the old marriage? There are things that are universal to the Hmong. Then there are things that are individualisti c. If she divorced for something that is universal then might as well not marry another Hmong.



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Offline Dok_Champa

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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #3 on: January 29, 2018, 11:07:52 AM »
I can see that to a degree especially in areas where Hmong women have very little to zero rights but to flip it around from what I've seen here in the states, some Hmong men are in the same boat too as the grass is not always greener either when they remarried another Hmong woman. Sometimes that new Hmong wife is actually more problems than the old one...It really just depends on the situation..
Women's right, men's right...they're important but in a marriage, in relationship, it's understanding each other's need.  Women do a better job and men still very poor.


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Most Hmong people are INSANE. By insane, I mean doing the same thing and expecting a different result! This applies to nearly every Hmong person I know and whatever crises they are currently experiencing. My unsolicitated advice is to take a few steps back, evaluate the situation, and find a solution to break free from the perpetual cycle. Just a thought.
I don't know if Insane is the right word but in a marriage, not willing to learn, get out of their comfort zone.
Well, why did she leave the old marriage? There are things that are universal to the Hmong. Then there are things that are individualisti c. If she divorced for something that is universal then might as well not marry another Hmong.
Marriage practices, gender roles (roles of wive/husband/children,e tc..) I know these are universal to the hmong but now I'm also saying the mass of hmong men also have universal thinking and only limited individualisti c.  Since this is the case, if a person marry a hmong man, whether 1 or 10, the chances of getting into a similar marriages is greater than a truly transform one.   


« Last Edit: April 18, 2018, 11:17:25 AM by Reporter »

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But true love is a durable fire, In the mind ever burning, Never sick, never old, never dead, From itself never turning.<br />               --Sir Walter Raleigh

Offline theking

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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #4 on: January 29, 2018, 12:27:14 PM »
Women's right, men's right...they're important but in a marriage, in relationship, it's understanding each other's need.  Women do a better job and men still very poor.

Women's rights are not that important in Laos when I was there as they have very little to zero rights meaning that many of them have no say in the matter when it comes to marriage...Men do the negotiating for their heads similar to a livestock auction yard or a car sale. I don't think women do a better job than men either in terms of understanding needs...It's more like 50/50 from what I've seen here...



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Offline DuMa

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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #5 on: January 29, 2018, 01:03:10 PM »
They are similar in a sense that they don't know how to love their women right. 

I see ugly Hmong dude with pretty wife and the guy neglected her like no other.  In come slick rick n what you think will happen?

Loyalty is created when the love is there.  Even pimps are able to build the loyalty from his hoes n it is mind blowing to see her makes the money n gives it to dude.  What I do know is a pimp he has the pimp juice to show her the warmth n love n with that alone, she will never stray. 

I have yet to see a Hmong couple that makes me jealous.  One where I wish I would have that kind of love.  All I got are the typical Hmong guys who kick it with video games n doing shotgun with bud light.  Plus they cheat on their wives with hookers at any chance without getting caught cuz that's all they talk about when the wives are upstairs or in the house while the guys are chilling outside.

I do notice that the good Hmong are the ones that live the American lifestyle.  My house don't look Hmong n my job don't look Hmong n we are law abiding citizens who are like theking, haters of a Hmong society filled up with them Hmong stereotypes. 




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Offline YAX

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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #6 on: January 30, 2018, 02:25:47 PM »
Most  Hmong marriages are very similar because most hmong men are wire similarly in their understanding of a woman's needs or women in general.  (Maybe because they came from the same pool/cultures).  AND a woman fools herself thinking she'll find someone different by replacing the old w/ the new only to find herself back to the same old marriage she left.  If that's the case - why divorce in the first place.  To really change a marriage - don't marry a hmong man.  That's what i'm thinking.
hmm.. "most", eh.. Velly interestering imdeed.



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Renaissance

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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #7 on: February 07, 2018, 01:11:58 PM »
Most  Hmong marriages are very similar because most hmong men are wire similarly in their understanding of a woman's needs or women in general.  (Maybe because they came from the same pool/cultures).  AND a woman fools herself thinking she'll find someone different by replacing the old w/ the new only to find herself back to the same old marriage she left.  If that's the case - why divorce in the first place.  To really change a marriage - don't marry a hmong man.  That's what i'm thinking.

Interesting thoughts.  I would like some support whether it be from personal experience (examples), experience of others (examples), or studies.

My thoughts:  certainly gender role/cultural practices/personal belief/upbringing/and law of the land plays a part in how one gender treats the other. I wouldn't attribute it to only one factor (being Hmong).  Because this society values both gender equally there's equal access to education, jobs and other things.  The younger generation Hmong men treat girls the same as boys with the same expectations.  The only difference in treatment is prbably being more protective.  With more opportunities here, both husband and wife have to work to survive. As such, there is a general view of equality and respect.



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Offline AmazingGrace

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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #8 on: February 16, 2018, 11:50:06 PM »
Most  Hmong marriages are very similar because most hmong men are wire similarly in their understanding of a woman's needs or women in general.  (Maybe because they came from the same pool/cultures).  AND a woman fools herself thinking she'll find someone different by replacing the old w/ the new only to find herself back to the same old marriage she left.  If that's the case - why divorce in the first place.  To really change a marriage - don't marry a hmong man.  That's what i'm thinking.

obviously not all Hmong men. My husband is not like that. He treats me good, even after 9 years. Now I don't know what the future will be like for us, but for now it is good.



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LinShoutian

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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #9 on: April 05, 2018, 12:28:05 PM »
I think people are too focus on finding the answer, solution, need, want, etc.. etc. Whatever it may be. I don't believe it's about whether or not you found what you're looking for but the willingness to find it together. We may in our lifetime never find what we're looking for, but the willingness to find it together keeps us together.




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Offline Dok_Champa

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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #10 on: April 06, 2018, 11:30:40 AM »
I think people are too focus on finding the answer, solution, need, want, etc.. etc. Whatever it may be. I don't believe it's about whether or not you found what you're looking for but the willingness to find it together. We may in our lifetime never find what we're looking for, but the willingness to find it together keeps us together.
There's a saying, "Life is a journey not a destination" to encourage people to enjoy the process and not too focus on the destination.  Yes, when people are willing to find it together, even if they don't reach their goals, being together is much more meaningful than the end product.  This only work if two people are looking for the same thing.  What if what I want is not what you want and what you want is not what I want etc... How do people come to a solution/compromise?  Some things in life you can compromise and some things in life you can't.  It's all about understanding/listening to each other's wants and needs and that leads me back to my original conclusion.



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But true love is a durable fire, In the mind ever burning, Never sick, never old, never dead, From itself never turning.<br />               --Sir Walter Raleigh

LinShoutian

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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #11 on: April 06, 2018, 02:38:35 PM »
Yes, the journey saying. It's too cliche for me to say. We've all heard it too often, but seriously only very few will ever truly know what it means.

But it's the knowing that is the problem. When we think we know what it is that we want, that is all we focus on. When we're so focus on one thing, we miss out on everything else. I'm an old man, so by now I've learned that what I need and want may not always bring me happiness.

It is the not knowing in life that will give us the most and truest happiness. 



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Offline Dok_Champa

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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #12 on: April 06, 2018, 03:20:49 PM »
It is the not knowing in life that will give us the most and truest happiness.
I beg to differ - the not knowing in life give us hope.  AND hope is what makes us human - keep us going.   Happiness requires knowing and understanding requires an open mind (don't focus on just one thing).

AND so leads me back to my original conclusion. 



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But true love is a durable fire, In the mind ever burning, Never sick, never old, never dead, From itself never turning.<br />               --Sir Walter Raleigh

LinShoutian

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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #13 on: April 06, 2018, 04:53:03 PM »
What you're saying is that you need to know to be happy. Just like you need to see to believe.  If you are happy, you need not know. If you believe, you need not see. When you are able to do just that, again, it's in it's truest form.



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Offline Dok_Champa

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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #14 on: April 10, 2018, 11:19:27 AM »
What you're saying is that you need to know to be happy. Just like you need to see to believe.  If you are happy, you need not know. If you believe, you need not see. When you are able to do just that, again, it's in it's truest form.
That truest form you mentioned sounds a lot like a robot to me ;D  Happiness requires knowing - people need to know what makes them happy or others.  Without it, how can you bring happiness to yourself or others?



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But true love is a durable fire, In the mind ever burning, Never sick, never old, never dead, From itself never turning.<br />               --Sir Walter Raleigh

 

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