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Author Topic: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...  (Read 13650 times)

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LinShoutian

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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #15 on: April 11, 2018, 02:17:39 PM »
I assume you know exactly what makes you happy and you have found happiness. You may be one of the few and lucky. I’ve come to understand that only when we stop searching can anything be found. And what it is that we know today is far from what it is that we will need tomorrow. Just like what we know today is what we should have known yesterday. With that in mind, will tomorrow still bring you the same happiness you think you know today.

If happiness is of the mind, then knowing is best. But if happiness is that of the Heart, then you need just let it be and it will.

Knowing is constantly changing, if we keep chasing what we know, there may never be an end to our search. Happiness isn't something that you find, God has already given it to us.


« Last Edit: April 11, 2018, 02:38:40 PM by LinShoutian »

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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #16 on: April 11, 2018, 02:40:11 PM »
Happiness is to have a perception to what happiness is and you either meet it or exceed it. 

Our definition of our own happiness varies. 



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Offline Dok_Champa

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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #17 on: April 12, 2018, 09:11:16 AM »
I assume you know exactly what makes you happy and you have found happiness. You may be one of the few and lucky. I’ve come to understand that only when we stop searching can anything be found. And what it is that we know today is far from what it is that we will need tomorrow. Just like what we know today is what we should have known yesterday. With that in mind, will tomorrow still bring you the same happiness you think you know today.

If happiness is of the mind, then knowing is best. But if happiness is that of the Heart, then you need just let it be and it will.

Knowing is constantly changing, if we keep chasing what we know, there may never be an end to our search. Happiness isn't something that you find, God has already given it to us.
I would say all of us desire to be happy & loved in life and we all have an idea of what it is that will bring us to that state of being.  Sometimes things/life may not go as we plan that's why faith & hope is such a crucial factor for our sanity/existence.  Gratitude is always another crucial element.  Gratitude, faith, and hope promote positive thinking, the drive to never give up and the humble heart for the things you do have.  Ex:  The gift of life, another beautiful sunrise, sunset, etc.... But being human, the search for happiness and love is an ingrain part of us and one never stop searching, hoping until one finds it.  You find it when love and happiness align w/ your heart, soul, mind, and body and when people nourish it-- like a plant, a flower, it blooms ever so beautifully and when neglect, eventually dies, dried up, or if alive - faded in colors - not vibrant like at the beginning, slow in growth, not producing big blooms, etc... and so leads me back to my original post. 



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But true love is a durable fire, In the mind ever burning, Never sick, never old, never dead, From itself never turning.<br />               --Sir Walter Raleigh

Offline Dok_Champa

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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #18 on: April 12, 2018, 09:16:00 AM »
Happiness is to have a perception to what happiness is and you either meet it or exceed it. 

Our definition of our own happiness varies.
Yes. 



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But true love is a durable fire, In the mind ever burning, Never sick, never old, never dead, From itself never turning.<br />               --Sir Walter Raleigh

LinShoutian

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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #19 on: April 12, 2018, 09:24:25 AM »
don't marry a hmong man. 

Your original post. Your mind is already set on not marrying a hmong man to give yourself a chance at happiness. You can't find what you've already left behind. Maybe it's not finding happiness through others, but finding happiness within yourself. When you stop searching, you will find it. It will have been right where you left it.


People always ask me, "What it is that I look for in a person to love." I say, "Nothing".  I Look for nothing so that I may give everything a chance. If I only seek what I know to make me happy, I will surely miss out on the one thing that will. Because at the end of the day, what is it that we truly know. If we truly do know, we will come to understand that we know very little. And if we know very little, then it'd be dumb to bank on what it is that we know to guide us to happiness.




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Offline DuMa

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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #20 on: April 12, 2018, 02:42:08 PM »
I'm on my Fon so bare with me. 

Happiness is like eating at a buffet bar.  You could eat the whole thing and tell yourself that there is nothing else for you to eat so the game is over and you are satisfied or being happy. 

However, the world that I lived in, no one eats the whole buffet bar.  We eat enough and be satisfied and we are happy that we ate enough. 

Same thing with life.  What is our perception that will make us satisfied?  A house all payed off, no bills, a retirement check, what more do you need?  Oh right, you need children, a partner and add yours to the list here and calling it a day.  As long as you still have your wants and needs, you will never be happy. 

A happy person will say that they have enough.  The game is already won for them.  No goals are needed, there is nothing else to gain.  Well by golly, didn't I just described perfection?  If there is no such thing as being perfect then happiness can never be achieved. 

Happiness then might not even be real.  It might just be a concept that messes us up.  We are looking for something that doesn't exist after all. 

So to combat this, I stopped looking for my happiness but just embrace what I have as enough.  Lower expectation and say my happiness is having enough, one which is more than a person who has nothing or less than enough.






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Offline Dok_Champa

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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #21 on: April 12, 2018, 04:45:53 PM »
I'm on my Fon so bare with me. 

Happiness is like eating at a buffet bar.  You could eat the whole thing and tell yourself that there is nothing else for you to eat so the game is over and you are satisfied or being happy. 

However, the world that I lived in, no one eats the whole buffet bar.  We eat enough and be satisfied and we are happy that we ate enough. 

Same thing with life.  What is our perception that will make us satisfied?  A house all payed off, no bills, a retirement check, what more do you need?  Oh right, you need children, a partner and add yours to the list here and calling it a day.  As long as you still have your wants and needs, you will never be happy. 

A happy person will say that they have enough.  The game is already won for them.  No goals are needed, there is nothing else to gain.  Well by golly, didn't I just described perfection?  If there is no such thing as being perfect then happiness can never be achieved. 

Happiness then might not even be real.  It might just be a concept that messes us up.  We are looking for something that doesn't exist after all. 

So to combat this, I stopped looking for my happiness but just embrace what I have as enough.  Lower expectation and say my happiness is having enough, one which is more than a person who has nothing or less than enough.
Oh come on, don't say happiness might not be real.  Think of a time you can't stop smiling, feel like dancing, walking on cloud... pinched yourself to make sure you aren't dreaming.... That's real...so real that you were probably crying tears of joy. 
Your original post. Your mind is already set on not marrying a hmong man to give yourself a chance at happiness. You can't find what you've already left behind. Maybe it's not finding happiness through others, but finding happiness within yourself. When you stop searching, you will find it. It will have been right where you left it.

People always ask me, "What it is that I look for in a person to love." I say, "Nothing".  I Look for nothing so that I may give everything a chance. If I only seek what I know to make me happy, I will surely miss out on the one thing that will. Because at the end of the day, what is it that we truly know. If we truly do know, we will come to understand that we know very little. And if we know very little, then it'd be dumb to bank on what it is that we know to guide us to happiness.


My mind hasn’t set yet.  For now, it’s just a thought or slow realization but I hope that time and life will tell me otherwise – still hopeful and working on that.   When I stop believing I may have to take your advice and find happiness within myself.  However, life is so much more beautiful when shared.  Human beings we’re not meant to be alone and God did not intend that way.  But,  seriously, I don’t think I can live the same life twice in one lifetime.  I’m also advocating for people to stay together –the grass isn’t greener on the other side.  Sometimes worse and or more likely the same.

About that “nothing” requirement – even before you start the journey, there must be “something” about a person to inspire you to take a step. I don’t believe you grab a person w/ your eyes closed and the same goes for loving a person. 







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But true love is a durable fire, In the mind ever burning, Never sick, never old, never dead, From itself never turning.<br />               --Sir Walter Raleigh

Offline DuMa

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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #22 on: April 12, 2018, 05:27:34 PM »
Oh come on, don't say happiness might not be real.  Think of a time you can't stop smiling, feel like dancing, walking on cloud... pinched yourself to make sure you aren't dreaming.... That's real...so real that you were probably crying tears of joy. 
My mind hasn’t set yet.  For now, it’s just a thought or slow realization but I hope that time and life will tell me otherwise – still hopeful and working on that.   When I stop believing I may have to take your advice and find happiness within myself.  However, life is so much more beautiful when shared.  Human beings we’re not meant to be alone and God did not intend that way.  But,  seriously, I don’t think I can live the same life twice in one lifetime.  I’m also advocating for people to stay together –the grass isn’t greener on the other side.  Sometimes worse and or more likely the same.

About that “nothing” requirement – even before you start the journey, there must be “something” about a person to inspire you to take a step. I don’t believe you grab a person w/ your eyes closed and the same goes for loving a person.

If it is real then how come you don't stay happy all the time?  After doing something great, you get a sensation that is temporary.  If what you did make you happy then how come you are unable to repeat to get the same feeling again?

After awhile, it gets routine and boring.  Same event but now it is boring which makes you unhappy. 

Happiness is the overall state of mind.  When good or bad or neutral, you can feel the same happy feeling all the time then that is the happiness that many long for. 

Ever heard the line, if it isn't for me, let it be for others.  Now to get there, one has to reach enlightenment and to me that is where the true happiness can be found. 

I win, I'm happy. I lose, I'm happy for you.  Happy all the time.




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LinShoutian

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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #23 on: April 13, 2018, 11:29:11 AM »
The mind is not always sound and the eyes deceives us into believing what is often not. I once thought I knew and often sought with the eyes, it is human nature to do so. But when I finally didn't, that was when I understood what happiness truly consists of.

Would you believe me if I said, I found Love right here? Well it's true, I Love someone right from here, not knowing, not seeing... Just did.

I have this saying, "God didn't create one special person just for us, He created everyone special. If we listen to anyone's life, we come to see that it's our life they're living. We all want the same, believe it or not. But we can't see it because it's their life and we can't possibly believe that we are like everyone else. Besides, we're suppose to be unique. But we are all traveling on the same hwy of life. If we spend enough time with someone and we give it every chance to be happy with that person, we will have it.

Happiness isn't just about the goods. It is the bad that makes us appreciate the good. Good is just a word without bad. Happiness is just a word without sadness. It is the sadness in life that gives happiness meaning. When we try to run away from sadness to find happiness, we go searching for something that doesn't exist.



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Offline Dok_Champa

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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #24 on: April 13, 2018, 01:35:00 PM »
If it is real then how come you don't stay happy all the time?  After doing something great, you get a sensation that is temporary.  If what you did make you happy then how come you are unable to repeat to get the same feeling again?

Happiness is the overall state of mind.  When good or bad or neutral, you can feel the same happy feeling all the time then that is the happiness that many long for. 

Ever heard the line, if it isn't for me, let it be for others.  Now to get there, one has to reach enlightenment and to me that is where the true happiness can be found. 

I win, I'm happy. I lose, I'm happy for you.  Happy all the time.
Of course, a happy event will stay happy forever.  At the moment the event taking place, your state of happiness is at it's highest but eventually down the road, when you think about it, still bring you happiness....  Think of a happy thought many years ago... still get butterfly in your stomache now right?  See.....
The mind is not always sound and the eyes deceives us into believing what is often not. I once thought I knew and often sought with the eyes, it is human nature to do so. But when I finally didn't, that was when I understood what happiness truly consists of.

Would you believe me if I said, I found Love right here? Well it's true, I Love someone right from here, not knowing, not seeing... Just did.

I have this saying, "God didn't create one special person just for us, He created everyone special. If we listen to anyone's life, we come to see that it's our life they're living. We all want the same, believe it or not. But we can't see it because it's their life and we can't possibly believe that we are like everyone else. Besides, we're suppose to be unique. But we are all traveling on the same hwy of life. If we spend enough time with someone and we give it every chance to be happy with that person, we will have it.

Happiness isn't just about the goods. It is the bad that makes us appreciate the good. Good is just a word without bad. Happiness is just a word without sadness. It is the sadness in life that gives happiness meaning. When we try to run away from sadness to find happiness, we go searching for something that doesn't exist.
Since the eye and mind are unreliable, what do you rely on? J/W.  And how long did that love you found lasted?  J/W…

Since God created everyone special and not just one special person for someone, do you believe in “finding your rib?”

Human beings we are want to be happy and loved, that’s a fact.  It’s also a fact we each have a unique way to achieve them.  Some selfishly (only think of me, myself, and I), some depends on our values, cultures, traditions, upbringing, etc.. (back to my original post).

Happiness and gratitude are very similar.  Happiness is that feeling your heart, mind, soul, can’t stop smiling, floating, that blissful feelings you just don’t ever want it to end, that “I’m empower to do anything” feeling, etc… Gratitude is a feeling of “thankfulness”…

When bad experiences happened, gratitude take over rather than happiness, in my opinion.  Ex:  heartbreaks – it’s a sad experience but “gratitude” for going through the experience so a person know what that’s like.  Another, loving someone (one sided love/ir-reciprocal love) – gratitude for the experience – that phrase “it’s better to love than never to have love at all) a perfect example of gratitude.



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But true love is a durable fire, In the mind ever burning, Never sick, never old, never dead, From itself never turning.<br />               --Sir Walter Raleigh

Peachy Fish

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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #25 on: April 22, 2018, 07:13:02 PM »
From observation, if the women/man remarries and find themselves in the similar situation as their 1st marriage, most of the time it's them...not who they married.



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Offline Reporter

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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #26 on: April 23, 2018, 03:31:54 PM »
Hmong elders like to say: first breakage, it's a mistake; second breakage, you are the mistake.

From observation, if the women/man remarries and find themselves in the similar situation as their 1st marriage, most of the time it's them...not who they married.



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Offline ProudLao

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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #27 on: April 24, 2018, 06:02:53 AM »
Hmong elders like to say: first breakage, it's a mistake; second breakage, you are the mistake.

What is the saying for the third or fourth for some?



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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #28 on: April 24, 2018, 08:14:52 AM »
Same thing as for the second: that you are the mistake.

What is the saying for the third or fourth for some?



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Offline ProudLao

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Re: When it Comes to Hmong Marriages, I'm beginning to realized...
« Reply #29 on: April 24, 2018, 09:04:04 AM »
Same thing as for the second: that you are the mistake.

I agree with the saying.



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I take refuge in the Buddha.
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