Let's look at it potentially through his eyes.
Imagine you're 15-16 years old doing teenage things like homework, gaming, etc. You're minding your business at home when you hear gun shots ring out. Then, you hear your door kicked down. You see the perp kill your parents in front of you and you don't know if you'll live. Will your entire family live? What's going to happen next?
You survive with some family members. The perp gets arrested but you lose your parents. Somewhere in the back of your head, you're probably asking yourself why this all happened? Was it your fault? What happens next? How do I move on from this experience?
Obviously, we're not in that situation and we can think about it rationally. However, when something like that were to happen to us at that moment or any moment; losing our loved ones, would that experience not traumatize us too?
it is a huge burden to put on a youngster, however, he is 18. considered a young adult, any troubles he goes through or causes will be on his own and must take responsibility
. not sure if he is the oldest, but he must understand that the huge responsibility and role of taking care of the family has been passed on to him (without a choice). he cannot go missing, do foolish things and he must represent head of household, his siblings are dependent on it.
speaking for myself, when i was 16, i was responsible enough to drive, work (make my own income), be somewhat independent, i didn't have or need guidance. i may not have lost my parents, but at 17, i've seen death in front of my eyes (best friends shot and killed). the trauma is indescribable, but it hardens the heart. take the lesson and learn from it..be smart, be wise, and consider oneself to be lucky. at 18 i had a place of my own (and yes, i had the responsibility of taking care of my family, friends and
runaway girls).
i'm holding him to my standards, may be even higher cause he has no choice.