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Offline SummerBerry

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Re: so sad
« Reply #15 on: February 22, 2018, 03:40:29 PM »
We have a uncle and his wife cheated on him.  Already 5/6 months pregnant with baby Dub. She's ready to leave him and moved to another state.  Somehow during clan meeting he was like he's forgiven and saib ntev.  Guess what!  In-laws don't want their daughter divorce so with uncle saying like that.  She was force to stay with him.  Her mom made her had a abortion.  Her parents made her quit her job. In-laws told her she must killed a cow for him.  When they did no one on her side even came not even her parents who recommended. 

I guess every case has its own twist and turn outcome. 

They're still together adding 2 more kids.  She start working again about a year now. 



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Offline SummerBerry

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Re: so sad
« Reply #16 on: February 22, 2018, 03:57:35 PM »
what kind of church is this that you speak of?  let us know, so we don't blindly join the congregation.

No church is perfect.  Just speaking of Hmong church in general.  Sometime you want to question do they set their own rules or what.  You probably don't see it happening with other church of different people/race within the same denomination. 

You got 10% drama behind door, kicking out member because of inappropriate behavior, etc.  My uncle is a womanizer got kick out, my aunt and uncle are big time gambler got kick out, etc. 

Don't expect that the same church you attend here in Fresno when you asked for help from the same branch in another city will be kindly.  They will tell you they only help and serve their own members. 

My husband always comment about Hmong Christian breaking the 10 commandments.  My husband hate how they pray.....  Vajtswv pab tsis tau..... 

Somehow Hmong church are no different then how we Hmong are in general from gossiping, arguing who is right and right, etc.  Traditional just seem better at opening their heart and not making excuses. 



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Offline Reporter

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Re: so sad
« Reply #17 on: February 22, 2018, 04:53:51 PM »
Okay. Next time something like this happens, you advise them not to slaughter the cow. It's useless. No one will appreciate it and there's no need to take the cow's life.

We have a uncle and his wife cheated on him.  Already 5/6 months pregnant with baby Dub. She's ready to leave him and moved to another state.  Somehow during clan meeting he was like he's forgiven and saib ntev.  Guess what!  In-laws don't want their daughter divorce so with uncle saying like that.  She was force to stay with him.  Her mom made her had a abortion.  Her parents made her quit her job. In-laws told her she must killed a cow for him.  When they did no one on her side even came not even her parents who recommended. 

I guess every case has its own twist and turn outcome. 

They're still together adding 2 more kids.  She start working again about a year now.


« Last Edit: February 23, 2018, 01:20:52 PM by Reporter »

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Offline theking

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Re: so sad
« Reply #18 on: February 22, 2018, 06:13:47 PM »
Watch your words ZDN.  This story might be about a PHer, for example, it could be about theKing.  He does fit the gloves.  :2funny:

Yep, YAK is still foaming bad from being proven wrong with facts so he continues to use the "making stuff up" method he copied from his fellow member of the narrow minded ignorant clique, BNM.

Nothing new, same wrong, different day...Talk about "fit the gloves"... ;D

And yes, he'll crawl back like the other handful members of the narrow minded ignorant clique due to his heavy foaming despite his "ignore" cries... ;D ;D ;D



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Offline Jiggles

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Re: so sad
« Reply #19 on: February 23, 2018, 02:03:18 AM »
Why air your dirty laundry out to your neighbors?! Don't we all know by now that it does no good, but only gives people reason to smack talk about you.  ::) ::)




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Offline SummerBerry

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Re: so sad
« Reply #20 on: February 23, 2018, 03:45:30 PM »
Okay. Next time something like this happens, you advise them not to slaughter the cow. It's useless. No one will appreciate it and there's no need to take the cow's life.

True it doesn't change anything or erase the mistake.  Could be forgiven but never forgotten. 

Sometime you got to hate how Hmong handle business.  Just like I would get lecture by my parent to listen, my husband is right, ua saib ntev, etc.  Whatever because I got my kids calling grandma whenever they see something. 



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Offline AmazingGrace

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Re: so sad
« Reply #21 on: February 23, 2018, 11:07:39 PM »
Truth is, no clan can make any individuals do anything. They just offer suggestions and what is the traditionally correct and respectable ways to do things. If you don't do it, they can't force you, they just lose respect for you.

The clan wanted her to formally apologize to her husband as a way to redeem his face. This is a very common step to do when a person cheats and leave their spouse only to come back.

She didn't want to do it and her clan didn't let her do it but now her clan must see the repercussion when they come over to their events and doesn't see the husband's clan there anymore.




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Offline Reporter

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Re: so sad
« Reply #22 on: February 25, 2018, 09:59:15 AM »
 O0 O0

True it doesn't change anything or erase the mistake.  Could be forgiven but never forgotten. 

Sometime you got to hate how Hmong handle business.  Just like I would get lecture by my parent to listen, my husband is right, ua saib ntev, etc.  Whatever because I got my kids calling grandma whenever they see something.
Truth is, no clan can make any individuals do anything. They just offer suggestions and what is the traditionally correct and respectable ways to do things. If you don't do it, they can't force you, they just lose respect for you.

The clan wanted her to formally apologize to her husband as a way to redeem his face. This is a very common step to do when a person cheats and leave their spouse only to come back.

She didn't want to do it and her clan didn't let her do it but now her clan must see the repercussion when they come over to their events and doesn't see the husband's clan there anymore.






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Offline Believe_N_Me

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Re: so sad
« Reply #23 on: May 30, 2018, 09:26:34 PM »
If the clan caves in then she will think that the husband and his clan aren't s.hit. Who knows what she's capable of doing in the future? She already treated him like dirt so why should the clan also let her walk all over them, too? Attending their events make the clan look like lawv nom sawvdaws ntshaw ntshaw aib pog.



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Offline Renaissance

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Re: so sad
« Reply #24 on: June 03, 2018, 07:42:06 AM »
"He wasnt man enough." What does that mean? He couldn't take care of his family or he couldn't perform in bed? Why get back together when the root of the problem hasnt been solved.



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Offline Mong-X

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Re: so sad
« Reply #25 on: June 03, 2018, 09:57:09 PM »
I married into a very traditional clan. When my sister-in-law cheated on her husband, she told our clan leaders in a big meeting that she doesn't want her husband because he's not man enough for her. Still, the husband said he still wanted to stay married to her.  Anyway, she divorces him both Hmong way and legally. When things didn't work out with her lover, she came back to her ex-husband. He gladly accepted her back.

They both go to our clan to tell them they are back together. The clan was not happy. The clan wanted her to kill a cow, do an eating thing and apologize to her husband (the traditional hmong way) for cheating on him. Her relative oppose to this idea, claiming they both accepted each other back so it was not necessary. The husband didn't try to enforce the eating thing either. The clan felt disrespected by the nyab and her relative. They were upset at the husband too.

The nyab said she was willing to kill a cow and do an eating thing, but she was not willing to apologize, which defects the purpose of it. No one cares about eating a cow. The point is for her to apologize.

Since then, every time they ua noj or do anything, NONE of the clan comes anymore like before. They once did a ub neeb for their son and killed a cow. No one showed up except the husband's' mom, brothers and sisters.

Last year, the nyab celebrated her husband's birthday and success in their business and sent this invitation to everyone. It was suppose to be  a big event, with a roast pig and everything but NO one showed up except the husband's mom, sisters and brothers. Her side of the family showed up but it was only the immediate family only.

I felt sorry for them, BUT this is what it looks like when you don't care about your clan, or you don't follow the tradition. They can't force you to do anything, but they won't join you anymore.

So did you go to their gathering when called?



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Offline duckwingduck

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Re: so sad
« Reply #26 on: June 10, 2018, 08:01:03 PM »
This is a diplomacy problem. 

Think of the clan as a country.  The nyab's clan is Canada and the guy's clan is the US.  The nyab's clan insulted the the guy's clan and so the the guy's clan wants nothing to do with him and his wife.  The wife has too much pride and her clan doesn't respect the guy's clan.  The guy got no backbone and so the clan disown him. 



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Offline Believe_N_Me

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Re: so sad
« Reply #27 on: August 14, 2018, 09:42:47 PM »
the thing is...


those two need to be stronger...

in life and especially later in life, you do need a good support system as you can't do everything by yourself, as much as you want to be dependent, you're going to need other's to help you.

It is sad.

I do understand all the stuff behind the whole situation..

Sad sad sad indeed...

True about the church thing too...

at the end of the day, folks need to amass a good deal of wealth, have a good retirement plan and a good funeral plan as so that they won't be a burden to anyone and themselves when they need folks to take care of things when they are older or passed away.


This is the only thing that matters in this day and age.

The Hmong clan system continues to erode as more people venture out on their own and become financially independent. Nowadays it is all about money and job title. If you have monetary wealth and hold a job title deemed valuable in the eyes of the elders then you're as good as gold. The clan knows that they ought to kiss your feet in the event that they might need your money or services.

Even blood brothers are divided nowadays and live apart from one another.



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