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Author Topic: Perfection..  (Read 21487 times)

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Perfection..
« on: March 07, 2018, 11:33:41 AM »
I know I am not perfect. 
I have my flaws.  I am short tempered, I get upset easily, sometimes when I am really angry I will cry. 
I can somewhat be controlling towards those I care about.  I tend to dominate in my relationship and I can be very independent. 
I am not sure if I am just at an emotional state of if I am really at my wits end. 
My significant other and I have not been on good terms. 
The other week he lied again (3rd time) now about going to work. 
Instead he called in because he wanted to play video games with his friends. 
I may have sort of blew up a bit, yelled at him and threw his console at the wall (it didn't break for those of you wondering.)
I then abruptly left to his sister's house.  She had nothing to say or to know what to say. 

My significant other and I have talked here and there and I told him how I felt and would appreciate it if he not game if I was home with him.  Now one week later we are back to square one.  He will consistently ask over and over to game even after I said no.  I told him after what he did and has been doing there is no need for him to game all the time everyday.  I got so annoyed with him last night that I hid his controllers from him and told him he could sleep on the couch with his console.  He called me childish.  I get some of the things I did is pretty unfair, but I am sick of his child-ish behaviors.  Besides the fact of him helping out here and there.  He often won't do anything without being told to.  Just some examples are, if he sees anything lying on the ground, he won't pick it up unless told to do so.  He won't cut the grass without being told to.  When it snows he will only plow or shovel if he feels the need to while to me when it snows and I know it's going to get more, I will go out the night of the snow fall and brush off the cars and plow so that there is less snow in the morning. He does not know how to cook and waits for me (doesn't surprise me.)  He will get off work and come home and stay in the same clothes all day long.  I recently got a gym membership and thought it would be healthy and good for the two of us to get out and work out a few days a week and keep in shape.  He complains to me he does not need to work out and feels like he's fine the way he is.  It's not like he's morbidly over weight, neither am I.  I guess I just feel like it's nice going to the gym with a companion.  I have tried going alone, but I think he feels guilty so he just goes with me.  When he does he will barely do anything and will keep telling me there's no point.  I know I am complaining a lot about him which does not make me any better, but what can I do at this point.  Sure I have the option to leave, but how do you leave someone you are so invested in?  We bought a house together.  We have no kids, just one dog.  I love his family and he appreciates mine.  I know this is going to sound really bad, but there are times when I wish he would just cheat on me so that we can finally go our separates ways.  Why not cheat on him myself? 
Well that is cause I don't want to nor have I ever thought of that.  That is something I believe he does not deserve.  He's not physical, or verbally abusive.  He just does childish things and often does things without thinking first.  People say he's still a kid and needs to grow up... But c'mon 6+ years of being together and 2+ years (I know it's not a lot) of being married and he's still childish?!  Some will say Men never grow up, but how much more child-ish are you going to be?

I know this is petty little things that I should not leave him for, but at the same time I don't know what to do anymore.



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sparrow

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #1 on: March 07, 2018, 12:21:57 PM »
We have no kids, just one dog.

It sure seems like you have a kid, and he sounds like a big lazy, irresponsible crybaby.



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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #2 on: March 07, 2018, 12:23:29 PM »
It sure seems like you have a kid, and he sounds like a big lazy, irresponsible crybaby.

Sometimes it does feel like I have two kids.. Sigh*  :-\



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sparrow

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #3 on: March 07, 2018, 12:24:51 PM »
Sometimes it does feel like I have two kids.. Sigh*  :-\

Just wait til you have a real baby.  :)



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Offline Dok_Champa

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #4 on: March 07, 2018, 12:37:05 PM »
Seems like he has a video game addiction.  He needs to overcome that before he can start noticing other stuffs/responsibilities around him.  This doesn't mean stop playing video game but play responsibly.  Yes, the challenge is how do you make him do that.  He's a grown man and some old habits are hard to break.  I suppose, bottom line, he has to want to change for change to occur.  Your job is - give him the motivation to want to make a change. I think that's it.  Good luck.






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But true love is a durable fire, In the mind ever burning, Never sick, never old, never dead, From itself never turning.<br />               --Sir Walter Raleigh

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #5 on: March 07, 2018, 01:12:04 PM »
Just wait til you have a real baby.  :)

Not going to happen at this rate.



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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #6 on: March 07, 2018, 01:12:24 PM »
hey, can you ask him if he wants to buy a nintendo switch?? hahaha

Hhaha good one  :2funny:



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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #7 on: March 07, 2018, 01:14:58 PM »
Seems like he has a video game addiction.  He needs to overcome that before he can start noticing other stuffs/responsibilities around him.  This doesn't mean stop playing video game but play responsibly.  Yes, the challenge is how do you make him do that.  He's a grown man and some old habits are hard to break.  I suppose, bottom line, he has to want to change for change to occur.  Your job is - give him the motivation to want to make a change. I think that's it.  Good luck.

He can't responsibly.  At first we agreed on, how many hours we are at the gym is how many hours he can play.  That went out the window cause it got to a point of "In a minute, in a minute." every time it was time to get off or leave.  He will always want to change for the time being cause he thinks that will make me happy, then within a week or two... Things are back to the way they are.  How can I give someone motivation to change when they don't seem to be willing to change period?



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can

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #8 on: March 07, 2018, 01:38:47 PM »
I know I am not perfect. 
I have my flaws.  I am short tempered, I get upset easily, sometimes when I am really angry I will cry. 
I can somewhat be controlling towards those I care about.  I tend to dominate in my relationship and I can be very independent. 
I am not sure if I am just at an emotional state of if I am really at my wits end. 
My significant other and I have not been on good terms. 
The other week he lied again (3rd time) now about going to work. 
Instead he called in because he wanted to play video games with his friends. 
I may have sort of blew up a bit, yelled at him and threw his console at the wall (it didn't break for those of you wondering.)
I then abruptly left to his sister's house.  She had nothing to say or to know what to say. 

My significant other and I have talked here and there and I told him how I felt and would appreciate it if he not game if I was home with him.  Now one week later we are back to square one.  He will consistently ask over and over to game even after I said no.  I told him after what he did and has been doing there is no need for him to game all the time everyday.  I got so annoyed with him last night that I hid his controllers from him and told him he could sleep on the couch with his console.  He called me childish.  I get some of the things I did is pretty unfair, but I am sick of his child-ish behaviors.  Besides the fact of him helping out here and there.  He often won't do anything without being told to.  Just some examples are, if he sees anything lying on the ground, he won't pick it up unless told to do so.  He won't cut the grass without being told to.  When it snows he will only plow or shovel if he feels the need to while to me when it snows and I know it's going to get more, I will go out the night of the snow fall and brush off the cars and plow so that there is less snow in the morning. He does not know how to cook and waits for me (doesn't surprise me.)  He will get off work and come home and stay in the same clothes all day long.  I recently got a gym membership and thought it would be healthy and good for the two of us to get out and work out a few days a week and keep in shape.  He complains to me he does not need to work out and feels like he's fine the way he is.  It's not like he's morbidly over weight, neither am I.  I guess I just feel like it's nice going to the gym with a companion.  I have tried going alone, but I think he feels guilty so he just goes with me.  When he does he will barely do anything and will keep telling me there's no point.  I know I am complaining a lot about him which does not make me any better, but what can I do at this point.  Sure I have the option to leave, but how do you leave someone you are so invested in?  We bought a house together.  We have no kids, just one dog.  I love his family and he appreciates mine.  I know this is going to sound really bad, but there are times when I wish he would just cheat on me so that we can finally go our separates ways.  Why not cheat on him myself? 
Well that is cause I don't want to nor have I ever thought of that.  That is something I believe he does not deserve.  He's not physical, or verbally abusive.  He just does childish things and often does things without thinking first.  People say he's still a kid and needs to grow up... But c'mon 6+ years of being together and 2+ years (I know it's not a lot) of being married and he's still childish?!  Some will say Men never grow up, but how much more child-ish are you going to be?

I know this is petty little things that I should not leave him for, but at the same time I don't know what to do anymore.
you didn't leave him for the last incident he pulled off stealing money from your family to buy a car? now you want him to cheat on you so you can leave? :o



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Offline Gucci K

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #9 on: March 07, 2018, 01:57:19 PM »
a man should be allowed to have his free time, just as long as he's meeting the other important needs, such as holding a job, paying  the bills and maintaining a respectable life.  his gaming addiction is 100 times better than drugs/alcohol and/or other overly expensive hobbies.  he may have lied but it wasn't because he had a side chick...sure you can be mad but make sure your anger matches the reasoning (punishment matching the crime, per se). 

another word of advice, don't wish for things you can't handle, he just might make your wishes come true.



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wb Zaj Dab Neeg xaus lawm...

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #10 on: March 07, 2018, 02:05:57 PM »
I know I am not perfect. 
I have my flaws.  I am short tempered, I get upset easily, sometimes when I am really angry I will cry. 
I can somewhat be controlling towards those I care about.  I tend to dominate in my relationship and I can be very independent. 
I am not sure if I am just at an emotional state of if I am really at my wits end. 
My significant other and I have not been on good terms. 
The other week he lied again (3rd time) now about going to work. 
Instead he called in because he wanted to play video games with his friends. 
I may have sort of blew up a bit, yelled at him and threw his console at the wall (it didn't break for those of you wondering.)
I then abruptly left to his sister's house.  She had nothing to say or to know what to say. 

My significant other and I have talked here and there and I told him how I felt and would appreciate it if he not game if I was home with him.  Now one week later we are back to square one.  He will consistently ask over and over to game even after I said no.  I told him after what he did and has been doing there is no need for him to game all the time everyday.  I got so annoyed with him last night that I hid his controllers from him and told him he could sleep on the couch with his console.  He called me childish.  I get some of the things I did is pretty unfair, but I am sick of his child-ish behaviors.  Besides the fact of him helping out here and there.  He often won't do anything without being told to.  Just some examples are, if he sees anything lying on the ground, he won't pick it up unless told to do so.  He won't cut the grass without being told to.  When it snows he will only plow or shovel if he feels the need to while to me when it snows and I know it's going to get more, I will go out the night of the snow fall and brush off the cars and plow so that there is less snow in the morning. He does not know how to cook and waits for me (doesn't surprise me.)  He will get off work and come home and stay in the same clothes all day long.  I recently got a gym membership and thought it would be healthy and good for the two of us to get out and work out a few days a week and keep in shape.  He complains to me he does not need to work out and feels like he's fine the way he is.  It's not like he's morbidly over weight, neither am I.  I guess I just feel like it's nice going to the gym with a companion.  I have tried going alone, but I think he feels guilty so he just goes with me.  When he does he will barely do anything and will keep telling me there's no point.  I know I am complaining a lot about him which does not make me any better, but what can I do at this point.  Sure I have the option to leave, but how do you leave someone you are so invested in?  We bought a house together.  We have no kids, just one dog.  I love his family and he appreciates mine.  I know this is going to sound really bad, but there are times when I wish he would just cheat on me so that we can finally go our separates ways.  Why not cheat on him myself? 
Well that is cause I don't want to nor have I ever thought of that.  That is something I believe he does not deserve.  He's not physical, or verbally abusive.  He just does childish things and often does things without thinking first.  People say he's still a kid and needs to grow up... But c'mon 6+ years of being together and 2+ years (I know it's not a lot) of being married and he's still childish?!  Some will say Men never grow up, but how much more child-ish are you going to be?

I know this is petty little things that I should not leave him for, but at the same time I don't know what to do anymore.
i was once in your shoes at a very young age. i don't know how old you are but for me, after leaving it was hard and very emotional. but i will say that it was the best decision i ever made in my life. our choices makes us who we are. i made the choice that would make me happy in the end, i hope you do also.



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Offline thePoster

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #11 on: March 07, 2018, 02:10:21 PM »
Umm...

It's not petty little things...

I was talking to this girl once...

Not talking like dating... but just talking as in talking...

She was telling me about her bf at the time...

And he's kinda the same way... play games all the time and is kinda messy etc etc..

and I told her... little things like that can break a relationship and marriage(she was going to get married to him at the time)

If stuff like that already bother's her during the dating process... you know it's going to bother alot more during marriage..

At the end of the day, you two just aren't compatible.  You love or now it sees like you're more invested in him than he is in you.  Is there even love there?  I also know how it is, becuase he doesn't realize it but he's taking it for granted that you're always going to be there, that you'll never leave, more like the thought of you not being there with him never crossed his mind. 

And also, you two's value's aren't compatible.  Obviously it bothers you.  I aint telling you to get a divorce and date me but.......

I work out all the time(when I'm not sick or just can't make the time) we can work out together!  I'm not going to complain!  I would love a work out buddie!

I can cook my own food!  It's not tastey but I can feed myself!  If I'm hungry, I'm not going to wait on my wife to cook for me!  I make scrable eggs and use the rice cooker pretty good.

I too like a clean house, not messy and upkept!

And if there's snow?!?!  we're moving south!  I did live in chicago for a while and I know how to deal with snow.

Anyways on a serious note, you two's value's aren't compatible.  And no, those are small petty things. 

And I want you to know... guys really don't change..

They are how they are...

you gotta ask yourself, are you going to be happy with dealing with that year after year?


I got a story, I have younger brothers... I guess they never understood or knew the concept of having a clean house...

This was when we was little..  I'm like 10 years older than them...

anyways, they was making a mess, my two younger brothers... I told them to clean up!  and I was mad.. I just didnt like seeing all that mess, what they were doing was just cutting papers.. 

So then I thought I would just be messy like them so maybe they would be fed up with all the mess too and start to clean up..

So I took alot of paper and started cutting them and throwing them everywhere... they just looked at me like I was crazy and the didn't mind the mess at all.

To this day, one of brother is still messy.. when I go visit him, his bedroom is atrocious!  My other brother, he's married now and has kids and prior to that he went a different path in life and he's actually not messy. 

So yeah ladies!  be picky!  Be careful who you choose!  All those little knick knacks during dating that you didn't think would bother you and you thought you could deal with later on or fix... it will still be there after marriage and it will actually bother you.






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I went through all 15k posts and those 2 quotes I found were the only ones so I guess that would make it "everytime".  Feel free to go through all 15k posts and verify by quoting them all.  You need to quote them all to verifying prove "everytime".   Please verify that Im wrong.

Offline thePoster

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #12 on: March 07, 2018, 02:13:26 PM »
a man should be allowed to have his free time, just as long as he's meeting the other important needs, such as holding a job, paying  the bills and maintaining a respectable life.  his gaming addiction is 100 times better than drugs/alcohol and/or other overly expensive hobbies.  he may have lied but it wasn't because he had a side chick...sure you can be mad but make sure your anger matches the reasoning (punishment matching the crime, per se). 

another word of advice, don't wish for things you can't handle, he just might make your wishes come true.

I never liked that type or rationalizatio n "gaming is better than drugs" or the generic "he could be doing something else worst"...

This only goes to show you don't know women!

Little things like not listening to them is a big deal. 

You can't and shouldn't rationalize and pretend things are "allright" if it doesn't sit well with you, it will always bother you, trust me! I know!



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I went through all 15k posts and those 2 quotes I found were the only ones so I guess that would make it "everytime".  Feel free to go through all 15k posts and verify by quoting them all.  You need to quote them all to verifying prove "everytime".   Please verify that Im wrong.

Offline thePoster

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #13 on: March 07, 2018, 02:19:29 PM »
He can't responsibly.  At first we agreed on, how many hours we are at the gym is how many hours he can play.  That went out the window cause it got to a point of "In a minute, in a minute." every time it was time to get off or leave.  He will always want to change for the time being cause he thinks that will make me happy, then within a week or two... Things are back to the way they are.  How can I give someone motivation to change when they don't seem to be willing to change period?

Personally, when you have to make some deal like that with your man, especially about video games, just my personal opinion but... it's time to move on.

And honestly, it's kinda sad when it gets to the point where you have to have that kinda talk about having certain amount of hours, if he wasn't your husband or someone you was on good terms with, he'd probably be embarassed or ashamed a talk like that had to happen.  But the thing is, he isn't even embarassed or ashamed a talk like that happened!

I outgrew video games after ps2..  I may play here and there but if I had a GF, I would never touch it!  I bought a 360 and ps3 when they came out, never played it.  Only played when my cousins and brothers were on. 




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I went through all 15k posts and those 2 quotes I found were the only ones so I guess that would make it "everytime".  Feel free to go through all 15k posts and verify by quoting them all.  You need to quote them all to verifying prove "everytime".   Please verify that Im wrong.

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #14 on: March 07, 2018, 02:24:20 PM »
you didn't leave him for the last incident he pulled off stealing money from your family to buy a car? now you want him to cheat on you so you can leave? :o

Because at this point he has not done anything worse than the stealing.
Yes that was bad enough as it is, but he's somewhat learned from it... Or at least I would like to think he has...
He knows very well that all that is left is for him to do is either be verbally and physically abusive and/or to cheat.




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