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Author Topic: Perfection..  (Read 21539 times)

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #15 on: March 07, 2018, 02:41:00 PM »
Personally, when you have to make some deal like that with your man, especially about video games, just my personal opinion but... it's time to move on.

And honestly, it's kinda sad when it gets to the point where you have to have that kinda talk about having certain amount of hours, if he wasn't your husband or someone you was on good terms with, he'd probably be embarassed or ashamed a talk like that had to happen.  But the thing is, he isn't even embarassed or ashamed a talk like that happened!

I outgrew video games after ps2..  I may play here and there but if I had a GF, I would never touch it!  I bought a 360 and ps3 when they came out, never played it.  Only played when my cousins and brothers were on.


He is not.  Quite frankly he tells his friends or they hear about it and all wonder why and assume I am a haha and question why he let's me do that.  Little do they know his priorities are messed up and majority of them are not married so they wouldn't get it.  They are all single and still live with their parents (no offense to anyone who's single and living with parents.)  I don't think he's really comprehending why I do what I do and that he's married... Things are different when you are married.



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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #16 on: March 07, 2018, 02:45:09 PM »
a man should be allowed to have his free time, just as long as he's meeting the other important needs, such as holding a job, paying  the bills and maintaining a respectable life.  his gaming addiction is 100 times better than drugs/alcohol and/or other overly expensive hobbies.  he may have lied but it wasn't because he had a side chick...sure you can be mad but make sure your anger matches the reasoning (punishment matching the crime, per se). 

another word of advice, don't wish for things you can't handle, he just might make your wishes come true.

He's not.  He calls into work cause he wants to stay home and play game.  He has no PTO.  So that's him taking a cut out of his paycheck just to be home and game.  That day he decided to call into work and game was when we were hit with a huge snow storm.  I only found out he was home all day gaming cause, one he was home early, and two the car and driveway was still pilled with snow.  His car obviously was not moved as there was snow all on it and around it.



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Offline thePoster

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #17 on: March 07, 2018, 02:46:22 PM »
Because at this point he has not done anything worse than the stealing.
Yes that was bad enough as it is, but he's somewhat learned from it... Or at least I would like to think he has...
He knows very well that all that is left is for him to do is either be verbally and physically abusive and/or to cheat.


Oh snaps!

This the same couple?!!?  I remember you now!!!

Aww man... you should've left him a long time ago honey!

This guy is no good!

Your man's the man that stole the money to buy car parts right?!

That's trash. 

You need to leave him!

you'll regret it if  you stay!

You'll regret it even more if you have a kid!

Becuase when you have a kid it'll make it really hard for you to decide to stay and if you do, you'll be miserable!  and if you do decide to get a divoce, it's going to be tough for you to find a man becuase usually a woman(and even men) with kids find it hard to get a good guy or girl unless they have kids themselves.

Do yourself a favor and cut your losses..

You're already unhappy!

I understand it's hard to let go and scary to move on..  you been together for so long you don't or wouldn't know how to function being single..

But you know what?  Look at it this way.. and I tell myself too... "I was doing fine when I was single.. I should be just fine if I become single agian"...and you know what?  You will be just fine!


If you get the house?  It's ok, default on the loan, yeah you get bad credit but you can always buidl it up!  But it won't happen becuase you're probably the breadwinner and paying for the house anyways!

Or sell the house, or rent it out, etc etc etc.. the thing is, yes life is scary especially when you there's finacial things involved but you'll be ok!  it'll work itself out!

I tell you what... my mom had this biggest loan.. it was over 100k.. recently turned single mom, you know the story.. same ole story... anyways...  I worried for her and for us as a family... why?  Well everyone's moving on living their life and here's mom stuck with this big loan.. working her little factory job making only a little over 300 bucks a month trying to make payments... she had a plan, not the best, but she had a plan doing the best she could do, I was unhelpful becuase I was a jobless son!!  Anyways she said she has a bank she can go to refinance to get the payments low enough for her to pay monthly.  We go to her "bank".. it's one of those finance bank that's actually loan sharks, I just didn't know what to say or do, the apr was like 27 percent, something rediculously high, I just remember thinking to myself my mom can make payments for the rest of her life till the day she dies and it'll never be paid off! 

But we was in a bind, what was we going to do?!!?

I felt so bad, I know my mom had to be so scared, but she was like "we just slowly pay a little by little"...

I was scared for her too!  and me! 

anyways!  something happened and we just ended up paying 30k for everything to be honest and now she's debt free!  At that time I was not a jobless son anymore and could pitch in.

But see things will work out!  You just can't be scared!



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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #18 on: March 07, 2018, 02:47:46 PM »
i was once in your shoes at a very young age. i don't know how old you are but for me, after leaving it was hard and very emotional. but i will say that it was the best decision i ever made in my life. our choices makes us who we are. i made the choice that would make me happy in the end, i hope you do also.

I know it's going to be hard and emotional.. I also feel like if I were to leave.  I would be the one at fault and the one whom ruined it all.  It' sucks and I shouldn't think this, but its why I did at one point just wish he would cheat on me so I could leave.  No one should wish on something they can't handle and no one should use this as an excuse to leave either, but idk I just have a lot running through my head at this point. 



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Offline thePoster

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #19 on: March 07, 2018, 02:52:55 PM »

He is not.  Quite frankly he tells his friends or they hear about it and all wonder why and assume I am a haha and question why he let's me do that.  Little do they know his priorities are messed up and majority of them are not married so they wouldn't get it.  They are all single and still live with their parents (no offense to anyone who's single and living with parents.)  I don't think he's really comprehending why I do what I do and that he's married... Things are different when you are married.

Reading this, kinda remind me of a story..

and it kinda could be considered advice to you too..

Anyways!  Story first!  Advice or something for you to read and take whatever you can away from it.

I have a friend, he was telling me one day "that's why I hang out with you"... he said he likes to surround himself with people who are doing things, going places in life, good people, etc etc..  and he see's that I'm moving towards something good in my life, I'm someone who's actually going somewhere in life and that's why he hang out with me. 

I'm actually not going anywhere in life right now, I'm as scrubby as the next person but I am kinda doing what he wanted to do...

But reading what you typed, you need to surround yourself with good people, as in people with goals, people who are doing something with their lives or share the same values and ethics as you, you should also look for a man who is the same way as well.

A man that surrounds himself with good people etc etc etc as I stated above..

That will make you happy.  Plus you hang around with people like that, you start to be people like that.





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I went through all 15k posts and those 2 quotes I found were the only ones so I guess that would make it "everytime".  Feel free to go through all 15k posts and verify by quoting them all.  You need to quote them all to verifying prove "everytime".   Please verify that Im wrong.

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #20 on: March 07, 2018, 02:53:43 PM »
Umm...

It's not petty little things...

I was talking to this girl once...

Not talking like dating... but just talking as in talking...

She was telling me about her bf at the time...

And he's kinda the same way... play games all the time and is kinda messy etc etc..

and I told her... little things like that can break a relationship and marriage(she was going to get married to him at the time)

If stuff like that already bother's her during the dating process... you know it's going to bother alot more during marriage..

At the end of the day, you two just aren't compatible.  You love or now it sees like you're more invested in him than he is in you.  Is there even love there?  I also know how it is, becuase he doesn't realize it but he's taking it for granted that you're always going to be there, that you'll never leave, more like the thought of you not being there with him never crossed his mind. 

And also, you two's value's aren't compatible.  Obviously it bothers you.  I aint telling you to get a divorce and date me but.......

I work out all the time(when I'm not sick or just can't make the time) we can work out together!  I'm not going to complain!  I would love a work out buddie!

I can cook my own food!  It's not tastey but I can feed myself!  If I'm hungry, I'm not going to wait on my wife to cook for me!  I make scrable eggs and use the rice cooker pretty good.

I too like a clean house, not messy and upkept!

And if there's snow?!?!  we're moving south!  I did live in chicago for a while and I know how to deal with snow.

Anyways on a serious note, you two's value's aren't compatible.  And no, those are small petty things. 

And I want you to know... guys really don't change..

They are how they are...

you gotta ask yourself, are you going to be happy with dealing with that year after year?


I got a story, I have younger brothers... I guess they never understood or knew the concept of having a clean house...

This was when we was little..  I'm like 10 years older than them...

anyways, they was making a mess, my two younger brothers... I told them to clean up!  and I was mad.. I just didnt like seeing all that mess, what they were doing was just cutting papers.. 

So then I thought I would just be messy like them so maybe they would be fed up with all the mess too and start to clean up..

So I took alot of paper and started cutting them and throwing them everywhere... they just looked at me like I was crazy and the didn't mind the mess at all.

To this day, one of brother is still messy.. when I go visit him, his bedroom is atrocious!  My other brother, he's married now and has kids and prior to that he went a different path in life and he's actually not messy. 

So yeah ladies!  be picky!  Be careful who you choose!  All those little knick knacks during dating that you didn't think would bother you and you thought you could deal with later on or fix... it will still be there after marriage and it will actually bother you.


I don't know about compatibility either, because we are indeed two very different people. 
I don't think I would be able to handle someone similar to me.  Reason being is I can be very stubborn.
I know I am not perfect either, but is it so wrong to want to best from someone?  Sigh, a part of me wants to leave and a part of me is hoping he will change.  He has over time little by little...   



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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #21 on: March 07, 2018, 02:55:57 PM »
I never liked that type or rationalizatio n "gaming is better than drugs" or the generic "he could be doing something else worst"...

This only goes to show you don't know women!

Little things like not listening to them is a big deal. 

You can't and shouldn't rationalize and pretend things are "allright" if it doesn't sit well with you, it will always bother you, trust me! I know!

Agreed, I am honestly sick of hearing the whole "Well at least he's not drinking, doing drugs or f*cking other girls."
I get that ok!  But does not make it any better that, that gives him an excuse to be home, gaming and be childish.... SMH...

Just because your are faithful does not mean you can now play games all the time and be a complete child when you are married



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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #22 on: March 07, 2018, 03:04:03 PM »

Oh snaps!
This the same couple?!!?  I remember you now!!!
Aww man... you should've left him a long time ago honey!
This guy is no good!
Your man's the man that stole the money to buy car parts right?!
That's trash. 
You need to leave him!
you'll regret it if  you stay!
You'll regret it even more if you have a kid!
Becuase when you have a kid it'll make it really hard for you to decide to stay and if you do, you'll be miserable!  and if you do decide to get a divoce, it's going to be tough for you to find a man becuase usually a woman(and even men) with kids find it hard to get a good guy or girl unless they have kids themselves.
Do yourself a favor and cut your losses..
You're already unhappy!
I understand it's hard to let go and scary to move on..  you been together for so long you don't or wouldn't know how to function being single..
But you know what?  Look at it this way.. and I tell myself too... "I was doing fine when I was single.. I should be just fine if I become single agian"...and you know what?  You will be just fine!
If you get the house?  It's ok, default on the loan, yeah you get bad credit but you can always buidl it up!  But it won't happen becuase you're probably the breadwinner and paying for the house anyways!
Or sell the house, or rent it out, etc etc etc.. the thing is, yes life is scary especially when you there's finacial things involved but you'll be ok!  it'll work itself out!
I tell you what... my mom had this biggest loan.. it was over 100k.. recently turned single mom, you know the story.. same ole story... anyways...  I worried for her and for us as a family... why?  Well everyone's moving on living their life and here's mom stuck with this big loan.. working her little factory job making only a little over 300 bucks a month trying to make payments... she had a plan, not the best, but she had a plan doing the best she could do, I was unhelpful becuase I was a jobless son!!  Anyways she said she has a bank she can go to refinance to get the payments low enough for her to pay monthly.  We go to her "bank".. it's one of those finance bank that's actually loan sharks, I just didn't know what to say or do, the apr was like 27 percent, something rediculously high, I just remember thinking to myself my mom can make payments for the rest of her life till the day she dies and it'll never be paid off! 
But we was in a bind, what was we going to do?!!?
I felt so bad, I know my mom had to be so scared, but she was like "we just slowly pay a little by little"...
I was scared for her too!  and me! 
anyways!  something happened and we just ended up paying 30k for everything to be honest and now she's debt free!  At that time I was not a jobless son anymore and could pitch in.
But see things will work out!  You just can't be scared!

Yeah, that was me.
The one who forgave him and moved on.  Thankfully he is looking into selling his car.  I think he somewhat got it when I told him he was living his life backwards.  Only problem is.  Of course it has not sold yet.
I chose to stay because we worked on things, or at least I thought we did... He changed his mindset when I told him why his life was backwards, but of course now this whole issue with him still acting like a kid and thinking if he does not game it's the end of the world.

He knows if we were to split the house would stay with me and he'd be the one to go out.  I think the only part he can't agree upon is whom keeps the dog. 

I don't worry much about the house, because if worse comes to worse... I would just have my other brother move in and help me pay.  In the end of it all I know my brothers and Mom will be supportive or at least I would hope that they do.  I know if we were to split, my dad would disown me and probably blame me.



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Offline thePoster

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #23 on: March 07, 2018, 03:07:57 PM »
Look, I want you to not listen to all the advices about staying with him, he's not doing something bad, give him a chance, he will change, etc etc..

Don't listen to it..  why?  because it obviously bother's you...I know the feeling, even if it's something as "insignificant" or "harmless" as gaming, if it bothers you, it'll always bother you!

Then you have to ask  yourself, how long are you willing to wait?!  Years?!?!  So untill he completely changed you'll be waiting and you'll be upset.. and what if he never changes.. you'll always be upset!

For myself, I cannot go for years and years waiting and being miserable and uphappy and upset waiting for the change to happen.

Let's just admit it, right now, you're unhappy.  Being unhappy is not a good feeling.  You wake up, you're mad, before you go to sleep youre mad.  It's not good for your mental health and well being!

It's no way for you to feel for years and years waiting!

I think you should leave!  cut your losses now!

I'm pretty good with the lawnmower!  Just better be one of those self propelled!




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I went through all 15k posts and those 2 quotes I found were the only ones so I guess that would make it "everytime".  Feel free to go through all 15k posts and verify by quoting them all.  You need to quote them all to verifying prove "everytime".   Please verify that Im wrong.

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #24 on: March 07, 2018, 03:13:55 PM »
Reading this, kinda remind me of a story..

and it kinda could be considered advice to you too..

Anyways!  Story first!  Advice or something for you to read and take whatever you can away from it.

I have a friend, he was telling me one day "that's why I hang out with you"... he said he likes to surround himself with people who are doing things, going places in life, good people, etc etc..  and he see's that I'm moving towards something good in my life, I'm someone who's actually going somewhere in life and that's why he hang out with me. 

I'm actually not going anywhere in life right now, I'm as scrubby as the next person but I am kinda doing what he wanted to do...

But reading what you typed, you need to surround yourself with good people, as in people with goals, people who are doing something with their lives or share the same values and ethics as you, you should also look for a man who is the same way as well.

A man that surrounds himself with good people etc etc etc as I stated above..

That will make you happy.  Plus you hang around with people like that, you start to be people like that.

I agree with what you said. 
Majority of his friends that game are single. 
Once they are all on, it's like nothing matters to him cause "The Whole Squads On!"
Every weekend he hopes that I have plans or I am gone so that he can game.  It's quite sad tbh. 




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Offline thePoster

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #25 on: March 07, 2018, 03:14:46 PM »
Man!!!!!!!!!!!

don't worry about your dad!

You know, you're the star of your life!

Plus!  does your dad know how your husband is?

If he does, he should be ashamed of him!  I'm surprised your mom and dad aren't complaining about him and talking to your relatives about what a bad son-in-law he is!  How he stole yalls money and stays home all day and play video games!

If I was you, I'd just be straight up with your mom and dad.  This is still your life, don't suffer for the sake or your parent's approval or disapproval.  At the end of the day, they aren't the one's suffering, they are moving and going on about their lives while you suffer if you do what pleases them.  You'll be unhappy, is that what you really want?





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I went through all 15k posts and those 2 quotes I found were the only ones so I guess that would make it "everytime".  Feel free to go through all 15k posts and verify by quoting them all.  You need to quote them all to verifying prove "everytime".   Please verify that Im wrong.

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #26 on: March 07, 2018, 03:17:28 PM »
Look, I want you to not listen to all the advices about staying with him, he's not doing something bad, give him a chance, he will change, etc etc..

Don't listen to it..  why?  because it obviously bother's you...I know the feeling, even if it's something as "insignificant" or "harmless" as gaming, if it bothers you, it'll always bother you!

Then you have to ask  yourself, how long are you willing to wait?!  Years?!?!  So untill he completely changed you'll be waiting and you'll be upset.. and what if he never changes.. you'll always be upset!

For myself, I cannot go for years and years waiting and being miserable and uphappy and upset waiting for the change to happen.

Let's just admit it, right now, you're unhappy.  Being unhappy is not a good feeling.  You wake up, you're mad, before you go to sleep youre mad.  It's not good for your mental health and well being!

It's no way for you to feel for years and years waiting!

I think you should leave!  cut your losses now!

I'm pretty good with the lawnmower!  Just better be one of those self propelled!

Yes I am unhappy.
Easier said then done to leave.....
I have had ups and downs with him.
I have been in worse relationships than him.
Sad, but I make excuses that he's really not all that bad, but in the end I am the one not happy.


Sadly, our lawn mower is not self propelled, but our land's flat! HAHA



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Offline thePoster

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #27 on: March 07, 2018, 03:18:26 PM »
I agree with what you said. 
Majority of his friends that game are single. 
Once they are all on, it's like nothing matters to him cause "The Whole Squads On!"
Every weekend he hopes that I have plans or I am gone so that he can game.  It's quite sad tbh.

I only wish I had a wife!  We'd be doing things like... I don't know, but it wouldn't be gaming!

Nkaujsee won't hook me up!

nkaujsee!  Stop blocking me!

that is actually pretty sad.. and you know what?  You'll probably eventually get depressed.  Don't let it get to that!

My younger brother.. he played video games... you wanna know the only reason he stopped?  I was shocked to see him one day not playing video games when I went back to visit... I asked him how come he don't game no more?  He said he's getting wrist problems and carpal tunnel..

so basically he probably would've never stopped if it wasn't for that.




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I went through all 15k posts and those 2 quotes I found were the only ones so I guess that would make it "everytime".  Feel free to go through all 15k posts and verify by quoting them all.  You need to quote them all to verifying prove "everytime".   Please verify that Im wrong.

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #28 on: March 07, 2018, 03:22:36 PM »
Man!!!!!!!!!!!

don't worry about your dad!

You know, you're the star of your life!

Plus!  does your dad know how your husband is?

If he does, he should be ashamed of him!  I'm surprised your mom and dad aren't complaining about him and talking to your relatives about what a bad son-in-law he is!  How he stole yalls money and stays home all day and play video games!

If I was you, I'd just be straight up with your mom and dad.  This is still your life, don't suffer for the sake or your parent's approval or disapproval.  At the end of the day, they aren't the one's suffering, they are moving and going on about their lives while you suffer if you do what pleases them.  You'll be unhappy, is that what you really want?

Yeah I know...
But hard not to when he was actually the one that helped us out a lot to begin with, from the wedding, closing the house and moving.

Yes my dad thinks he's an angel and I am a saint.  No matter what I do in life, the men are always right.  My dad is worse than my husband. 

My mom knows how he is and she tells me to talk to his parents because it needs to come from his parents and not his in laws.  I tell My Mom he's not one bit afraid of his parents.  I think my Mom understands, but at the same time she knows how I am.  I think she deeply inside wants to tell me it's ok and it's not as bad as I make it out to be cause she has had worse, but knowing how I am she doesn't say it but I know. 



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Offline thePoster

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #29 on: March 07, 2018, 03:22:56 PM »
Better relationships. .

Worst relationships. ..

Whats a relationship if you aren't happy?

Do you know how draining an unhappy relationship is?  that's a feeling I can do without for sure!  Like I said, you wake up mad!  you go to sleep mad!

Have you ever been really happy?  If you have, you'll never want to be unhappy!

Untill you experience the two.... I'm not sure you'll be able to break free.

I say, break free now.. .or else.. you're going to be back on here later in the future seeking advice.

And like I said, just be happy you don't have a kid yet.  When you do, it's more complicated.





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I went through all 15k posts and those 2 quotes I found were the only ones so I guess that would make it "everytime".  Feel free to go through all 15k posts and verify by quoting them all.  You need to quote them all to verifying prove "everytime".   Please verify that Im wrong.

 

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