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Author Topic: Perfection..  (Read 21531 times)

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Offline sunrain

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #75 on: March 08, 2018, 02:28:19 PM »

You don't want to listen to this..

If you really read it... it's saying  YOU ARE THE PROBLEM YOU NEED TO FIX YOURSELF AND CHANGE YOURSELF....  when really, you are NOT the problem and honestly don't need to change.

You've already listed all the things you done...and in my opinion, the things you do are not wrong!  But the advices you are getting in here from the ladies are basically saying what you are doing is wrong! You clean up the house, you clean for him, you do his laundry...cook for him etc etc etc, scrape off his and your snow...

It is surprising for me to see all these women in here can't see it from your side!  It just blows my mind. 

Look.. 

List the things that you do for him.
List the things he gets mad at you for.

Then list the things that he does that makes you mad.

And put it all here!!

And if you're still getting advices from these ladies in here saying you need to be patient, they are just blindling giving you advice that like I stated before, you shouldn't be taking their advice!

I don't know OP nor do I know OP's significant other's point of view of/about OP.

Everything listed in bold is your bias opinion about us women in here.  That's really sad because we never said she did anything wrong in her relationship.  We obviously realize there are wonderful things she's doing that she's listed and we are simply touching bases on different perspective to look at (whether she has or hasn't yet...that we don't know). 

Is it so wrong for us to even voice a perspective? 



 



 




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Offline thePoster

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #76 on: March 08, 2018, 03:34:52 PM »
I don't know OP nor do I know OP's significant other's point of view of/about OP.

Everything listed in bold is your bias opinion about us women in here.  That's really sad because we never said she did anything wrong in her relationship.  We obviously realize there are wonderful things she's doing that she's listed and we are simply touching bases on different perspective to look at (whether she has or hasn't yet...that we don't know). 

Is it so wrong for us to even voice a perspective? 



 



 

Obviously you have not read the entire thread.

She's said she's having issues with her husband.
She says he plays games all the time.  To the point where he's skipping work just to play games.  She hides his controllers and even toss the gaming system(totally understandable when you see that it's getting to the point of not normal anymore).
She says he doesn't clean.
She says he doesn't do the laundry.
She says he doesn't cook for himself.
She says he doesn't go shovel the snow.

She says she does the cleaning.
She says even after all the squabbles she has with him she still comes home and clean the house, do the laundry, and cook him food.
She goes outside and shove the snow.
She goes outside in the cold and wipe the snow off the car.

Read that.

And you girls are telling her that she needs to be patient?  That she needs to change?  She needs to be more understanding and change and compromise with her husband?  Basically you're saying all those things she's doing is not enough. That she needs to do more.  Yalls saying she needs to find a middle ground with her husband.

See what you're saying now?

Read.  And if that is at the end of your day your voice of opinion, I will say to her again to not listen to you.  She can't compromise anymore.  There is nothing more to compromise.  How do you compromise cooking for someone who doesn't cook for themself?  How do you compromise doing the laundry when they don't do the laundry?  What is she to do? Offer to let him play video games whenever and however long he want's as long as he does the laundry?  He is already playing video games as long as he wants and whenever he wants and don't do the laundry.

How is she suppose to change?  How is she suppose to work on herself?  How is she to be a better wife?  She is already a better wife?  Is she suppose to cook a thanksgiving dinner evernight instead of a simple dinner?   Because what she is doing is not good enough right?

Look, you're not even reading the whole thread.  And like I said, if you still feel the same way, and if that's still your opinion, well I have to say again, she should not listen to you.

Yalls just too blind.  You're not in her shoes.  You don't know how to be in her shoes.  It's unfortunate.

Like I said, it just blows my mind alot of the females in here can't even understand what's going on with her and practically blaming it on her.



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I went through all 15k posts and those 2 quotes I found were the only ones so I guess that would make it "everytime".  Feel free to go through all 15k posts and verify by quoting them all.  You need to quote them all to verifying prove "everytime".   Please verify that Im wrong.

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #77 on: March 08, 2018, 03:39:18 PM »
Petal rose, we got something going on here?

are we connecting on a level here?!


Anyways... I typed what I typed earlier wrong..

Bloggerdigest. .

You need to type a list of

1.  Things he does that makes you mad and upset
2.  Things you do that makes him mad and upset
3.  Things you do for him( for example, his laundry)
4.  Things he does for you.

Put it all out here...

And look at it objectively...

Then you need to have a real good conversation with yourself.

Or you can just come and hang out with me.

1. Things he does that makes me mad and upset... Lie, steal, hides stuff, games, does not have his priorities lined up, does not do anything without being told, does not care to take initiative on important stuff such as getting health insurance, looking for other auto insurances.  Sleeping all the time, complaining about driving all the time when I am in the car with him. Waiting for me to do everything. Not wanting to go out with me whether it be with my friends or his family.  Not wanting to pick me up or take me anywhere when I do need him to. Not wanting to work. Gaming all the time. Telling me I am mean and that everyone thinks that of me. Never standing up for me when it comes to his friends. Not wanting to eat what I cooked.  Having to make two separate meals cause he likes it spicy and I don't or he does not like Bulgolgi sauce or any sort of sauce, pico de gallo or salsa I would put onto seared salmon.

2. Things I do that make him mad. Not wanting to drive when we both are in the car. Not letting him buy things that he does not need, but want.  Being controlling.  Not letting him game. Not letting him have his friends over every single weekend all day. Being mean. Asking him to do so much. Asking him to do anything. Going out and forcing him to go with me.  Asking him to drive me or pick me up if I know I am going to have a few drinks. Going to the gym and forcing him to go with me.  Cleaning and making him clean too. Finding things for him to do. Decorating my house because I want to.

3. Things I do for him. EVERYTHING! Except allow him to game all the time and have his friends over all the time.... The list goes on.  If you want specifics well I might just have to write a book.

4. Things he does for me.  Listens (I think he does, most of the time.) Puts up with me. Loads and unloads the dishwasher 40% of the time without being asked.  Does laundry. Steam rice 20% of the time without being asked.  Takes the dog out.  To be honest... At this point he really does not do anything for me, without being asked to or told to........
Besides loving me..  In all honesty I didn't ask for him to love me or marry me, he just did because of his reasons. 



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Offline thePoster

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #78 on: March 08, 2018, 03:42:43 PM »
What does that mean?  He just did becuase of his reasons?



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I went through all 15k posts and those 2 quotes I found were the only ones so I guess that would make it "everytime".  Feel free to go through all 15k posts and verify by quoting them all.  You need to quote them all to verifying prove "everytime".   Please verify that Im wrong.

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #79 on: March 08, 2018, 03:46:28 PM »
What does that mean?  He just did becuase of his reasons?

Basically saying he chose to marry me for his reasons as I had my reasons.
He said he married me cause he loves me, and because I do so much for him. 
He's never once been with a girl who was independent, cooks, clean, is smart in her own ways or thoughtful. 
Not saying he dated a bunch of idiots before me, but they obviously were not me.
 
To be honest, and not to think highly of myself, but I can say he married me because I am the best he has had. 



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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #80 on: March 08, 2018, 03:50:34 PM »
I don't think there is much woman here who are blaming me, but to offer advice and to try to understand.

I don't expect all or anyone to understand.

I am just here cause I needed to vent.  I am here to listen and to read what everyone has to say.
I'm not here to judge.  Who am I to judge, I am not perfect.  Sure I have issues, who doesn't

People will talk and people will say what they have to say. 
It's their opinion and they are allowed to their own opinions as am I. 



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Offline DuMa

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #81 on: March 08, 2018, 03:55:50 PM »
There are options out there you can take but 3 are more obvious and one will put you on Hmong front page news that I don't want to share n encourage.

Quit n leave
Stay n shut up to suck it up
Do nothing n your crying makes no cot dam sense

No point of crying to us anymore.  Not our life, we no care.  Have a day.



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Offline ProudLao

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #82 on: March 08, 2018, 04:05:13 PM »
I cannot sit here and judge. We all have our flaws and personal issue to deal with. We all have heard the saying, some boys mature faster and some never will. I believe after a few discussions on the same issues and not much has been improves, you kind of know where this is heading if not already there at the end of it’s trail. Here’s another saying, first time shame on you..and you know the rest.




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Offline thePoster

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #83 on: March 08, 2018, 04:06:51 PM »
I'm going to sleep!  Talk to you tommorow!



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I went through all 15k posts and those 2 quotes I found were the only ones so I guess that would make it "everytime".  Feel free to go through all 15k posts and verify by quoting them all.  You need to quote them all to verifying prove "everytime".   Please verify that Im wrong.

Offline Dok_Champa

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #84 on: March 08, 2018, 04:26:48 PM »

Yalls just too blind.  You're not in her shoes.  You don't know how to be in her shoes.  It's unfortunate.

Like I said, it just blows my mind alot of the females in here can't even understand what's going on with her and practically blaming it on her.
Divorce rate today is about 50 percent.  Why?  People just aren't willing to work on marriages anymore.   When the going gets tough, people throw in the towel.  Problems in marriages will never go away.  Face it.  Confront it.  Deal with it.  Find a solution if possible.  Work together.  Compromise.  Let go.  No compromise.  Give and Take.  Yes sometimes one of the partner shoulder more of the burden than the other, smarter, wiser, more mature, more patients, less patients, bread winner, no winner, etc..whatever - that's why people need each other.  It's called complimenting each other - you have your strength/weakness, I have mines - but being married, you've got timeeeeeeeeee to help each other grow,  take your marriage to that next level one step at a time....  That's why it's HARD WORK! Haven't you seen couple starts w/ nothing except each other and years down the road they've made a life, built a life - didn't happen overnight.  They've all been in the shoes of Bloggerdigest.






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Offline DuMa

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #85 on: March 08, 2018, 05:07:00 PM »
Divorce rate today is about 50 percent.  Why?  People just aren't willing to work on marriages anymore.   When the going gets tough, people throw in the towel.  Problems in marriages will never go away.  Face it.  Confront it.  Deal with it.  Find a solution if possible.  Work together.  Compromise.  Let go.  No compromise.  Give and Take.  Yes sometimes one of the partner shoulder more of the burden than the other, smarter, wiser, more mature, more patients, less patients, bread winner, no winner, etc..whatever - that's why people need each other.  It's called complimenting each other - you have your strength/weakness, I have mines - but being married, you've got timeeeeeeeeee to help each other grow,  take your marriage to that next level one step at a time....  That's why it's HARD WORK! Haven't you seen couple starts w/ nothing except each other and years down the road they've made a life, built a life - didn't happen overnight.  They've all been in the shoes of Bloggerdigest.

Success rate is also at 50%.  Why?

Cuz people quit n rebuild another foundation, minus the crying.

You give people an option.  They pick their poison.  No point in raising any man child. 

If that was my child, I'll send him to boot camp in North Korea.  I'll criticize the chit out of people so they too can see the light.  The hell grown up men wants to waste their life trying to beat a game for?  Focus that energy in your wife cuz if you don't, I will n I will fawk her while you go play your silly game. 

You not making no money playing your candy crush and don't get me started with poki monster. 

Grown azz people losing their marriage to a game? 



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Offline theking

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #86 on: March 08, 2018, 06:06:14 PM »
Who's gay?  Or who are you referring to?  ???

The PH member that you quoted regarding "workout and gym"...



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Offline tRouBLe

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #87 on: March 08, 2018, 10:41:23 PM »
Sorry to hear that you’re having issues with your husband.

You never really know what the other person is like until you live with them.....even then, sometimes they won’t show you their true selves until you’re married.  People know that marriage takes work but they also need to know when to let go.  Others can advise you or express their opinions/experiences but they’re not in your position, so you need to decide for yourself what’s best for you and how much you can or are willing to tolerate/compromise.  You need to learn to pick your battles, what’s worth being upset about and what’s not.  Keep in mind that love does not conquer all and sometimes it just isn’t enough to make a relationship work.  But only you can decide these things for yourself.



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Offline theking

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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #88 on: March 09, 2018, 05:40:06 AM »
Sorry to hear that you’re having issues with your husband.

You never really know what the other person is like until you live with them.....even then, sometimes they won’t show you their true selves until you’re married.  People know that marriage takes work but they also need to know when to let go.  Others can advise you or express their opinions/experiences but they’re not in your position, so you need to decide for yourself what’s best for you and how much you can or are willing to tolerate/compromise.  You need to learn to pick your battles, what’s worth being upset about and what’s not.  Keep in mind that love does not conquer all and sometimes it just isn’t enough to make a relationship work.  But only you can decide these things for yourself.

Well said, especially when "others" are online folks like the ones on PH that don't really know you or your particular situation so yes, "only you can decide theses things for yourself."

Also agree with the "need to know when to let go" point...as not all individuals and/or his/her situation are the same...so just *depends*...



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Re: Perfection..
« Reply #89 on: March 09, 2018, 09:40:21 AM »
Sorry to hear that you’re having issues with your husband.

You never really know what the other person is like until you live with them.....even then, sometimes they won’t show you their true selves until you’re married.  People know that marriage takes work but they also need to know when to let go.  Others can advise you or express their opinions/experiences but they’re not in your position, so you need to decide for yourself what’s best for you and how much you can or are willing to tolerate/compromise.  You need to learn to pick your battles, what’s worth being upset about and what’s not.  Keep in mind that love does not conquer all and sometimes it just isn’t enough to make a relationship work.  But only you can decide these things for yourself.

Thank you!
Yeah I know no one will understand what I am going through. 
At this point I have just been weighing things out and taking time to myself. 
When the conversation is brought up and I talk about it with his sister is when I start to realize just how frustrated I am and close to quitting I am. 
At the same time I also realize that there should be things I need to work on. 
It's just a lot that's going on and this is just the snip of it.



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