Good morning everyone. It has been a while and after my last post on here, I started talking to more people even though I'm still in a relationship with my partner. My experience of talking to more guys are from the FB page Hmong Singles and looking. I joined the page and decided to become active by posting questions and to my surprise, I got many friends requests and messages the more active I became. I'll average to 10+ request a day for a week. It was nice to know that even though I'm 33, it was still possible to find love at my age. When I first started talking to guys, I had a low self esteem. The more opened I became, I started feeling better about myself and I could feel my confidence coming back. I became more happier because of positive people who I've let into my life.
I spoken to a few guys and I told them honestly that I'm still in a relationship. I am blessed to know that they still stood by my side and waits for my call/texts. Whenever I feel down, those friends are just a phone call away. I don't know if the reason why I can't tolerate my partner anymore is because I'm talking to a new guy? When my partner and I are together, I'm not happy. It's like I just want to get away from him and I haven't spoken to him in almost a month. I ignored him because I feel he's toxic to my health. Whenever we argued and I'm not happy, I'll take off and call or text my guy friend. When I'm at work from 8-5, I could text/talk my friend but when I'm home, I can't. I'm feeling so empty because I'm confused in life. I don't want to have feelings with anyone but the more I talk to them, they are giving me the comfort and communication that I've lacked in my relationship. They are making me feel better about myself. Am I selfish for making them have feelings for me? They told me they misses me and I'm at a lost for words. I didn't plan for this to go this far but now I don't even know anymore. I haven't met anyone in person because I told them I have no confidence and I can't meet them. Sometimes I wish I could hang out with them but I know it's only for the best if I don't. The more I hang out with someone, I know feelings might develop and or I might regret the things I do. I'm also afraid if my partner finds out, it wouldn't be pretty.
Since I'm older, I prefer talking to younger guys because I feel they'll understand my situation. There are a few older guys who messaged me but because I'm not into guys with kids, I ignored them. I told everyone my preferences in guys is with someone who has no kids. I'm not being selfish but I don't have time to deal with baby mama's drama. Besides, it's harder to win a single parents love because their kids comes first. You get me? I don't know maybe I'll change my mind set later but I'm being real too.
When you feel the lowest in life, there will be someone who will come into your life and will brighten and stand by you if you allow them. I don't consider me cheating on my partner because I'm not meeting/seeing any guys. Besides, I don't allow my feelings to go over the limit as friends. When they called me sweet/lovely names, I told them to call me by my given name instead. It's still possible to find love at any given age if you allow yourself to. Right now, my goal is to start working out and lose weight. I'm excited because I started feeling better.