bramble & ash

[Asharia]

pentax k1000

[Asharia]

Green Frontier:


This is a really good limited series. Its tone is serious and dark but filled with so much hope. The supernatural element fit into the story surprisingly well. I wasn't sure how believable it would be with that mystical part (your logical part wants to reason it out) but after a while you just go with it. It's just part of reality and I think part of why it's so believable is because no one really denies anything. It's not like american films where the main character is always in denial. In this world, there is a magical and mystical part of life that people don't really question or deny. I found this angle refreshing. Imagine the simplicity of accepting that life is full of things we don't understand and can't access, but respecting its power nonetheless. I found the writing and dialogue of this series just beautiful and heartbreaking.

[Asharia]

[Asharia]

I've been having a lot of dreams about my niece. They're always sad...


Last night I dreamed that I was holding her in my arms. But she kept growing smaller and smaller, dwindling into a tiny human the size of a walnut. I held her in my hand and tried to brush her wispy hair back but it fell off all at once. I cried so hard...


Today I was just in a really crappy mood all day. It was made a little worse because I didn't have much help at work either, and had to do the majority of things by myself. I felt alone and scattered. Tired. But I was not in the mood to socialize with anyone. It was a struggle just to maintain a pleasant look on my face and I'm pretty sure I failed to do even that. There was also this niggling migraine right behind my right eye that just wouldn't go away. Well anyway I came home and made pho but my parents said they weren't hungry so I made a small pot but enough for at least three people just in case they changed their minds. An hour later, my mom came into the kitchen and said it smelled good so I was able to make a bowl for her. Today wasn't a great day and I'm not too proud of myself right now. But I did what I could, and I'll try to be more positive tomorrow.


In other news, I've been watching ITV's Hercule Poirot and now I sometimes talk to myself with a French accent.

[Asharia]

The past is best left in the past. It's what everyone says but does anyone actually succeed in doing it? Sometimes I'll read an old message or remember an old memory and I am suffused with remembrance. It's a slight tightening that starts in my chest and often ends with a shaky breath. I try to leave whatever it is that I remembered in the past, but sometimes like tonight, I feel a little overwhelmed and I find myself here, writing out my feelings in an effort to gain enough peace of mind to go to sleep. Maybe it's not really the past memory that affects me. Now, more often than not, I feel like it's just about me. Selfishly, decidedly, it's about me and who I used to be. And maybe part of me still wants to be that person again. Still wants the bright and the hope and the passion. I feel like a shadow now. Too little substance, too much darkness. Not enough weight to leave any imprint on anyone. And yet sometimes I feel like she is still within my reach. That if I just believe a bit more... love a bit harder... express myself more clearly, she will come back and I will be whole again.


I'm a liar. I'm not excited for anything anymore. Because the more excited you are, the more disappointed you will feel when the happiness is taken away. And everything gets taken away, regardless of what you do or what you believe.


The past is in the past, but the past is always part of who you are no matter how straight the road is ahead. And not only am I lying but I also cheated... I closed my eyes when I stepped forward.

[Asharia]

A beautiful memory of a beautiful weekend...

[Asharia]

there's an ache inside that I can't seem to cure.

[Asharia]

Are they leaving with joy in their hearts?
Or is sadness eating at their star hearts?
In the wake of their leaving a small wind
stirs the empty hands of the tree branches above us.


-Laura Tohe, Japanese Garden






fujifilm xt3

[lilly]

there's an ache inside that I can't seem to cure.

I hope the ache will soon disappear and morph into an everlasting joy.

[Asharia]

I hope the ache will soon disappear and morph into an everlasting joy.

 

[Asharia]

 
 

[lexicon]

Ties that bind. To people, places, words, scent, etc and etc.

Here's some advice; don't replace it, them or whatever.

Acknowledge and embrace it. Let Time do it's thing. Sooner or later you may revisit it in moments of reverie. But be adamantly clear, it is over.

[Asharia]

today I went into work even though it was my day off. I had stuff to do and I was worried about not being there. I left early and came home. finalized the menu for thanksgiving dinner. got dinner ready. I wanted to do so much more but I was so exhausted. going through the list in my head. things I have to do. I just want the holiday to be over with. I'm tired... and I've been sad even though I'm not exactly sure why. It's that void I feel inside my soul, the one I try to fill up with love, family, friendship, poetry, music, stories, good deeds... No matter what I push in there, it stays empty. When I was young, I thought that certain things would make that void go away but as I get older the more I realize that all those things are just temporal. So what's the point. well thinking about temporary things made me think about someone whose heart I really cared about once upon a time, and I tried to imagine what he would say if I could tell him all this. I couldn't think of anything. I didn't know him well enough to predict any advice or comfort he would've given. But I remembered his laugh and the memory of it brought something like longing and sharp relief. longing, because I miss having him in my corner. and relief, because I no longer have him in my corner so I must fall upon my old words of advice to myself when I was younger: endure, just endure.


and I opened my book to write down a poem I had half formed in my head but the words felt thick and heavy in the back of my throat like unshed tears. the poem didn't come but these words did. and after I wrote them down, they looked so vulnerable so I drew something over them to protect them, the way I always yearned to be protected by him. tomorrow, when I wake up, I will probably feel silly. I will feel like enough time has passed that I shouldn't be writing these words anymore. I might even regret writing all this. I will wake up tomorrow feeling silly for trying to reach between the stars again. But I suppose that's a small price to pay because right now, that void inside me is gone.

[Asharia]

[Asharia]

I've been feeling calm and peaceful when I work on this illustration. It's like, instead of me going up into the stars, the stars have come to me, and everything is illuminated.